Battered Trolls Meeting

Are you a troll? Have you been abused and battered by fellow NG members? If
so, email us now and report this abuse and help stop the violence against
trolls! Send your emails to [email protected]. Our email address is open
24 hours a day and don't forget to attend our weekly meeting at
alt.abuse-trolls.

Coz: Hi, my name is Coz.

Everyone: Hi Coz!

Coz: I used to be an abused and battered troll but since I was run out errrr
I mean retired from trolling, I now devote my time in helping other trolls
heal their wounds, and trying to prevent troll abuse from occuring. Welcome
fellow trolls. Tell us your story.

Jack White: Hi, my name IS Jack and I'm an abused AND battered troll.

Everyone: Hi Jack!

Jack White: I just DON'T understand why people make fun of the WWF. I mean,
the WWF is WAY more popular than the NBA and also isn't any more fake than
the NBA. I try to point this out but WHY won't anyone take me seriously?

Coz: Well, Jack. It's obviously they're jealous of the WWF. They're jealous
that the WWF is much more popular and has bigger, stronger, and much faster
athletes than the NBA. It was just like when these Laker fans were jealous
of my Sonics winning the Pacific Division title. Yeah they beat us in the
playoffs but they'll never take away our Division title which hangs proudly
in our arena.

King Tut: Hi, my name is King Tut and I'm an abused and battered troll. Bow
down to the King!

Everyone: Hi Tut!

King Tut: I just don't understand why these ostriches won't recognize any of
the facts I distribute. Why won't they pay respect to the King! Why won't
they bow down and recognize? Bow down to the King!

Coz: You know King Tut, you're not alone. I had the same problem. Laker fans
simply wouldn't recognize any of the facts I distrubuted to them as well. I
mean, clearly Dale Ellis was a better 6th man than Kobe Bryant. I called it
before the season. And 3 years later I was proven right! It got to a point
where Laker fans were digging up my posts through Deja and twisting my words
and changing the facts, and I had to start using the no-archive feature. I
didn't want to do it. With the no-archive feature on, none of my facts could
be distributed but it had to be done for the greater good.

King Tut: I feel much better now! Bow down to the King!

Coz: That's what I'm here. You're not alone. There are others like you.
Trolls that have been battered and abused but afraid to admit it. Well don't
be afraid. There are others like you and we want to help.

Spinhead: Hi, my name is Roy and I'm a abused and battered yet also a genius
troll.

Everyone: Hi Roy!

Spinhead: I also don't understand why people won't take me seriously. I am
clearly a genius yet why won't people accept this fact? Just because I use
Real Audio to analyze games, what's wrong with that?

Coz: Roy, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Clearly, jealousy is once again
involved here. They're clearly jealous of your genius abilities to analyze
games by simply listening to 5 minutes of Real Audio. Why waste electricity
by wasting 2 hours watching an NBA game when all you need are 5 minutes of
Real Audio?

Spinhead: Thanks Coz. I feel so much better.

Coz: That's what I'm here for.

Steve Jaros: Sorry I'm late. My argument with some stubborn posters took a
little longer than expected.

Coz: You're just in time. Tell us your story.

Steve Jaros: Well, Hi, my name is Steve Jaros and I'm NOT an abused and
battered troll!

Everyone: Hi Steve!

Coz: Now Steve, first step to recovery is to admit you were being bruised
and battered unfairly.

Steve Jaros: What are you talking about? I was kicking ass! I was the one
doing the beatdown! I mean, these idiots had the nerve to actually claim
that 40% is not a good shooting percentage. Um hello? Then why did Iverson
win MVP? I rest my case.

Coz: But Steve, 40% isn't very impressive.

Steve Jaros: Look, there isn't much difference between 40% and 50%. If you
take 10 shots, that's only 1 basket less per game between 40% and 50%. 40%
is every bit as good as 50%. Trust me.

Coz: Let's conclude our meeting. I'm afraid Steve needs special treatment.
Remember now, tell other trolls about us. Spread the word. I know some of
you trolls are afraid to come out in the open and admit it. You're afraid
those bully Laker fans will beat you down even further. Well don't be
afraid. All us trolls must unite and prevent any more abuse of trolls!
Usenet will eventually be made safe for all trolls everywhere!