“Come on, Aya, let’s go to bed.”
There is no open invitation for more in his voice, none of the husky sexiness that he can turn on and off at will and I stare up at him wondering why. I see it in his face almost immediately. Not simple tiredness but the exhaustion that comes from a soul that knows it has not yet found peace.
I shouldn’t have brought him here. I should have asked KR to arrange a safe house and a new identity for him far away from my problems. He could have set him up as a private detective again and Yohji would have been happy. He would find himself a nice English girl, settle down and have a houseful of beautiful children.
“Aya?”
I come back from my reverie to find that everyone else has left the garage leaving only Yohji who is staring at me with a slight frown on his handsome face.
“I’m not sure where you were, babe, but it didn’t look like you were enjoying it much.”
My reaction is automatic. “Don’t call me babe!”
“We’re not in public, Aya.”
“I don’t care. Just… don’t.” And that brings another thought to mind. “I suppose I ought to be called Ran while my sister is here.”
“Isn’t that going to confuse everybody?” Realising that I’m not actually moving from the garage he opens the boot of the Mercedes and starts pulling out bags and boxes. I help him wondering if I’ve actually got enough drawer and cupboard space for the amount of clothing he’s bought.
“It is my name,” I say with a shrug. He turns to stare at me, something unfathomable in the green depths of his eyes.
“Is it?” he asks cryptically.
“What do you mean by that?” I demand.
He takes a deep breath, drops his armful of bags and boxes back into the boot and pulls a packet of cigarettes from a pocket. He lights one and gazes thoughtfully at me.
“I may have carried Ran up to my bedroom all those years ago, though somehow I doubt it, but it was Aya that woke up snapping and snarling. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you’re not Ran anymore and I doubt if you can ever go back to being him.”
He speaks quietly, carefully, almost as if he expects me to hit him for what he is saying or lose my temper with him. I do neither. Instead I think about what he’s just said and realise he’s absolutely right.
Ran was the naïve idiot who wanted revenge so badly that he took ‘Erica’s’ offer and joined Kritiker. Ran was the boy that Shion referred to as his ‘little orchid’, that Kikyou used, abused and found wanting. Ran was the emotional mess that Crashers took in and tried to heal until the day he left them wanting desperately to kill. Ran was never a member of Weiss, never a cold-blooded killer.
“You’re right,” I agree and turn away, ready to go into the house until I think of something else. “So what do we call my sister?” He has an answer all ready for me.
“Aya-chan,” he says. “That makes her everyone’s sister and gives her a little respect too.”
I snort in some amusement. “She’s not sixteen, Yohji. She’s a grown woman.”
“So? She’s still a child in our world, Aya.”
It’s then that I realise he’s given himself the task of helping me protect my sister. And, much as I hate being this needy, I’m grateful.
“Aya-chan, then,” I say. “Are you going to put that damned thing out and come inside?”
He smiles, nods and crushes the remains of the cigarette under his boot before grabbing his bags and boxes once more and shutting the boot.
“And no smoking in the house,” I add as we head towards it.
He sighs but nods his agreement and I drop the subject. Perhaps having to smoke outside in a cold, damp British winter will make him think about kicking the habit, but then who am I kidding?
Michel has made everyone drinks and is chattering on about how he’s looking forward to meeting my sister. Not able to take all that right now I take Yohji’s bags and boxes from him and go straight upstairs to my room.
Our room.
The thought both calms and troubles me at one and the same time. I’ve dragged Yohji back into this life and now allowed him back into my bed.
Into my heart.
And who am I trying to fool? He’s always been there ever since I woke up in his bed with the scent of him all around me and those glorious green eyes twinkling at me. Yeah, I snapped and snarled at him but that was because the effect he was having on me went straight to my groin and it frightened me with its intensity.
I couldn’t afford to be afraid so I spent the next few weeks avoiding the issue as best I could. Of course, he wouldn’t let things rest and, after the Riot mission he came to me and spilled out all the pain of losing Asuka and then being unable to save Maki.
I was ill-equipped to deal with his pain on top of my own so I did the only thing I could think of and offered him my body. After that there was no going back and I was stuck with him.
No, that’s not really true.
I needed him as much as he needed me. I still do and that’s what frightens me. ‘The Sin of Survival.’ I wish I could tell that mental Schuldig to take a jump in the lake but I can’t.
I love Yohji.
I can’t lose him without losing the best part of myself ergo I can’t lose him at all.
Yes, I managed without him while I thought he was happily married and had forgotten us all. He was alive, out of this dirty business and, I assumed, happy.
Now…
He’s here, he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him before and I’ll kill old man Saijou myself before I’ll let him harm Yohji.
I dump his purchases on the bed and move the stuff from the top drawer of my dresser down to the bottom before opening the closet and surveying the space in there. I don’t have that many clothes so he should have enough room.
Deciding I want a cup of tea after all I go back to the kitchen. They’re all still in there but now the subject has changed to the shop and new rotas to include Yohji and Nagi if they want to be involved.
Nagi agrees immediately and seemingly happily and Yohji surprises me by grinning wryly and telling Free to put him down for a share of the shifts.
“You’d better make them the afternoon shifts,” Ken says with a chuckle but Yohji shakes his head.
“I did enough time as a salaryman to be able to get up in the morning, Kenken.”
Ken’s not convinced. “Yeah? Well I’ll believe it when I see it, Yotan.” There is some laughter and I smile to myself. This is my home and this my family. And if I have to fight and kill to keep all of it then I will do it willingly.
* * * * * * *
It’s good to see Aya smile, to hear laughter. Even Michel and his incessant chatter is growing on me. That might be because I can see the serious expression on his face when he thinks no-one is looking. There is more to Michel than meets the eye.
Yuki will have my eternal gratitude for saving Aya’s life in New York but I’m not too sure that he’s ever going to like me. I think he sees me as a rival come here specifically to take Aya away from them all. I’m hoping he’ll settle when he realises I’ve no such intention.
Free is still an enigma to me. Quiet and thoughtful, with a large amount of the hippy lifestyle clinging to him judging by the way he dresses and the fact that he always has a pack of tarot cards about his person, he seems to be reserving judgement on me just as I am on him.
Ken seems happier than he ever was in Weiss and I’m amazed to find out that he’s the one who does most of the cooking. Must be something he took up when he was dumped in prison ‘for his own good.’ When we were at the Koneko he was quite capable of burning instant ramen.
Chloe I like more and more as time goes on. He might be finicky and showy but anyone who can handle Aya the way that man does has to have something going on in his head.
Nagi the former enemy that never really did us any harm and may have just been responsible for saving our butts when the Ani Museum sank without trace seems shy and withdrawn. He stands close to Ken and seems to trust the soccer fiend more than the rest of us. I start to wonder if there is more to it and, if there is, whether he’ll hurt Ken the way his other lovers have.
If he does…
Fuck! Let’s be honest here, Kudoh. If he does there’s nothing you could do about it, not with all the power that particular young man has at his disposal. Yet somehow I think that Naoe Nagi has also been hurt too much to want to hurt another.
Aya catches my eye and inclines his head in the direction of the door. Shit! I’d forgotten how tired he is and the stressful day he has ahead of him not to mention the one just drawing to a close.
I put my cup in the sink and say goodnight to all present before following him up the stairs to what is now our room. This is a new development and one that may well bother Aya. He’s always had his own space to escape to before. Even when we were stuck in that vile trailer van he could and did take long walks alone. Then again, he can do that here can’t he?
My purchases are all over the bed and I realise with a sinking feeling that I have to put them away as this is his space and he’s the world’s biggest fucking neat freak.
“I’ve given you the top drawer and there’s room in the closet for the things you want to hang,” he says. “Do you want some help unpacking?”
“No, no, you have your shower while I’m doing this.”
He chuckles suddenly and I look up from removing a pile of new underwear from its bag at the unusual sound.
“I think my shower should wait till later,” he says in answer to my unspoken query. “What’s the point of having to take two?”
“I thought you were tired,” I say slowly not sure that my hearing isn’t playing tricks on me.
“I’m not that tired, Kudoh!”
He stalks forward, takes the underwear from my unresisting grip and drops it back in its bag before sweeping the rest of my new clothing off the bed and onto his pristine floor. His lilac eyes hold a distinct challenge in their darker purple depths so I growl and pull him to me, crushing his lips with a kiss.
His arms go round me and he returns the kiss just as passionately and it finally sinks in exactly how much I’ve missed him. Nobody else ever had or ever will have this effect on me and I…
I love him.
I always have loved him and I always will love him. I’ve tried forgetting him in the bodies of nameless women and some not so nameless but it always ends badly and I come back to where I belong, at his side.
Home.
And I never intend to leave again or let him get some misguided idea in his head and try to leave me.
Somehow we end up on the bed with him on top and start pulling at each other’s clothes, wanting to touch skin to skin after so very long apart. Too long but now is not the time to go there.
He takes my face between his palms and kisses me again and I return his kiss hungrily. It doesn’t matter to me who fucks who as long as he’s here and I’m with him.
My hands roam down his lean body, finding a scar here and there to mar the perfection of his skin. But even scarred he’s still beautiful to me and I think he always will be.
A gasp tells me just how much he’s appreciating the feel of my hands on his body and I smile to myself. Seemingly he wants me just as much as I want him.
He breaks away from the kiss and stares down at me. His face would seem impassive to anyone who doesn’t know him, but I do and I can see the range of emotions that only ever show in his eyes. Right now I can see desire, love and under it all the pain that never quite goes away.
Something in my gaze seems to reassure him as he pulls us over onto our sides and reaches into the drawer of the bedside table. He makes a small sound of satisfaction and produces a tube of lubricant which he presses into my hand.
“Are you sure?” I ask him and he nods.
“I want you inside me, Yohji,” he whispers as if afraid of his own temerity in saying such a thing. “I… I’ve missed it.”
You and me both I’m thinking as I finally take the tube from him and kiss him tenderly. “Okay,” I agree, “just as long as you’re sure.”
“Yotan…” he growls and my nickname on his lips is an invitation for me to stop arguing and get on with it before he bashes me with a large and heavy object.
I decide to comply and roll us over again until he’s underneath me. His long legs curl themselves around my waist almost immediately and I kiss him again as I coat my fingers with lube.
I carefully insert one into his body and he clenches around it. Whether his body is trying to pull it in further or expel it I’m not certain but his gasp tells me that he wants it there so I insert a second finger. A moan of pure pleasure lets me know I’ve hit his sweet spot.
“Yotan…” This time my name is made to sound like a plea for more and who am I to refuse him anything? I remove my fingers and spread lube over my cock before pressing it against his entrance.
“You ready?” I ask. He nods and I press forward and into that tight heat that is like coming home.
Aya gasps and pulls me closer with both legs and arms.
I pull back and then push in again, taking it slowly until I feel him relax and accept me completely. I shift slightly and a moan tells me I’ve found the right place. I take up a rhythm and Aya’s hands grip my shoulders as if he’ll never let me go, not that I ever want him to. This is where I belong; here or with him taking me. Either way works for me as long as he’s my partner.
Always and forever.
Bliss like this can’t last, however, and I feel my balls tighten. I reach down and take his cock in my hand just as my own orgasm rips through me like a white tidal wave. I hear him cry out my name just as his own orgasm hits him and spreads creamy whiteness over our bellies.
He releases his hold on me and I roll sideways so as not to smother him with my weight. I am on the verge of drifting off to sleep when he says, “Shower. Now.” Sighing I open my eyes. Some things about Aya may have changed but not his neat freak mentality and he’ll no more sleep in our come than fly to the moon.
“Okay,” I mutter resignedly as I climb out of the bed, careful not to make any further mess.
The sound of his chuckle makes me glance at him. “Don’t worry,” he says. “You can put your clothes away in the morning.”
I grin at him and allow him to take my hand and drag me off to the shower.