A movie can sometimes just pull at your heart? You sit down in a theatre chair, unknowing of the final outcome, and leave yourself open to what the movie has to over. Sometimes that offering is no more than a cheap laugh, or a startled scream as you hide your eyes. Other times, that outcome can be an emotional change of heart.

For you to know what I mean, perhaps I should explain something first. I am not a very emotional person. (not outwardly emotional anyways). I keep things bottled up inside of me till they explode. I know many of you are like that to. we all are in our own little ways. I do not swoon over sweet nothings. I find myself watching dirt bike races more often than the Lifetime channel. I don't mean to be disrespectful to my gender, but I'm just not like that. I do like a little romance, I would be silly if I didn't admit it, but my life lately has shown me that I can not leave myself susceptible to heartbreak. I won't go into all my instances of heartbreak, that will be for another time. but I would like to say that love really only comes around once in a lifetime, and you never know what form its going to come in.

Ok, enough about that, back to the movie. Well this weekend, unknowing to me. I sat down in a dark theatre with no expectations except to be entertained. The movie was "Under the Tuscan Sun." I know, girly movie, I can just hear all the boys groaning right about now. But let me just say, to all the females reading this, it was AMAZING. I am on the cusp of my future. I am graduating from college in less than two months and am scared out of my mind. This movie helped me focus in on what is really there and not all the circumstances surrounding it. It showed me that all I need to do is literally or emotionally get away. Getting away will lead me to finding out who I really am. I have always had a problem admitting to myself who I am. Everyone that knows me (except for a certain few) think I am the most stable down to earth person. When in all actuality I am just as scared as the next person. I don't know what I want out of life besides happiness and I don't know what to ask of others. I am afraid of hurting other people so much that I hurt myself trying to please everyone. This really has to stop.

I have recently been introduced to someone here on campus (at Eastern Illinois University). She is from Centralia (no names will be mentioned) and she was manipulated for years by someone that she thought she was meant for. They were soul mates but yet she knew something was wrong. After years of heartache and despair, she finally walked away. He has not yet accepted that fact (even with a restraining order). This further proves my point of "getting away". She moved away to school when she was 19 or 20 years old, and with her newfound freedom from what was weighing her down, she is able to live. Thus, getting away was once again the answer.

In this movie, Getting away to Tuscany on a gay cruise seemed like the answer to this woman. She had just gone through a very messy divorce, and couldn't get over it. So, her friends got her a ticket and sent her to Italy. Long story short, fate lead her to buy a house, fall in love, get burned, help her new found friends as well as her long time friends, and find out who she really was. This movie seemed as though it was an omen to me. I have to just "get away" from my old mindset. I have to think about myself as well. I can't let what others think dictate my entire life. You should not either. If you are feeling overwhelmed or distracted by something in your life, and want to better all that you have but don't know it yet. GET AWAY. Follow your heart not your mind. Now don't get me wrong, be reasonable in your decisions. Moving to Tuscany might not be the answer for everyone, but maybe it is the right thing for you. All I know is that Italy is full of gorgeous men. Wow. I mean gorgeous. But that's another story and another topic. Maybe getting away is going back to school. Maybe its dumping someone that you're not really meant to be with. Maybe its going the extra mile to try and find someone you are meant to be with. Everyone is different, I know this, but for me, life has carried me this far, and showed me many things. I will open up and leave my past in the past. I will be better for my friends (old and new) and for those people whom I have lost. I regret losing some people, but I never regret loving them. Friends come easy for me, but when they have to leave (permanently) I don't take it very well. But you know, I have figured out, that I always move on. I always find someone new, or rely on someone old for needed support. Family, friends, acquaintances, whatever is there is what I have. I now know that they are what makes me me, but they do not dictate who I really am. I am me, and it took getting away to find that out.