Reviews

Yo Zack here's my review-
About the story secrets..When I frist started reading it I didn't know what to expect. I have read good deal of fanfics online from all different kinds of people. When I finished reading it however, I realized that this story wasn't at all like other stories and was full of original ideas. I guess that's the great thing about writing about an rpg... it takes all kinds of unexpexcted turns. Not only that. but stays very consistent. The way the characters acted and reacted towards each other and towards events really developed them, where it could have simply confused the reader. Plus there was always suspense from the very beginning, for example when Snape got knocked out, Ron went missing, etc. I never got bored reading it, and each time I finished with a certain section I couldn't wait for the next. I also really liked the way all loose ends were tied up at the end of the story. Everything was ecplained enough so that at least I didn't have to look back and check on something I didn't understand.
Now as one of the editors of this story I had to view them in an unfinished/unperfected format, but I still don't think that ruined the suspense and the fun I had reading them. Overall this was a great story and definately a first in its category.
About the Gifted ones... You'll just have to wait and see for yourself! hahahaha.

Keep up the good writing!
From: Sam ( Hawk13))

Hey Zack,
if it was a book it would be a #1 seller. Thats how much i liked it. The way u left cliffhangers after almost every story. It was great! I can't wait for the Gifted Ones !!!! To bad i'll be gone when u send the first one out!!!! I wish i had access from where i'm going, but they have no computers! lolol!!!! if there was ne way to send those to J. K. Rowling, u should. I bet she would love it, and hey she may even put ur characters in!! LOLOL!!!!! G2G, ttyl....Do forget the rest of Secrets!!!! Do u think i'll annoy u enough about u resending them to me????? c ya

Colleen

I always contemplate what to say in a review while reading the story. In part 9, when Zander was acting like " Oh this is the worst poison" etc... and all evilish I was thinking that he made that change a little too quickley. It would be like all of a sudden waking up and saying that " Ya know what ! I hate Harry Potter! Go DBZ!" or something to the extent that one day your pure one thing and the next your the oposite. But, Than I read the end and i realized, oh1 he was acting! So, you did a great job with that beacuase I didn't really know what was happening there and thats the kind of thing I like to read.
The other thing I would like to say was I thought that some of the characters might have been a little OOC. Thet were minor characters...(( well most of them)) but i still didn't feel there characters didn't suit the mood or stay in the serious state they usually are in during the book. During part 9 the characters I were talking about were Vildermort, and McGonagall. For exmaple of what I mean this is a quote for SEcrets part 9::
"Evil Ron:: Well.... I am not really....Ron... Iam... Volermort... People call me You-know-who...and the the Dark ... Lord... Nice to meet you... but we should get on with what I am here for WORMTAIL!!
I just do not think that Voldermort would act that way. In the books he's usually more serious. If you say it was to ease the dramtic tension with humor, a piece of advice is that you shouldn't do this on your climax. This is what you've been building up to, you don't want to take away from it in any form. But I think other than Voldermort and McGonagall you kept everyone else in character. As a warning, in the preview to the Gifted Ones you say that theres a new character. Watch adding new characters. If you get too many the reader has a hard time keeping track and so does the writer in some places.
You write very descriptive. Is there any chance that there might be some serious Angst in the next story?
I think I'm being too harsh in my review. (( My friends nature is rubbing off) I really enjoyed the story. Like I said before, I read tons of fan fiction and RPG a lOT but I never have read stories in this format. Its also verfy different from anything I've ever read. Please, Keep up the good work!!

~*~Alexandra~*~
PS: Please don't kick me off!

*ahem* Well... Since I Absolutely HAVE to review... I will. So here goes. I thought that Secrets was actually pretty good. I was being forced to scavenge around fanfiction.net for countless hours trying to look for some kinda HP story... I found some ... most were too short. Some were that NC-17 crud. And the only ones I would actually recommend to anyone were Draco Dormiens and Draco Sinister which I wasn't able to finish since the author mysteriosly deleted their account. O.o... yeah. And then you started sending me these RPG stories and I was interested in it, and so I hand something to do when I was all alone on the internet with no one to talk to, nothing to do... and I lost interest in Elfwood for the night ( I Can't Belive Elfwood's Closed Now!!). So yeah. I loved Secrets, and I can't wait for the next story !

---------Bombiekitty

There are some spelling problems, run-on sentences, and tense changes. But you can understand it well, and I see how it evolved from RPG's. It's meant to be just a journal, right? Like just telling what happened more than it being absolutelyperfect?
As you got to the latter parts, the descriptions got better. I don't know if you spent more time on them or what, but I really liked how you described everything in more detail. The suspense is awesome, and all the magical creatures, spells, and appeararances of he-who-must-not-be-named are great. I thought the connection between Zoey and Ron seemed a little to much like Romeo and Juliet, but there are ways it could turn out to be that way. I'm not very partial to Doby, but I like how the house elfs are tied in to Zander. I think it would have been worse of you had left them out. And stop it with the nightmares, man! lol no that's okay, they're cool, but you sure used a lot of them. They 're good for foreshadowing, and I think you used them well.
I really like the fact that Zander's foster family is the Malfoys. I also like the runespoor and the whole parceltongue stuff. That's always a good addition to the story. And the Slytherin takes over the ball part is sweet. There's a lot of good description and supense I saw built into that. I don't think I could have done much better. This is all very, very, cool. I love how you tie in Voldermort's siring, because in all reality it would make sense. And again, you really get in to the emotions, like when Dumbledore appears. This seems to be well thought out and written. :: smiles:: very cool even Dumbledore's ' words of wisdom' reflect those that he would likely say. A lot of humor from the books is pulled in,, and there's an excellent use of characters, brings some personality to them. Can't wait for the next story, keep up the good work!
- Saunter