Nick held onto Brian for what seemed like an age. He held on even though his back was cramping and his arms were aching from the awkward position he was in, as he was leaning over the back of the chair, his arms around Brian�s chest and his chin resting on Brian�s shoulder as Brian cried.
Eventually Brian calmed enough for Nick to let go of him, and move around to kneel on the floor beside his best friend, not risking moving any further.
Brian for his part barely moved. He never took his gaze away from AJ�s pale face, just in case he showed any sign of waking up.
�Brian� Brian. Talk to me. What�s going on with you?� Nick broke the silence,
Brian let his gaze flick momentarily to Nick�s concerned face before closing his eyes and sighing. It was all becoming too much for him, and he didn�t know how to deal with it anymore. He wanted to open his heart and tell Nick everything, but no words could get past the lump in his throat.
He knew that Nick had to have spoken to Kevin, and was surprised that Nick was there at all, knowing what he must know about Brian�s guilt; the role he had played in putting AJ in the hospital bed in front of them.
Nick knew his best friend well enough to know that he was completely torn by everything that had happened and didn�t even know where to begin, and that was the reason for his silence, rather than any deliberate attempt to shut him out.
So Nick decided to cut to the chase, and ask the one question that had been spinning in his head since Kevin had filled them in on what was going on.
�Brian. Why did AJ tell you first?�
Brian whipped his head around so fast that Nick thought it was going to come lean off his shoulders.
�Kevin didn�t tell you?� He asked, the shock evident in his voice.
Nick shook his head. �No. All he told us was that AJ told you he was gay, and that you reacted really badly and pushed him away. But we had to fight to get him to tell us that much. He thought AJ�s sexuality was not his secret to tell.�
Brian�s mouth formed an �oh� shape as he digested this. He had thought that Kevin would be eager to tell the others everything about their conversation, but he hadn�t. But that wasn�t because of any consideration of Brian�s feelings. It was because the things Brian had divulged to him were personal to AJ, and therefore not for Kevin to tell. For that reason, Kevin had not told them the reason why AJ had gone to him first, unwilling to tell all of AJ�s secrets.
But Nick had seen through this, and now Brian had to make a decision. If he lied to Nick, told him he didn�t know, Nick would see through it, and it would push him away. But if he told him the truth� the result of that could be devastating. Brian didn�t know if he could risk Nick turning away from him the same way Kevin had.
Brian unconsciously squeezed AJ�s hand that he still held, suddenly realising the depth of the despair that he must have been in before. He now knew the fear of telling your deepest secret to another, after being pushed away once before. He didn�t for one second think that his pain was anywhere near as great as AJ�s must have been, but he now knew it, and it terrified him.
He turned his gaze back to Nick, his best friend seeming blurry due to the new wave of tears falling from his eyes.
�Brian?� Nick questioned again, upset to see his friend so obviously distressed.