Snow Lodge
Chapter 66
Brian was back in the snow.
Though strangely he wasn't cold.
A small part of his brain told him that he was dreaming, and that the snow around him wasn't real. But it didn't stop the shudder that ran through him when he remembered the last dream he had had about this place.
As he had in his last dream, Brian looked around for AJ. He turned and headed the way he had gone before, and was surprised to find himself outside the cabin. He knew that the cabin was nowhere near where he had just been, but mentally shrugged as he went inside, after all, this was a dream.
As he entered the cabin, Brian felt the welcome heat of a roaring fire in the fireplace, and soft music playing in the background. He moved across the room towards the bedroom, not knowing why, just simply knowing that he had to.
He walked down the small passageway, feeling a sense of peace settle over him. He hadn't felt this at ease for a long time, and he welcomed it as a soft smile appeared on his face.
He stopped outside the bedroom, staring at the closed door for a moment. He had the strange feeling that when he opened the door, nothing would be the same again. He reached out and rested his hand on the doorknob, hesitating for only a second before turning the knob and opening the door.
Inside he found the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
Alex was laying in bed asleep, the sheets draped across his waist. He was laying on his stomach, and Brian's eyes traced up the graceful curve of his spine to his neck. Sunlight poured in through the open drapes, bathing AJ in a golden light, causing his warm caramel skin to appear to almost glow.
Brian found himself moving almost before he realised it, as he slipped over to the bed. He reached out a shaking hand to touch AJ's shoulder, his eyes closing as he felt the silkiness of his sleep-warmed skin. AJ shifted minutely at the contact, and Brian pulled his hand back.
After a few seconds AJ settled again, and Brian let out the breath he had been holding. He didn't want him to wake up just yet. No. He wanted just a few more minutes to be able to stand here and watch him sleep. He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep, his attitude melted away, and he allowed his vulnerability to show once more.
Brian had loved that about him. He loved that behind the tough exterior was a man with a heart full of love. AJ was a man full of contradictions, something that infuriated Kevin to no end, but that Brian found strangely endearing. He sighed heavily. It had been a long time since Brian had seen that AJ. When Brian had left him, he had seen AJ's heart break in front of his eyes. In the days and weeks that had followed, he had seen something else as well. At the time he didn't know what it was, but now he understood.
After he had left him, AJ had erected walls around himself, walls meant to keep the pain out and stop him from getting hurt, but walls that also kept his pain in, as he pushed everyone away. No one had been able to break through the barriers that AJ had erected; not even Howie or Denise.
Even once he had returned from rehab, most of the barriers gone, a few still remained in place, the one's that kept Brian, and any feelings AJ may have had for him, firmly at bay. They were still friends, they got on okay, but there was nothing like the easy level of comfort that they had had even before they had become lovers. That had gone, been hidden out of sight, buried deep where neither of them had been able to find it.
"I love you Alex." Brian whispered. "I love you so much."
Quietly, carefully, Brian climbed up onto the bed, stretching himself out beside AJ. He was startled when AJ rolled over, finding himself suddenly face-to-face with him. AJ was still asleep, his long dark lashes forming crescents on his cheekbones. Brian fought the urge to touch his face, or worse yet, to kiss him. Something still held him back.
Instead he contented himself with studying AJ's handsome face from this close range, his eyes tracing the lines of AJ's lips, nose and jawline.
So intent on his study was he, that he didn't notice AJ's breathing pattern shift, nor did he realise that AJ's eyes had opened, revealing his soft brown eyes. Brian didn't notice any of this until he felt a gentle hand cup his cheek to catch a falling tear.
"Brian." AJ breathed his name; not sounding at all surprised to see him.
"Alex I..." Brian began, moving away from AJ.
"Don't." AJ told him, catching his arm and keeping him close.
"But Alex..." Brian tried again.
"Shhh. Brian, don't." AJ whispered again, his voice soft and breathy.
Brian closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, surrendering to AJ as he allowed himself to be pulled into AJ's embrace.
He felt AJ drop a kiss on Brian's head and he snuggled closer into his chest, feeling his tears slide down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry Alex." Brian whispered.
"I know Brian, I know." AJ replied softly, holding him closer.
"I wish I'd never..."
"Shhh. Don't say that. Everything happens for a reason Brian."
"But if I hadn't..."
"Brian, this was meant to be." AJ told him. "We have to follow our own paths. They ran together for a while, but then we both changed course and went our separate ways."
"And now?" Brian asked.
"You know the old saying if you love something then you have to let it go?" AJ asked.
Brian nodded against AJ's chest, his shoulder's shaking with sobs.
AJ brought his hand up and ran it through Brian's hair, comforting him. "That's what I did with you. I loved you so much that I had to let you go."
"You shouldn't have had to." Brian told him. "I shouldn't have left."
"Shh. Brian. Yes you should have. It was the path you were meant to take. Just as my path was the one I had to follow." AJ explained.
"What does that have to do with now though?" Bran asked, confused.
"Do you know the other part of that saying?"
Brian shook his head.
"It goes." AJ began, making sure Brian was listening. "If you love something let it go, and if it's meant to be then it will find its way back to you."
Brian lifted his head up so that he could look into AJ's eyes and was swept away by the emotions he could see swirling in them. AJ gently tugged on Brian's hair, urging him back up to his face, and Brian readily complied. Brian lifted his own hand, gently running it through AJ's unruly hair, revelling in its softness even as he felt AJ's hand do the same to him. He forced his attention away from AJ's hair and to his face.
The two stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, before Brian finally whispered the words that were in his heart.
"I love you Alex."
AJ smiled softly before replying. "I love you too Brian."
As one they moved, shifting until their lips met. The kiss was passionate, but without force allowing them to finally express everything that they felt for one another, their hands still in each other's hair.
But then something called to Brian, and he found himself being pulled from his dream and back to full consciousness once more. He tried to fight it, but he was unable to stop reality from snatching away his dream.
