Chapter 10~~~ The Truth (will set you free)
Aadriana awoke with a start, to a sound her sleep-clouded mind wouldn't register. It was very loud and very annoying. Suddenly she recognised the sound of the doorbell ringing and the sound of her Mud Puppy yapping at it.
"Oh Shit!" she squealed, jumping up and running to the door. It was only after she opened it that she realised that she was barely clothed.
"Good morning," he said with a naughty smirk, "if that's what you're wearing then this is really gonna be an interesting ride."
Still slightly dazed she glanced down and saw she was wearing nothing but a wife beater that came mid thigh and panties. She blushed and ran down the hall yelling that he was to make himself at home and she'd be out in a sec. She decided once in her bedroom that she would just throw on some jeans and tennis shoes ... the dilemma was she couldn't find a shirt that didn't require ironing. She was a blur opening and closing dresser drawers. 5 minutes later she returned to find him on her couch. Her face was made up to a minimum and she had on a tee shirt that read "I don't have an attitude problem..." on the front and "YOU JUST HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY ATTITUDE!" on the back.
He read it and laughed out loud, " I'll take that to mean that you've either had a rough night or are in a really bad mood."
"Neither I just had a hard time fallin' asleep, and so I overslept," she sighed, " are you ready?"
"Whenever you are I have nothing but time. I do have one small suggestion though," he said sounding serious.
"What?"
"You might wanna do something to your hair it's kinda all over the place," he said grinning widely.
She stood there for a moment, looking mortified and blushing furiously, before running out of the room again. Upon looking in the mirror she saw that her hair was standing straight up at the top of head and totally flat on one side.
"Fuck," she spat in frustration. She went into the bathroom and fixed her hair which meant wetting it, and applying more conditioner, and gel. Then she had to redo the little bit of makeup she had been wearing; knowing it had been ruined when her hair got wet.
"I need to just get this stuff braided so I don't have to go through all this," she sighed.
After a final glance to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything else she returned to the living room. There she found him sitting with the puppy on his lap and the kitten on his shoulder playing with his hair.
"I've managed to tame your beasts," he laughed, "hardest job I've ever done."
"I doubt that but, they do seem to have taken a liking to you. I told you my babies were sweet." She smiled trying to forget how she'd humiliated herself earlier. "Now all ya gotta do is make friends with Ronnie and you'll be a regular part of the family."
"Too much acceptance in one day can be hazardous to my health so I'll just save the bird for a another day. You ready now?" he said gently placing the puppy on the floor and putting the kitten beside him.
As they walked out of the apartment the phone began ring.
"Are you gonna just let it ring," he asked as she rushed to close and lock the door.
"Ah! Now I knew there was a reason God invented the answering machine ... that could just be the reason," she replied and started to walk towards his car.
He unlocked the doors and they drove off. She was enthralled by the scenery she hadn't done much sight seeing and once they got outside of the city it was very quiet and peaceful.
They arrived at the stables with no conversation to speak of; only commenting on the scenery and the weather. They were both having very private inner talks though.
"I'm going to ask her about the party today, he promised himself, " If she says no at least I'll have gotten it over with."
"I guess I should go ahead and tell him. I need to do it soon because if I wait too much longer it'll look like I lied. He's not gonna believe I forgot to mention that I have a seven year old son." She smirked at the thought of anyone falling for that line of bull.
He took her around to where the horses were, and was surprised to find that two had already been saddled.
"Don't we need to pay or let someone know we're out here," she asked.
"Nope, This place belongs to a friend of mine. I told 'em I wanted to go riding this morning and to have everything ready. See? Not all of my friends are assholes," he said with a wink.
They took a trail that the horses were apparently familiar with and rode the perimeter of the property for close to two hours before he suggested they take a break. Her horse followed, as trained, the horse in front of it, not really giving her a chance to disagree. He led them to a lake and helped her dismount. She was stunned to see that a blanket and something of a picnic had been setup. He had to be up to something, but what? Rather than stand there looking stupid wondering she asked. "What's up with all that?"
" I knew I was going to hungry ... I'm always hungry, so I figured you might too," he said with a shrug.
As they sat she realised it wasn't much more than cheese and fruit, nothing too heavy.
"The man knows his shit," her inner voice said.
"It's a little early for wine and stuff but I do have some juice if you want."
" Water?"
"There's a bottle in the basket," he answered quickly. Somehow he'd known she was going to want that instead of juice, she was just strange like that.
"This was a really good idea. It's been a long time since I enjoyed someone else's company so much," she said with a sigh.
"I'm glad. I do have to confess and ulterior motive for bringing you here though. There's something that's been bugging me and I figure the only way to get it out of my head is to ask," he paused trying to judge her expression.
" I'm an open book," she said attempting a smile. She knew what was coming and prayed she could get through it without crying.
" Well, that morning on the beach ... why did you cry like that?"
"You knew this was coming," she thought, "don't pretend you didn't. The question now is, to tell him the whole truth or half lie? He's not going to know the difference but you will, and you know exactly where lies get you. They get you into the mess your in right now."
"So there really is no choice," she whispered in answer to her internal conflict.
"Yes there is. Whatever it is just tell me. I'm not gonna freak out, you know? Look at who I hang out with." He said trying to lighten her spirits.
She sighed and looked away hoping he didn't see the tears forming in her eyes.
"There are a lot of things about me that no one here knows. Some of it is pretty ugly. I really do like being with you. I find myself smiling when I least expect it. I've never been a happy person so a genuine smile is always unexpected."
She got up and began to walk around the blanket almost pacing. She jammed her hands into her pockets, searching for the courage to continue.
" I told you about my stepbrother. No one here knows anything about that. For some strange reason I felt safe trusting you with it."
" Anee, stop worrying so much. I'm not going to tell anyone, you can trust me. I'm not going to judge you if that's what you're thinking. I promise. Cross my heart and hope to have to wear AJ's clothes for a year." He was trying to get a smile out of her with that last part but he didn't think it was gonna work.
She stopped walking and looked at him, her eyes searching his face.
" I've told you a lot about my life before I moved here. I left a few things out and one of them is a major part of who I am. Are you sure you wanna hear this? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. You'll probably never speak to me again and I wouldn't blame you for that either," she said realising two things, one the battle she had been having with her tears was lost and two that she was stalling in a major way.
He saw her silent tears and knew he'd do whatever he could to make them stop. The pain in her eyes was visible, but he couldn't help until she told him what it was that made her cry.
"Nothing can be that bad. I just want to understand, maybe even help if I can. Take as much time as you need."
"If I don't say it now, I'm not going to... so just bear with me okay? I know I mentioned my depression before, well I ended up being hospitalised for it. That and the self-mutilation I cut myself as a reminder that I was a normal human being. Any normal person who gets cut will bleed. I saw the blood and it made me feel so much better, it was like my equaliser. I was just so relieved that it never really hurt not once. It kinda felt good in a way. I was in control, how deep I cut, how much I bled it was all up to me. It was the only thing I felt like I was in control of."
He nodded, urging her to continue.
She took a deep breath," I have a son, he's seven years old and his name is Darrien and his father used my breakdown to take him away from me"
She blurted it all out in one breath and then began to sob as she went on.
" He won't even let me know where they are. I don't have a number to call him or anything. I don't know how to act right now, I try to go out and have a good time and pretend it never happened, but he took a part of me when he took my child and I can't figure out how to cope, I'm only half a person now.
The really sick part is he waited until I was better to do it. He waited until I was getting everything together, then he made it seem like I was an unfit mother and they helped him take my baby away."
He watched aghast as she continued to cry, her whole body shaking with the force of it.
"My God," he murmured, "what a sadistic bastard."
"Lemme get this straight, you don't blame me? This whole thing was my fault, if I had just kept myself straight then none of it would've happened," she said sadly.
"Blame you? None of that was your fault. Everyone has a breaking point and you reached yours. If anything it's twice his fault, for helping to bring you to that point and then for taking advantage of it."
She was astonished by the anger in his voice, she just looked at him, eyes wide with confusion.
"I'm glad you told me. I know how hard it was for you. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. So do you have a picture of him? You don't have to show me if you don't want but I can help you find him if you'll let me," he said hoping she couldn't see how angry he was and if she did he didn't think it was directed towards her.
"I really don't carry any pictures. I have some back at the house I can show you when you take me home."
They sat in silence, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one. Without warning she leaned over and kissed him. She could only think of how much she wanted to let him know how much his compassion and empathy was appreciated. When she pulled back he was stunned by the amount of feeling she had managed to convey in just a kiss.
"What was that for?"
"To thank you for being just who you are and so much like what I need right now," she said; her voice no louder than a whisper.
"Are you up to the ride back or do you just want to sit here awhile longer?" He asked the question with great concern. He'd noticed that while she had been telling her story her voice took on an emotionless tone; a kind of dead quality that was uncharacteristic of her normal liveliness. "So think about it and just tell me what you want," he said when he saw she wasn't quick to answer.
"What I want?"
She laughed then and noted that her eyes had gone a little wild.
"Here it comes," he thought.
"You're asking me what I want? What I want is to not have been wrapped up in my own sorry life to not see what was causing my brother so much pain," she said her voice steadily getting louder," What I want is to get the image of him bleeding to death in the bathroom of that burning house outta my head!
What I want is to not go to sleep every night contemplating the same thing ... I want to know where my baby is ... I want to kill Jason's ass for taking him from me ... I want to make him suffer the way I suffer ... I want to hit that asshole judge who granted him custody over her bitch head ... I want to stop crying all the fucking time ... I want the pain to go away for more than just a few seconds. So you wanna know what I want? You wanna know why I cried?"
While she ranted and raged, pacing back and forth he stood transfixed, but not really worried, this was what he had expected; she needed to let it all out. Silently he waited for her to continue.
"I cried because the hurt and emptiness that I feel every day, all day was fucking gone. Even if it only lasted through that sunrise! I cried because all the weight that I carry around in my chest every day was lifted and I could breathe. The feeling of being able to just take in air without all the excess shit that I live with was unbelievable."
She stopped and dropped to her knees. He walked over to her and knelt beside her, "Thank you for trusting me enough to let all that out," he said softly.
They stayed there for close to an hour, not really saying much. When she did finally break the silence her voice was strained and dry," I'm really sorry about all of this, I've managed to botch up yet another date. I'd just been letting it fester there, you know? This is the first time I've allowed myself to get really angry about all of it and I guess it had been there so long it kinda exploded. It felt good to just yell and scream out all my frustration. I'm just really sorry you had to be on the receiving end of it all. If you didn't think I was crazy before I've given you more than enough reason to now."
She looked to him for a response, instead of the horror or pity she figured would be there, in his eyes she saw acceptance.
" Hey we oughta head back now. A good hard ride in will do you some good, okay," he said ignoring her apology," How about we take the long way back, it's really pretty here. On second thought we'd better save that for next time, I don't ride that often and my ass is not gonna forgive me for at least another week."
"Next time?"
"Hell yeah next time. Do you really want me to have to beg my ass for forgiveness? I'm going to have to take it easy if we're going to ride again next Saturday ... and every one after that until I have to leave or you blow me off. You know which ever comes first," He grinned and winked at her ," I am going to have to require some form of compensation though, so you'll be cooking me dinner. You do know how to cook dontcha?"
"Yeah, but I'm confused here, why aren't you on that horse riding outta here like the hounds of hell are on your heels? Were I you I'd be."
"No ... no you wouldn't. You'd be standing here making plans to help make it all go away. I'm good at pegging people and I got you pegged." She recognised the look on his face when he said those words. It was the same look she wore while comforting a mother who's baby hadn't made it through the delivery.
She smiled, " I gave you an out and you didn't take it."
"And I'm not gonna so my next question is a simple one."
"I don't know what I could've left unsaid but go ahead."
He grinned at how she sounded as if she were going before an executioner. "What's for dinner ... and more importantly what's for breakfast?" He raised an eyebrow and helped her to her feet, with a smile.
"I'll get back to you on the first, but if I beat you back to the stable then you're cooking breakfast," she tossed over her shoulder as she made a mad dash to get to her horse and mount before he realised that a challenge had been issued.