Snow Lodge
Chapter 54
A few minutes later, Brian finally got himself under control, and broke his embrace with Kevin.
Without looking away from AJ he quietly spoke.
"Can you give me a few minutes?"
Kevin, Howie and Nick were surprised, not only by the request, but also by the strength in Brian's voice. He no longer sounded quite as broken as he had been just a few moments before.
Nick and Howie looked to Kevin, who nodded, and Nick and Howie slipped out of the door, pausing only to pat Brian on the shoulder, to show their support once more.
Kevin waited until they had left before brushing his knuckles across Brian's cheek affectionately.
"We'll be outside if you need us." He whispered softly before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
For a few moments Brian didn't move, just sitting and watching the rise and fall of AJ's chest as he breathed.
Slowly, he looked up, taking in the tubes and wires that surrounded AJ's bed. He recognised several of the machines from when he had his heart surgery years before, and he recalled one of the Doctor's telling him how to interpret the readings.
He looked at the displays, and frowned. The readings were not good. All of them were either too high, or too low. His body temperature was too high, that he could tell just by looking at AJ's shaking body, and his oxygen level was too low, despite the ventilator they had him on. His body wasn't absorbing enough oxygen because of the fever, and this increased the danger of brain damage.
Brian raised his free hand up to touch AJ's forehead, wincing when he realised just how hot it was. He spotted a cloth in a bowl of water beside Kevin's chair, which he had obviously been using to keep AJ cool. Carefully, Brian reached over and grabbed it, putting it on the empty chair beside him.
He then carefully wrung out the cloth and began to bathe AJ's forehead with the cool, damp cloth.
"Oh, Alex�" Brian began, his voice cracking with emotion.
Brian had to stop for a moment and close his eyes to stop himself from losing it completely. He knew he had to be strong, he had to be strong for AJ. He could break down all he wanted later on, but it had always hurt AJ when he knew Brian was in pain, and so Brian didn't want to make him feel bad.
Instead, he took a deep breath and sighed heavily.
"Alex, baby. You've got to wake up. You're scaring the guys, and you're scaring me too. I love you soo much. I don't deserve you're love, not after everything that I've done to you, but you don't deserve to die because of me and my stupidity."
Brian took the cloth away from AJ's forehead and dipped it in the cool water again before replacing it.
"It's my fault you are laying here like this. I know it is. If only I hadn't have gone home early and found Leigh�" Brian stopped. "No. I'm glad I found out about her. I'm glad I found out what a slut she really is. I wish I'd listened to you guys, to Nick. He knew she was no good for me. But I was just too stubborn to listen."
Brian paused, and could almost hear AJ speaking in his head.
"I know, I know." Brian said wryly. "I know what you're thinking. Everything happens for a reason. And as long as you learn from it and move on, that's the important thing. God, how many times have I heard you say that since you came back. I know just how true it is now." He shook his head.
"I just wish this didn't have to happen in order for me to learn my lesson. I wish I'd not been such a coward and run away when I found out. I should've stayed and confronted her, told her to pack her stuff and get out of my life. If I hadn't have run away up to the cabin, you would never have had to come looking for me." Brian sighed again, pausing only to wipe the tears from his cheeks before continuing.
"But then I know if I had done that, then maybe I wouldn't have realised just how much you mean to me, how much I love you."
"And I do Alex, I love you soooo much." Brian's voice broke on his last words, and he found he was too choked up to speak. Instead he gripped the edge of the metal hospital bed and pulled himself up out of the wheelchair so that he could lean over AJ.
Once upright, he took one of AJ's hands in his own, and placed the other gently on AJ's chest. Leaning down, he brushed his lips against AJ's clammy cheek, before leaning down and whispering in his ear "Come back to me baby, please."
AJ made no response, and Brian, unable to support himself anymore, dropped back into his wheelchair just as Kevin opened the door.
