Even after all these years I still keep hearing the words that Schuldig murmured to me after he murdered my parents and put my sister in a coma. Sometimes they come in dreams, sometimes they simply sound in my head. �You will survive young Fujimiya and you will have to watch all those you love die before you. It is the price you pay, the sin of survival.� I still feel him behind me, leaning in close, whispering his poison in my ears. But is it simply poison? Kami-sama help me, I actually believe his words. My parents, Kikyou, Shion, all dead. My sister, alive but dead to me, untouchable. Yohji�.my beautiful, damaged Yohji�just gone in an explosion of rubble and falling ceilings.
Now, having nearly died on a New York street yet being saved again, I am convinced that I am cursed to live on and continue to see those around me die. Even though both Ken and I are safely settled in London we still do the same work as always. Kill the dark beasts that prey on the innocent. I sometimes wonder if Mamoru is happy or if his grandfather, who caused us so much grief, is dead yet. As long as the antiquated bastard causes no problems for my new team, however, I am prepared to let the past go. That doesn�t mean I�ve either forgotten or forgiven the various betrayals along the convoluted road to Mamoru�s nice new position as head of the Takatori empire but I realise that I need to move on, perhaps to start afresh.
A loud knock on my bedroom door shakes me from my reverie and I invite whoever it is to enter. Ken pokes his head round the door, the smile on his face telling me better than any words that he�s heard from Mamoru. I�m not especially interested in news from Japan but I do raise a seemingly inquisitive eyebrow and wait to hear what he has to say.
�You�re never going to believe this but your katana has turned up.�
Okay, now I really am inquisitive, positively curious in fact. �You mean to tell me they�ve gone through the rubble of the Koua Academy with a fine tooth comb?� I ask, in some considerable confusion as to why they would actually bother.
By now Ken can hardly contain himself and is literally bouncing from foot to foot. �No,� he says, �it was retrieved when they found Yohji.�
Found�
Yohji�
�What!� I sit up straight on my bed and stare at Ken as if he�s suddenly grown another head or something.
�I knew that would make you sit up and take notice!� he says with a smirk. �Anyway, Omi thinks you�ll need your katana and has asked me to go to Japan to collect it. Yohji�s alive, Aya! Isn�t that fucking great?�
I�m totally confused by now and I�ll readily admit very emotional so I hold up my hand to stop Ken�s chatter while I attempt to make sense of everything.
Yohji�
�Hold on a minute. Why are you the one going to Japan to collect it?� I�m not sure what makes me pick up on that question when I have so many more important ones to ask.
Ken shrugs but cannot contain his excitement for long. �Isn�t it obvious? Omi wants to see me!�
And I suppose it would be fairly safe to assume that Yohji does not want to see me. I swallow my hurt at that thought and even manage to conjure up a slight smile for Ken. �I�m happy for you,� I say and mean it. If Mamoru wants Ken to go to Japan then it means that Ken�s fears that he has been replaced in Mamoru�s affections by Naoe Nagi are unfounded. �So, Omi has the sword?�
�Dunno. He didn�t actually say, but it�ll be great to see him again! Who knows? I might even get to see Yohji. Any messages if I do?�
I sigh, really not wanting to talk about this. Not before I�ve had a good long time to think things through, at least. �No, Ken, I don�t think that would be a good idea. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to say to him?�
Ken shoots me a disgusted look. �Oh I dunno, perhaps the truth for once - that you love him and miss him.�
I glare straight back at him. I so do not want to go there. Don�t even want to think about it. Don�t want my emotions bandied about by well-meaning but totally tactless Hidaka Ken. Luckily he holds up his hands in surrender and backs off.
�Okay! Okay! I promise I won�t say a fucking word. Jeez!�
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm myself. �Thank you,� I manage to say. �Just�will you let me know how he is when you get back?�
�Just what do you think I am, Aya? Of course I�ll fucking let you know. Fuck!�
�I�m sorry.�
�Yeah, well, so you should be.�
Time for me to quickly change the subject before one of his fists puts a hole in my bedroom wall. �When do you go?�
�I fly out tomorrow afternoon.�
�Oh. Do you need a ride to the airport?�
�Nah, you�re okay. Free�s got it covered.�
I nod, at a loss for anything else to say. The shock of hearing that Yohji still lives seems to have finally caught up with me and I�m too stunned to think straight right now. Ken hovers for a moment or two.
�You okay, Aya?�
�Yeah. Yeah, I�m fine. Or I will be once I get used to the idea. If I don�t see you before you leave, have a safe trip.�
He grins at me, all sins obviously forgiven in his euphoria at seeing Mamoru again. �You take care, too. I�ll tell you all about it when I get back.�
He steps out of my room, leaving the door wide open. Not up to company of any sort right now, I get off the bed and shut it, leaning my back against it for support.
Yohji�alive! My Yohji. Who once meant everything to me until I panicked at our closeness and pushed him away. It seemed so logical at the time. Like Aya-chan, if Yohji wasn�t with me he would stay alive. I set about making his life so hellish that he would want to go. I succeeded all too well. When the time came for him and Ken to leave for Europe he gave me a brusque goodbye and the overwhelming feeling that if he ever saw me again it would be much too soon.
Safe? Oh shit!
I consider calling Ken back before second guessing myself and wondering if I am merely looking for someone else to blame after all. It�s just that I can�t forget certain things or the actions of certain people.
* * * * * * *
Ito Ryo. It�s as good a name as any, I guess. Ito is Asuka�s family name while Ryo is just a name we both kind of liked and I adopted. Takatori-san arranged for me to have credit cards, a job and a driving license all in that name. It was the very least he could do and we both knew it.
When I came round in the hospital, I had no idea where I was, who I was or what the fuck had happened. That lasted about two months. Two months in which I met Asuka and fell for her kindness. Two months in which I got just one visitor, Takatori-san.
At first, having no fucking clue what had gone down, I was confused as to why this very young man seemed so guilt-ridden and helpful. I mean Asuka had told me just how important he was as the only heir to the Takatori fortune and an aspiring politician. So why was he bothering with me? Frankly, it gave me the creeps.
Then I started getting the flashbacks and slowly but surely my memory returned. Except that I remembered the guilty young man as Tsukiyono Omi and not Takatori Mamoru. So I had to call him on it. Those huge blue eyes of his got even bigger and a hand went to his mouth when he realised I�d got my memory back. Once he got over the shock he became agitated and begged me to never let anyone else know that my memory had returned. If I did that, he promised to keep me safe from anyone who might take exception to me due to my past in Weiss.
At first I wanted no fucking part of it. I just wanted out of the damned hospital and back to wherever it was that the others were. That was when Omi, or Takatori-san or whoever he now was, dropped his second bombshell. Aya was dead, stabbed by some kid in New York where he had been acting as a lone vigilante and Ken was in prison for his own good although he would soon be travelling to London, of all places, to join a different team there. Weiss was gone. Over. Finished. I would be better living under his protection as Ito Ryo. I could marry that cute nurse, raise a family, live as normal a life as possible. Wasn�t that what I�d wanted when I�d expressed the desire to forget?
I hardly even heard his arguments. All I could think about was Aya. Poor, fucked-up Aya who had been so senselessly and needlessly killed. There wasn�t really any point to doing anything but what Takatori-san suggested, not with Aya gone forever.
I left the hospital as Ito Ryo, married Asuka and took the boring office job that Omi had arranged for me. All I have left of the love of my life is his katana, which I look after just as scrupulously as he always did.
Asuka is sweet, caring, similar to my Asuka in looks and, apart from her odd desire to sing my praises to all our female neighbours, completely delightful. So I�m not sure what possessed me to try strangling her in my sleep one night. Oops! No. That�s not strictly true. I do know. I�ve slept with three women since I murdered Neu/Asuka and every last one of them I�ve attempted to strangle. With the first two, Michelle and Tsuji, I should have finished the job, did finish it eventually, but Asuka is nothing like them. She is one of the innocents we always tried so hard to protect. But it doesn�t matter. She�s still female and I can�t trust any of them anymore. Anyway, now we sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms even. My marriage is in name only, my job sucks and all I have left is Aya�s katana and a truckload of bittersweet memories.
I really should cut my loses, divorce Asuka for her own good, take the sword and make my own fucking way in the world. Only problem is, without the round the clock protection that Omi gives me, I�ll last about two days. If I�m lucky.
Tonight I�m alone with the same damned thoughts as always. Asuka is on an afternoon shift which means she won�t be home till after midnight. So the knock on the door startles me. I go to see who it could be and nearly have heart failure when I see Ken�s face through the peephole. I open the door and stare at him blankly. He fidgets a bit, obviously at a loss as to what he should say.
�Er�Ito Ryo?� he tries. Ah, so Ken has been told that I�m still amnesiac and won�t know him from Adam. Suddenly I�m tired of Omi�s fucking games. Shit, this is Kenken. Ex-Weiss. Two left feet (off of a football pitch), both of which are perfectly capable of being inserted into his big mouth at one and the same time. Could have been a world class goalie if it hadn�t been for yet another fucking betrayal. I sigh and open the door wider, ushering him inside before shutting it again.
�I won�t keep you long, Ito-san,� he says politely. �I�ve been asked to collect the katana you have in your possession.�
That�s it! No more of the fucking stupid games! Finally my temper snaps and I grab Ken by the throat. �Who sent you, Kenken? Who the fuck wants to take Aya�s sword away from me?�
Ken�s eyes widen in shock before he grins like an idiot. Or at least he does until my hand tightens. �Yotan, for fucks sake,� he gasps out. As quickly as it had boiled up, my temper dissipates and I let him go. Whatever this is about, it�s not Ken�s fault.
�What�s going on, Ken?�
He glances at me, a wary look in his eyes, before he shrugs. �I�m beginning to wonder the same fucking thing,� he says.
Hmm. This does not bode well. �You�d better sit down so we can compare notes,� I tell him.
�Much as I�d love to, Yohji, I can�t. There�s a car waiting outside to take me to the airport.�
�How long have we got?�
�Five minutes, tops.�
I nod. �Okay, I�ll keep it short. I remember everything but I think Omi�s trying to keep me out of harm�s way. You?�
�Told by�Omi that you had no memory of us. Also approached by Naoe Nagi who begged me to take him to England with me.�
I frown at that news. �Why?�
�Apparently Schwarz never made him kill anyone. Takatori does.�
�Fuck!� To say I�m surprised is the understatement of the decade. I need one more answer though. �Aya? Is he alive?�
To my great relief and joy Ken nods. �It was close apparently, but Yuki saved his life.�
I have no idea who the hell Yuki might be and right now I don�t much care. �Shit! What a mess.�
A car horn blaring impatiently tells me our time is up. �You�re taking the katana to Aya, right?� Ken nods. �Tell him what�s happening and that Naoe and I both want out. I�m relying on you and him. I�ll get the sword.�
I retrieve the katana from my bedroom and hand it to Ken. He ignores another impatient blare and hugs me. �Take care, Yotan. I�ll tell Aya, trust me.�
I return his hug. �I do,� I whisper. Hell, he�s one of the only two people I can trust now. �Now go before the Takatori muscle gets suspicious.� I let go of him somewhat reluctantly and he slips through the door and into the night. I sit on the couch and light a cigarette, my mind working overtime.
I knew that Naoe worked for Omi? Kritiker? Takatori? Actually, who the hell does the kid work for? And why the hell is he being forced to kill? And why was I told that Aya was dead? You can�t tell me that Takatori Mamoru in his role of Persia wouldn�t have known Aya was alive. So�to keep me docile enough to live this farce for the rest of my life? And again why?
Being totally unable to make any sense out of the plethora of questions bombarding my mind has me frustrated enough to want to scream. Just what the hell is going on here? Damn! Another fucking question.
Suddenly my mind goes still and my mission focus returns to me in spades. Omi is trying to protect me and I don�t think it�s from the yakuza and other like-minded villains. No. It�s from someone with real influence and power. The answer I come up with is as certain as it is unlikely.