Snow Lodge
Chapter 19
From then on, Brian alternated the soup, giving AJ a mouthful before taking some for himself, until the soup bowl was empty. He then took the empty bowl from AJ and put it back on the bedside table, before pulling AJ gently backwards to rest fully against him.
"How's that?" He asked, fairly pleased to note that AJ's skin didn't seem to be quite as cold to the touch.
"S'okay, I can feel the soup warming me up from the inside."
Brian chuckled softly. "Yeah. Me too."
AJ wiggled slightly, trying to get more comfortable and then lay his head back on Brian's shoulder before speaking.
"This sucks."
"I know." Brian told him. "How's your head?" he asked, raising his head up to run gently through AJ's hair.
"Don't ask."
"That bad?"
"Worse."
"We need to get you to a hospital."
AJ sighed. "I'm fine."
"You're not!" Brian cried, upset and annoyed. "Stop trying to hide it from me. You know I can always tell when you hide things."
"Funny." AJ replied. "I've been hiding things from you for years and you never noticed." AJ said bitterly.
The second those words came out of his mouth he regretted it.
He had been hiding his feelings and emotions from Brian since they had split up so that Brian didn't start feeling guilty. He told himself that he didn't want Brian to pity him, but, deep down he knew that he loved Brian enough that he just wanted him to be happy, and if that meant being with her and not him, then so be it. For that reason, he had buried his feelings and emotions deep down, until the only thing he could feel was pain and sorrow.
Yet somehow he had hidden this from Brian, who had married LeighAnne and gone off into his own happy world with his perfect wife and perfect marriage, never once taking the time to notice that AJ was falling apart. Instead, it had been left to Howie, Kevin and Nick to try and hold AJ together as he started to self-destruct, before ultimately having to admit that he needed more help than even they could give.
But somehow, Brian had never known. At first, AJ had been surprised, and more than a little hurt that Brian had brought the whole story about the drinking being a result of losing his Grandmother. He had thought that Brian knew him better than that. Or else AJ was a better actor than he thought he was. But with time, and a lot of long talks with Howie, he had managed to get past the pain, and move on with his life. Until now.
With just a few words, he had re-opened old wounds, and had cut Brian deeply.
Brian's hand stilled. "I'm sorry."
"Huh?"
"For not seeing. Not realising how much you were hurting. All because of me."
"It wasn't all your fault you know." AJ replied softly. He knew there was no point in trying to tell Brian he was wrong because they both knew that was a lie.
"Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever, the fact remains that I always seem to hurt you."
"That's not true..."
"Yes it is. Just look at you, your bloodied and bruised, you've obviously got a head injury, which could be really serious, and on top of all that, your half frozen from laying unconscious in the snow for God knows how long. And it's all my fault!"
"What! Brian..."
"Yes it is! If I hadn't freaked out and gone off..."
"Brian..."
"No. AJ don't. You wouldn't have gone out except you knew something was wrong and you were trying to find me. Hell, the only reason you're even up here is because you were looking for me."
Brian stopped and sniffed as he felt tears threaten, before he carried on in a small voice.
"And now look at you. You need a hospital but there's no way out of here until the storm lets up. The cell phones don't have a signal up here so we can't call for help, and even if we could they'd never be able to get up here. There's no chance of digging out one of the cars, and we'd never make it down the mountain anyway. So we're stuck here, and there's nothing I can do, except sit here and pray that the storm lets up."
"Maybe that's enough." AJ told him. He managed to turn in Brian's arms so that he could see his face, and they rested their foreheads together, breath mingling between them. "Maybe all I need is you." AJ whispered as their lips met in a soft, sweet kiss.
