When I wake, still tucked in Yohji’s strong arms, I feel both contented and yet terrified. Contented because he is here and comparatively safe and terrified because of the difficult day ahead.
Yohji has now become the least of my problems when compared to facing my sister with the truth of what I am. There is also the nagging feeling that Saijou might just remember her existence and harm her in some way in order to get back at me.
The sin of survival, young Fujimiya.
“Shut up, Schuldig! Get out of my head!”
I am left with his annoying snigger ringing in my ears and start to wonder if I’m going even more crazy. And I’ve obviously spoken - or shouted - out loud as Yohji jerks awake and asks me if I’m okay.
“Not really,” I tell him.
“Anything I can help with?” he asks, his concern for me obvious. Why have I never noticed it before? Why have I only seen his womanising and addictions? Am I so steeped in negativity that I simply cannot see the positive anymore?
I wonder if I should tell him about the constant voice in my head or do I pretend I was having a nightmare? Don’t I seem crazy enough already? I must have been lost in my thoughts for a while as he says, “Aya?” tentatively. I gaze at him in consternation before starting to talk, much to my own surprise.
“Takatori sent Schwarz to kill my family,” I tell him, “specifically Schuldig. I…I’m never sure how much of my memory of him is real and how much is a concussion induced nightmare, but the bastard spoke to me after the building blew up. He told me he was going to spare me and that I would see everyone I love die. He called it the sin of survival and I’ve been hearing those words ever since.”
To my astonishment he holds me even closer and smiles contentedly before saying, “And you’ve been given no real reason to disbelieve him. Your parents, what happened to your sister…”
“Kikyou, Shion, Botan, Manx, Birman, Sena, Kyou,” I continue for him, “all dead. Crashers only survived because I had the sense to walk away from them before I contaminated them.”
“Weiss survived,” he points out. “Although I’m not certain what Om…Mamoru has become.”
“What he was always destined to be,” I say quietly. “Takatori Mamoru was raised to be a killer. The rest of us had to learn. It seems strange to me but perhaps the only one of us with relatively clean hands is Nagi.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Yohji says. He kisses my forehead before letting me go. “We’d better get to the airport if we’re going to meet your sister.”
I take a deep breath as I try to hold my tattered emotions in check. What will she think of me? Will she disown me forever? “I never wanted her to know,” I say, “but then you knew that didn’t you?” I gaze into his beautiful eyes. “I’m scared, Yotan.”
“Yeah, babe, I know you are,” he says softly, “but it’ll be okay. I’m sure of it.”
Strangely comforted by his words I climb out of the bed and get dressed. He resumes putting his new clothes away once he’s dressed and I watch him as he moves with the grace of a cat. A large cat like a cheetah, full of elegance and deceptive speed.
The smell of cooking wafts up from the kitchen and makes me feel nauseous but I ask Yohji if he wants to eat before we go. He takes one look at my face and shakes his head.
“We can get some coffee at the airport.”
Not certain I could keep even a coffee down I nod and make for the door. I can’t put this off any longer.
“I think I’d better drive,” he says and I turn my head to glare at him before realising that it’s probably a good idea as I appear to be shaking like a leaf.
“If you like.” My display of nonchalance doesn’t have him fooled as he favours me with a concerned frown. Then he shrugs and follows me out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
I’m hoping I can get out of the house without anybody spotting me but I’m doomed to failure as Chloe hears us coming and steps out of the kitchen. “Toast, Aya, and no arguments. You can always eat it dry but you are going to eat it.”
“I don’t have time for toast.”
“Then take it with you. One way or another you are going to eat.” I glare at him but he just stares back at me after planting his body firmly between me and the back door.
“Okay I’ll take the damned toast!”
Chloe smiles happily and ushers us into the kitchen. He passes a large mug of coffee to Yohji and a smaller one of tea to me. I take a sip and the warmth from it spreads through my body making me realise I had actually been cold.
Yohji takes a swallow of coffee and snags a piece of toast from the rack on the table. “He’s right, Aya, you do need to eat.”
I give in ungracefully and sit at the table, grabbing a piece of toast and pulling it to pieces on my plate. Under two pairs of watchful eyes I finally raise a piece to my lips and eat it. The nausea disappears almost immediately and I start eating the rest of it and finishing my tea.
“Let’s go,” I say after I’ve finished and grabbed a second piece of dry toast to eat in the car.
For once Yohji doesn’t argue with me and we’re soon in one of the cars and on our way to Heathrow and whatever my sister might have to say to me.
* * * * * * *
I’m almost as nervous as Aya so obviously is. Suppose his fears are justified and his beloved sister turns on him? Will he ever be able to pick up the pieces?
And the arrivals hall at terminal three is hardly the place for such thoughts swarming, as it is, with people. A new influx of predominantly Japanese people marks the end of formalities for the flight from Narita and I spot Aya-chan immediately.
She looks like a dark-haired, blue-eyed version of her brother and still remarkably like her almost double, Sakura. It wouldn’t have mattered what his sexuality might have been, that relationship would never have worked. It would have been too much like incest.
She gazes at both of us for a moment as if uncertain what to do but then she smiles, pushes her trolley towards me and throws her arms round Aya. He returns her embrace as if he will never let her go again and I breathe a sigh of relief.
I collect her trolley and start heading towards the car, wanting to give them both a moment together before the drive home. I load her cases into the boot and light a cigarette while I wait. They don’t keep me waiting very long.
“You’re one of the other three in the photograph of Ran taken at the Koneko,” she says after a quick look at me.
I give her my most disarming grin. “That’s right, I’m Kudoh Yohji.”
She lets go of Aya’s hand and bows politely. “Pleased to meet you Kudoh-san.”
“Please, call me Yohji. Kudoh-san is way too formal for this country.”
“As long as you’re sure, Yohji.” Aya is holding the back door of the car open for her and she climbs in.
“I’ll drive,” I tell him, “give you two time to catch up.”
He glares at me but climbs in beside her. I throw my cigarette away and climb behind the wheel, wondering how much he will say while I’m in the car with them.
We’ve only just got out of the airport car park when she says, “I want you to know that Sakura told me quite a lot of your story, Ran. I hope that will make it easier for you to explain things to me.”
“What things do you want explaining?” he asks and I can hear the wariness in his tone.
“Mostly why you stayed away from me after I woke up. If it hadn’t been for Sakura’s kindness and Hanae’s help I would have been totally alone.” She turns in her seat and small fists punch at his chest before she dissolves into tears. “Why did you let me think you were dead?”
I glance through the mirror in time to see Aya put comforting arms round her. “If Sakura told you all that she knew about me, you must realise why I stayed away, why I let you think I was dead. I didn’t want you dragged into my world. I didn’t want you to hate me for being what I am.”
“I could never hate you Ranichan. We are all that is left so why would I want to hate you? Besides, that man deserved to die for what he did to our parents.”
“And all the others I have killed, continue to kill?”
He just can’t leave it the fuck alone. He has to take all the responsibility, all the blame. I sigh but know better than to say anything…now. Later I’ll have my say. It’ll probably lead to another of our spectacular fights but I really don’t care. He’s got to learn to share the responsibility and blame. Ken and I are just as bloodstained as he is and Mamoru even more so but he just has to be the darkest beast on the block.
“Hanae told me that you only ever killed evil people,” Aya-chan is saying and I frown wondering who Hanae is until I realise that it has to be Manx. She will know by now that Manx is dead and I find myself thinking about how both brother and sister have had more than their fair share of pain and loss.
Aya seems to know exactly who Hanae is, or was, as he says, “She would say that. We worked for the same organisation after all.”
“Kritiker,” Aya-chan says knowingly and I turn a startled glance on her.
“Keep your eyes on the road, idiot!” Aya snaps and I concentrate on my driving again.
“How did you know about Kritiker? Sakura never knew that much.”
“No, but Hanae did. She filled in the gaps for me, Ran. I think she felt you were being stubborn and stupid for not trusting me with the truth and you were. Now what I really want to know is why the sudden change of heart?”
“Because there is still a Takatori that wants me dead and might use you to accomplish that.”
I glance in the rear view mirror to see how she will react to that to find one hand to her cheek and her lips parted in an O of shock. “There’s another of those bastards?”
“Another two,” I tell her, “but we’re not sure about the other one yet.” My eyes meet Aya’s in the mirror, challenging him to refute my words. He doesn’t but his glare is potent.
“Two of them?” Aya-chan is obviously horrified. “How did you leave two alive?”
I’m beginning to like Aya-chan. “One of them is in the photo you have. The little one with the dirty blond hair. He was one of us for a long time.”
I see her eyes narrow as I glance in the mirror again. The expression is so very like Aya’s that I catch my breath. “So he betrayed you?”
“Not while he was with us,” Aya says, “but we simply don’t know about him now.” He takes a deep breath. “Aya, did you notice anyone watching you on the bus or plane?”
I take another look in the mirror and see that the black Mercedes that has been behind us for a while is still there.
“Watching me? No, not really.” She is silent for a moment then says. “There was a man who only just caught the bus at my stop and he had no luggage. He was on the same plane.”
“Can you take a quick squint out of the back window, sweetheart, and see if he’s in the black Merc behind us?”
“Don’t call my sister, sweetheart, Yohji. It’s not right!”
Aya-chan sighs and I hear her move as if to talk to Aya. “You’re still such a stick in the mud, Ranichan! Yes, he is there. He’s in the passenger seat.”
I take another glance in the mirror and my hands clench on the wheel in frustration. I can’t see clearly enough from here but both men in the Merc seem familiar somehow. “Okay boys and girls, we’re going to do the tourist bit before going home. I’m sure Aya-chan is hungry for some decent food and I want a closer look at the two in the car. If necessary we‘ll stay the night in a hotel.”
I catch Aya’s eyes in the mirror and he nods his agreement. There is no way either of us will willingly take these people to our home especially with Aya-chan involved now.
I pull up outside a restaurant swanky enough to have a doorman and car jockeys. I hand my car keys to the doorman who immediately hands them on to one of his minions. Said minion climbs in the Beemer and drives it to wherever this restaurant has its parking. I tip the doorman while watching the Merc pull up outside. Watching us is going to cost them a fortune in food bills if nothing else. I finger my watch, wondering if I should have chosen such a public place but decide to be patient and see who these two jerks are.
We enter the restaurant and ask for a table where we can see most of the room. The maitre d gives us the perfect spot where we can watch the door and the room. We are seated and have our menus when our two friends from the Merc stroll in. I gaze at them and nod. I know them both by sight. “They used to catch the same train as I every morning and evening when I was still in Tokyo.”
“Which means they’re probably working for Mamoru rather than the old man,” Aya said. “Maybe we should have a word with them while we’re in such a public place.”
“You read my mind, babe.”
He colours up deliciously before snarling, “Don’t call me babe!”