Time for You
<~*~>
A.J. moved closer and tucked his head under Howie's chin, smiling as he yawned into his neck. "About time we get some time alone," he mumbled, tightening his grip on Howie's hand.
Howie kissed his temple. "I know," he responded sleepily. "We've been so busy lately... I didn't think I'd get to see you for the rest of the damn year."
Pushing himself onto his forearms, A.J. stared down at Howie's face, looking deep into his dark eyes with something bordering amusement. "Howard," he mock scolded, "you cursed." He faked a surprised gasp. "And you're a role model for little kids all over the globe." He shook his head, clicking his tongue. "I'm ashamed of you, angel," he said mournfully.
Howie's eyes sparkled as he folded his arms behind his head. He gazed up at A.J., jokingly guilty. "What on earth are you going to do with me?" he asked, grinning.
A.J. smirked and leaned in, fully prepared to answer the call in Howie's eyes with more than senseless words. As soon as their lips touched, though, the phone began to have a seizure, shrilly ringing as if it had a life depending on it. A.J. pulled back abruptly, caught by surprise. It was well into three in the morning. Who in their right mind would call this early - or late, depending on your point of view?
Howie sighed and gazed up at A.J., giving him a pitiful look.
A.J. relented and answered the phone, lying down across Howie's chest, one ear listening to the steady rhythm of Howie's heart, the other being chewed off by someone who clearly had no sense of time or consideration.
"Kevin," interrupted A.J. while running fingers through Howie's hair, "get to the point. What do you want?" He probably would have been less sharp with their older band mate had it been on usual crack-of-dawn terms. But A.J. and Howie had not spent more than an hour together for more than four days. He was bound to be annoyed.
Howie made a quiet noise of disapproval at his lover's choice of response, but A.J. was now tuned into Kevin's uncharacteristically nervous voice. He stopped massaging Howie's scalp and frowned. "Say that again?" he said, sounding surprised.
"What?" Howie whispered. "What's wrong?"
A.J. handed the phone to him, looking worried and a bit irritated. "He wants to talk to you," he said, his voice a little on the petulant side.
Taking the phone from him, Howie nestled the arm of the phone against his shoulder, pulling A.J. into his arms. "Hello? Hey Kev." He found A.J.'s hand and began rubbing circles in his palm with his thumb. "Yeah. I know. Why? She did? Oh. Oh. That's terrible, why would she... Yeah. No, it's-no, it's really okay. Seriously, it's fine. Yeah. Ah huh. I'll be over in a minute."
Hearing those last words, A.J. jerked his hand out of Howie's and sat up just as the phone touched its cradle. "Howie!" he cried. "What the hell?"
Howie gave him an apologetic look. "Kristin walked out on him again," he said softly. "I'm sorry, baby, but he's really upset. You heard him. I swear I won't be long. It's Kevin, Aje, he'll be fine." He smiled. "Forgive me?"
He was very tempted not to, A.J. found. But in light of recent sightings (Howie's smile), A.J. could not help sighing loudly and muttering, "Fine, fine. But hurry up." He pouted. "I haven't been with you in four fucking days. You're not back here in a half an hour and I'm knocking Kevin's door down."
Howie kissed him quickly, flashing him a heartbreaking smile. "Love you," he said, pressing his cheek against A.J.'s briefly, listening to A.J.'s breath in his ear. When he pulled back, he was met with A.J.'s pathetically large brown begging eyes. He laughed. "I promise," he said, "I'll be back soon."
When he kissed him this time, A.J. slid an arm around his waist, trying to convince him to forget about Kevin, that there were more pressing matters in Howie's love life that needed tending to.
But Howie caught onto his game and slipped out of his grasp, winking at him. "Later, love," he said with a chuckle.
A.J. sat up and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're a jerk for an angel," he said grumpily.
Howie blew him a kiss and disappeared into the bathroom to get changed. When he left, A.J. tried to fall asleep, but found that easier thought of than done. He turned on the television and tried to find something worthwhile only to be disappointed with infomercials and uneventful newscasts. A half an hour came and went too slowly for A.J. and he suspected his looking at the digital clocks scattered around the near-apartment sized hotel room every three seconds was not helping matters much.
He found it was almost impossible to go hunting for his lost angel.
If Kevin was hurting, A.J. was by no means about to leave him without a shoulder to cry on. Howie was a true healer of anything, spiritual or emotional. It was part of what made A.J. fall so deeply for him. He dropped everything (including his lover) if someone needed him.
Although A.J. _was_ jealous that Kevin got to lean into Howie's sinuous body and cry or be comforted and soothed by Howie's gentle, sweet voice while he was bored out of his mind in their hotel room, wishing he was listening to Howie's heartbeat instead of the incessant buzzing of the air conditioner.
Kevin was a lucky bastard. Even if his wife had walked out on him after one of their petty arguments, he got Howie as a substitute, and Howie - in A.J.'s opinion - was a better substitute for anybody any day. Somehow, though, he suspected that Kevin would have preferred Kristin's company to Howie's.
Well, that worked out just perfectly then, A.J. thought moodily, because he wanted his angel back! And soon, before he took up karate and broke the damn coffee table in two!
<~*~>
"I think she wants a divorce," sobbed Kevin, covering his face with his hands. His wedding ring shimmered in the dim living room lights.
Howie sat across from him, listening to his miserable brooding without a single complaint. He spoke up with an encouraging word or statement when the time was right, and when it was not, he stayed silent, attentive as always and just as reassuring with silence as he was with words. He cleared his throat subtly, bringing Kevin's tear stained face out from behind his hands.
Howie smiled softly. "She'll come back to you, Kev. She always does. What was the fight about?" He caught himself before he added, "this time".
Every so often Howie brushed his own ring against his lips, the cold metal comforting him in some bizarre way. The ring's brother was on A.J.'s ring finger, right hand.
Howie sighed inwardly. He knew it was unfair to A.J. that he was left alone, and Howie knew him too well to be fooled into thinking he was sleeping. But was it his fault Kevin was having a few rough patches in his marriage to Kristin? No. Was it his fault he and A.J. had not spent time together recently? No. Then why was he so guilty?
Kevin shook his head dismally, bringing Howie roughly from his pining for his lover. "She was so mad, D. She wants to start a family, man. I-I can't handle that now. It's too early and the group... I can't do it, Howie." He looked up at his younger friend with gleaming green eyes. "What do I do?" he asked gloomily.
Howie smiled comfortingly. "She'll be back," he said with a slight nod. "She loves you, man. You trust me, don't you?"
Kevin nodded solemnly. That was one thing odd about reassuring Kevin as opposed to Howie's other band mates. Kevin always seemed to be more practical and businesslike when Howie encouraged him. He trusted Howie completely and not many could claim to hold Kevin's absolute trust in their hands and their heart.
"Believe me, then," Howie said simply, shrugging. "She's not going to leave you. She wants a family and you're not ready. Tell her that. She can't very well start a family without you," he pointed out, eyes glimmering.
Although he was clearly trying not to show ease or happiness in any form, Kevin let himself chuckle and nod in agreement.
"You're right," he sighed. "I'm sorry I dragged you away from A.J." He smiled apologetically.
Howie smiled benignly. "He'll get over it," he said dismissively, although the guilt raking at his conscience was now only a little less than unbearable.
Someone knocked at the door. Kevin and Howie exchanged a silent question through their eyes. Who was it? Howie desperately hoped it was A.J. coming to drag him back to their hotel room, but he was sorely disappointed when he opened the door to find Kristin standing in the hallway, tears coursing down her face, arms circling her stomach tightly.
Howie smiled kindly and moved aside, clearing his throat loudly.
Kevin stood up and turned around, his face lighting up when he saw Kristin. Both of them began to babble out apologies and Howie grinned and left, shutting the door silently.
<~*~>
Nick slammed his hotel room door, biting back tears. He stormed down the hallway, lost in his own thoughts and self-beatings.
Sniffling and running the back of his hand across his eyes and then under his nose, he turned the corner, heading for the vending machines. He needed ice. His hangover was kicking in strongly now and the entire bulk of everything he had been carrying around lately had finally hit the fan. When he ran into someone else, he was ready to start screaming. But then he saw exactly _who_ he ran into.
"Howie?" he sniffed, confused. "What are you doing up?"
Howie set his concerned brown eyes on Nick's puffy red ones, frowning worriedly. "Nicky, what's wrong?" he asked, his gentle voice prying through Nick's pride tactfully.
Forcing back a sob, Nick shook his head. "Nothing," he lied. His head was spinning, someone was piercing his brain with a very sharp stick, and his entire life was burning in Hell. But Howie was there. And somehow, his problems seemed just a little less prominent.
Howie glanced behind him, at what Nick really could not have cared less about, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with A.J., Howie's significant other half. Nick groaned. "Go back to him," he said bitterly, "feel lucky you've _got_ somebody to go back to _and_ a fucking best friend to boot."
That made up Howie's mind. He grabbed Nick's hand and stared up at him until Nick finally met his eyes. "What?" the younger man sighed, trying to sound agitated. He failed. Howie was such a calming presence it was nearly impossible to get wound up around him when he was so mild. It was like feeling tense listening to a kitten purr. It was impossible.
Howie smiled. "Want to talk?"
And Nick could have sworn five minutes ago he really did _not_ want to talk about it. But now, with Howie's gentle, peaceful eyes warmly gazing up at him, he found his tongue set free.
"Yeah," he mumbled.
So Howie took Nick back to his room and let Nick cry and rave and rant and scream. Nick punched several very breakable objects in the room and Howie watched calmly until Nick had finished his rampage and broke down in fits of tears, falling to his knees.
Then Howie did his real magic, dropping down beside the younger man and wrapping his arms around him, murmuring soothing words into his ear, nuzzling his cheek against Nick's.
The physical comfort eased Nick's quaking body and Howie's genuinely caring words leveled his temper and made him feel better.
Then Howie gently led him to his bed and as if Nick was a five-year-old child, tucked him into bed, pressing his lips against Nick's forehead. "You feel like this again, you come to me, you understand?" whispered Howie, frowning apprehensively.
Nick nodded and Howie smiled. "Good. Get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow." With that, he turned off the light and waited until Nick had fallen asleep before noiselessly exiting the room to the sounds of Nick's rhythmic breathing.
<~*~>
No sooner was Howie released from Nick's room did Brian run into him. The Southern crooner looked nervous and guilty while he stuttered out a pathetic excuse for being up at four in the morning and stalking around Nick's hotel room door.
Howie smiled delicately. "He's fine. He's sleeping," he said in answer to Brian's feeble question, "How is he?"
"Well I..." Brian cleared his throat. "I - erm, I think I'll go back to sleep." But as he turned to leave, he was stopped by Howie's hand on his shoulder. He sighed. "I'm fine, Howie, really."
Howie frowned and turned him around. "No, you're not. And neither is Nicky." He pried through Brian's defensive blue eyes to what Brian had so skillfully kept from the world for so long.
Howie sighed. "Brian, he's a kid. You betrayed him and left him alone without his Frick. He's hurt and he's mad and I can't help him anymore." His eyes grew sad. "I want to help him, Brian, but I can't. He doesn't want me. He wants _you_. He lost his best friend. I can't give him his Frick back." He rested a hand on Brian's shoulder. "Only you can do that."
Brian nodded. "I-I know... But I don't know what to say to him. I mean... I'm sorry for what I did. I got so caught up in Leigh I had no idea I was hurting him so bad. And then he just detached himself from _everyone_ and he started drinking and he scared me so I backed up more 'cause I thought he was going to kill himself the way A.J. - " he cut himself off at the sudden pained look on Howie's face. A.J.'s close shave with alcohol poisoning was a tender wound no one had gotten over just yet, let alone Howie.
"Well, I thought he was going to die... But he won't let me near him, Howie. Nowhere near him. He just yells at me..."
Howie shook his head. "You're not trying, Brian. You think you are and you're trying to convince yourself that you are but you're not. You're avoiding him worse than ever now and you're trying to make it right. But it's not. He's dying already. If not physically, emotionally... I've done all I can for him. I can listen to him rant and hold him when he cries, but he wants you."
Brian nodded. "I know." He sighed. "I want my Frack back, Howie," he said, keeping tears from his eyes with difficulty. He sniffled. "I miss him."
Howie looked at the door, then at Brian. "I think you know what you should do. But I'm not going to push you to do anything. You've got to be there for him for real this time, Brian. You know what it's like to live without your best friend now," he said, frowning slightly, "don't screw with his heart again or I'll get _really_ pissed. Understand?" He waited until Brian nodded fervently to smile.
"Good. He's probably going to wake up soon anyway. He never sleeps through the entire night anymore. Damn nightmares..."
As he walked away, Howie delighted in the memory of Brian's horrified look at the mention of Nick being tormented by nightmares night after night.
Howie knew he had said was not going to push Brian to do anything, but he said nothing of not provoking him into doing something. He had gotten four steps past the turn around the corner when he heard the sounds of Brian's fist clocking the door into an oblivion.
Howie looked down at his watch, wincing. Four forty seven. A.J. was going to go ballistic on him when he got back. He sighed. Better face the music.
<~*~>
A.J. was curled up in bed when Howie returned. His face was pained and almost grief-stricken. Howie felt a pang of guilt for leaving him alone for so long. He sat on the edge of the bed, stroking his lover's face.
A.J. moaned in his sleep and nuzzled his cheek into Howie's palm like a blind kitten to the warmth of the sun's uplifting rays.
Howie leaned over and kissed his lips gently, his fingers dipping into A.J.'s hair gingerly. "I'm back," he whispered, kissing him again.
A.J.'s eyes fluttered open. He smiled sleepily at Howie until he remembered what had happened. A scowl captured his features and he pushed Howie away, glaring at him. Without a word, he turned onto his side, back to his lover and tried to sleep. Howie winced and tentatively touched A.J.'s shoulder. A.J. shrugged his hand away.
"I'm sorry, baby," whispered Howie, frowning with guilt. "Nicky and Brian were trying to sort things out and I had to..." He trailed off, realizing A.J. must have fallen asleep. His back was rising and falling steadily now.
Suppressing a sigh, Howie got up to go to the living room. It was five now and they had to get up in an hour and a half. And it was not as if he was going to sleep in the same bed as A.J. when he was angry with him. But as soon as he made a move to leave, A.J.'s hand was on his arm, pulling him back.
Howie looked back at him curiously. A.J. was smiling softly. "I'm just pissed everyone got to spend time with you and...well, I didn't." He held out his arms. "Forgive me?"
With a smile, Howie leaned into his arms and embraced him warmly. He nestled his head on A.J.'s shoulder, happy to for once be comforted rather than comforting. He felt A.J.'s fingers in his hair and smiled. "Love you, baby," he murmured.
A.J. nodded, kissing his temple. "Love you too, angel." He yawned. "What time is it anyway?"
Howie pulled back, grinning. "Time for you," he answered with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Oh?" A.J. raised an eyebrow. "And what's that supposed to - mmm..." He grinned against Howie's lips. "Oh," he mumbled. "I get it now. Hehe."
"Good, now shush."
"Sorry, angel."
"Shhh..."
"Mmmm, kay... Howie?"
"Yeah, babe?"
"I got a better deal than the others."
"Hunh? How's that?"
"I don't have to call you when I need help, because you're always here, with me."
"Yup. Now will you shut up and let me kiss you already?"
"I love you."
"Alex."
"Sorry."
"Alex?"
"I thought you wanted to kiss me?"
"I love you, too."
"How much?"
"If you shut up for five seconds I could show you."
"Point taken. Shutting up."
"You're cute when you're dumb."
"Howie! My time, my rules."
"Rule number one?"
"Kiss."
"Gotcha."
A.J. wrapped his arms around Howie. "No. I got _you_, angel. No one else does. Just me."
"Just you," Howie agreed, kissing him softly. "Just you."
The End
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