Chapter 4
Howie's thoughts swam as he slumped against the back wall of the elevator on the way back to his room. He knew that it looked bad, him bolting like that, but he just couldn't stand it any longer. The whole way back in the limo, Howie had been a mass of emotions. He knew that AJ was worried about him, that he wanted to help, and that he was sad because he thought he was the cause. Howie smiled to himself at that. AJ was partly right in thinking that he was one of the reasons, but it was not the reason that he thought. The lift opened onto their floor, and Howie headed straight for his room, not wanting to deal with any of the guys right now.

He popped the keycard into the lock and turned the handle, opening the door. He slipped inside the room and closed the door, locking it behind him, before heading straight for the bed. He lay there, breathing deeply, trying to regain his composure. The limo ride had been almost too much. In that confined space, Howie had felt surrounded by AJ. He could feel his presence, the weight of his stare, he could smell his aftershave, combined with sweat and cigarettes, he could almost sense what AJ was thinking, he knew he was worrying about him. All these things had built up inside of Howie, until he thought that he was going to explode. That was why he had run, he just couldn't take one more minute of that without breaking down and confessing to AJ his secret and that was the one thing that he just couldn't do. It's not that AJ would hate him for being bisexual, cos he already knew that. It was just that he didn't want to ruin their friendship. Deep down he was simply petrified that AJ would turn away from him if he knew, and so he wouldn't tell him. Better to love from afar, he thought, than to risk losing him altogether.