IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY DAD
(John Paul)
09-03-1957 til 11-27-2001
Alright everyone...I can't tell you how much my father meant to me...I mean I could sit here and type the things that we did. But you still will never understand...I"m one of 7 kids in the family...But I was daddy's little girl...Life was hard for my dad. When I was 11 my mom walked out on us...and left my dad to take care of us....But he did the best job ever... I mean come on know...My sister was 15 and already had her every month ordeal...Mine didn't come and when it did...My dad bought every damn maxi pad and tampon out there. I won't forget that day...I know it seems wierd that I would remember something like that but his face when he walked in...One of those omg...I hope I dont' have to explain how to use it looks...He was awesome like that thought. My dad was one of those guys...I'd go to with all my problems...I opened my heart to him...He was all I had for 8 years of my life. I remember sitting down next to him one night and asking about my mom and what she was like...it was rather hard for him to explain her...As he wanted to forget...But he remembered the little things about her...which I grew to hate...I hated my mom for hurting my dad...I hated her for leaving when I was slowly becoming a girl and experiencing things...But I hated her the most for leaving us for the one person that hurt me so bad...and believing him over me...I was her daughter and he was some dick on the side...Yeah I know that sounds bad. Well my mom did come back after walkin out for 8 years...My dad being the kind-hearted I still love you guy...let her back into our lives....2 months later my dad had his final heart attack while he was sleeping...It seemed like a normal morning...I woke up to my mom being at work...my brother sleepin on the sofa...another passed out in the bathroom...I got up and started making breakfast...I realized that it was kinda late for my dad to be sleeping...he was always the morning bird...so I went up to see what he was doing to find him layin there...so lifeless...I remember running up to him and punching him thinkin just maybe he would wake up...When he didn't I screamed...my brothers came to the room to walk out and call the cops...I rememeber riding to the hospital with my brother...telling them Dad was going to be fine...and yet knowing I couldn't face the truth. WE got to the hospital to find out that my dad had a painless death...He died at 4 in the morning...which made me question my mom... was she really stupid not to notice that morning. But I try not to hold her stupidity against her...at times I wish she would have found him...I can't go upstairs without rememberin that day now. So dad here I am...sitting infront of my computer crying...nowing that when I stop typing you aren't going to be here telling me to go to bed...You aren't here to tell me...what is right and wrong...and I try so hard to make the right decisions...I try so hard to make you proud of your lil girl...and yet I seem to think I failed you...Yeah I know daddy it's silly...as you would say "your my daughter...when you smile...the world will melt...let the stars shine in your ears....and the world will be captured in them...don't worry about making me happy...make yourself happy...That smile u bare when you have succeed is what keeps me happy." You know at times I wish someone would walk in hours after I have been asleep to say goodnight to me like my daddy use to...I still dream of him being by my side...and yet I have come to realize it's not a dream at all...you are still here daddy and I love you so much. I love you Daddy. A poem I wrote to my dad on Father's Day. Never Enough Sometimes I know the words to say, Give thanks for all you've done, But then they fly up and away As quickly as they come. How could I possibly thank-you enough The one who maks me whole The one to whom I owe my life The forming of my soul. The one who tucked me in at night The one who stopped my crying The one who was the expert At picking up when I was lying. The one who saw me off to school And spent sad days alone Yet magically produced a smile As soon as I came home. The one who makes such sacrifices To always put me first Who let me test my broken wings In spite of how it hurts. Who paints the world a rainbow When it's filled with broken dreams Who explained it all so clearly When nothing's what it seems What way is ther to thank you For your heart, your sweat, your tears For ten-thousand little things you've done For oh-so many years For never giving up on me When your wits had reached their end For always being proud of me By Laura W.
