24: The Posting Wars
August 12th, 2000
The following takes place between 10PM and 11PM
Branden: Sir, we've just received some intel reports that suggest that some
trolls are about to launch an attack on ASBNLL.
President Spinhead: From who?
Branden: Here's the list of suspects.
Spinhead: What? Larry Coon? George Shouse? These guys are trolls? They've
been valuable members of ASBNLL for years!
Branden: These trolls have sleeper cells everywhere!
Spinhead: Get me on the line with the Counter Troll Unit!
Ring, Ring.
Janey: CTU.
Branden: The President wants to talk to $Bill.
Janey: Sure sweetie. $Bill, the President wants to talk to you.
$Bill: Mr. President?
Spinhead: $Bill, we have a problem.
$Bill: Yes I've seen the report.
Spinhead: What are you doing about it?
$Bill: There's only one thing to do! Janey get me Jack WhitePower!
The following takes place between 11PM and 12AM
Mrs. Ironside: Steve, what are you doing?
Ironside: Nothing. Go back to bed.
Mrs. Ironside: It's late. Don't you have to coach little league tomorrow?
Ironside: Yeah well this is more important.
Mrs. Ironside: Really? What is it?
Ironside: Oh nothing, just a little posting contest. No big deal.
Mrs. Ironside: Posting what?!
Ironside: Nothing!
Mrs. Ironside: You're staying up late for this?!
Ironside: Look, I want to get the first post in, ok!
11:59:55
Ironside: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.... click send. Let the posting wars begin!!!!!!!
The following takes place between 12AM and 1AM
Mrs. Ironside: Aren't you taking this a little too seriously?
Ironside: Just go to sleep! Can't you see I'm busy!?
Mrs. Ironside: Don't you usually surf for porn this time of night?
Ironside: Yeah that's right! Porn or posting contest? Porn or posting
contest? The porn can wait! I'm going to destroy Larry tonight!
The following takes place between 1AM and 2AM
Bozak: lol...ill win this easy....
Ring, Ring.
Bozak: who could be calling this late at night...... cant be dicky song...
can it? hello?
Halle Berry: Bozak! Hey I'm having a party right now! Want to come over and
party with me!
Bozak: lets see... halle berry or posting contest... halle berry or posting
contest..... POSTING CONTEST!!!!! sorry halle...im busy...lol...
The following takes place between 2AM and 3AM
Ironside: Ha! Let's see Larry top this! I'm going to sleep now. Larry will
be so shocked when he wakes up and finds out what he's up against!
The following takes place between 3AM and 4AM
Terraholm: Feed the dogs or posting contest. Feed the dogs or posting
contest? The dogs can go on a diet!!!!!!! I can't believe I'm staying up
this late to post! I need to work tomorrow!
The following takes place between 4AM and 5AM
Larry: So Ironside thinks I'm going to be easy victory? He's totally
underestimating my ability to waste time on the net!
Ring, Ring.
Larry: Who could be calling me this early in the morning? Hello?
LA Times guy: Hi, Larry Coon?
Larry: Yes?
LA Times guy: I was wondering if you could answer some questions on the
salary cap for me?
Larry: Sorry, I'm busy!
Click.
The following takes place between 5AM and 6AM
Ironside: Yawn. What time is it? 5AM? 2 hours of sleep is all I need! Time
to start posting again! What is this? OH MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE LARRY
POSTED THIS MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn, I better step it up!
The following takes place between 6AM and 7AM
Ben: A good night's sleep! Wonder what's going on with the posting
contest.... damn! People are taking this more seriously than I thought! I
better start posting!
The following takes place between 7AM and 8AM
$Bill: Jack where have you been? We've been trying to reach you!
Jack: Sorry. My webtv is SO TOTALLY slow!
$Bill: ASBNLL is currently under attack by a bunch of trolls flooding the
group with useless posts! We need you!
Jack: Sorry. I quit. It's just no fun anymore posting how Iverson is the
best player in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE! Or how Vince Carter's vertical leap is
WAY WAY higher than Kobe's. Go find someone else.
$Bill: But Jack! You're the best! There's no one else!
Jack: You are SO WRONG. I'm just not up for this job anymore. I just can't
wake up every morning hitting the weightroom like a MADMAN! I'm tired of it.
Sorry. I'm out.
The following takes place between 8AM and 9AM
Mrs. Johnson: Ben, what are you doing?
Ben: Oh nothing.
Mrs. Johnson: Ben, look what I have here!
Ben: Hmm... nipple thrusting or posting contest...nipple thrusting or
posting contest.......posting contest!
Mrs. Johnson: Posting what?!
The following takes place between 9AM and 10AM
Branden: Posting contest sucks.
Spinhead: I can't take this anymore! All these useless OT posts are driving
me crazy!
The following takes place between 10AM and 11AM
Jedi: Damn! I can't believe I'm getting pulled over by a cop! I'm already
late! I gotta get home before Ben gets too big a head start on me! No way is
he going to beat me!
Cop: Can I see your driver's license and registration?
Jedi: Look, could you give me a break here?
Cop: What's the rush.
Jedi: Well....uh... you see... there's this posting contest....
Cop: Posting what?!
Jedi: Um... nevermind.
The following takes place between 11AM and 12PM
Viker: Sign up for the war in Iraq or posting contest.....that's easy!
Posting contest! OPTIMISM RULZZ BABIE!!!!!
The following takes place between 12PM and 1PM
Terraholm: Hello?
Ridn: Hi Laurel, could you do me a favor?
Terraholm: What is it? I'm kinda busy right now.
Ridn: Yeah I know but I kinda got screwed in the brackets. I got unfairly
matched up with Bozak in the first round!
Terraholm: What do you want me to do about it?
Ridn: You're Bozak's mom, right? Can't you distract him or something? Maybe
ask him to let me win?
Terraholm: What do I get out of this?
Ridn: I'll marry you.
Click.
Ridn: Hello? Laurel?
The following takes place between 1PM and 2PM
Jedi: What the?! I can't believe Ben wants to beat me this badly. Fine. I'll
let him have this one. There's no way I'm going to post all day just catch
up to him!
The following takes place between 2PM and 3PM
George: Let's see what's going on with the posting contest..... that's it?
That's the best they can do? I'll just set up my greg-bot program. This'll
be too easy! One click of the button and BAM!
The following takes place between 3PM and 4PM
Bozak: lol.... either george has been posting all night and day or he had
greg posting for him...lol...
The following takes place between 4PM and 5PM
Peter: Posting contest? I can only make a few sarcastic and smart aleck
posts a day. I can't be posting 100's of times in no posting contest!
The following takes place between 5PM and 6PM
Branden: We have the leader of the trolls on the line.
Spinhead: Let me talk to him.
SKnight8: If you want the flooding of posts to stop, you must make OT posts
legal in ASBNLL.
Spinhead: What?! Never!
Branden: Sir! Think this through! It's a reasonable request!
Spinhead: That's easy for you to say! You're one of the worst OT offenders!
Branden: We can't take any more of this flooding! We have to give into his
demand!
Spinhead: We don't negotiate with trolls!
Branden: But sir! It's driving away posters! Everyone is getting upset over
it! You can end this now! Do you want this to fall under your presidency?
Spinhead: Ok fine! Have it your way! But I won't have anything more to do
with your OT filled ASBNLL. I quit! I'm going to be a botanist instead!
The following takes place between 6PM and 7PM
Ironside: Thank God that's over! Now I can get some sleep.
The following takes place between 7PM and 8PM
Greg: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Posting contest? This group needs me bad!
The following takes place between 8PM and 9PM
Branden: As your new acting president, I now declare OT posting legal in
ASBNLL. Time to party!
The following takes place between 9PM and 10PM
SKnight8: Bozak, what are you doing? The posting contest is over. We already
agreed to stop flooding the group.
Bozak: lol... im not doing anything different...im just posting
regularly....lol....