This chat session is between me and a friend of mine I used to work
with. I had an infatuation with his sister and this is the conversation
directly after mine with her, The End of Tasha and I. Actually,
this conversation went on at about the same time as that one.
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Justin's View
maddawg42020: um
coyote_62881: yes
maddawg42020: i'm not going tomorrow
coyote_62881: why not you little liar
maddawg42020: i am not
maddawg42020: i am not going
maddawg42020: i am not for this
maddawg42020: i am not for life
maddawg42020: i am not for progress
coyote_62881: oh you big baby
maddawg42020: i am not for her
maddawg42020: i am not for you
maddawg42020: i am not for anyone
maddawg42020: i am looking out for myself
maddawg42020: for now on
maddawg42020: or i will kill myself
maddawg42020: i will commit suicide
coyote_62881: your so funny
maddawg42020: i will stab myself
maddawg42020: i will poison my self
maddawg42020: i will wreck my car purpoesly
maddawg42020: i will fucking overdose on anything
maddawg42020: just to die
maddawg42020: just to get out
maddawg42020: just to leave
maddawg42020: just to be in a state where things are better
maddawg42020: i hate this
maddawg42020: i hate the pure existance of anything substantial
maddawg42020: i hate myself
coyote_62881: hate what that you can't have something......a girl finally said no....or could it be that your afraid
maddawg42020: i hate my life
maddawg42020: i am not afraid
maddawg42020: i do not need
maddawg42020: i no longer need
coyote_62881: oh give it a rest.....me and you both know your just joking
maddawg42020: for the first time in years, i feel like crying
coyote_62881: i ain't in the mood for these games
maddawg42020: i am playing no games
maddawg42020: i am through
maddawg42020: i am done
maddawg42020: completely
coyote_62881: Jeremy just settle down, now what is going on....what happened
maddawg42020: i wish i would have never met you
maddawg42020: for then i would have never met her
maddawg42020: for then i would have never felt so punctured
maddawg42020: i am worthless
maddawg42020: that is all
coyote_62881: duh......thats the whole point......what did she do now
maddawg42020: i am not going
coyote_62881: hey listen you are going and you will
maddawg42020: no i am not
coyote_62881: whats the problem...what happened
maddawg42020: do NOT come here tomorrow
coyote_62881: tell me whats wrong
maddawg42020: i will not associate with this anymore
maddawg42020: last night was my last trip over there
maddawg42020: i will take no more trips
maddawg42020: i am done
coyote_62881: damn it listen here you might as well give it a rest...just cuz one girl won't date you ain't the end of the world......
maddawg42020: i have been deceived
maddawg42020: i have been takin' granted of
maddawg42020: i have been lied to
maddawg42020: i have been robbed of my worthfulness
coyote_62881: you haven't been anything, what you think you walk in and she should just drop to her knees and beg for u to date her.....hello it ain't gonna happen but some effort into it
maddawg42020: i do not care
coyote_62881: give it a rest Jeremy, i mean whats the big deal so she won't date ya, oh my thats it you have no reason for exsistence......i mean she won't cuz she ain't allowed to date any one who doesn't go to church
maddawg42020: i do not care
coyote_62881: oh quit it your soundin like me and Billy over Melanie
maddawg42020: i do not care
coyote_62881: you better stop it
maddawg42020: no
maddawg42020: it is over
coyote_62881: oh give it a rest
maddawg42020: no
maddawg42020: i would cry, but i cannot let my parents see me this way
maddawg42020: i must get away
coyote_62881: your sounding like your reading a book
maddawg42020: shut up
maddawg42020: my nose bled for ten minutes tonight
coyote_62881: and so what mine bleeds every nite almost
maddawg42020: this was my frist nose bleed in years
maddawg42020: it only happens when i am about to be damned
maddawg42020: god does not want me
coyote_62881: or when your brain has overactivity and blood cells burst
maddawg42020: that's .. great.
coyote_62881: yeah it is ain't it
maddawg42020: no
maddawg42020: nothing is great
maddawg42020: everything is miserable
coyote_62881: now are you gonna tell me what is going on
maddawg42020: i have finally been told nothing will ever come out of her in liking me .. it will never happen .. she made it clear
coyote_62881: she was lying
maddawg42020: yeah, i sure bet she was
coyote_62881: what you cna't be her friend
maddawg42020: i can
maddawg42020: but she won't
coyote_62881: yes she will
maddawg42020: i do not want anything else from this
maddawg42020: i am over
maddawg42020: no longer will i see a day of happiness, so why should i see a day at all?
coyote_62881: whatever
maddawg42020: i am already dead
coyote_62881: no your not
maddawg42020: it is just a fraction of time between mentally .. and clinically
maddawg42020: nobody truly cares about me
maddawg42020: i have known this for ages
coyote_62881: i care
maddawg42020: no, you don't
coyote_62881: then why would i continue talking to ya
maddawg42020: because you feel FUCKING SORRY FOR ME
coyote_62881: no i don't, but your making no sense
maddawg42020: good, justin
maddawg42020: that is what i am
maddawg42020: no sense
maddawg42020: worthless
coyote_62881: yeah this all sounds familiar
maddawg42020: i haven't felt this way in a long time
coyote_62881: oh wait i remember i said all this once
coyote_62881: bout Melanie and you said oh god there is other girls she ain't worth it
maddawg42020: but tasha is worth it
maddawg42020: she's all i've ever dreamed of
coyote_62881: yes true
coyote_62881: i know, the same thing i said about Melanie
coyote_62881: the pain will go away
maddawg42020: melanie is nothing .. tasha has substantial and significant qualities that are deemed so perfect
coyote_62881: yeah the same things i see in Melanie you see in tasha
maddawg42020: fine justin, you just go and think that .. but i know tasha a lot more than you know melanie
coyote_62881: no i know tasha better than you know melanie
maddawg42020: what the hell does that have to do with anything?
coyote_62881: it doesnt' but what does you knowing more about my sis have anything to do with this
maddawg42020: you barely knew melanie
coyote_62881: but i knew from the moment i met her it was the one....
maddawg42020: fuck this
coyote_62881: no listen don't start saying what i did was outta some petty lust.......and you wanted my sister cuz she was Ms. Divine....
maddawg42020: tasha is telling me to seek help
coyote_62881: i knew Melanie better than you think.......and i know what tasha did was wrong
maddawg42020: what did she do?
coyote_62881: you feel that she led you on and gave you falsified feelings of infatuation in return only to pull the ladder and let you fall the moment you felt had reached the top of the mountain
maddawg42020: oh
maddawg42020: yeah
maddawg42020: right
maddawg42020: i never felt led on
maddawg42020: nearly the beginning of me and her being friends i knew she didn't want me
coyote_62881: well then whats the problem......whats so wrong.....
maddawg42020: i have never .. EVER .. wanted anyone more than i wanted her
maddawg42020: i am just her joke
maddawg42020: she laughs about me
maddawg42020: i am pathetic to her
maddawg42020: i need to "seek help"
maddawg42020: simply because i have feelings
maddawg42020: fuck life
coyote_62881: i know i understand
maddawg42020: it is now done
maddawg42020: i am through
coyote_62881: stop it.....she will eventually understand
maddawg42020: nobody will
maddawg42020: she doesn't care enough
maddawg42020: it is so blatantly obvious
coyote_62881: well maybe its all part of a plam
maddawg42020: what plan?
coyote_62881: God's plan
maddawg42020: oh my ..
coyote_62881: maybe shes testing you seeing if you are serious about going to church or jsut doing it to get a date with her
maddawg42020: i do not care
maddawg42020: i am not up for tests and games and chilidish shyt like that
coyote_62881: well then she ain't right for you.....she isn't the one
maddawg42020: nobody is
coyote_62881: you don't know
maddawg42020: tasha hates me
coyote_62881: are you talking to her
maddawg42020: she really dos
coyote_62881: no she don't
maddawg42020: bullshyt
maddawg42020: she said i was the meanest person she's ever been friends with
maddawg42020: "goodbye have a nice life"
maddawg42020: "i see what melanie means"
maddawg42020: "she was right"
coyote_62881: so go back out with melanie
maddawg42020: uhhh no
maddawg42020: i was quoting your sister
maddawg42020: hence the QUOTES
coyote_62881: why not you both are so depressed right now you will make a great couple
maddawg42020: i am not depressed
coyote_62881: then whats the problem
maddawg42020: rejection
coyote_62881: then get over it.......welcome to my world
maddawg42020: no
coyote_62881: it takes awhile the first time but the knife wound usually heals
maddawg42020: oh please
coyote_62881: oh please what/
coyote_62881: i might not have catchy phrases like you or a big vast vocabulary, but i know that one friend is worth more than a million acquaintances
maddawg42020: what??
coyote_62881: i ain't perfect and i don;t care if your one rung above me on every ladder but i dont let people treat me like shyt
maddawg42020: how am i a rung up or whatever?
coyote_62881: you just are
maddawg42020: how?
coyote_62881: whatever i can do you can do better, what ever aspect i have yours is better, you are just plain better than me--so give it a rest....
maddawg42020: no, stop that shyt
maddawg42020: nobody is better than anyone
maddawg42020: why did you think i was going to commit suicide?
coyote_62881: no everyone realizes it i do, and i don't let it bother me cuz i know that one day i will show everyone that i too deserve a litlle
coyote_62881: cuz you said so duh
maddawg42020: i did not say that
coyote_62881: okay my mistake but so what..........it doesn't matter you didn;t care when i was going through my little Melanie fixation so what can i do know but say get over it.....if she dont want you thats her problem......she is just a little girl dreaming a womens dream....and u are just someone outta your natural surroundings
maddawg42020: that makes no sense
coyote_62881: what part makes no sense?
maddawg42020: about her dreaming a little dream
coyote_62881: she thinks she is going to meets someone and there will be a "spark" and that they will fall instantly in love but it ain't there......its a myth something to keep people dreaming wondering what might be.....
maddawg42020: oh well goody
maddawg42020: a spark ..
maddawg42020: jesus
coyote_62881: yeah like Melanie's image of a perfect man, Tasha has her spark
maddawg42020: how do you know this
coyote_62881: she told me
maddawg42020: when?
coyote_62881: just a few minutes ago
maddawg42020: oh so she needed a "spark" when she met me?
coyote_62881: yeah but no sparks no dating
maddawg42020: are you not going to church just because i won't go
coyote_62881: yes
maddawg42020: don't do that
maddawg42020: they want you there
maddawg42020: she doesn't want me there
maddawg42020: i am unwanted
maddawg42020: just go
coyote_62881: i know but so what........i don't wanna go
maddawg42020: why not?
maddawg42020: you DID
coyote_62881: cuz its not right.....she is mad at emm
coyote_62881: me
maddawg42020: why?
coyote_62881: cuz i said things i shouldn't have
maddawg42020: like what?
coyote_62881: i called her a liar, and told her that she was just playing jokes and games
maddawg42020: what did she lie about?
coyote_62881: she lied when she said that she liked you
maddawg42020: when did she say she liked me?
coyote_62881: a long time ago.....right after the festival
maddawg42020: whoa whoa
maddawg42020: why wasn't i informed of this?
maddawg42020: you asked her if she liked me .. and you told me she said "i don't know"
coyote_62881: duh i tolded you this.......i asked her if she wanted to go out with you and she said "i don't know".......i asked her if she kinda liked you and said "yeah, kinda"
maddawg42020: oh you never told me that big daddy
coyote_62881: i thought i did, i am sure i did
maddawg42020: no
maddawg42020: i would have remembered THAT
coyote_62881: oh well what does it matter
maddawg42020: it would have mattered at that time
maddawg42020: now that things are all over, i guess it doesn't
maddawg42020: i know she doesn't want to be my friend
maddawg42020: she doesn't even want me to go to church
maddawg42020: all she wants is for me to go so YOU will go
maddawg42020: that is sad, purely sad
coyote_62881: well thats not her decision
maddawg42020: what isn't?
coyote_62881: if you can go to church
maddawg42020: she wants ME to go so YOU will go!
maddawg42020: it doesn't matter if i go .. what matters if if YOU go
coyote_62881: i am going anyways
maddawg42020: then she will be happy
maddawg42020: you but no me
maddawg42020: heaven
coyote_62881: yeah maybe
maddawg42020: maybe what?
coyote_62881: maybe she will be happy
maddawg42020: she will trust me
maddawg42020: as long as there is no me in her life
coyote_62881: same way with Melanie and me
maddawg42020: well goody
maddawg42020: but still
coyote_62881: don't say it
maddawg42020: say what?
coyote_62881: what you were going to say
maddawg42020: uh okay?
coyote_62881: well i gotta go
maddawg42020: all right
Yahoo! Messenger: coyote_62881 has logged out.
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