A long time ago in a newsgroup far, far away. War! The Cyber Usenet Republic is crumbling under the weight of the corpulent Arsonist Lord, Count Chandler. There are heroes on both sides. Trolls are everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish RepubliKKKon General Dimitrious, has swept into the Republic newsgroup and kidnapped Chancellor Bozak, leader of the Usenet Senate. As the RepubliKKKon Separatist Army attempts to flee the besieged newsgroup with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Trolls lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor... JC Windu: Where is Mithra-Wan at? We need him for this mission. Petrowalker: He's never around anymore. He never even bothers having pointless flame wars with me. Johnnyoda: We must bring him out of hiding. Duh. Petrowalker: Don't worry. Just mention you believe in God, and he'll show up. Johnnyoda: But I don't believe in God. Duh. JC Windu: Don't look at me. I'm agnostic. Mithra-Wan: Did someone mention God? Petrowalker: See! Told you he'd show up! Mithra-Wan: What are you talking about? I just got back from jury duty. I felt much joy convicting that drunk driver. I hope he was a Christian. Petrowalker: Master, the Chancellor has been captured by the separatists. We need your help rescuing him. Mithra-Wan: Yeah whatever. Who here isn't an atheist? Convert or die! Petrowalker: Master, didn't you hear me? We need to rescue Bozak! Mithra-Wan: What for? Why do you care so much? Johnnyoda: Because he's Black. Duh. Mithra-Wan: I'm not going on this crazy mission. Johnnyoda: You will go or else I will say "bye" to you. Mithra-Wan: Fine. Bye. Petrowalker: Master! Don't you care the separatists have captured Bozak? Mithra-Wan: Find someone else to help you. I'm busy. Petrowalker: Doing what? Mithra-Wan: There's a PBS special airing right now. I don't want to miss it. Petrowalker: But Master, I can't live without my little turd burglar! Mithra-Wan: Hey Jedi, you have to watch this. Petrowalker: What is it about? Mithra-Wan: About US propaganda in using atomic bombs on Japan. Petrowalker: Yawn. So are you going to help rescue Bozak or not? Mithra-Wan: You know this is really interesting. Did you know how many lives the US could have saved? Petrowalker: Yeah whatever. Hey Master, I hear the separatists believe in God. Mithra-Wan: WHAT?! Let's go right now! They'll PAY for capturing Bozak! Main Hangar of Usenet Cruiser Mithra-Wan: Why do you want to rescue Bozak anyways? I thought you hated him. Petrowalker: I do. I think it's pathetic how he digs up other people's posts on google.... which reminds me. I forgot to post the Bozak post of the day. Mithra-Wan: The Chancellor's signal is coming from here. Petrowalker: I smell Count Chandler. He must have been eating lots of beans. Mithra-Wan: How do you know? Petrowalker. Look Master. The guy needs alot of fiber to digest all those cows he gobbles down. And beans are high in fiber. I'm a buffed up bodybuilder so I know these things. Trust me. Mithra-Wan: Well, I guess bodybuilding is the only occupation you can have in a jail. Be sure to send me some pics. LOL. Petrowalker: All we need to do, is follow that smell and we'll find Bozak in no time! Mithra-Wan: It's coming from behind that door. Petrowalker: Hey wait! Mithra-Wan: What? Petrowalker: You could at least held the door open for me. Mithra-Wan: I suppose you open doors for men as much as you do women? Petrowalker: Master, you're so mean. What about homosexuals? Mithra-Wan: Look, you're a buff guy. You don't need me opening doors for you. Petrowalker: Look, there's Bozak. My little turd burglar, are you alright?! Chancellor Bozak: lol.. my biatch named sue....i knew youd follow me here... Count Chandler: Well, well, well. Looks like dinner has arrived. Petrowalker: This time we'll take him together. Mithra-Wan: So you need my help afterall? Petrowalker: Yeah, I'll need your help when I bust out of jail. Remember when you offered to let me stay at your house..... Mithra-Wan: Forget about it. You should've gotten the death penalty. But why would you want to leave prison anyways? The way they treat prisoners there, it's sounds like vacation at the Club Med. Count Chandler: Yeah right. Why don't you test your theory and get back to us after you get out of the joint. Mithra-Wan: This is the kind of response I would expect from Mr. "If You Don't Like The USA Then Leave It". Besides, I haven't done anything to warrant going to jail. If I did, I would accept the consequences unlike my following bitch here. Count Chandler: Enough talk! I'm hungry! Petrowalker: My muscles have doubled since the last time we met. Count Chandler: Yummy! Double the meat! Petrowalker: Looks like my muscles aren't the only thing that's doubled in size. My God, look at the size of your tits! Ever thought about getting a mammogram? Not that it would help since we know mammograms and breast cancer treatments are pretty worthless. Count Chandler: My tits? What about yours? At least mine aren't fake! Petrowalker. You want food? I brought some sharks for you to eat. Count Chandler: WOW! Look at the size of those! That'll keep me full for an hour! Petrowalker: Damn, he's eating all my sharks! Master, aren't you going to help me? Mithra-Wan: No, you're doing just fine. I'll just sit here and watch. Petrowalker: What?! Mithra-Wan: I really miss Chandler chasing Cooper around. So could you please act like an asshole so Chandler could follow you around? Petrowalker: That won't be hard to do! Count Chandler: Mmm... these sharks are delicious! As Chandler is distracted, Petrowalker slices off his hands. Count Chandler: NOOOOO!!!! You can't stop me from eating these sharks! Petrowalker: Damn, where's the rest of your arms? Count Chandler: Hey I can't help it if I have short stumpy arms! Chancellor Bozak: good marsha... good... i knew you could do it.... kill him now and become my new following bitch..... Count Chandler: Wait! You don't want him as your following bitch! He'll never be as good as me! Petrowalker: We'll see about that! Count Chandler: Wait! Bozak isn't what he appears to be! Petrowalker: What are you talking about? I've read and studied all his posts. I know everything about him! Count Chandler: Look, I have an asian friend who can spot asian wannabees online. I think it's pretty clear from Bozak's writing style, that he's an asian kid! Petrowalker: Whatever. I can only go by what people post. I'll prove I'm the greatest following bitch ever! And I'll do it by killing off all of Bozak's following bitches...starting with YOU! Count Chandler: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Chandler's head rolls around on the ground. Chandler's Head: I WIN!!!!!! Petrowalker: Sorry my little turd burglar, your mindfucking days are over! I will hunt down every one of your bitches until there are none left. How many more bitches you got? Chancellor Bozak: alot.... lol... The Lakers Newsgroup JC Windu: Chancellor Bozak! Am I glad to see you! Chancellor Bozak: im sure you are...lol...your two jedi trolls saved me....they killed jabba but general dimwitri escaped.... JC Windu: Chandler is dead? No big loss. I'm a much better following bitch than he is. Chancellor Bozak: :-) JC Windu: What about General Dimitrious? Chancellor Bozak: the senate will vote to continue the war as long as that nut-job is alive.... JC Windu: But why? Chancellor Bozak: hes an imperialist.... and he wants to make us pay for deporting his father....lol.... == Jane-atalia: Oh Chris! Thank goodness you're back! I almost didn't make it without you. Petrowalker: What's wrong? Did you have another heart attack? Jane-atalia: Sweetie, I'm pregnant. Petrowalker: What? Aren't you too old? Is that even possible? Jane-atalia: What are we going to do? Petrowalker: I don't know. But which one of us gets to be the mom? Jane-atalia: Chris, you don't mind if I get an abortion, do you? Petrowalker: What? Why? Jane-atalia: Well I just found out that Rick dumped that bitch Vanessa. Petrowalker: Look, I can grease up my hair if you like. Jane-atalia: Sweetie, if you want to compete, you'll need to be a tall black athlete from a foreign country. Petrowalker: Well, I meet half your criteria. Jane-atalia: And you'll need to be educated and intelligent. Petrowalker: Damn, I guess that rules me out. The Greece Newsgroup. A hologram of Darth Sinned appears. General Dimitrious: Yes Lord Sinned. Darth Sinned: general dim.... i suggest you move the seperatist leaders to orange county.... General Dimitrious: Orange County? How about Iraq? It's much safer there. Darth Sinned: lol..if you say so... General Dimitrious: What about the loss of Count Chandler? Darth Sinned: dont worry......soon ill have a new following bitch..... one far younger and much more mindfucked than lord jabba....... == Petrowalker: Chancellor? What you doing with that hood on? Chancellor Bozak: oh its from my rap video days.....marsha.... this afternoon the senate will call on me to take control of the jedi troll council.... Petrowalker: They won't like that. Chancellor Bozak: im appointing you as my personal representative on the council.... Petrowalker: Me? A master? But the council elects their own members. They won't accept this. = JC Windu: Christopher, we approve your appointment to the council but you will not be granted the rank of master. Petrowalker: What?! Why not? JC Windu: *L* Convicted felons aren't allowed the rank of master. Petrowalker: How can you be on the council and not be a master? Never in history has this happened before! Johnnyoda: Don't lecture me about history. I have a BA in political science and history. Duh. Petrowalker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell us for the hundredth time how you have a law degree too. Johnnyoda: I'm proud of my Harvard degree. Now I've given you my credentials. Now what about yours? Where'd you get your degree from? University of Phoenix Online? Petrowalker: As a matter of fact, I'll be enrolling during my stay in prison. Johhnyoda: Petrowalker, don't make me say "bye" to you. Petrowalker: No! Anything but that! Forgive me, master. Mithra-Wan: Christopher, the council needs you to report on all the Chancellor's dealings. We want to know what he's up to. Petrowalker: You want me to spy on Bozak? What a dream job! But why? Johnnyoda: He's right! Why should we spy on him? JC Windu: He's becoming obssessed with Mitch Kupchak and Andrew Bynum. We fear for Kupchak's safety. Johnnyoda: So? That's no reason to spy on him. JC Windu: Why are you protecting Bozo? Johnnyoda: He's Black. And he's always right! Duh. JC Windu: Yeah but he also thinks George Mikan isn't God. Johnnyoda: WHAT?! Hold on a minute. JC Windu: Where are you going? Johnnyoda: I need to consult with my Black friends. Later.. JC Windu: Well? Johnnyoda: Bozak is a racist! Nothing you say will convince me otherwise! Duh! Petrowalker: Bozak's also been acting strange lately. I was wondering why he was wearing that hood. JC Windu: *L* It's just that gangsta pose Bozo puts on to run posters off the group. Petrowalker: Really? I just thought Bozak was switching to his other sock puppet, Laurance. Mithra-Wan: Bozak is Laurance? I thought Bozak was Jack Straw? Sports Fan: No, no, no. Jack Straw is Dewey's sock puppet. JC Windu: I thought Dewey was Wolner? Sports Fan: That's just another of his many sock puppets. Petrowalker: Didn't someone claim Dave Zero was Bozak? That would mean they are both Jack Straw, right? Mithra-Wan: No, Bozak is supposed to be Bryan, remember? Sports Fan: If you say so, Jack. Mithra-Wan: I'm not Jack. Petrowalker: Me neither! Sports Fan: Hey jackass, stop creating sock puppets so you can talk to yourself. Petrowalker: Yeah whatever. Ok. I'm confused. Who is supposed to be who again? You're Ben, right? Mithra-Wan: Yeah, that's right. Petrowalker: Then why the hell don't you post as Ben? Mithra-Wan: What about you? I still don't know what your name is after all these years. Petrowalker: I'm Bozak! Or at least I wish I was! Mithra-Wan: I'm sure you wish you could be anyone else right now. LOL. Sports Fan: You guys just relax. I'll figure this out. I have nothing better to do so I'll just start digging through years of IP addresses. Petrowalker: Stop wasting your time. Nobody cares. Sports Fan: Nobody but the hundreds of people that have emailed me! You just don't want me to expose you as one of Jack Straw's sock puppets! Laurel: Enough of this. Plonk. Sports Fan: No problem. I'll just change my name. You are so mindfucked! Laurel: Plonk. Sports Fan: Oh yeah? I'll just change my name again! You are so mindfucked to keep plonking me! Laurel: Plonk. Sports Fan: Time to change names again! You are so mindfucked! I own you! Petrowalker: Could you change names for me too? Plonk. Sports Fan: I'm running out of names to use. Petrowalker: No problem, just use one of my many sock puppets. I kinda like the Australian Idiot myself. = Petrowalker: You wanted to see me, Chancellor? Chancellor Bozak: yes marsha.... i have good news....our intelligence has discovered the location of general dim.....he's hiding in iraq..... Petrowalker: Finally. We can end this war. Chancellor Bozak: you know i cant trust the jedi troll council....theyre a bunch of nut-jobs....they want control of the newsgroup.... Petrowalker: They asked me to spy on you. Chancellor Bozak: theyre more mindfucked than i thought....lol....they dont want me to fire kupchak and get rid of bynum....theyll do anything to stop me.... Petrowalker: But the Jedi Trolls only use their power for good. Chancellor Bozak: bullshit....and keeping kupchak is good? the dark lords of the arsonist also believe in security and justice also... yet the jedi trolls consider them to be.... Petrowalker: Evil. Chancellor Bozak: from their point of view..... the jedi trolls and the arsonists are similar in almost every way.... except the arsonists arent afraid of the dark side of the net.... Petrowalker: But the arsonists use their power to set newsgroups ablaze. Chancellor Bozak: and the trolls dont? the difference is.... they cause little camp fires.... the arsonists burn entire newsgroups.....have you ever heard the story of darth bunker..... Petrowalker: No. Chancellor Bozak: darth bunker was a dark lord of the arsonist...so powerful... he could post thousands of times a day......enough times to cause severe mindfuckage to anyone stoopid enough to take his posts seriously..... Petrowalker: Mindfuckage? Chancellor Bozak: its an ability the jedi trolls have outlawed..... Petrowalker: What happened to him? Chancellor Bozak: he became mindfucked himself.....unfortunately... he taught his following bitch everything he knew....and one day his following bitch pushed him down some stairs from his wheelchair......ironic... how he could mindfuck people only to be mindfucked himself....lol.... Petrowalker: I want to mindfuck Ben so bad! Can I learn the power of mindfuckage? Chancellor Bozak: not from a jedi troll.... :-) = Sports Fan: Bozo-ak thinks General Dimitrious is in Iraq. JC Windu: How could Bozo come by this information and we know nothing of it? Johnnyoda: We must act on this. The capture of General Dimitrious will end this war. Duh. Petrowalker: The Chancellor asked that I lead the mission. JC Windu: The council will decide who will go, not Bozo. Johnnyoda: A master is needed. Duh. Petrowalker: I am a master! Duh! Johnnyoda: You only think you're one. Double duh! JC Windu: I recommend Mithra-Wan. Mithra-Wan: Me? No thanks. Not interested. Let Christopher go. JC Windu: Dimitrious thinks atheism is ridiculous. Mithra-Wan: WHAT!? He'll pay for that! When do I leave?! -- Petrowalker: Master I've disappointed you. I haven't been appreciative of what you've tried to teach me. Mithra-Wan: Go on. Petrowalker: I've been arrogant. I tried to make you pay up on a bet you didn't lose. I tried to convince you it was safe to swim with sharks, and I completely insulted you when I called you agnostic. Mithra-Wan: You are braindead. It's not your fault. Petrowalker: Hey! I'm trying to apologize and you still insult me?! Mithra-Wan: I'm just stating facts. Just compare how we both handled getting a speeding ticket. I fought my ticket and had it thrown out while you stupidly admitted to the cop you were speeding. Petrowalker: Ok, I admit that was braindead of me. Mithra-Wan: At least you're making progress. Petrowalker: Good luck Master. And may the Net be with you. Mithra-Wan: May the Net be with you. Petrowalker: I don't know about that. I don't think I'll have internet access in jail. == Iraq Mithra-Wan: So this is where you've been hiding. Dimitrious: Yeah, isn't it peaceful here? I wish NASA would move here. Maybe then we would be able to build reliable space shuttles. Mithra-Wan: Your time is up. Dimitrious: I would kill you the way my great grandmother kills kittens but frankly I feel sorry for you. I mean, you actually went to college to make money? That is so sad. You could've made more money selling drugs. Mithra-Wan: I'm doing just fine, thank you. Dimitrious: Apparently not fine enough. I'm still waiting for you to appear on the cover of Forbes. Mithra-Wan: Well, it would've happened if Jedi hadn't injected himself with all the heroin before I could sell it. Dimitrious: You are sad. And it gets even sadder. I mean, you were actually foolish enough to get married and have children? You missed out on alot of things by having children. You would have been better off having pets. Mithra-Wan: What? Dimitrious: You could easily drown your pets whenever you don't want them anymore. You can't do that to your children although you SHOULD. Mithra-Wan: You sick bastard! I'm blowing up your wine locker! Dimitrious: No wait! Anything but that! Now calm down. Think before you act! You know what I say is true! Animals kill their offspring all the time. Why shouldn't we? Mithra-Wan: You want me to spare your wine? You need to do a better job of convincing me. Dimitrious: How about I just like sleeping behind the wheel of my car, after a few drinks? Mithra-Wan: That's it! No more wine for you! Dimitrious: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! == Chancellor Bozak: its too bad the council doesnt appreciate your talents..... ever wondered why they wont make you a master? Petrowalker: I wish I knew. They all take turns making me their following bitch. I hate it! I want to be a master so I can have my own following bitch! Chancellor Bozak: marsha.... you have to forget all the brainwashing the council did to you....the way i did with college and the marine corps.... Petrowalker: How? Chancellor Bozak: lol...easy.... i recognize game...funny thing is...some people live their whole lives without recognizing game... marsha.... let me teach you the ways of the net..... Petrowalker: How do you know the ways of the Net? Chancellor Bozak: my mentor taught me everything about the net.... even the nature of the dark side..... Petrowalker: You know the dark side?! Chancellor Bozak: marsha... one has to study all aspects of the net.... not just the narrow view of the jedi....let me train you....only through me can you learn the power of mindfuckage.... Petrowalker: Wait a minute. You're an Arsonist Lord! Chancellor Bozak: lol...took you that long to figure it out... Petrowalker: What about digging up posts on google? Does the dark side allow this? Chancellor Bozak: lol....you like doing that....dont you.... Petrowalker: Yeah! I love digging up your posts! What about porn? Can I use the Net to search for porn? Chancellor Bozak: yup....you can even scam people on ebay.. :-) Petrowalker: Wow! I'm switching over to the dark side! No wait... maybe I should wait and see who comes out on top before jumping on the bandwagon. Chancellor Bozak: youll join me.... because you love me.....you want me in the worst way.... but sorry im not that kind of guy.... Petrowalker: You're wrong! I hate you! I hate it when I respond to you, I have to wait until someone responds to me in order for you to read my post! That's why I have to keep responding to you! The more I respond, the more likely someone responds to me, the more likely you read my posts! Chancellor Bozak: lol...youre already my following bitch and you dont even know it. Petrowalker: I'm going to turn you over to the Jedi Council. == Petrowalker: Master JC, I must talk to you. JC Windu: What is it? Petrowalker: I just learned a terrible truth. Chancellor Bozak is an Arsonist Lord. JC Windu: I knew it! I could see right through all of Bozo's racist, sexist, and homophobic comments! Petrowalker: Master, the Chancellor is very powerful. You'll need my help. JC Windu: NO! He's mine! All mine! Petrowalker: What if he killfiles you? JC Windu: *L* Don't worry. I'll just keep emailing him until he responds! Petrowalker: That's pathetic! Even I've never done anything like that before! JC Windu: Well, usually when I respond to a post, I e-mail a copy to the poster I'm responding to. It's no big deal. Petrowalker: Really? I've never received any emails from you. JC Windu: Um uh.... well, I must have forgot! Now stop bothering me! I'm going to take down Bozo! Petrowalker: Here, at least take the Bozak top 10 diss list with you. JC Windu: Stop worrying. Me and Sports Fan can handle Bozo. Sports Fan: I can't wait to take down bozo-ak. Dave Zero: Sports Fan, could you email me please? ;) Sports Fan: If you're going to try and convince me to make up with bozo-ak and his lap dog Laurel, forget it. :-) Dave Zero: Laurel is a really classy person. If you would just take the time to know her better. ;) Sports Fan: I'm sorry. I really want to do this for you. But it's no fun with people like Laurel and Marcus Kwan infesting this group. :-) Dave Zero: You know, you really need to have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at yourselves. I used to be a real asshole on Usenet and took real pride in trolling. I'm just letting you know, I've been down this path before. ;) JC Windu: *L* This is pathetic! You're almost as dumb as Bozo! Dave Zero: No, I'm just trying to make this place as great a place as possible. JC Windu: Don't I get a smiley or does only Sports Fan get them? Sports Fan: You may not like what he posts at times but Dave really is a good guy! JC Windu: What? No smiley from you either? Dave may be a good guy but the guy is a complete doofus! Dave Zero: Well since I can't convince you, I guess I should wish you luck, Sports Fan. ;) Sports Fan: Thanks. :-) JC Windu: Why don't you two go rent a room. Petrowalker: Can I join in too? == Chancellor Bozak: JUST CLUELESS......youre here sooner than i expected.... JC Windu: Bozo, I've been waiting my entire life for this. You're under arrest. Chancellor Bozak: lol....come and get me bitch.... Sports Fan: Quick! Use the Bozak top 10 diss list! JC Windu: Um ok..... I want to kill you Bozak! Chancellor Bozak: lol....are you threatening me? JC Windu: Yeah! Come meet me at the forum on Saturday and I will kick your ass! Wow, this top 10 list really works! Chancellor Bozak: lol...ok ill be there.... JC Windu: Um... I can't make it. I have a camping trip! Sports Fan: Give me that list! Let's see... how about this one? You've turned into Cooper! Chancellor Bozak: i cant take anymore of this garbage... *plonk* JC Windu: Damn! He killfiled us! Now he can't read any of our flames! Sports Fan: Just keep changing names! JC Windu: I'm way ahead of you! But he's not responding! Sports Fan: I have an idea! I'll just killfile him back! JC Windu: What's the point? You both won't be able to read each other's posts. Sports Fan: Don't worry! I'll just read his messages on google! *PLONK* JC Windu: Oh brother. Look, I have a good idea! Just get that vile dog breeder in here! She'll respond to our posts and then Bozo will read our posts through her! Sports Fan: No she'll just use her fake killfile. Chancellor Bozak: hey sports moron.... dave zero just rented a room....he wants you to meet him there... :-) Sports Fan: Oh really? Hey JC, I have to go. Bye! JC Windu: Fine by me. I have Bozo all to myself now! Chancellor Bozak: sorry im married.... im not interested in you..... even if you are my exgirlfriend...lol... JC Windu: Oh yeah? Post pics of your wife and let's compare! Chancellor Bozak: lol.... JC Windu: You know you're no match for me! Chancellor Bozak: youre right....i cant take anymore of your stooopidity....you win..... JC Windu: Fuck off Bozak! Wow, this top 10 list is great! Petrowalker: Wait! You can't kill him! JC Windu: No! Bozo must die! He'll pay for mindfucking me all these years! Chancellor Bozak: help me jerki.... JC Windu: No don't listen to him! He's also mindfucked you! Don't you want him to pay for it? Petrowalker: Um..yeah. I guess so. Chancellor Bozak: jerki....you cant be the greatest following bitch as long as JUST CLUELESS is alive.... Petrowalker: No! I'm better than him! Chancellor Bozak: lol... not even close.... hes the only one whos been following me from beginning to end... can you say the same? Petrowalker: Damn! JC Windu: Wait! What are you doing? Petrowalker: Injecting you with an overdose of heroin. JC Windu: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Petrowalker: Now that Chandler and JC are out of my way, there's no stopping me now! I'm the greatest following bitch ever! Darth Sinned: good jerki.... Petrowalker: Now make me your following bitch! Darth Sinned: lol...youre already my bitch...... Petrowalker: No, I mean make it official. Darth Sinned: lol....*plonk* Petrowalker: YES! Darth Sinned: you will become a powerful arsonist lord..... henceforth.. you will be known as darth.... jedi.... Darth Jedi: Thank you, my master. Darth Sinned: every single jedi troll is now our enemy....we must destroy them all.... show no mercy....now go to the niner ng and kill off jethro and the rest of my bitches....lol... Darth Jedi: With pleasure! -- Johnnyoda: What took you so long? Mithra-Wan: My Shark Troopers turned on me. Johnnyoda: Well they turned on me too. You don't see me late, do you? Mithra-Wan: Well, I had to engage them in pointless threads that lasted awhile. Johnnyoda: You still have much to learn. Mithra-Wan: How did you get by them? Johnnyoda: I simply said bye to them. Duh. Jedi Temple Mithra-Wan: Not even the younglings survived. Johnnyoda: Looks like the work of a pedophile. Duh. Mithra-Wan: No.. you don't mean Christopher, do you? It can't be. Johnnyoda: We must destroy the arsonists. Mithra-Wan: Send me to destroy Bozak. I can't kill Christopher. He's like a bratty sister to me. Johnnyoda: No. Bozak is too powerful. Anyone who disagrees with him, he calls a republiKKKon. Any Black who disagrees with him, he calls a House-Nigger. I'll take care of Bozak. He'll pay for slandering Mikan's name. You'll have to take on your own following bitch. Mithra-Wan: Great, just what I wanted. Another endless thread with him. Well, good luck, Master. And may the Net be with you. Johnnyoda: Bye. -- Jane-atalia: Chris! Darth Jedi: What are you doing here? Jane-atalia: Mithra-Wan told me you turned to the dark side. Darth Jedi: He's trying to turn you against me! He can't beat me in any pointless argument so now he's asking for help! Jane-atalia: Sweetie, that's not true. Some of us like to communicate like adults so don't try and pull me into your adolescent games that you and Ben like to play. Mithra-Wan: Hey, Jedi's the adolescent one here! Darth Jedi: You've betrayed me! You've brought Mithra here to kill me! Jane-atalia: Chris, you're becoming delusional. A strong sign of fatigue. Sorry sweetie, but you're going to have to find yourself another sparring mate. Darth Jedi: Oh yeah? How'd you like it if I start insulting your parents? Yo mama's lips are so big, when she smiles, she gets lipstick on the back of her head! Jane-atalia: Oh dear. I think I'm having a heart attack. Mithra-Wan: Stop right there, Jedi. Jane-atalia: My hero. I'd wrap my legs around you if you looked more like Rick. But then again, you are rich, right? Mithra-Wan: On second thought. Jedi, continue with your bad mama jokes. Darth Jedi: Ben, you know you've never been able to beat me in any of our inane threads. And this time won't be any different. Mithra-Wan: We'll see about that. -- Johnnyoda: Bozak, I hear you have a new following bitch. Darth Sinned: lol...johnny... you survived.... Johnnyoda: Surprised? It's not too late for you. Maybe if you stopped going to the race card and pointing out bigotry in the past, people won't regard you as a knee-jerk bigot. Darth Sinned: lol....looks like johnny is taking a play out of the republikkkon play book.... :-) Johnnyoda: What?! You've just made a fatal mistake! I've tried to be your friend because you're Black. But friends don't fuck with friends. And calling me a republiKKKon? ME?! There can be no going back! You are now my enemy! Darth Sinned: dont jump off the bridge...lol... Johnnyoda: I have not made this decision lightly. In fact, I've consulted with my Black friends and they agree, you are a racist! My judgement is FINAL! You are a racist! So say my Black friends! Darth Sinned: lol...youre a fucking nut-job....i would have more respect for you if you would have just called me a nigger yourself instead of using your imaginary ghetto tribunal...lol..... Johnnyoda: Nothing you say will change my mind! I don't care if the people who know you personally say you're not a racist! My Black friends who have read a few of your Usenet posts are far more reliable! I want nothing more to do with you. I'm done talking with you. Bye. Darth Sinned: lol....did you have to get permission from your ghetto tribunal on who you can talk to? Dave Zero: Excuse me. Could we all just get along please? All these flame wars aren't really helpful to the group. Darth Sinned: what are you doing here? Dave Zero: I just finished sucking up to Sports Fan so now I thought I'd find some more people to suck up to. Darth Sinned: *plonk* Dave Zero: Well, I still love you, Bozak. What about you Johnny? Could you please email me? I'd to discuss this with you in private. Johnnyoda: I only have one thing to say to you...... Bye. Dave Zero: Hey! I'm one of the most liked posters in the group! Why are you guys plonking me? Darth Sinned: mom.....what are you doing here? Laurel: Son, looks like you need my help again. =) Darth Sinned: lol....i havent fucked up anyone this badly since chandler..... Johnnyoda: You're wasting your time, Laurel. I've already consulted with my Black friends. Their decision is FINAL! Duh! Laurel: Sure, consultation with people who don't know Bozak is better than people who do. =) Johnnyoda: Sarcastic attitude noted. So be it. Fuck you and Bozak! Laurel: Honey this is Usenet. You're taking this way too seriously. Johnnyoda: You've ruined our friendship! We got along fine until you started sucking Bozak's dick! Laurel: Don't worry. I still scold him in private email conversations. =) Johnnyoda: I have no use for false friends. People like you deserve one thing. And that's this. BYE! Darth Sinned: lol....poor johnny has turned into jane..... Laurel: Me too. =) Darth Sinned: lol....come back johnny come back! Dave Zero: Um, Bozak, could you please take me out of your killfile! I promise I'll cut down my responses to JC and Sports Fan! Darth Sinned: lol....tell dave to get my shuttle ready.....i sense lord jerki is in trouble..... Dave Zero: Right away! You still like me, right? Because that's really important to me! Darth Sinned: *plonk* again..... Dave Zero: By the way, if any of you would like to join my online group, Project Mayhem, please email me! I'm getting really lonely there! -- Darth Jedi: I've been waiting a long time for this. I'm tired of being your following bitch. Now I'll make you my bitch! Mithra-Wan: You've failed as my following bitch. I've tried to teach you about finances and making money but you've ignored my teachings. Darth Jedi: Well, some of us don't like working. That's why I quit my job when my boss wouldn't let me search for porn during work hours. Besides, I've found an easier way to make money. Mithra-Wan: You mean scamming people on Ebay? Darth Jedi: Easy money baby! Mithra-Wan: I saw right through your scam when you tried to scam me on that bet. Darth Jedi: Ben, I'm still expecting you to send me that check. Mithra-Wan: You've failed in every aspect of your training. You're a complete idiot. Darth Jedi: No I'm not! You haven't taught me anything. I beat you in every argument! Mithra-Wan: If you have evidence that you're not an idiot, present it and I will review it. Darth Jedi: Ok fine. Remember the time you tried to teach me that slavery had something to do with the civil war? What a joke! Every Australian knows slavery had NOTHING to do with it! I totally schooled you in that argument! Admit it! Mithra-Wan: LOL. Don't comment on things you don't have a handle on. Darth Jedi: And remember the time you tried to teach me about atheists and how science can explain everything? And I told you how science was nonsense and completely irrelevent? Mithra-Wan: LOL. You call this evidence you're not an idiot? Darth Jedi: Ben, enough with the foreplay. I know you're secretly in love with me. That's why you invited me to your home. Sorry Ben, but I'm only interested in men not boys. And that Jason "juicy meat" Green is very manly indeed! Mithra-Wan: That's surprising considering what a pedophile you are. Darth Jedi: You know Ben, seriously, that's in poor taste. Mithra-Wan: It's funny how you don't have a problem with jokes on homosexuals but suddenly become sensitive to pedophilia. But then again, you are master of the double standard. Darth Jedi: That's not true at all! Ok, sure I think it's pathetic Bozak digs up other people's posts but it's perfectly ok when I dig up his posts. But still, you're wrong about this! Just like you're wrong about sharks! Mithra-Wan: If you have evidence that its safe to swim with sharks, present it and I will review it. Darth Jedi: No problem! I am the evidence! I swim with sharks on a regular basis and I can tell you that sharks aren't interested in humans as food! Mithra-Wan: But what would you do if a shark attacks you? Darth Jedi: Ben, it's common knowledge that if you punch a shark on his nose, it'll just swim away. It's completely safe swimming with sharks. You're more likely to get hit by lightning than attacked by a shark. Mithra-Wan: Fine. There's a shark tank here. Prove it to me. Darth Jedi: Ok fine! You'll see! I'll prove your fear of sharks is completely irrational. Jedi dives in. Darth Jedi: See? Nothing to be afraid of. The water is warm. Come on in! Mithra-Wan: Um, Jedi, there's a shark swimming towards you. Better hit him on the nose. LOL. Darth Jedi: No problem. Watch and learn.......OH NO.... HE ATE MY HAND!!!!!!!!!! HEELLLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!! Mithra-Wan: You were the chosen one! You were supposed to destroy the Arsonists not jump on their bandwagon! Darth Jedi: Master! Help me! I change my mind! I'm leaving the dark side. I want to jump back on the bandwagon! Mithra-Wan: Sorry, no room. LOL. How could you sell fake tickets on eBay? Darth Jedi: That wasn't me! Besides, I was only selling the tickets that you offered to buy me! We can still go to a Laker game together, right? Mithra-Wan: Jedi, watch out. The shark is coming around for seconds. You still have one hand left. Hit the shark with your other hand. LOL. Darth Jedi: HEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!!! Mithra-Wan: I guess it just developed a taste for your blood. LOL. Jane-atalia: Ben, is Chris alright. Mithra-Wan: He's fine. He's just lending a hand. -- Laker NG Medical Center Mithra-Wan: She's dying? Alson: We don't know why. She's lost the will to live. Mithra-Wan: Maybe because Fox and Amaechi are no longer in the league. Alson: We have to operate if we're to save the babies. Jeff Organa: Babies? Alson: She's carrying twins. Later... Alson: It's a boy..... Jane-atalia: Ironside. Alson: .. and a girl. Jane-atalia: Rebecca. Johnnyoda: We have to keep the children safe and hidden. Duh. Jeff Organa: My wife and I will take the girl to Iowa. Mithra-Wan: And I'll take the boy to Australia. Jeff Organa: You're taking him to the place where his father grew up? Mithra-Wan: Yeah, great idea, right? He'll never think to find him there. Johnnyoda: And I'll disappear to Minnesota. Bye. -- Darth Sinned: jerki.... can you hear me? Darth Jedi: Where am I? Did I make Ben my bitch? Darth Sinned: lol....he kicked your ass again.... Darth Jedi: Damn! What's with this armor? I can't show off my buff body anymore! Dave Zero: Hey Jedi! I'm a bodybuilder myself! Want to be my friend? Maybe we can trade bodybuilding tips! Darth Sinned: *plonk* again.... Laurel: There's someone at the door. Darth Sinned: who is it? SKnight: We have a warrant for Scott Raymond Thomas. Dave Zero: Wow, that's the first time I've ever seen SKnight post something other than an article! Laurel: Wes posts under a different name when he makes editorial comment. =) Darth Jedi: Who's Thomas? There's nobody here by that name! I'm Darth Jedi! SKnight: Are you sure this guy is Thomas? Danish Moo Cow: Yeah I'm sure it's him! SKnight: Good enough for me! Mr. Thomas, you're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Darth Jedi: No wait! I'm Chris Petrohilos! Tell him, Bozak! Darth Sinned: lol.... i dont know this guy. SKnight: Anything you post, can be used against you. Darth Jedi: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Darth Sinned: ill come visit you...lol.... Laurel: What now? You know he'll come looking for you after he gets out of jail. Darth Sinned: im moving to florida....he'll never find me there... :-) Laurel: =) Meanwhile in Australia Mithra-Wan: Take good care of him. Band Director: Oh I will. :-) FADE OUT