Chapter 11
Kevin bounded up the stairs to the roof exit, and came to a dead stop just before the door. He took a deep breath. If AJ was up here, he needed to take this carefully, and he couldn't afford to lose his calm. He opened the door slowly, and peered out onto the roof. At first he saw nothing, but as his eyes swept over the empty roof, he could see the unmistakable figure of AJ, sat on the ground, staring out over the city, his knees bent up to his chest, with his head laying on top of them. Kevin sighed. At least he had found him.
He silently closed the door again, so he couldn't be seen, before pulling out his cell phone. "Brian, I've found him." On the other end of the phone he could hear Brian sigh with relief.
"Where?" He asked.
"He's sat up on the roof." Kevin paused. "Look, I'm going to talk to him, see if I can find out what's wrong, why don't you and Nick just come on back up to the rooms, keep an eye on Howie."
"Do you want me to try and talk to him now?" Brian asked. Kevin thought for a moment.
"No, hold off for a few Bri, let's see what I can get out of AJ first, then maybe we can make some more sense out of this mess they've got themselves into." Brian chuckled lightly.
"You know, I think we oughta bang their heads together, maybe that will sort them out." Kevin laughed out loud at that.
"Only as a last resort. Bye Bri."
"Good luck cuz." Kevin chuckled as he turned off his phone and put it in his pocket. 'Great minds really do think alike.' He thought.
Kevin's mood sobered quickly as he stepped out onto the roof. AJ hadn't moved, and still had his back to Kevin, so he didn't see him approach. A harsh wind whipped across the open space, chilling Kevin immediately. 'AJ must be freezing' he thought as he stepped closer. Kevin reached AJ's side, and sat a couple of feet away, he knew from experience that he couldn't force this, and so he sat close enough that AJ felt his support, but not so close as to invade his personal space, and the barriers that he had around him.
AJ stiffened as he felt the older man's presence. He didn't want him to be there, he didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to be left alone. He sighed but the sound was snatched away by the wind. He could no longer feel his limbs, the wind had stolen most of his body heat, but it hadn't fully registered in his mind. Inside he was still numb from the emotional roller coaster he had been on that morning, and he still wasn't thinking clearly enough to register that his body was practically as frozen as his heart.
Kevin just sat there, waiting. AJ knew that Kevin wasn't going to move until he talked, but he didn't want to. So he tried to get rid of him. Without turning to look at him he said
"I'm okay Kev, it's nothing." Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Kevin give him a patient look, one that his mother used when she was thinking that he didn't know what was best for him and she did. He hated that look. Kevin wasn't his father; he should just butt out.
"It can't be nothing, or else you and Howie wouldn't be in this state." AJ momentarily wondered what he meant by that, but he didn't want to think about it. He just wanted Kevin gone. He decided the only way was to tell him some of the story, hell it didn't matter, Howie would just tell them anyways. For a brief moment he wondered why Howie hadn't already, because it was clear that Kevin had no clue what was wrong. 'Think about that later' he thought, 'Right now just get rid of him, you don't want Kevin around, he'll get too close.'
"You were right about Leona." Kevin threw him a confused look,
"Right about what?"
"She's a bitch." That explained a lot to Kevin, whatever was wrong with AJ had something to do with Leona, and he could make a pretty good guess at what had happened there.
"I'm sorry. I know how much you cared about her." Kevin reached out to put his hand on AJ's arm. AJ flinched at the contact and pulled quickly away, jumping up and away from him.
"I don't care. I don't. Not anymore." Kevin got up, worried by AJ's cold, calm tone. "She can rot in hell for all I care, but I've had it. I've had enough."
Kevin was about to ask what he meant by enough, until AJ turned and looked at him. Suddenly it became all too clear what he meant. AJ had pulled off his sunglasses, and Kevin found himself staring into two deep, black orbs. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and with AJ this was especially true. His eyes, normally so bright, were black and dull. In that moment, Kevin knew what Howie had meant when he said that AJ had given up on love. Kevin could feel his breath catch. AJ had been hurt too many times, and now he had closed up his heart, unwilling to allow himself to be hurt again. Kevin knew deep down that the only person that could change his mind; could make him believe in love again was Howie, but after hearing Brian's description of Howie's state of mind, he didn't know if Howie was going to be strong enough.
"Kevin just leave me alone okay, I'll be fine, I just need some time on my own." Kevin sighed. He knew that being alone was the last thing AJ needed right now. What he really needed was all his friends around him showing him how much they loved him so that they could break down those barriers that AJ had put up. But AJ wasn't about to let that happen.
"Okay AJ, because I care for you so much I'll promise to leave you alone, but only if you come back inside, it's freezing out here."
AJ looked at Kevin, his big brother. He could see the concern and compassion in his eyes, but he ignored it, he didn't want anybody to feel sorry for him. He was going to be happier this way. Nothing could hurt him now. A sudden gust of wind blew across the roof, sending a shiver through his body, and for the first time, AJ realised that Kevin was right, it was freezing. Giving in, he moved towards the door, Kevin following him, and they returned to their floor in silence.