Back in the Summer of '99, I dated this girl named Tiffany.
I broke up with her because she hogged my eye sight too much,
but she just wouldn't leave me alone. So I emailed her the most
polite representation of my thoughts as possible... well, maybe not
polite.
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Dear John Letter
As things come to a drooping close on us, I have to be the man
(not really) and chuck out the whole shebang, so let's shedo it.
Chris is the one who called you a bitch, just because he felt
like it, and he's that way. He doesn't know you just like the guy at
Taco Bell when he told him "I want some fucking service." "You can go
somewhere else" said the Taco Bell guy and Chris came back with "You can
fuck off." He's offensive like that. Oh well.
It's not that I don't like you at ALL, it's just that you never
wanted me to be away from you when we were going out, and you did
annoying things, like always messing with my hat, my phone and
everything else. I was smothered, and that's the long, tall truth.
And I can't "do" things with you, because you live to far away.
I don't want to drive 15 minutes and waste a bitch load of gas just to
hang out with a girl that got on my nerves in the first place. And why
do you constantly call me? I never hear my phone ring because my
friends play their stereos so damn loud, and have all the windows down
and it's too low, but I picked the thing up and you called me like 5 or
6 times in like half an hour. What is so important? Even Chris was
getting sick of you calling my phone all the time!
Andrea has never met you or talked to you, so why would she not
like you? Email her and ask her yourself ... [email protected]
And no girl or guy was talking about you when she called, just
Andy in his van with em and Chris in it, and Andy was talking to Collin
and Andrea in Collin' car, and on my side Mike was in his car with his
sister.
And about Christina ... I actually kinda a lil' bit liked her
more than you from the time we met, but that's not really important.
Sorry.
And that thing about Carl is just stupid! Trying to get back at
you? He might have been a reason for me not wanting to go out with you
in the first place but I am not the kind of guy to do that to a girl,
and I didn't "play" you ... a player tries to get him some sex and THEN
dump you! We had only been going out for like 3 or 4 days. I didn't
"play" you.
I wasn't perfect because I don't like you anymore? How
ignorant. People's feelings change very easily, especially mine, one
that wonders within a sick, sadistic, fucked up world. And I treated
you just FINE when we were going out so don't tell me I didn't treat you
differently from all of the asshole guys in this hellhole of a planet.
I complimented you, I talked to you, blah blah blah. I'm confident
enough to know I treat a girl like they should be treated.
And I don't mind long letters, because I am a natural writer
anyway, and I am apologizing if I sound mean, but all of the phone
calling and pestering gets annoying, and I don't think me and you will
ever have a chance, because I am probably going to go back out with
Amanda.
So I hope I have answered all your questions, because it seems
to me that you have so many and maybe you can lighten up on the phone
calls and wildly emotional emails? Okay, buh bye. :)
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