Chapter 18
~~Boner and Delilah~~
Aadriana awoke the next morning alone. She recalled most of the events of the previous evening and decided that since she would've had to tell it all eventually it was better now than months down the road. This was her first thought as she opened her eyes. Her second thought was "What the hell woke me up this early in the first place?"
Shortly thereafter, the loud piercing sound came again and it registered as what disturbed her sleep. She really didn't feel like answering the phone, but whoever it was showed no signs of hanging up anytime soon. So, with a sigh, she clicked the "on" button on her phone.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, Ana it's me."
She was silent a moment while she went through her mental rolodex trying to place exactly who this "me" was. She came up blank.
"Um and me would be who? Honestly, it's too early for this crap either get to the point or hang up."
"Ah, so I'm not the only one who's not a morning person. Ana, babe, how could you forget the unforgettable. Let me refresh your memory.' Same shit different day' ring a bell? I thought you said I was the only one round these parts that called you by that name ... you seeing someone else behind my back? I'm hurt I really am," the caller said feigning hurt.
"I was with you after the SSDD part, Alex. You just caught me off guard. Howie isn't here. He left sometime after I fell asleep," she said finally placing his voice and hoping to avoid pointless conversation.
"Yeah I know. He called me at the fricking ass crack of dawn and told me to call you. He wants you to know he can't make it for your ride this morning but, you should to go ahead without him. You do remember the way to the ranch, right?"
"I remember, but I'm not going. I don't feel much like riding today," she said with a soft sigh.
"I promised to make sure you went, even if I had to go with you and get on one of the funky animals myself. Please don't make me do that," he pleaded.
"No really Alex, it's fine. The horses would sense my mood and get all agitated. It's better if I don't even try it."
"Look girl. I dunno what's goin on with yall and it's none of my business. I know I didn't like the way he sounded this morning and I don't like the way you sound now. So, the way I see it, you can get up, get dressed, and we can go fool around with Kevin's stinking ass horses, or you can get up, get dressed or not, and cook me some breakfast. Either way, you're stuck with me until Howie calls and tells me otherwise. Just for your personal info I'm feeling mighty hungry so I'd just as soon skip the funky animals thank you very much."
"AJ, I don't, nor have I ever needed, a baby-sitter and I'm calling Howard and getting you relieved of that duty. And what the holy fuck do you mean Kevin's horses," she asked, indignant and appalled all at the same time.
"So he never told you it was Kev's ranch? I mean, I thought it was pretty strange that you enjoyed his horses but, wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire. I just figured it was yall animal people bein weird," he said laughing.
"Us animal people? So you're not the one with what four dogs now is it? That must be some other Alexander James McLean, that being such a common name and all," she countered, already knowing she was right.
"Five now that you mention it. I just got a new baby a yesterday. How bout I bring her over for a play date? That way I can keep my promise without making you feel- uh, baby-sat-upon," he suggested, pausing between each of his last three words thinking how much like her they sounded.
"You think you're pretty slick dontcha," she replied with a laugh.
"I've been told I'm irresistible."
"If you say so. What time should I expect you and-what did you say her name is?"
"I didn't cause she doesn't have one yet. Maybe you could help me come up with something. We'll be there in like twenty. See you then," he said quickly, hanging up before she could change her mind.
Resigned to her fate, she rolled out of bed and went to turn on her cappuccino machine. Knowing that she needed the caffeine, that done, she took a quick shower and went to what Howie referred to as her "Smartass tee shirt collection." She settled on one that suited her current mood; it was black and in tiny white letters it read
"It's 2 am, do know where your next victim is?"
She put on a pair of boxers and pulled her braids back with a black and white bandanna. She figured they weren't going out so instead of shoes she opted for a pair of white ankle socks.
As she sat sipping her coffee an hour and a half later. AJ rang the doorbell. In his arms he held a dark brown puppy of questionable breed.
"Well, I guess now I know the true meaning of 'Backstreet Time," She said. She made a big show of checking the time on her watch before letting him in the door.
"My watch must not run on that. Do I need to get it fixed to live in this time zone?"
AJ shot her a disgusted look, saying her sarcasm hadn't gone unnoticed, and walked in.
"Good morning, Sunshine," he said, as if he wasn't more than an hour late, "Where's little vicious?"
"Morning. Jack and Bacardi are still in bed. They always sleep in on weekends," she answered pointedly. "Want caffeine?"
"You got espresso?"
"Yeah. I have an attachment for my machine. Now's as good a time as any to learn how to use it. Hot or cold?"
"Hunh?"
"Do you want it hot or cold? I drink mine with crushed ice."
One look at his grossed out statement answered her question. She smirked suddenly amused, "Hot then."
He followed her to the kitchen and watched as she made his drink.
"So what do you think I should name her," he asked accepting the cup in exchange for the now dosing puppy.
She held the puppy up to eye level, cooing and fussing over her until she opened her eyes.
"Oh you are just gorgeous. Look at your sweet little nose," she gushed. To AJ she asked, "Isn't she a little young to be away from her mommy? Where did you get her, anyway?"
"Actually, a friend of mine just found her somewhere and asked me if I could take her. I dunno what the situation was but once I saw her, I just couldn't say no. Who could refuse a face like that? I don't even know what the hell kind of dog she is."
"She's a mutt. My granny would've called her a 'somer." When she noticed the frown on his faced she explained," You know, some 'er and this som 'er that. First things first, she's too small to not be on formula. Make an appointment for her at the vet as soon as you can, preferably Monday. She's not much younger than Bacardi and Jack were when I got them, so I should have some left over, along with a bottle or two."
"You're saying I'll have to bottle feed a dog? And you had to bottle feed the psycho kitty," he laughed loudly at the concept and in the process startled the puppy who started to whimper. Aadriana cuddled her close to her breast speaking softly to soothe her. When she glanced up she saw AJ's eye on her chest and his lips were moving, then it dawned on her that he was reading her shirt.
"You like," she asked amused.
"Hell yeah, 'I like.' I gotta get me one of those ... that's pretty good," he replied loudly again scaring the puppy, and causing her own puppy to come running to see what all the fuss was about. Jack wasn't too far behind him.
Still holding the now sleeping and as yet unnamed puppy she let her pets out into what served as her back yard. In actuality it was a six by five rectangle of grass with a privacy fence around it. That done she called out for AJ to join them. She took a seat gingerly on one of the lounge chairs on her patio. When AJ finally made his way there his arrival was precluded by loud singing.
"*squawk* You Bastards! Quit playing games with *squawk* my hand dumbass! South Africa, You Dildo *squawk*"
"Ronnie, not so loud. You're gonna wake the baby," she said to the bird who had made himself a perch on AJ's shoulder.
"What's up with that song, girl? Don't he know the words?"
"Yes, he does know the words he just likes to do things his way."
"*squawk* I love it when I hear you say *squawk* Nick just sing *squawk* you have it your way! *squawk*"
"Did you teach him all that? If so, why? I mean it's funny as hell but-" He stopped make the universal crazy sign with his finger.
She chuckled softly and decided to explain, "He learned it by watching videos. I have a very nice collection of some by this group called the Backstreet Boys, ever heard of them? Anyway he watches those and South Park and between the two you get a foul mouthed, no pun intended, lunatic, with a snarky sense of humor and loves to sing."
AJ looked thoughtful, "The Backdoor Boys? You actually listen to that crap and here I thought you had some kind of taste."
She rolled her eyes at his antics and decided not warn him of Jack's impending attack. Her silence was rewarded in an unexpected way seconds later. AJ yelled, causing the puppy she was holding to wake suddenly and urinate all over her shirt. So she ended up joining AJ in his curses as the animals watched in amazement.
"Shit. Here take your little one I have to go wash up and rinse this before it starts to smell," she said handing him the puppy, "I'll be back in a few."
Left to his own devices AJ decided it was time for Ronnie to learn a new song and set about teaching it to him by singing softly and waiting for him to repeat it. The bird was a very good student and picked it up well. When Aadriana returned, he was halfway through the second verse, which in fact was the same as the first.
"*squawk* This is the song that never ends *squawk* It just goes on and *squawk* on my friend *squawk* some people started singing *squawk*it not knowing what it was and they'll *squawk* continue singing it forever *squawk* just because well, smack my ass and call me a bitch!"
She listened carefully her face a mask of disgust and disbelief. "Oh, but you are so gonna pay for that one, Boner! Of all the songs in the world why the blue fuck did you pull that one out of your ass? And where the hell did you learn to harmonize with his off key garbage?"
AJ jumped as he hadn't heard her come back. "Well, you'd be surprised at the number of so called 'professional singers' who can't sing for shit. I've worked with an ungodly number of em. And the song, I just thought it would be funny sense he already knows all the dirty words I woulda taught him," he said, with a careless shrug.
"All right, fine. I think I'm gonna let Jack train Delilah," she said smiling at him evilly.
He swallowed audibly at the thought and looked at her with delight. He walked over to the newly named Delilah and held her up to eye level," Delilah hunh? You do kinda look like a Delilah. Lilah," he said nodding his agreement, "I like it, it works. So, since D, said you weren't gonna wanna go out, how bout a round of karaoke? I have my machine in the car, don't look at me like that, a fan bought it for me for on the bus after Sarah and I -well; you know. Anyway, I only use it every now and then when my jerk friends come over and we're bored. So," he asked giving her a challenging look, "you think you can hang with the master?"
She smiled, shaking her head at his silly proposal. "I guess I'm game if you are. You wouldn't happen to have 'Bye Bye Bye' or 'It's Gonna Be Me' in there wouldja?"
She watched his look of challenge be covered by a mask of disgust as her question registered. She reached and took Delilah from him and walked back in the house pausing to stick her tongue out at him, and laugh at how he stood there with his mouth open.
When he recovered he went back into the kitchen to find her opening and closing cabinets, looking for something. When she heard him clear his throat announcing his presence she turned briefly.
"I get the feeling that this may turn into an all day affair. I've tried calling your friend repeatedly but, he's not answering his cell and I get his machine at his place. So, I'm trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to feed you. I know you don't care much for real food so leftovers from last night are out."
He asked what they'd had and wrinkled his nose as she ran off a list. " Naw. Now way you made like vegetables and shit and that ain't even me. How about we just order a pizza or something. It's still early and I had the stuff of life on the way over so I'm good for a while. Did you eat anything yet? That's part of my job description to make sure you eat more than once today."
She glared at him silently for a moment, her mouth set in such a way that her anger was obvious. Then she walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a container of yogurt and a cup of pineapple chunks from the freezer. After setting them on the table, she got herself a spoon, and set about eating the yogurt muttering between bite about how if she threw up it would be his fault and he was going to be the one to clean it up.
This he could not remain silent about. "Oh Hell no. I dunno where the hell Howard is but there's gonna be a big ass mess waiting for him, cause if you puke then so do I and it'll just go back and forth til we both pass out.
She nodded and continued to eat slowly pausing between bites to calm her already rebelling stomach. By the time she'd worked her way to the pineapples AJ looked very bored. She suggested he go into the den and look through her not so extensive video collection and find something to watch. She joined him later to find him covered with furry bodies all vying for his attention. Jack held the highest position on his shoulder systematically cleaning his ear. Delilah and Bacardi were both on his lap, one on either side, lapping at opposite sides of his face. He seemed to be enjoying all the attention; actually giggling when one of them found a ticklish spot.
When he looked up and saw her watching he blushed, wearing something of a sheepish grin. And when she recognized the movie he blushed even more.
"What," he asked feigning ignorance, "I figured since we have such an interesting little zoo here it was a good way to start."
"I just think that 'Lady and the Tramp' is an interesting choice; you being so bad assed and all. A couple of my friends would have a fit hearing that Big Bad AJ McLean chose 'Lady and the Tramp' over 'Interview with a Vampire" She laughed causing his face to turn from just pink to a deep red. She handed him the bottle she had prepared for Delilah and watched as she took it without much coaxing.
When he was sure she was done laughing, he asked, "Why did you pick the name Delilah? I mean you don't strike me as the biblical type."
"Simple, since we decided that I am Jezebel it seemed only right for her to be Delilah. Take the bottle away now and rub her tummy a bit. I have to take my humor where I find it, and can you imagine the look on Sir Asshole Hitler's face when you tell him her name and why? It seems only right I should have a little joke at his expense." His mouth broke into a wide grin. She continued, "that was reason enough for me"
He went on chuckling as she made herself comfortable and randomly gave him suggestions as to how to feed Delilah. She lifted Bacardi into her arms to keep him out of the way, and demonstrate how he should hold his baby for a feeding. This gave her puppy easier access to AJ's cheek. It was more fun for her to watch the animals shower AJ with affection than watching the actual movie.
Before either of them noticed the movie was over and Delilah's bottle was empty. They decided to keep with the Disney theme and watch Lion King next. Periodically AJ noticed her calling Howie on and off throughout the morning saw she was getting angrier with each unanswered call. He realized the more pissed off she got the more she made use of her stellar vocabulary. He also recognized more than a few curses muttered in Spanish. Once the movie started, she proceeded to call Howie for what seemed like the millionth time, he made a suggestion.
"Ana, why don't you just wait. He said he'd call when he was done with all the shit he had to do and he will. My guess is he's trying to get everything in order for his leg of the press tour. I think he got the East Coast and Deep South. Plus, we all have to meet in Atlanta to lay down this song with some producer there. I know Nicky got stuck with traveling with Bri cause Kev isn't leaving outta Kentucky if he can help it so they gave him the area just around there. I dunno where I'll be either in the Midwest with Kev or or with Howie round this way."
"Press tour?"
"Yeah, we leave out early Monday morning and we'll be gone all next week until like early Monday morning I think," he said with a shrug.
"Well, alrighty then. I guess that puts me in my place. I 'm just gonna watch the movie, I don't even wanna think about this shit anymore," she said more to herself than him, waving off the subject like she would a fly.
"Fine with me, this is my favorite part."