Kevin was only partly right. Brian wasn�t in the waiting room any more, but he hadn�t left the building completely. Instead he had wandered the hallways until he had found himself outside the hospital chapel.
Drawn by the familiarity of his religion, Brian had gone inside, and was currently kneeling in one of the pews, trying to find the answers to all the questions he had been asking himself for the last 5 weeks.
Brian knelt on the hard cushion, his hands clasped tightly in prayer. He was so confused, so full of guilt and self-hatred, trying to stop the swirling emotions in his head.
There was just too many conflicting feelings going on in his brain, which were screaming at him, each trying to out-shout the others.
He was still feeling immense guilt over his part in AJ's fall; he didn't need Kevin to tell him it was his fault. From the moment he had heard Nick call for help he had known something was badly wrong.
He didn�t remember leaving his room, Kevin hot on his heels, nor did he remember the few short steps he had made into AJ's room before falling to his knees just inside the door.
The thing that he would always remember would be the sight of an almost hysterical Nick trying to rouse AJ from his drug-induced slumber, and then watching, almost hypnotised by the bottle of pills that had rolled out of AJ's hand and dropped onto the floor.
The empty bottle had rolled towards Brian, almost taunting him, pointing the finger at him. They had rolled close enough that if Brian had reached out his hand, he could have touched them. It seemed to have been a metaphor, for if Brian had only reached out to AJ�
Brian stopped himself before he went further down that path. He had spent too long dwelling on the past. He needed to find his way forward, to find a new path, one that would lead him the correct way, and stop him from hurting those around him so much.
But Brian had no idea how to even start trying to make amends for the past 5 weeks, especially if AJ didn�t wake up, or ended up with some permanent form of damage because of what Brian had put him through.
So Brian began by praying for AJ�s complete recovery; for Kevin�s forgiveness; Howie and Nick�s understanding, and for some kind of guide to show him the way forward, so that he could start making amends for his past deeds.
Brian thought he heard the door creak behind him, and sighed softly, he didn't want to see anybody right now, he wanted to be alone.
He dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed at the tears on his cheeks, rtrying to erase the evidence of his turmoil, trying desperately to put on his game face, so that no-one would know the pain he was in.
He looked around slowly, hoping that he wasn't about to come face-to face with a teeny or crazed fan. But there was nobody there.
Brian wasn't one to be freaked out by small noises, but something inside him told him that it was time to leave, that his answers would not be found in the small room. So he slowly stood up, and headed out of the peaceful room and back into the big, bad world.