- indiatimes.com

Rekha at 46 looks younger than Rekha at thirty. Her face scrubbed of make-up, dressed in baggies and an oversized sweater, with a trendy matte-black bag strapped across her chest, you could mistake her for a student. Then you look again at the expensively- maintained skin, and hear the voice: languorous, low, like many cats licking many cups of cream, and you know with a delayed start -- it's Rekha. Monica Sahani reveals the person behind the facade

Of the many affairs, the scandals, the accolades, the interviews. Of the perfect eyebrows, the Rekha mouth, the lip-gloss, the eyelashes that enter rooms three minutes before she does. Of the phenomenal memory.
The Rekha: enigma, mystery, Material Girl.

The Chosen One, the Real Thing, The Star of Stars.
Ask me anything she says. Looking at you directly. Defiantly. And you do... Ask her what you know every one wants to. About Amitabh Bachchan (why me, why don't people ask other heroines about him?) Yes, but are you having an affair And she says, I believe that an affair is a very short-term word. It implies an beginning and an end. My relationship with him has been that of a mentor and a student. And I am still learning from his actions. Can love ever die? Do feelings ever go away? In any case why don't people ask me about Yusuf Sahib? He is the real love of my life.
Ask me something else, she says. And you ask her. About the nature of her relationship with her secretary Farzana. And she says. What are labels? What do they mean? Can friendship be defined? Can relationships be contained in empty words? If anybody interprets this relationships any other way than it really is -- its their problem, not mine.

And about not having children: but I have been a mother in a million films. I am mother to my siblings. To plants, to society; was mother to my pet dog Pisti. You don't have to give birth to feel motherhood.
About regretting anything at all?
I regret nothing. I did everything with the best of intentions.
Not all your so-called affairs?
No.

Not your marriage?
No. It was an arranged marriage. My mother was on her death bed, and wanted me to marry.
What gave you the courage to see yourself through that? After your husband killed himself?
For all the criticism I received, there was an equal amount of support. My fans and friends rallied around.
Was that your only marriage? Were you not married to the late Vinod Mehra?
No, she smiles and neither to Sanjay Dutt, Farooq Abdullah, Kiran Kumar, Biswajeet and Navin Nischol.

Do you regret not being married today?
Look, she says, I know that marriage is man-made. God didn't make marriage. Man did. And what man makes is flawed. No piece of paper can capture or contain love. Or define it. I believe in soul mates, in eternal love. Not eternal marriage.

What do you fear?
I thought I feared the death of my loved ones. But I got over even that, when my baby Pisti died. I realised that she was more with me now than when she was alive, because now she was a feeling, and that could be evoked by anything -- a fragrance, a song, a memory. I don't have to have Pisti with me to feel her presence. I do fear giving a bad performance though.
Do you ever feel jealous?
I hope so. I am still human. I am jealous of people who can play instruments. Madly jealous of Yoyo Ma. Vanessa Mae. Of people who can swim. I never learnt it earlier because I was shy of getting into a costume. Now I'm not.

Are you afraid of dying?
No. I die a hundred deaths each day. I die when I see hungry people. Or people who're sad. I die when I know I can do nothing about pollution in Mumbai. I die when I feel helpless when my loved one is in pain. So when I really die, it'll be a small death compared to the earlier ones.
Does anything bother or upset you?
No. Because I realised earlier on, what not to do. Look, I had enough tragic role models before me, starting with Meena Appa. I could have gotten into the martyred why-me? mode. Or gone into drinks or drugs. But instinctively, I knew what I needed to preserve myself - to survive. Life is not perfect. I've had my share of sweat, blood and pain. But it would be so boring if we were always happy. I'd rather feel the pain. Because then I know, I'm alive.

You want to ask about Raja Khara. Or Salman Khan or Shahrukh Khan. But in the face of Rekha's loftiness, your questions fall away, sounding silly, petty, superficial. And then you realise that Rekha has earned the right to be above it all.
You know what my latest funda is, she says- it's registering and enhancing the creative side of myself, and learning from the beauty of life to be always compassionate. After all the other word for Life is Creation.
Sure Rekha, you say. Sure.

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