Battered Trolls Meeting II

Ironside: Welcome to another meeting of battered trolls. I know it's
difficult for you all to be here today but everyone here is an abused and
battered troll. You're not alone. We have some new members joining us today
so let me introduce myself. My name is Steve.

Everyone: Hi Steve!

Ironside: I used to be an abused and battered troll. I was abused by an
unemployed cellphone salesman named Bozak. He said I was trying to live off
my son and I totally lost it.

Jedi: Let it out, Ironside! Tell us how you overcame your emotional scars!

Ironside: After many years, I finally "got it".

Jedi: Got it? Shouldn't you have gotten it in the first place? You were
afterall, one of the biggest trolls around, intentionally trolling, flaming,
and pissing people off, and then suddenly you became hyper-sensitive to
comments made on a newsgroup?

Ironside: Will you shutup? Enough about me. I have some bad news to
announce. Today is Michael-NC's last day with us.

Jedi: NOOOOO!!!! Say it ain't so!

Michael-NC: Hi, my name is Michael.

Everyone: Hi Michael!

Michael-NC: I used to be an abused and battered troll but no more! You see,
I too, was abused by Bozak. But ever since Bozak's mom took my side and
Bozak totally lost it and abandoned the group, I feel completely healed now!

Ironside: Now Michael, sometimes these psychological wounds can take time to
heal.

Michael-NC: Not this one. I was healed instantly! I mean, don't you wish
Bozak's mom would've taken your side?

Ironside: You lucky bastard! You enjoyed that, didn't you?

Jedi: I did too! High five!

Jane: Sweetie, it's certainly not as enjoyable as having Dog Woman sign up
for AOL and getting charged for it.

Vaxio: Terraholm is a tomato!

Jane: Sweetie, that is the perfect description of her.

Ironside: Ok, we have a new member today. Introduce yourself.

Bryan: Hi, my name is Bryan.

Everyone: Hi Bryan!

Bryan: I don't even know what I'm doing here.

Ironside: It's ok Bryan. Tell us your story.

Bryan: It's just that there's this guy named Wolner. He's been accusing me
of being a homophobe.

Ironside: It's ok Bryan. I'm a homophobe myself. You're not alone.

Bryan: But I'm not a homophobe, damnit! And Wolner can't prove it!

Ironside: It's ok to admit you have problems. It's ok if you feel
"uncomfortable" around gays. I do.

Bryan: How many times do I have to say it!? I'm not a homophobe!

Ironside: I see this is going to take time. Tell us more about Wolner. How
else has he abused you?

Bryan: He keeps lying and making up shit about me. And he keeps calling me a
Jew-hating bigot and he can't prove that either!

Ironside: It's ok Bryan. People make up stuff and can't prove it all the
time in ASBNLL. You shouldn't let it bother it you.

Jedi: What are you homophobes scared of? You scared of my muscles? It's not
like I'm interested in you anyways! There are much hotter guys in this
newsgroup that I'm into!

Ironside: Jedi, why don't you introduce yourself.

Jedi: Hi, my name is...um.. which name should I use today? Hi, my name is
The Boy named Sue.

Everyone: Hi Sue!

Jedi: And I'm NOT an abused and battered troll!

Ironside: Jedi, how many times do we have to go over this? Why don't you
tell us how Bozak mindfucked you.

Jedi: Look, unlike you, I have no problems being a mindfucked following
bitch!

Ironside: What about all the times you were abused for making stupid
comments?

Jedi: You mean the stuff about how nutritious heroin is and how peace loving
sharks are? That's what I do! I make stupid comments for a living.

Vaxio: Jedi is a pineapple!

Ironside: Yes he is. And lastly, we have 2 more new members. Why don't you
introduce yourselves.

Vaxio: Hello my american friends! My name is Vagelli and I'm from Italy, the
most wonderfoul country in the world!

Basketor: Hi, my name is Basketor and you not speak the true! France is the
most wonderfoul!

Ironside: Ok, calm down. It's ok to disagree.

Vaxio: In classific, France is tomato country and littel france men are
vegetables!

Basketor: That is totally ridicule! I don't have seen vegetable men before!

Ironside: Well, I wish we could continue but we're out of time this week.

Vaxio: Ironside is a banana!

Ironside: What?!

Jedi: What's going on? Ironside is hyperventilating!

Basketor: That is very exasperate.

Ironside: I'm ok! I'm ok!

Jedi: What happened?

Ironside: I was having band director flashbacks. He kept pretending I was a
banana. At first I didn't understand what was going on but.... but....

Jedi: Let your feelings out, Ironside! Share your story with us!

Ironside: Sorry, but that's for another meeting, which I happen to be late
for. This meeting is over.

Vaxio: Bye bye my american friends!