Cops: The Trolls Edition
Bad trolls bad trolls, whatcha gonna to do, whatcha gonna to do when they
come for you?
Episode 1: Dust and Eye Got Dibbs arrested for drunk trolling
Episode 2: Basketor and Branden
Episode 3: Jedi caught with heroin
Episode 4: VeRacistNews and Richard Hutnik
Episode 5: Rob impersonates a basketball coach
--
Episode 1: Dust
Fletcher: We're patrolling Usenet for bad trolls right now. With the Lakers
struggling, the troll-rate has been relatively high lately not to mention
very poor so we better keep our eyes open.
WAB: Take a look at that troll over there!
Fletcher: He's trolling erratically. Better pull him over.
--
Dust: shiat! It's the Banditos!
Eye Got Dibbs: Don't worry, they got nothing on us. Everything is fine!
Fletcher: Howdy. How you doing?
Eye Got Dibbs: Everything is fine officer!
Fletcher: Can I see your trolling license?
Dust: Here.
Fletcher examines the license.
Fletcher: Your name is VerizonNews?
Dust: ir da kewelest troll here!
WAB: It's obvious he's been impersonating other trolls.
Fletcher: Step out the bandwagon please.
Eye Got Dibbs: Uh oh. Maybe everything isn't fine.
Dust: What did/me kewel self do?
Fletcher: I can smell the stench of your trolls miles away! Can you troll in
a straight line?
Dust: Sure! $tern and da russian bought lamer zebras turned/me kewel team
into luzers!
Fletcher: Damn! That was a horrible troll! Do you have any idea what he just
said?
WAB: No. But from his slurred speech, it's obvious he's been trolling under
the influence! hahahahahahaha
Fletcher: You're under arrest for impersonating a troll and for being a
sorry excuse of a troll!
Dust: Shat! You can't do this to/me kewel self! ir da the kewest troll ever!
Fletcher: Yeah right!
Dust ir! ir! You STOOPIT lamer!
Fletcher: Into the killfile you go!
WAB: Another one bites the dust! hahahahahahaha
Fletcher: Take that other troll in too!
Eye Got Dibbs: What did I do?
Fletcher: Don't worry. Everything is fine.
WAB: hahahahahahaha
--
Episode 2: Basketor
Fletcher: So I'm at Staples Center and......
Christian: We got a 911 call. Someone complaining about a bad troll over in
the Mavs group.
WAB: 10-4. We're on our way.
Fletcher: You see what we have to go through daily? These bad trolls are
everywhere.
--
Basketor: Kobe not as god Iverson. is game is ballhog. he shots to much and
not pass. he loose to many game for laker.
Branden: WTF are you talking about?
Fletcher: What seems to be the problem here?
Branden: This troll's horrible trolls are killing me! I can't stand it!
Basketor: I say Kobe not pass like Iverson. is not good. exasperate to watch.
lol. is teammate not like play with Kobe, unlike Iverson. is stats lok god
but he goot to play unselfish like Iverson.
Fletcher: What did he say?
WAB: I think he wants to have sex with Iverson. hahahahahahaha
Basketor: Kobe try to proove he am good. but not like Iverson who is best
player. is coach get along with him. I like is game.
Fletcher: Speak english man!
Basketor: I from France. I like watch Iverson. is highlight reel is excite
not like Kobe whoo is exasperate to watch. lol.
Fletcher: You're going to have to come with us.
Basketor: What I doo?
Fletcher: You're going into the killfile with Dust!
WAB: I'm sure Dust and Basketor are going to have a great time trying to
communicate with each other. hahahahahahaha
Episode 3: Jedi
Fletcher: We got a speeding troll. Better pull him over.
Jedi: Damn!
Fletcher: What's your hurry?
Jedi: I'm trying to jump back on the bandwagon before it takes off!
Fletcher: Let me see your trolling licence.
Jedi: Er... sure.
Fletcher: This license is expired!
Jedi: It'll be renewed next week! I just failed the trolling test, that's
all! I studied up and I was going to take it next week. I know I'll pass!
Fletcher: Pop open the trunk.
Jedi: Um, what for?
Fletcher: Just do it!
Jedi: Um ok.
WAB: What the...... 87 pounds of heroin?!
Jedi: Look man, that's doctor's prescription.
Fletcher: 87 pounds?
Jedi: Yeah, what about it? It's perfectly safe.
Fletcher: We're going to have to confiscate this.
Jedi: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I can't live without it!
Fletcher: You're going to get 5 years in the killfile for this!
Jedi: I hope there's other trolls in there to keep me company!
Episode 4: VeRacistNews
WAB: We just got another 911 call! Racist spotted in the Lakers NG!
--
VeRacist: You ever noticed black people who can't argue, use the racism
card? You know? People like Kobe who ballhogs all the time?
Jason: Racist!
VeRacist: No way man! I'm not a racist! I hate black people but there's no
way you can prove I'm a racist!
Fletcher: Alright what's going on here.
Jason: That racist is making anti-Kobe and racist remarks!
VeRacist: I never made any racist remarks. You did!
Fletcher: You a racist?
VeRacist: No way man!
Fletcher: Check the headers.
WAB: The headers say the racist comments here match VeRacist.
VeRacist: It was Fletcher who impersonated me! I would never refer to
african americans as black people! I would NEVER do that! Not only that but
I am very respectful of Kobe and would NEVER make any anti-Kobe remarks!
BTW, Kobe is selfish! Oops. I didn't post that. Fletcher did!
Fletcher: Explain why your post matches these headers!
VeRacist: Why should I explain your racism and anti-Kobe posts? You faked my
name and made those posts! You are a racist psycho! You'll never prove I'm a
racist!
WAB: It says here that he's from the Knicks NG.
Fletcher: Alright, we're going to have to call for backup. WAB, call up the
rest of the banditos. We're going to have to raid the Knick NG for evidence.
Make sure you check all the headers and every one of his posts.
VeRacist: Now who's the troll?
--
The Knicks NG
Richard: What's going on here?
Christian: Don't mind us. We're just searching for evidence.
Richard: Fine, I'm leaving until you're done!
WAB: Later Dick. hahahahahahaha
Richard: Do you have to flood the group while you're doing it?
Fletcher: Just get VeRacist to confess and we'll be done.
Richard: That's it. I'm going to complain about this.
--
The Lakers NG
Richard: Hello. My name is Dick. There's a group of laker fans overrunning
our group. Is there anything that can be done about this? Thanks.
--
Back in the Knicks NG:
Richard: You guys are still here? That's it! I'm leaving! This is my final
post here!
Fletcher: Dick, you still here? Didn't you leave?
--
The news.admin.net-abuse.usenet group.
Richard: Hello, my name is Dick. There's a group of people who are engaging
in usenet vandalism and it has spread to multiple groups. It appears that
someone's name has been forged as well. Is this a case of Net Abuse? Thanks.
--
Back in the Knicks NG
Christian: You know, one time while I was in band camp....
Richard: Excuse me. I have an announcement to make. I'm leaving the group.
Thanks.
Christian: Um, anyways, like I said...
Richard: To the few regulars who are still here, goodbye. There are better
places to discuss the Knicks. Maybe I'll be back in a few years.
--
The Celtics NG
Richard: Hello. My name is Dick. I noticed my name got dragged into this
group. Has this group been overrun by lowlife trolls like the Knicks NG has?
We should get together and have these guys banned. Email me at
[email protected]
--
The Knicks NG
sthomps: Looks like we found all the evidence we need... hey where did
everyone go?
Richard: To anyone who may still be here... I would suggest sticking to the
RealGm boards. And yes this is my final post here. Thanks.
Christian: Dick, would you please leave already?
Fletcher: Hey VeRacist, you're under arrest! I hope you're not a homophobe
also cuz you're going into the killfile!
--
The Killfile
VeRacist: Homophobe? What did he mean by that?
Jedi: Oooooohhh! We got company! Hey there big boy!
VeRacist: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Episode 5: Rob
Fletcher: We're doing surveillance of a suspected bad troll who is
disguising himself as high school basketball coach. We're going undercover.
Rob: Ok, gather around team. Now I want everyone to not play any defense.
That way we can get the ball back faster when the opponent scores. Now
remember to jack up as many 3's as possible. We want to be the highest
scoring team in the country! Who cares about defense!
WAB: Coach, is that why you hate Kobe? Because he plays defense?
hahahahahahaha
Rob: Let me let you in on a little secret. Don't tell anyone I told you
this. I was once in love with Kobe. I love how he could jack up 47 shots in
a game. My players should learn to play like Kobe! We'll be the highest
scoring country in the nation easily! However, now Kobe has resorted to
passing more and that in combination with him playing defense has really
pissed me off! Damn you Kobe! Please start ballhogging again! You are
becoming a bad influence on my son and my team! Now we'll never become the
highest scoring team! Not only that but without you ballhogging, I have no
other material to use when I troll! I'm not talented enough to troll on my
own! Please start ballhogging, I'm begging you!
WAB: So Fletch, what do you think? Should we take him in?
Fletcher: Man, this guy is a bigger loser than I thought. Nah, it's not
worth it. Let's go.
Rob: Hey where you guys going? I need help with my weightlifting now that my
training partner has left me! I need a new "partner" if you know what I
mean.
Rob's son: Dad! Dad! Can you buy me a Kobe jersey?
Rob: Kobe is evil! He passes too much. He plays defense! Don't worry. Daddy
has something better for you! A Jordan jersey! Now that's a ballhog my team
can look up to!
Richard: Hello? Is anyone still here? This is definitely my final post on
this subject. I am leaving this newsgroup forever and I am never coming
back. I'm going to miss everyone. Hello?