This is a scripture I found from my depressed days. Weird thing is
that I never even remembered writing it, but I do remember how terrible
I felt back then. I laugh at most of this stuff, because stuff that
troubled me so bad back then doesn't bother me at all today. This
was written in the beginning of 1999.
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Dear God,
Hello Lord. How are you? Not too good here. I'm having a bad life.
I can't tell you I've had a bad day, it's just consistently down. I really
wish things would get better. So I am praying to you now. So here it goes.
With my wreck that I had, and the several driving mishaps that I had, I
do not understand why you keep punishing me. It's like you want to see me
suffer. The pain is too much for me, my Lord, and I'd really like things to
change.
Now this email thing . . . you know I didn't intend for this to grow into
such a catastrophe. I only was trying to make some mystery, and play a joke.
I hurt my friends, I hurt my parents, and I hurt my chances of happiness. My
friends, who still don't know if they'd still consider me a friend, will never
see me the same. They will always look at me different, like I'm a freak or a
screw-up, and that is what I am.
Girls. They're something that has a relevance to me. And it seems no matter
how nice I am, seems no matter how talkative I can be, they still treat me like
garbage. They give me looks like I'm a pathetic idiotic loser. They barely even
want to say "Hi" to me. Oh God, why do they not like me? I can barely talk to
them at all. I try and I try and I try . . . I'm praying for you to give me an
extra boost, because at this time of my life I need love. I need the touch of a
woman. I need that empty space in my heart filled. It has never been filled. Oh
God, please grant me this wish.
My savior, I need changes in my life, more than a lot of people, and I need your
help, and your guidance, and your love . . . to lend me the support and energy to
face the world without so many depressing lapses. Can you please just take some of
the sorrow out of my life? Can you please restore my faith in my life?
There are so many torn memories in my mind, some big and some small. I need
you to overshadow these for me. I have never been more serious of any prayer in
my life. I'm reaching deep down in my heart in asking of this.
No matter how you contemplate my wishes, I will always believe in you, trust
in you that you will show me the way, and most of all, I will always love you.
You love me, too . . . I know you do. :)
With love,
Jeremy Cannon
P.S. I will sleep with these wishes tonight, and hope that they will soon be served.
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