Snow Lodge
Chapter 70
Brian's mouth opened in shock and confusion, until he suddenly remembered AJ telling him that when they were in the cabin.
Then his shock turned to happiness, and he broke out into a wide grin.
AJ smiled at him again as Brian fitted the oxygen mask back over his face as he laughed.
"What?" Kevin asked, as none of them had heard what AJ said and were confused as to why he was laughing.
"He said he was gonna cut it off." Brian replied, still giggling a little.
"Huh?!?" The other three chorused in unison, completely baffled.
Brian looked up at them, suddenly realising they had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
"Oh, um... you see. He... it's... Um. Private joke." Brian finally managed to stammer.
"Riiiight." Kevin nodded. "Now we've got that cleared up. I'm gonna go get the Doctor. Think you can manage till I get back?"
"Yes Daddy." Nick replied, smiling as he saw AJ close his eyes again, but the corners of AJ's mouth twitched behind the oxygen mask.
"For that, you can come with me." Kevin told him, dragging him out of the room.
Howie and Brian shared a grin before Howie turned back to AJ. He squeezed his hand to get his attention, and AJ opened his eyes again, obviously fighting the urge to go back to sleep.
"I missed you Alex." Howie told him, leaning close. "Don't ever scare me like that again."
AJ didn't speak. He didn't need to, his eyes communicating perfectly all the emotions he was feeling, and Howie smiled before leaning down and softly kissing AJ's forehead. "I love you Jay." He whispered against the skin, before standing up and looking at Brian.
"I'm gonna go see what's keeping those two okay?" Howie told them, patting Brian's arm as he walked by, and Brian was immensely grateful for the precious moment that Howie was giving to him. He recognised it for what it was... a chance to be alone with AJ, something he wasn't likely to get very often, at least, not for a while.
Brian watched Howie shut the door behind him before turning back to AJ.
His eyes had closed again, but Brian wasn't scared, he knew that AJ wasn't going to be completely with it for a while yet.
"Alex." He whispered, squeezing AJ's hand.
AJ's eyes opened once more, and Brian could see all the emotions swirling in those depths.
"I'm sorry Alex." Brian began, raising AJ's hand up and kissing his knuckles. "I've been such a fool, so ignorant of everything that was going on around me. I know it's no excuse, but it's all I have to offer. I have spent the last few days wishing I could take back the last three years." Brian admitted.
"Wishing I could take back that night where I broke your heart with four words. I saw it you know. You tried to hide it, and I tried to ignore but, but I still saw it. I said 'I don't love you' and I watched your heart break. I wish now more than anything in the world that I could take those four words back.... But I can't. I can't change the past, and somebody once said to me that it was pointless wishing for something that will never happen."
AJ wisely said nothing, knowing Brian needed finish in his own time.
"But," Brian continued. "After everything that's happened in the last few weeks, I think I finally know what it is I'm supposed to be doing now. I can't go back and change the past, but I can change the future. And all I know is that I want that future to be with you."
Brian stopped again and chanced a look at AJ's face. His eyes were closed again, but Brian knew he was still listening, and so he continued.
"I know I don't deserve you. And I wouldn't blame you at all if you told me to get lost and never speak to you again, but I can live with that. The only thing I couldn't live with was not telling you how I feel. So I know you just woke up, and that you probably have no clue what's been happening, and that you don't want to answer me just now, so I'll just go and..."
Brian broke off completely as he felt an insistent tug on his arm. He turned and looked back at AJ, allowing himself to be pulled back closer again.
AJ weakly pulled the mask away from his face.
He was tired, and he needed to go back to sleep so his body could rest, but he managed to say four words of his own first...
"I love you too."
With that, AJ finally allowed himself to succumb to the siren song of sleep, leaving Brian with a smile on his face the size of Texas.
Fin.
