Chapter 33
"I'm sorry Howie. Forgive me. Please." AJ choked out through the sobs that were starting to wrack his body. He turned and went to head back down to the front of the bus. Then he could arrange to get his own bus to pick him up ASAP. He couldn't stay here. Howie didn't want him, and all he wanted to do was to go somewhere private and curl up in a ball and die. After all why bother to go on living, he had just lost his one chance at happiness. There was nothing left for him now.
AJ was so lost in his own dark thoughts that he didn't hear the sounds of movement behind him. He never heard the door open to reveal Howie.
"Alex?" Howie whispered.
AJ heard it and froze. Not sure if he was hearing things or not. He slowly raised his head and turned around, scared of what he might find. Howie was stood there, holding onto the doorjamb as if it was the only thing keeping him upright. His face was streaked with tears, but his brown eyes were bright and clear.
"I love you too."
AJ looked at Howie, who smiled at him softly.
"You do?" AJ asked incredulously, not quite able to believe it.
"Yeah. I do."
They looked at each other for a moment before both moving at once, falling into each others arms and dropping to the floor in the middle of the tiny cramped passageway. The held each other tight and buried their faces in each others necks as they cried for the knowledge of a love finally returned.
After a few minutes AJ pulled away and gently lifted Howie's face to him. He gently wiped away Howie's tears as he looked into Howie's beautiful brown eyes. Now he could finally recognise what he had seen in Howie's eyes in the dressing room when they had almost kissed. At the time he had no idea what it was, only that seeing it made him feel better. Now though, he could recognise it for what it was. Howie's love for him, burning brightly for him to see. He could only hope that Howie could see the same fires burning for him in his own eyes.
Howie raised his trembling hands to AJ's face and cupped it softly, copying AJ's actions and wiping away his tears. He saw AJ looking into his eyes and the look of wonderment on his face told Howie what AJ was seeing. He gazed into AJ's eyes and realised that he could see it too. AJ's love was burning brightly in the dark brown eyes that he adored.
"I do see it." He whispered. He didn't say any more, somehow he knew that AJ was asking himself the question and that he would understood what Howie meant. AJ did understand, and he felt a huge smile break out on his face. He pulled Howie's face closer to his own until their foreheads were touching before speaking again.
"I must've been blind not to see it before now. I've wasted so much time."
"Shhhh. We both have. But we mustn't dwell on what ifs. They never do anyone any good. I believe that this is how things were meant to be. We had to experience the other side of life before we could find our happiness. But now it's our time together, and everything we have been through will make us stronger."
AJ smiled, Howie had done it again. In just a few words he had swept away his fears and filled most of the hole inside him with hope. Maybe everything would be okay. As he thought this Howie made his move and brought their lips together in a soft kiss. When AJ felt this the last of his doubts were sent flying out the window and the hole inside him was finally filled. This was right, this was perfect; this was what he had been searching for.
Howie moved to deepen the kiss and gently ran his tongue over AJ's lips. AJ opened his mouth willingly and allowed Howie inside. From there the kiss began to escalate rapidly as their passions began to rise, until they were broken out of their daze by a ringing sound.