OLD MATH OR NEW MATH?

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS 
Smart Man + smart woman = romance 
Smart man + dumb woman = affair 
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage 
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy 


OFFICE ARITHMETIC 
Smart boss + smart employee = profit 
Smart boss + dumb employee = production 
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion 
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime 


SHOPPING MATH 
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. 
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. 


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS 
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband 
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife 
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. 
A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 


HAPPINESS 
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot 
and love him a little. 
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and 
not try to understand 
her at all. 


LONGEVITY 
Married men live longer than single men, but married 
men are a lot more willing to die. 


MEMORY 
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. 


APPEARANCE 
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. 
Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE 
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. 


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE 
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



COMPREHENSION 
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman -- before marriage and after marriage. 


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING 
MARRIED: 
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."  They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. 

Author Unknown