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"Don't
let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart"
_____________________________________________________ I
grasped the bottle in my quivering hand as if holding on to it for dear
life. I was having a struggle with myself as to pop the cap or let the
pill container gather dust over the days, which turn into weeks, and
months.
"Don't take them....." My shakes cause the pills in the bottle to rattle. "Taking them makes you weak.." Madison: SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE! I take the container of pills and throw the opening to my mouth downing half the bottle. I head over to the sink and flush them down my throat with a couple gulps of water. I then throw the pulls in to the drawer in my nightstand and felt as if I was forced away from them. Madison: What do you want from me? "You need us Madison... we will use you for greatness..." Madison: You will just use me to hurt people... "Death..." I shake my head and storm in the empty kitchen. The house was wiped clean of any living being, the man claiming to be my fiance, and the children. I rush to the knife drawer and pull one out. Madison: Don't make me. The blade felt like a needed craving, I pressed it's lucious sharp edge against my "pulse line" on my wrist. Dragging it in a horizontal line against my "life line" my face pursed in a look of sensation. I indulged in the pain like sickening pleasure, teasing my other wrist with the blade. I brought my other wrist to my puckered lips and drew the blood like a hungry vampire. Letting my DNA sliver through my teeth over my taste buds and down my throat. I tilted my head back. "You're lingering in a world that no longer exists... join us..." "Be with us...." I brought my fingers to my temple, and my thumbs rested about my jaw line... digging my nails in to my flesh in attempt to drown out the voices. "Louder, louder
The voices in my head Whispers taunting All the things you said Faster the days go by and I'm still Stuck in this moment of wanting you here Time In the blink of an eye You held my hand, you held me tight Now you're gone And I'm still crying Shocked, broken I'm dying inside" They were taunting me.....! Haunting me... patronizing me... badgering me! The incomplete hole in my heart grew like a disease. The chair creaking as I rocked myself frontward and backward...! Incomplete in ways unimaginable in even my own state of mind. Emptiness, hollow, and desolate.. I felt abandonned.... I felt alone...... disowned...! My eyes ventured to the table. "Where are you?
I need you Don't leave me here on my own Speak to me Be near me I can't survive unless I know you're with me" Pealing my palms from the skin of my arms, they shake to the table. Ruffling a narrow, and long plastic wrapper. The shaking overwhelmed my concentration and co-ordination. I drew the plastic wrap to my face and bound my teeth to the edge, shakily tearing off the top. Withdrawing the contents of the package. "You're all alone.." "Nobody is here for you..." "They left you ..... they will never come back.." Clapping my palms to my face.. digging my nails in my temple once more I screamed louder and louder. Madison: GET OUT ... LEAVE ME ALONE... "You're dead inside... nobody is here to revive you..." "You will suffer now until your lonely and painful demise into the old you, the better you...." I screamed louder....drown them out.. drown them out. Get them to leave... they can't come back, EVER! I placed the end of the needle between my teeth to pop the lid of a tiny clear bottle. I pulled the needle from between my teeth and tipped the needle point in the liquid... the clear words Heroine were engraved in the bottom of the bottle. The needle began to fill..... "Shadows linger
Only to my eye I see you, I feel you Don't leave my side It's not fair Just when I found my world They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart" "You're falling..." "Into a bottomless black hole..." "You'll never feel complete again.." Looking up from my fate,.. an imgae of a faint figure flashed across the kitchen table and faded into the wall screaming... I clawed at my temples again.. down my cheek's... flicking the needle I brought it to my vien and injected. Dispensing the drug into my stream... I still never felt as calm as I needed to be.. The figure re-appeared beside me and the face turning sour and black.. it deformed and approached closer... hissing.. "We're taking over..." I shook my head... violently back and forth like a thrash. I pushed myself back and the chair fell behind me and I tumbled backwards to the wall.. The figure moving closer. "I miss you, you
hurt me
You left with a smile Mistaken, your sadness Was hiding inside Now all that's left Are the pieces to find The mystery you kept The soul behind a guise" They rose their arms, cloth dripping over their finger tips and the hissing got louder.... Madison: GO AWAY! The needle crushed in my palm.. slicing my hand. I drew it back my wrist had continued to bleed, the image before me multipling in my immagination as it grew bigger with approach..I slid my button backwards across the floor, then turned out... on all four I crawled around the corner.. pressing my eyelids shut I brought my knees to my chest and rocked... wrapping my arms around...and rocked still ... "Not much longer... you will have vanished!" "DIE...." I shook my head... and then stopped... re-opening my eyes the figure was nose to nose.. an inch away. Jolting to life, and brought myself to my feet after I let out a screech and dreerily pushed myself from wall to wall into the living room. "Where
are you
I need you Don't leave me here on my own Speak to me Be near me I can't survive unless I know you're with me" Tripping over my own footing I fell like a ton of bricks, face first to the carpet. Smelling the bitter alcohol that had ran through from earlier. Even the little carpet in my vision was swirling in to another world.. the color in the room fading .. everything turned a shade of gray.. I tried to get to my feet...! Looking around the room that was fading before my eyes.. the figure.. that weird figure made their way into the living room. Madison: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.. I tripped over the coffee table corner but stumbled back on my feet again. Madison: LEAVE ME ALONE... GET OUT! Listening was not an option for it.. it got closer and closer.. and I was running out of room to back away. "Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind I wish I couldn't feel at all Let me be numb I'm starting to fall" My breath became short and deep. The panick flew through my body like a sickening poision and I began to feel light headed and cold.. a suprising chill took over my body...! "Where
are you?
I need you Don't leave me here on my own Speak to me Be near me I can't survive unless I know you're with me" The feeling of somebody's finger wrapped around my neck became very noticeable as I began to gasp for air.. the tension felt in the room as the figure was almost right in front of me. The blood staining a spot on the carpet .. I flung them against the wall and blood spurt in spots on the blue paint...! "Where are you?
Where are you?" The figure knealed before me... the hood covering the features of the rotten face..! They drew they hand up to the fabric... dressed like the grimm reaper.... the figure hesitated as I began to choke for air and pulled back the hood..! My eyes widen with an odd and frightening sensation of horror ... as if I was looking in the mirror seeing the death side of me..smiling. "You
were smiling"
"You're time has come... and now..." The figure faded as well as my concsiousness! I fell into a hypnotic sleep... fainting from the loss of blood, the overwelming reaction my body took to too many drugs and my pulse thinned and lowered. I slipped out before I could hear the knock on my door. The struggle of air had diminished with my passing out... a man helped himself in and looked around. Silkk: Madison... baby .. talk to me. Micheal was at the door.. he took one glance in to the kitcen and saw the tiny bottle and instantaneously got a bad feeling.. he turned to look in the living room.. saw the blood stained line and drops across the carpert and saw me sprawled in a seating position on the corner of the room.. he ran over to me,.. and began to lightly slap my face. Silkk: Baby not again.. please wake up.. His tone showed no sense of concern, but his mannor had as he scooped me in his arms after checking my fading pulse and rushed out the door. ------------------------------------ 12 Hours later ------------------------------------ I sat there, a hollow human being. No emotions, no heart, no will to life. I just finished getting bandaged, a wrist, a hand, a pumped stomach and a double bandaged head! I sat there off in space. I looked in one spot for the last few hours and Micheal "Silkk" Carrington took the kids to a babysitter, along with Kayla and Isabelle. He stood there in the doorway of the room and looked down at me with a heavy heart. His words would have meant nothing to me, and he knew it. He knew there was seriously something wrong but he couldn't put his finger on it, well at least not all of it. What I was going through and what had happened to me, the drastic change, the depression, the screaming, lack of sleep, the attempt at suicide had burned a deep hole in his heart. He didn't know what to do. He lost me again, like he had before. He wondered, would I end up in a looney bin again and lose all rights to the children for good? Will one of my attempts finally secure me a comfortable sooted grave? His presence was numbing pain all over his body and he so badly wanted to reach out.. but where would it lead? Nowhere. He turned away from me and went in the room beside this. I sat there with the look of perish in my eyes. Madison: Well Well Well James Cain... of psychosis should I say. You didn't want that silly little Iron Man Championship around your waist.. well do you think I want it either.. hell no, not after such a specimen as you have touched it. But mark my words boy you will feel a whole new level of pain once I get in the ring with you on Knockout. You think your tough, you think you know everything about me. You're just like everybody else, going off of their past. Who cares if I won the World Heavy Weight Championship in IWA and who cares if I won the Extreme World Champiomship in EGW.. who cares if I own my own company? And most importantly who cares what you think of all that. Look muffin, you have that title now so deal with it.. go ahead throw it at me again...! I dare you to once we get in that ring throw it in my face showing how much that title 'disgraces' your appearance... I will glady take it from you and beat you to a bloody darn pulp with it and then make that title the best damn title that ever graced the entire EWA.. and then when I am done with that.. I will move on to the next title.. and then the next title. .. and then before you know it.. I will have stomped so down so damn hard on your pride and honor you will be crying to your mother for being such a bitch about one silly little championship. You will regret the day you watched the earth that I have and you will regret the day you judged me. Just like Diehard did and just like Vigilante did.. I can't say I had the pleasure in facing Vic Powers... I'm sure we will have our quarel one day but those two men who both stand in the EWA as superstar has both judged me, misunderstood me, thought low of me at one point or another and I showed them both where they can go. I shoved them both in to their graves and I walked out with a victory held high, what makes you think I won't do that to my dear friend. I smirk slightly before turning my head, I cracked my neck. Madison: And as for this Joey Stilleti guy. Your apology means fuck all to me! After the PPV November Riot, you have a chance to back up your trash talk against me in the ring and believe you me, it is a done deal dear. Then you can come up with all the Drama, Soap Opera trash talking sad ass insults all you like. You made a very horrible mistake my dear friend, and you will live to regret it. Another smirk comes about my face before I flisck the switch to the lamp as the whole room goes pitch black. I flicked the switch to the lamp beside me, and all goes black. |
