A long time ago, in a newsgroup far, far away... It is a period of civil war. Asbnll Rebels striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Cyber Empire. During the battle, Asbnll spies manage to steal secret pics of the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Flame Star, an armored Cyberspace station with enough power to destroy an entire newsgroup. Pursued by the Empire's sinister trolls, Princess Janet races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen pics that can save her father and restore freedom to Usenet. However a Cyber Usenet Destroyer intercepts and captures her ship. SharkTroopers board the ship and overpower it's defenders. Darth Jedi enters. Darth Jedi: Where are the transmissions you intercepted? Laurance: We intercepted no transmissons. This is a fishing ship. We're just on a fishing expedition. Darth Jedi: Don't lie to me, goofy! Laurance: Why don't you do a Deja search and find them yourself. ;-) Darth Jedi: You won't be using any more smileys after this! Jedi reaches out using the Net to squeeze the life out of Laurance's penis. Laurance: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Darth Jedi: Do not underestimate the power of the Net. It allows me to have cybersex with you all the way from Australia! Laurance: Oh the pain! You enjoyed that, didn't you? Darth Jedi: Is that a rhetorical question? Chrsan, search the ship and find the princess. I want her alive before she has a heart attack! Chrsan: Yes sir! But how do I use this shotgun? Darth Jedi: Here, let me see. Chrsan: Uh, I'm no expert but I don't think you're supposed to put that in your mouth. Darth Jedi: Nonsense. Explodes in your mouth and not in your hand! Meanwhile C3Steve0 and Jack2D2 make their way to an emergency lifepod. C3Steve0: You're not permitted in there! It's restricted. Jack2D2: BEEP beep BEEP! C3Steve0: No, I will not wrestle you! You better get out of there before you get deactivated! Not even my praying will save you! Jack2D2: Beep BEEP! C3Steve0: What secret mission? What pics? What are you talking about? I'm not going in there! Jack2D2: BEEP beep! C3Steve0: I don't talk too much! I don't know what you're talking about. Ok, I'm coming. I'm going to regret this. I hope we don't burn up in the atmosphere. -- Princess Janet: Lord Jedi, I should have known. Only you can be obssessed enough to follow me this far. When the Usenet Senate finds out you've attacked a fishing expedition.... Darth Jedi: Don't play games with me, Your Bitchness. You weren't on any fishing trip. Princess Janet: Sorry but Aunt Jane doesn't visit Asbnll to play games or participate in any pointless exchanges. But if it's games you want, there's plenty of adolescent boys here to keep you busy. Darth Jedi: You passed through a restricted newsgroup. Several transmissions were downloaded to this ship. I want to know what happened to the pics they sent you. Princess Janet: I don't know what you're talking about, sweetie. I'm on a fishing trip to Iowa.... Darth Jedi: You're part of the Asbnll Rebels and a traitor! Take her away! Princess Janet: Chris, you need to relax. Darth Jedi: That name no longer has any meaning for me! Princess Janet: Might I suggest spending your next vacation at my home in Iowa instead of Ben's place? BTW, Chris why are you wearing that helmet and ridiculous outfit? Darth Jedi: Even a horny old hag like you would be slobbering all over me if you saw what I looked like. Sorry Your Condescendingness, but you're not my type. Princess Janet: And why are you breathing so hard? Asthma? Darth Jedi: I'm not breathing. I'm blowing. Chrsan: Lord Jedi. The pics are not aboard the ship! However an escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting but no intelligent life was aboard. Darth Jedi: So? You could have been aboard that pod and it still wouldn't have detected any intelligent life. She must have hidden the pics aboard the escape pod. Send a bandwagon down to retrieve them. Chrsan: Why do you want these pics so badly anyways? They're only pics of the Flame Star. Darth Jedi: Fool, they also contain pics of what I really look like under this helmet! In the meantime, check out these fake pics of mine from my website. Chrsan: Wow! That's really you? We're not worthy! This is far better than National Geographic! Meanwhile in the desert of the Australia NG, C3Steve0 and Jack2D2 are found and captured by Jawas who then line them up for sale. Uncle Branden: I have no need for a republi'bot. C3Steve0: Well I do have a 4.4 GPA and 1410 SAT. Uncle Branden: That's horrible for a 'bot. C3Steve0: Yes but I took the SAT when I was really sick. I'm also an engineer and quite athletic. SKFbot: Well I have a very powerful 2.867 GPA! Uncle Branden: 2.867? LOL. SKFbot: Hey, that's very high for a follower of King Saddam! Uncle Branden: What I need is someone who can give me automatic weather updates. C3Steve0: I wrote the paper on meteorology. I'm also quite knowledgeable in.... Uncle Branden: Ok shutup! You talk too much. I'll take this one along with that Gregbot. Iron, take these 2 'bots and clean them up. Iron Sidewalker: Uncle Branden? This Gregbot appears to be defective. It won't stop laughing. Gregbot: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! C3Steve0: Excuse me sir but that Jack2 bot is in prime condition and quite a bargain. He knows the height, weight, and vertical leap of every NBA player. Uncle Branden: Ok fine, we'll take that one then. Later as Iron is cleaning Jack2D2, he accidentally activates a hologram of Princess Janet. Princess Janet: Help me Mithra-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. Iron: Who is she? She reminds me of my sister! Why is she wearing clothes? Oh well, I can still add her to my porn collection! Jack2D2: BEEP beep beep! C3Steve0: He says that he's the property of Mithra-Wan Kenobi and it's a private message for him. Iron: Mithra-Wan Kenobi? I wonder if he means Ben Kenobi. Aunt Laurel: Iron! Dinner is ready! I'd ask you to come eat but that would be telling you what to do. Later.... C3Steve0: It wasn't my fault sir. I told Jack2 not to go but he kept babbling about his mission. Iron: Oh no! We better go after him! C3Steve0: I'm sorry sir but I wouldn't drive in any snowstorms much less sandstorms! Iron: Oh shutup! You talk too much! Iron and C3Steve0 eventually catch up to Jack2D2 when suddenly they're attacked by Sand Sharks. Ben Kenobi manages to scare them away. Iron: What happened? Did anyone touch me while I was unconscious? Ben: Rest easy, son. You were attacked by Sand Sharks. Iron: Sand Sharks? But they don't attack people. Ben: That's just a myth perpetrated by Darth Jedi. Iron: Ben Kenobi? Boy am I glad to see you! Ben: Tell me young Iron, what brings you this far? Iron: Oh, it's this little 'bot! He claims to be the property of a Mithra-Wan Kenobi. Do you know him? Ben: Of course I know him. He's me. I haven't gone by the name of Mithra-Wan since before you were born but I don't remember owning any 'bot other than that Australian who keeps stalking me. Later... Iron: How did my father die? Ben: A young jedi boy named Darth Jedi, who was a pupil of mine before he jumped off the bandwagon, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Trolls. He rubbed your father the wrong way and murdered him. Darth Jedi was seduced by the dark side of the Net and now spends his days stalking me and trying to get me to pay up on a bet with no evidence. That's why I'm here hiding from him. Iron: The Net? Ben: The Net is what gives a Jedi his power. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds Usenet together. Post a troll on the Net and it has the ability to piss off hundreds of posters. Iron: Wow! Can I send viruses using the Net as well? Ben: Now let's take a look at this 'bot. A hologram projects out of Jack2D2. Princess Janet: Ben sweetie, years ago you served my father in the Flame Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this Jack2 'bot. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this 'bot safely delivered to him in Iowa before he reads any more vicious attacks on me from the Cyberstreet Gang which could be detrimental to his health. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Mithra-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. C3Steve0: Flame wars? What is she talking about? There was never officially any war so I think it should be called deadly engagements instead. Ben: Tell your 'bot to shut up. He talks too much. Iron, you must learn the ways of the Net if you're to come with me to Iowa. Iron: I can't go with you! I have a lesson with my band director tomorrow! Meanwhile on the Flame Star Grand Moff Bryan: The Usenet Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I just received word that the Emperor Bozak has dissolved the council permanently. Iceberg: That's impossible! How will the Emperor maintain control without the beauracracy? Grand Moff Bryan: Fear will keep the newsgroups in line. Fear of this Flame station. Iceberg: What of the rebellion? If the rebels have obtained a complete technical readout of the station, they might be able to find a weakness! We need to hire a new emperor and trade our entire army! Grand Moff Bryan: Do you always have to be so negative? Chrsan: Where is the Emperor anyways? Grand Moff Bryan: He's currently on a jihad against Bush. Coz: Uh oh! Sir! The Emperor is calling! Emperor Bozak: lol... i have you all mindfucked! you're all talking about me when i'm not even there.... Grand Moff Bryan: But how did you know we were talking about you? Emperor Bozak: do not underestimate the power of the net.... as long as i have internet access...i can read your posts from anywhere in the universe..... uh oh.... mrs. b is calling... i gotta go.... but honey, i already threw out the trash! Grand Moff Bryan: Maybe we should use private email next time instead of discussing this in a open forum. Bullyo: Bullyo says any attack by the Rebels against this station would be useless no matter what information they received. This station is now the ultimate power in Usenet. Darth Jedi: The power to destroy a newsgroup is insignificant next to the power of the Net. Bullyo: Lord Jedo, don't try and frighten us with your following bitch ways. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion hasn't helped us retrieve the lost pics or discover the Rebel's base. Suddenly Bullyo starts experiencing pain in his genital area. Darth Jedi: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Bullyo: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Please stop! Grand Moff Bryan: Enough of this! Release him! Darth Jedi: Hey, I was getting thirsty. Grand Moff Bryan: I guess some people get off on conflict, petty ongoing feuds and personal attacks. I'm not one of them. But why didn't you try that on Jane to get her to talk? Darth Jedi: She's missing a certain organ. It wouldn't work on her. Meanwhile back in the Australia NG Iron returns to his home only to find it destroyed. Iron: Uncle Branden! Aunt Laurel! Ben: There's nothing you could have done. Iron: I want to come with you to Iowa. There's nothing here for me now. I want to learn the ways of the Net and become a Jedi Troll like my father. Iron and Ben make their way to the Cyber Spaceport when they're stopped by some SharkTroopers. Dimitri: How long have you had these 'bots? Iron: About 3 or 4 seasons. Dimitri: Let me see your identification. Ben uses mindcontrol. Ben: You don't need to see his identification. Dimitri: I don't need to see his identification. Ben: These are not the 'bots you are looking for. Dimitri: These are not the 'bots I am looking for. Ben: He can go about his business. Dimitri: You can go about your business. Ben: Greenspan is evil. Dimitri: Greenspan is evil. Iron: I can't understand how we got by those troopers. I thought we were dead. Ben: The Net can have a strong influence on the weak-minded. Iron and Ben enter Roscoes in their search. Ben: This is Albacca, a chimpbrain. He's firstmate of a ship that could suit our needs. Albacca: Roooooarrr!!!!! Iron: He makes more sense now than he normally does. Albacca: Growl!!!! Ben: He says he's been waiting all day for Bozak to show up. Albacca leads Ben and Iron to Spin Solo. Spin Solo: I'm Captain of the ShaqDiesian Falcon. Al here tells me you're looking to get to the Iowa system. Ben: Yes if it's a fast ship. Spin Solo: Fast ship? You've never heard of the ShaqDiesian Falcon? It's powered by the sound waves of Real Audio. She's fast enough for you old man. But it's going to cost you. 10,000 in advance. Ben: We haven't that much but I can give you 100 shares of LU stock. Spin Solo: Is that any good? Ben: Your money is safe as long as Greenspan is chairman of the Federal Reserve! Spin Solo: Really? Ok deal! Wow. They must really be desperate to give me 100 shares of LU stock! This could really save my neck. I'm going to be rich! My genius never ceases to amaze me. As Spin is about to leave.... Greendo: Going somewhere, Spin? [g] Spin Solo: As a matter of fact. I was just about to see Jabba the Chandler. Tell Jabba I have his money. Greendo: Too late. Jabba has put a price on your head so large that every bounty hunter in Usenet will be looking for you. I'm lucky I found you first. [g] Spin Solo: What does Jabba need with all this money anyways? Greendo: Food, what else? Plus Jabba the Chandler figures bribery is the only way he'll be appearing in any S_Knight parodies! [g] Spin Solo: Tell Jabba, he can't afford to lose someone with the genius that I possess. Greendo: Jabba is through with you! I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time. [g] Spin Solo: *heh* I'll bet you have. Spin fires his real audio gun into Greendo who explodes from the vibrating sound waves. Spin Solo: Sorry about the mess. Greendo's head rolls around on the floor. Greendo: Looks like I'll be needing more than just a new sig. [g] Back on the Flame Star Grand Moff Bryan: Well if it isn't the bitch herself! Darth Jedi: Which bitch are you referring to? Princess Janet: Governor BS, I should have expected to find you holding Jedi's leash. Grand Moff Bryan: Condescending to the last. You don't know how hard I found it to sign the order to terminate your life. Princess Janet: Don't worry about it sweetie. It's not like I have long to live anyways. Grand Moff Bryan: Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have chosen to test this station's destructive power on your home.... Iowa. Princess Janet: But BS, I've offered my basement as shelter to various gang members should they run into any cyclones while passing by my home. Where would they stay now? Grand Moff Bryan: Nice try Jane but you won't save your precious home unless you reveal the location of the Rebel base. I shall ask for the last time. Where is the Rebel base? Princess Janet: Ok sweetie, you forced it out of me. Grand Moff Bryan: You see, Lord Jedi? She can be reasonable. Darth Jedi: Whatever you say, Mr. "I don't thrive on conflict". Grand Moff Bryan: So where is the base? Princess Janet: The Ukraine. Grand Moff Bryan: The Ukraine? Don't you know? Slava is from the Ukraine. I'm the original Med jocker. Oh wait. You knew that. You are such a troll. Princess Janet: BS, I know Slava's your guy. I like him too but honestly that's where the base is at. Grand Moff Bryan: Fine. Continue the operation. You may fire when ready. Say goodbye to Iowa, Jane. Princess Janet: What? But my father is still there! Grand Moff Bryan: You are far too trusting. Ukraine is too remote to make an example of. But don't worry, we'll deal with your rebel friends shortly. Princess Janet: I guess you get to play Bryan the Omniscient afterall, sweetie. Grand Moff Bryan: Hey now. Bozak has a higher opinion of himself than I do! Back on the ShaqDiesian Falcon Iron: Are you alright? What's wrong? Ben: I felt a great disturbance in the Net... as if millions of posters were suddenly silenced. I fear another dotcom must have went bankrupt. Spin Solo: *heh* I told you I'd outrun those Cyber cochroaches. Ben: Iron, you better get on with your exercises. Spin Solo: Don't everyone thank me at once. Ben: Remember now. A Jedi can feel the Net flowing through him. Iron: You mean it controls your actions? Ben: Partially. Eventually you get to control a bunch of following bitches. The flame saber is much like a baseball bat. Just pretend you're coaching little league. Iron: I can do that! Spin Solo: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a Real Audio blaster. Iron: You don't believe in the Net, do you? Spin Solo: *heh* I'm a genius. Only non-genius' like you and everyone else not named Spin, would believe in it. C3Steve0: Well I have 4.4 GPA and 1410 SAT. I believe I qualify for genius status as well. Spin Solo: Aw shaddup! You talk too much! Jack2D2: BEEP peep weep! C3Steve0: Oh dear. Jack2 just said that Paul Wight would be able kick your wookie chimpbrain's ass. Albacca: ROOOAAARRRR!!!!!! Spin Solo: Easy Al. We know you played in the Rose Bowl. Back on the Flame Star. Chrsan: Our scout ships have reached the Ukraine. They found the remains of a rebel base but it has been deserted for some time. Grand Moff Bryan: That bitch lied to us! Darth Jedi: I told you she would not consciously betray the rebellion. She tried to trick you into destroying the Ukraine. What treachery and deviousness! Grand Moff Bryan: She's a beaut, ain't she? Terminate her! Darth Jedi: Why don't you just insult her? Wouldn't that have the same effect? Grand Moff Bryan: No wait. I have a better idea. Release her into the jungle so I can hunt her down like a pig! This could be a new reality show called Bitchhunt! Darth Jedi: Need I remind you of your hypocrisy? "I guess some people get off on conflict. I'm not one of them". I wonder who said that? Grand Moff Bryan: Ah, go fuck yourself! I took the trouble to explain that to you before but like the troll you are, you no doubt felt giddy at the chance to trot it out again. Come up with something fresh you sad sack. Darth Jedi: You've been ragging on Jane since she got here. Why don't you come up with something fresh? The ShaqDiesian Falcon finally arrives at Iowa. Spin Solo: What the? We've jumped out of cyberspace into a meteor shower! Our position is correct but no Iowa! Iron: You sure you got the right coordinates? Spin Solo: Yeah, that's what my Real Audio is telling me. Iron: Then where is it? Spin Solo: That's what I'm trying to tell you, kid. It ain't there. It's totally blown away! Wait. There's another ship approaching. Ben: It's a Cyberspace fighter. Iron: If they identify us, we're in big trouble! Spin Solo: Not if I can help it. Al, jam it's transmission. Albacca: Roooooarrr!!! Spin Solo: Yeah of course I agree with you! Albacca: Groooarr!!! Spin Solo: Yeah, yeah. All wookies agree with you too. Iron: He's headed for that small moon. Ben: That's no moon, it's a Cyberspace station! Turn the ship around! Spin Solo: They've locked on to us with a tractor beam. It's pulling us in! -- Chrsan: We've captured a ship entering the remains of the Iowa system. It's markings match those of a ship that escaped from the Australia group. Darth Jedi: They must be trying to return the stolen pics back to the princess. She may be of some use to us yet. What did you find? Chrsan: There's no one aboard, sir. But several escape pods were jettisoned. Darth Jedi: Did you find any 'bots? Chrsan: No sir. Darth Jedi: Send a scanning crew on board. I want every part of this ship checked. Chrsan: Yes sir. Darth Jedi: You're wasting your time sucking up to me. You're not my type. Chrsan: Damn, I guess I'll have to stick to cardboard cutouts of Lamar Odom. Darth Jedi: I sense something..... a presence I haven't felt since...... I was on that Laker bandwagon. -- Iron: It's lucky you had these compartments. Spin Solo: I use them for smuggling and dumping unwanted OT posts. Even if we could take off, we'd never get past that tractor beam. Ben: Leave that to me. Eventually Spin and Iron overpower the guards and disguise themselves as SharkTroopers. Jack2D2: Beep Beep BEEP! C3Steve0: Jack2 has found the location for the power source that's holding the ship here. Ben: I must go alone. Iron: I want to go with you. Ben: Your destiny lies along a different path from mine. The Net with be with you... always! Iron: But will it protect me from my band director? Albacca: Roaaarrrr!!!!! Spin Solo: Boy you said it, Al. He couldn't last one season at USC. Jack2D2: BEEP BEEP! C3Steve0: Jack2 says he's found the princess. Iron: Where? C3Steve0: In a killfile. I'm afraid she's scheduled to be terminated. Iron: We've got to do something! Spin Solo: I'm not risking my neck for anyone not named Shaq. Iron: But they're going to kill her! Spin Solo: Better her than me. Iron: She's rich. Spin Solo: Rich? Iron: She's a princess, isn't she? If you were to rescue her, the reward would be more than you can imagine! Spin Solo: I don't know. I can imagine quite a bit! Much like I imagine what the games on Real Audio look like! -- Eventually Iron and Spin find the princess. Iron blasts away the cell door. Princess Janet: Aren't you a bit overweight to be a SharkTrooper, sweetie? Iron: What? Oh, I'm Iron Sidewalker. I'm here to rescue you! I'm here with Ben Kenobi. Princess Janet: Ben Kenobi is here? Where is he? Iron: Come on, let's go! Princess Janet: Don't tell me what to do, sweetie. -- Darth Jedi: He is here. Grand Moff Bryan: Mithra-Wan Kenobi? What makes you think so? Darth Jedi: A tremor in the Net. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master when I was his following bitch. Grand Moff Bryan: Surely he must be dead by now. The Jedi are extinct. You are all that's left of their religion. Darth Jedi: Do not underestimate the Net. Mithra-Wan is here. The Net is with him. I must face him alone. Grand Moff Bryan: Good tell me when it's over. I don't want to read another one of those lengthy threads between you two again. -- Spin Solo: We can't get out that way! Princess Janet: Looks like you cut off our only escape route, sweetie. Spin Solo: Maybe you'd like it back in your cell, bitchie. Princess Janet: This is some rescue. I could sure use Dogwoman's advice right now. Spin Solo: Hey, it was Iron's idea though he has nowhere near the towering intellect that I possess. Wait, what are you doing? Princess Janet: Into the garbage chute. Spin Solo: You condescending bitch! You sure don't act like a princess! Princess Janet: The word bitch is really demeaning towards women, sweetie. Spin Solo: Look sweetheart, I'm no fan of extreme gender feminists but..... Princess Janet: Wow! A man who can distinguish between classic feminism and gender feminism? You're a man after my heart! Spin Solo: You sure your heart will last long enough? Either I'm going to kill her or I'm really starting to like her bitchiness! Albacca: Grooooowlll!!!! Spin Solo: Get in there chimpbrain! I don't care what you smell in there! Spin kicks Al in and then dives in himself. Spin Solo: Oh! This garbage chute was a really wonderful idea! We're surrounded by nothing but garbage, spam and OT posts. I think I'm getting sick. Princess Janet: Why don't you use your genius and get us out of here, sweetie? Spin Solo: I had everything under control until you led us down here! Princess Janet: It could be worse.... Suddenly a loud, horrible, inhuman moan makes it's way up from the murky depths. Spin Solo: You were saying? Suddenly Iron is yanked under the garbage. Iron: Help! It has a hold of my peepee!!!!!! Suddenly the walls of the garbage receptable shudder. Princess Janet: What happened? Iron: I don't know. It just let go of me and disappeared. Spin Solo: *heh* Maybe you weren't big enough. I guess size really does matter to some! Iron: The walls are moving! Princess Janet: Don't just stand there. Brace it with something! Iron: C3Steve0! Come in! C3Steve0! Where the hell is he?! Spin Solo: Look on the bright side, Iron. At least you'll be thinner after this. C3Steve0: Hello? Are you there, sir? Iron: C3Steve0! Help! Shut down the garbage mashers on the detention level! C3Steve0: Don't worry sir, I will pray for you! Iron: Idiot! Shut them down! C3Steve0: Ok fine. Jack2, shut them down. Jack2D2: Beep BEEP! C3Steve0: No, Jack2, I don't think they can jump that high. Albacca: GRRRRRROOOOOWLLL!!!!!!! C3Steve0: Oh dear. They're dying down there. It's all my fault. Oh my poor master Iron. Spin Solo: Al says to shut the hell up! You talk too much! Shut them down already! The group finally exits the garbage room. C3Steve0: Thank goodness! You're all alright! If this doesn't prove that God exists, I don't know what does! Spin Solo: Yeah whatever. Now if we can avoid any more female or religious advice, we can get out here. Princess Janet: Will someone get this walking carpet out of my way? Albacca: GROOOARRR!!! Spin Solo: No reward is worth this. -- Darth Jedi: I've been waiting for you Mithra-Wan. We meet again at last. When I left you, I was but the following bitch, now I am the master. Ben: Only a master of bandwagoning. Darth Jedi: My what a large flame saber you have. But that won't distract me! Your powers are weak old man. Ben: At least I don't suffer from CRS. Darth Jedi: CRS? What's that? You can't escape. This station is surrounded by sharks and we all know how afraid you are of swimming in the surf. Ben: I thought sharks don't attack humans? Darth Jedi: Well these do. They've already acquired a taste for human blood....er, well at least my blood. That's why I'm in this suit. I'm half man, half machine now thanks to those sharks. Which reminds me, I really hate this suit! I can't show off my bod now! Ben: More like you don't want to show what a fake you really are! You can't win Jedi. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can imagine. Not only that, you'll never get paid! Iron spots Ben and Jedi's duel. Iron: Look! Ben: You know Jedi, I'm getting tired of these long threads with you. I'm afraid I'm going to have to start ignoring you now. Darth Jedi: Of course! No one can keep responding to me! Eventually I become their following bitch! Jedi strikes down Ben. Darth Jedi: Damnit Ben! Why did you have to do that for? Now where am I going to stay when I visit the states? Iron: NOOOOO!!!!!!! Spin Solo: Come on, let's go! Ben's voice: Run Iron, run! The group escapes aboard the Shaqdiesian Falcon. Grand Moff Bryan: Are they away? Darth Jedi: They just made the jump into cyberspace. Grand Moff Bryan: You sure the homing cookie errr beacon is secure aboard their ship? This better work. The Rebel Base briefing room Larry: The cyber station is well over the cap so it's heavily shielded and carries bandwidth greater than half the fleet. The target area is only two meters wide. The shaft leads directly to their hard drive. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station. Warped: But that's impossible! Iron: It's not impossible. It's like sending a virus to someone. Larry: Man your ships and may the Net be with you! -- Iron: So you got your reward and you're just going to leave? Spin Solo: That's right. I got some debts I need to pay off. I have a television to buy, Shaq collectibles to collect. Albacca: Rooooarrrrrr!!!! Spin Solo: What you want, chimpbrain? You want a Shaq poster too? Fine. Princess Janet: I for one will no longer be buying any Shaq products for the children on my gift lists. Spin Solo: No problem. I'll just double my spending. -- George: All posters report in. Jeff: Gold Ten standing by. Ted: Gold Seven standing by. Viker: Gold Three standing by........OPTIMISM RULZZ BABIE!!!!!!!!! JC: Gold Six standing by. LoOneYto0n: Gold Nine standing by. Warped: Gold Two standing by. Peter: Gold Eleven standing by. Iron: Gold Five standing by. George: I realize most of you are stuck with a 28.8 or aol/webtv and don't have the speed of a dsl/cable like I do. Just follow my lead and you'll be alright! Switch your deflectors on. Accelerate to attack speed. This is it boys! -- Coz: We count 30 rebel ships, Lord Jedi. But they're so small that they're evading our flames! Darth Jedi: We'll have to destroy them ship by ship. Get our best following bitches to their fighters! Chrsan: Why do these terrorists keep bugging us? Grand Moff Bryan: Obviously because of our meddling in Middle East affairs. Darth Jedi: We should act more like the Russians. They never get attacked by terrorists. -- Alson: Squad leaders. We picked up a new group of signals. Enemy trolls coming your way. LoOneYto0n: Watch you back. Fighter's above you, coming in. Iron: Damn! He's right behind me! Help! I'm having band director flashbacks! JC: Relax fatty, I'm on him. Iron: Well that's reassuring, moron. JC: You calling me a moron carries little weight, considering how stupid you are. Jeff: Will you stop obssessing over him? JC: Will you stop obsessing over me, Ironlard lover. George: Maybe you guys can continue this *after* we accomplish our mission? Iron: Sure, as soon as JC stops being a troll. JC: *L* That's funny considering you've proudly admitted that you're a troll. Viker: You guys are un-American!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darth Jedi: This is going to be too easy with these freaks fighting amongst themselves! Iron: Damnit JC! Where are you? He's still on me! I knew you were too clueless to be of any use! JC: Got him! Next time, fight your own battles, you racist homophobe! Iron: I fight my own battles. I don't need to hide behind Cooper or Bozak like you do! Besides, you're the racist! Jeff: No wonder I skip the JC/Iron threads! Ridn: Ahem. Sorry to interrupt but this is Purple leader. We're starting our attack run. Ted: Watch out for enemy fighters. They're coming in! Darth Jedi: More fools to take out. I'll take them myself! Cover me! Chrsan: Yes sir! Go get him slugger! I hope you hit a home run! Ted: He's behind me! Warped: Use your killfile on him! Ted: Too late! I'm hit!!!!!! Darth Jedi: You should've followed me when I jumped off the Laker bandwagon! Ridn: Help! I can't maneuver! I'm an ambassador not a fighter pilot! Darth Jedi: Forget about riding the rapids! I'd rather ride you! See ya, bastard! Don't worry, the sharks won't bite you below! lol! -- Iceberg: Should I have your ship standing by? Grand Moff Bryan: Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? You overestimate their chances! If you feel so pessimistic about our chances, why don't jump off the bandwagon and join the rebels?! Iceberg: Hey, with low expectations, I can't be let down! Coz: Rebel base, 3 minutes and closing. -- George: Iron, begin your run! JC: We'll cover you. Iron: Yeah sure you will. Viker: Damn...... I'm hit.......... I have to pull back..............I guess Viker is going on another vacation............. Darth Jedi: Let him go. Stay on the leader! JC: Hurry fatty! I can't hold them off for long! Iron: Jack2, try and increase power. Jack2D2: Beep BEEP! Iron: No, I said power not vertical leap! JC: Damnit, I'm hit! Iron: Tough luck, eh? JC: If you weren't so fat, your ship would've flown faster and we would've accomplished the mission by now! Iron: Whatever. Have fun swimming with the sharks, clueless! JC: What an outstanding citizen you are! Why don't you go hand out more John Wooden books to the rest of the ships? Iron: Does it take this long for your ship to crash? Darth Jedi: One more to go. I got the leader! Iron: Damn, I can't shake him! Darth Jedi: Of course not! You can't shake a following bitch! Ben's voice: Use the Net, Iron. Iron: I am using the Net! I can't believe all the porn that's available here! You're right! The Net really is powerful! Darth Jedi: The Net is strong with this one. He downloads more pics than I do! -- Coz: Rebel base in range. Grand Moff Bryan: You may fire when ready. Dimitri: Can we take out Orange County next? Grand Moff Bryan: Well, I was thinking Tucson myself. -- Darth Jedi: I have you now. Suddenly the ShaqDiesian Falcon comes out of nowhere and takes out Jedi's ship. Spin Solo: If it's one thing I hate, it's a freakin bandwagoner! Darth Jedi: That's a laugh coming from you! Spin Solo: You're all clear, kid! Iron: I'm not sure I can do this. Ben's voice: Just pretend you're throwing a fastball. Jack2D2: BEEP beep BEEP! Iron: What? You want to give it a shot Jack2? What makes you think you could do it? Jack2D2: Beep Beep BEEP! Iron: You scored a perfect game in Duck Hunt? That's good enough for me. Go for it! Jack2 scores a direct hit as the Flame Star explodes. Iron: Spin, I knew you'd come back. You always come back even when you threaten to leave for RSBP. Spin Solo: Well I wasn't going to let you take all the credit. Iron: Hey I scored a direct hit! Jack2 had nothing to do with it! The next day, the rebellion celebrates their victory as Princess Janet awards Spin Solo with a brand new television and Iron Sidewalker with a year's subscription to Playboy. Spin Solo: Wow! I never won anything before in my life! Iron: I know how you feel! FADE OUT