Part 1

It's funny how things work out. Fate has a way of kinda stepping in to control your destiny~~~ Shit! I sound like Howie and Kevin...... 2 words-- Redundant much?

Y'all maybe a little confused as to who I am and what the hell I'm talking about~~~ Hell, so am I.

When I went to bed last night I was AJ McLean-- Infamous Backstreet Bad Boy Extrodonaire.
I guess now you could call me "toast" ... as in dead meat ... as in.... FUCKIN SHIT! I ran outta words. Hey I guess that's a good one "shit" that pretty much sums it up. Those 4 letters are this
situation in a nutshell right now.

Sorry, I got ahead of myself there. You see, I'm still kinda in shock. Funny that. Brian says that when you go into shock you can't feel anything; you just kinda go numb. If that's the case then this is not that. I definitely ain't in shock.

You got to wonder what the hell I'm talking about. Thing is, I'm not exactly sure what happened. I do
know what caused it to happen though. It all started with Howie. Beautiful, perfect, angelic Howie.  
Guess I should start at the beginning.

Problem is, I have no fuckin idea when "the beginning" is.

Guess it really started when I began to drink and party way too much. Then I lost my grandmother and that so did not help. What did help was 2 people... Jack Daniels and my good friend Howie D.

Don't get me wrong, all the guys were very helpful ... but Howie was the one who was there for me as much as I would allow it. He went out to the clubs with me. He held my head while I puked. He stayed with me when I'd passed out. He let me cry on him when I couldn't stay strong anymore. After I did my stint in rehab, he was the one who just let me talk for hours, he accepted my apologies without hesitation. He and I had always been close but this goes far beyond a mere friendship. He understands me like no one else can. He looks at me with those huge deep chocolate eyes and I knew he was seeing me.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul~~~ some speculate that's why I wear the sunglasses hell maybe it is. With him they aren't necessary. With him I can just be me, not what everyone thinks or wants or expects me to be. He's the one who keeps me sane, he keeps me grounded ... fixed on reality.
I could blame all this new shit I'm in on him-- but it's really not his fault...he didn't do this to me.  

Thinkin' about it Nick's to blame. It's all his fucking fault. He was the one who kept me up all that night! It was his stupid ass idea to go see her. He's to blame but yesterday morning all stared with Howie ... it always comes back to Howie.

*Previous Day*

"Knock Knock! You awake yet AJ?" Howie asked walking into AJ's room.

"No! Get the hell outta here!" The mumbled reply came from underneath a mountain of blankets.

"AJ, dude, it's noon! It's Mardi Gras... Hello? We're in New Orleans! Get up and get dressed. We're goin out!" He punctuated the statement by removing a layer of blanket with every word.

" I'm well aware of what time of year it is and what city we're in. I'm also more than aware of the fact that I was up til 5 this mornin' playin' video games with Nick's dumb ass. SO, if you'll excuse me I need my beauty sleep" He replied covering his head with a pillow.

Howie choked back the laughter that was working it's way out and said," You could sleep for 4 days and you'd still be as ugly as the inside of a pig's ass!"

"My my ... someone's into colourful phrases this morning," AJ said snottily raising pleading eyes in  Howie's direction, "You're not gonna let up on this are ya?"

"A. it's afternoon and B. Not a snowballs chance in hell, " was the response.

Sighing loudly and making a big production of getting up off the bed, AJ waited a few seconds and said, " Gimme 10 minutes," and headed towards the bathroom.

"Alrighty, if your not out in 10 I'm sending in a couple of teenie's... They have cameras McLean," Howie said not even attempting to veil the threat.

AJ stopped dead in his tracks, "You wouldn't," he said turning around looking completely astonished.

"Oh, but I would. Now get your ass in gear! Hit the hot spots and come on, man!" Howie stated firmly wearing his I mean business expression.

20 minutes and 2 arguments later they were outside the hotel waiting for the cab. As Howie's cell phone rang, Nick came running down the steps.

"I'm glad I caught you guys. I'm tired of hotel food; I want me some real Cajun cookin," he says flashing the semi famous Carter smirk.

"Uh huh.... Yes ... okay... Alright...Okay Sweetie... Uh huh... I promise... Me too... Bye," Howie said before hanging up the phone.

"Howie's got a girlfriend.... Howie's got a girlfriend," Nick sang childishly. He received a glare for his efforts and the snide comment of, "You can be this good one day. If you pay attention, take notes, and stay away from those psychos you seem to attract like flies to shit."

Nick smirked harder," Don't knock it til ya try it. Psycho bitches slob knobs like no others."

AJ had to remark," True. Besides who'd want to end up wearing the same type collar Caterina's got around you neck? How ya gonna be givin' lessons when you're so obviously whipped?"

" I am not whipped! Anyway that wasn't even Caterina, it was Polly so shut up!"

AJ loved it when he got all whiny and embarrassed; he blushed and it was so cute.

"Whatever. Let's just get wherever the hell you assholes plan on takin' me. I'm starvin' and I'm tired so dammit let's keep the pointless arguments to a minimum." AJ walked towards the cab in a huff. They got into the car and Howie gave the driver the name of a restaurant he'd read about. While they rode AJ shifted his eyes to study Howie's profile.

"That man is so beautiful," he thought," and he has no idea. Sharp well defined jawline... long almost feminine eyelashes...Full pouty bottom lip..."

"Fuck!" He swore under his breath.

"Everything okay, Alex?" Howie asked eyes full of concern.

"God I love it when he does that ... no one says my name like he does," AJ thought.

"Peachy fuckin' keen," he said, then he decided to get Howie talking so he could look at him some more, "So what did you do last night? You know I baby-sat the brat."

"I heard that McLean! I'm not a brat, and I don't need a baby-sitter, Dumbass," Nick whined from the front seat.

"Contrary to what y'all seem to think Caterina is not my girlfriend she's just a good time to be had. I went out with this girl I met in the bar last night. We did a little dancing, had a coupla drinks, then she decided to come back to the hotel with me." Howie said wearing a shit-eating grin.

All AJ could think was what he wouldn't have given to be that girl for those few hours last night.