Fend It Like Fake-ham

The Brits, they say, have their hot water bottles
But now, oh dear, I know; their engines are in throttle
Why would one look for spice, when one's got the Posh?
Or are these Brits that active? Oh dear me! Oh my gosh!
Straight hair, straight morals: they put him in a straitjacket
Heh, heh, heh! Not knowin the inner racket
There's more he can bend, than a curvin soccer ball
Scoring high comes with the job, after all!
Was she an angel? A mere hobby? Or a real-real wrecker?
We must verily seek the truth about this Rebecca
Trendy glasses and contours to match
Should a guy be blamed when he wants that catch?
What's this thing about staying really married
When your legs wave the wand for the awesome Real Madrid
Must a poor guy be blamed, when he's got those feet
Is he not entitled, to some fetching Dutch treat?
Let's then leave him, regret or no regret
Beyond his frilly footsies, bury Victoria's secret!