The Redneck Love Poem 

Collards are green, 
my dog's name is Blue 
and I'm so lucky 
to have a sweet thang like you. 

Yore hair is like cornsilk 
a-flappin in the breeze. 
Softer than Blue's 
and without all them fleas. 

You move like the bass, 
which excite me in May. 
You ain't got no scales 
but I luv you anyway. 

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry 
jist a-fry'n in the pan. 
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" 
right out of the can. 

You have some'a yore teeth 
for which I am proud. 
I hold my head high 
when we're in a crowd. 

On special occasions, 
when you shave under yore arms, 
well, I'm in hawg heaven 
and awed by yore charms. 

Still them fellers at work, 
they all want to know, 
what I did to deserve 
such a purdy, young doe. 

Like a good roll of duct tape 
yo're there fer yore man, 
to patch up life's troubles 
and fix what you can. 

Yo're as cute as a junebug 
a-buzzin' overhead. 
You ain't mean like those far ants 
I found in my bed. 

Cut from the best cloth 
like a plaid flannel shirt, 
you spark up my life 
more than a fresh load of dirt. 

When you hold me real tight 
like a padded gunrack, 
my life is complete. 
Ain't nuttin' I lack. 

Yore complexion, it's perfection, 
like the best vinyl sidin' 
despite all the years, 
yore age, it keeps hidin'. 

Me "n" you's like a moon pie 
with a RC cold drank, 
we go together 
like a skunk goes with stank. 

Some men, they buy chocolate 
for a Valentine's Day, 
they git it at Wal-Mart, 
it's romantic that way. 

Some men git roses 
on that special day 
for the cooler at Krogers, 
that's impressive, I say. 

Some men buy fine diamonds 
from a flea market booth. 
"Diamonds are forever", 
they explain, suave and couth. 

But for this man, honey, 
these won't do. 
Cause yo're too special, 
you sweet thang you. 

I got you a gift, 
without taste nor odor, 
more useful than diamonds.... 
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!!