You Might Be A Redneck If

 (new improved 2002 version)

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter 
3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. 
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 
5. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive. 
6. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 
7. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 
8. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 
9. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list. 
10.You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. 
11.Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell. 
12. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 
13. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 
14. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. 
15. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 
16. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart. 
17. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of 
improvement. 
18. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.