Wisdom & Memory
© 2001 Kylie
Athena sat in darkened silence. She wondered if her grandmother had felt like this when she had found out. This sense that the world had been turned upside down, yet been straightened out at the same time.
She would never be able to look at the world around her -- or her life -- in the same way ever again.
As drunken snores began to reverberate throughout the room, a hysterical giggle escaped her lips.
The strange normality of the sound seemed so incongruous given her current state of mind. Yet so reassuring at the same time.
After all, how many people spent the night of their grandmother's funeral with a drunken vampire passed out in their lap?
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
{ "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep depending on you to have come and rescue me... us. Not now. Not anymore."
"Cordy..."
"Please, just listen. As long as we've been doing this, people -- and I use the term extremely loosely -- have tried to use me in some way or another to get to you. While it was just me, it wasn't that much of a problem. Not when weighed against the benefits. Being able to help you with your redemption, help all those people. It was worth the occational kidnapping, being shot at or being beaten up. But not anymore. I have to worry about Micheal now. And he comes first. I can't keep putting him in danger. Not even for this. For you." }
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Life had always been weird.
Oh not overtly. It was small things mostly.
Her first memory of her grandmother, other than the overwhelming sense of safety and love felt when in her arms, was of her clutching onto the sink, halfway to the floor, her face contorted in pain. She had laughed it off when she had recovered. Said it was just a migraine. But Athena had always held doubts. Not serious ones, after all, she didn't really have any reason to doubt her grandmother's word. But there was always *something* that told her that there was more to it than that.
Phone calls would always follow such a 'migraine'. Her grandmother fumbling with the phone in one hand, an economy sized bottle of Tylenol in the other.
When everything was still and silent at night she sometimes heard her grandmother crying. It always got worse after migraines.
Then there was how things tended to move all on their own around the house. Grandma had ignored her questions at first, but then told her it was her imaginary friend, and offered to share him. Athena's eyes had widened. She thought that grownups didn't have imaginary friends. Carla's mom didn't. But Grandma did.
Athena felt like she was the luckiest person alive. She always got a warm fuzzy feeling when Dennis was around, he helped make her feel safe when bad things happened. They'd spent dozens of thunderstorms, her and grandma curled up in grandma's bed, playing checkers with him. It didn't really matter that he was imaginary. He was real to grandma, and he was real to her.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
{ "Where will you go?"
"Somewhere low on the demon scale of things. I was thinking San Diego." }
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Grandma almost never let her go out after dark.
And when she did, she had to have someone with her. Either Grandma or Will.
Will had suddenly showed up one night when she was 10.
He had arrived on the doorstep, singing -- badly -- at the top of his lungs. After 8 verses of 'Ten Green Bottles' grandma had flung the door open and demanded to know why he was there, and how the hell he had found her.
Athena was shocked. She'd never heard grandma talk to anyone like that before. The closest she'd come was to her third grade teacher who had made some nasty remarks. After Grandma had gotten through with her, she had been very nice to Athena for the rest of the year.
Will had stumbled into the doorway, then seemed to prop himself on some sort of invisible barrier. Dennis had gotten upset, and pulled her into her into the kitchen, away from the front door.
From the way that everyone was acting, Athena had expected that the strange man would be gone soon. So she was suprised the next morning when she walked into the lounge room to find him passed out on the couch.
When she'd asked grandma why he was still here, grandma had muttered something about a kicked puppy, and told her not to open the curtains because he would wake up with a doozy of a hangover.
Will had stayed with them for three months.
It was strange, but Athena remembered that time mainly because she saw a spark in her grandmother's eyes that had been missing.
At the time she didn't understand it. All they ever seemed to do was fight, and snipe at each other. Yet they also seemed like... family in a way. Grandma might call Will names and yell at him, but no one else was allowed to. Eventually Dennis had stopped stealing Will's blankets and hiding his food, eventually letting him join in when they'd played games.
Will *hated* losing at Monopoly.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
{ "Don't go."
"I have to."
"I... I love you Cordelia Chase."
"I know. I love you too. That's why." }
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
How she hadn't come across the box of letters before, she didn't know. She was looking for boots to go with her jeans when she came across the shoe box full of letters with the return address of Los Angeles.
Curiosity got the better of her and she began to read one, only to put it back before she had even gotten halfway through.
It wasn't a love letter, and it certainly wasn't explicit or anything. Just the recording of various thoughts and mundane events in a neat masculine script. But there was an intimacy implied that made her feel like an intruder.
Her grandmother had a deep and abiding love in her life. Had had so for almost 40 years going by the postmarks on the envelopes.
But who was he?
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
{ "Be sure to call. And write regularly. And email. You have the address. And..."
"Wesley, I'll be sure to call. There's no point in emailing you since you don't like using the computer."
"But still. And be sure to call if you have a vision. And..."
"Wesley, we've been over this already. The visions should stop once I'm in San Diego. Yes, I'll call if I have one. Yes, I'll drive carefully. Yes, I'll make sure not to invite anything in that needs to be invited in. Yes, I know all of this. Grew up on the Hellmouth, remember?"
"Still..."
"You guys are worse than Angel! He at least realises that I do have a pretty good idea how to take care of myself!"
"We're not.... we're..."
"What English is trying to say Barbie, is to take care of yourself and of the little one. And we're your friends. We're allowed to worry about you."
"Guys.... I love you guys. Take good care of yourselves. Take good care of Angel." }
"We'll miss you Cordelia."
"I'll miss you too." }
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Athena was seventeen the first time that her grandmother had a 'migraine attack' when Will was around.
She was standing one moment, the next she began to drop. Will caught her before she hit the floor.
Once it was over Grandma had choked out, "Caritas."
Once the usual phone calls had been made, Grandma had completely fallen apart, sobbing inconsolably. Together she and Will had put Grandma to bed, once she had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep.
That done Will had proceeded to grill her for answers about the migraine attacks. Once she had told him all that she knew -- which wasn't much -- Will had sighed.
"I don't agree with some of what she's done 'Thenie. I understand why, but I don't agree."
That simple statement had aroused Athena's curiosity. She'd spent the next week trying to find out anything and everything she could about migraines and 'Caritas'.
She didn't understand why her grandmother would want to call a kareoke bar.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
{ "I won't be telling her Wes."
"Cordelia, she's going to need to know."
"Why? Ninety-Nine percent of the population doesn't. And they're still alive."
"Cordelia, you can't think that..."
"What? Micheal is dead because he decided he'd be able to work things out better if he could do some violence to someone. Some*thing*. He wouldn't have gone out looking that kind of trouble if he didn't know about vampires or demons." }
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Athena began living with her grandmother when she was three. She hadn't understood any of what had happened when her father had died. Until now.
Her grandmother had died three days ago.
Will had had to make the arrangements for the funeral, because Athena had gone completely numb, her mind blank since her grandmother's death. It wasn't untill this morning that the fog that had seemed to have clouded her mind, began to dissipate, and she actually began to register what was going on around her.
For some crazy reason, Athena had always assumed that her grandmother was immortal. She had always projected that air ; I'm always going to be here.
Both she and Will had been in a bad shape after the short funeral, the miserable weather perfectly matching their moods. Bleak and grey.
Things got worse as they worked their way through a bottle of scotch.
Athena was getting ice out of the freezer when sudden blinding pain sliced through her head, accompanied by violent and confused images.
Once they abated she looked up to see Will, a horrified expression on his face.
"Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. No bloody way!!" He tilted his head back and yelled at the ceiling. "You just had to, didn't you? You just had to leave this up to me!" He sighed, handed her the economy sized Tylenol from out of the cupboard, and began the explanations as best he could.
Vampires, Demons, Hellmouths, Seers and Warriors. All the stuff that her grandmother knew, but hadn't wanted to tell her. Had wanted to protect her from.
Yet she had given her the visions.
After Will.... Spike had finished the explanations, he'd dissapeared, giving her time to think.
Three hours later Wi...Spike returned. Just as he had nine years prior, he stood outside the front door, and began to sing -- badly -- 'Ten Green Bottles'.
Athena didn't have her grandmother's selective hearing, so she dragged an extremely drunk vampire into the house before he could get to the third verse.
"'Ow ya goin' 'Thenie?"
"Better than you. Especially come morning."
"Pfft. Not if I don't sober up."
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
{ "He'll go all overprotective if he knows Lorne. Please?"
"Sweetie, I don't like this. Decieving your warrior is not a good idea."
"All he needs to know is that someone is still getting visions ment for him. I just don't want him to know it's still me, ok? I'm trying to protect him and my son here Lorne."
"Ahhh... Oh what the hey. Fine. Call me when you have a vision and I'll let Angelcakes know the details." }
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
It's been 41 years since Dennis was last in this building, at least according to Athena's calculations. It must have taken her grandmother quite a bit of time to figure out how to transport a ghost to a new city. Fortunately for Athena, Spike knew the necessary spells to transport him back to the Pearson Arms.
It was fortunate that her grandmother's old apartment was available.
"You want to tell me again why you're doing this?" Spike grumbled as he threw off the blanket covering, having been reassured that the curtains were drawn, and he wouldn't flambè.
"Grandma gave me the visions, which happen to be for a warrior who lives in LA? Just my guess of course." Athena was tired of answering that question. He'd tried to talk her out of this move, but she'd inherited her grandmother's stubborness.
"Ok, then why am *I* here?"
"Because Grandma made me your guardian until I'm 21 -- talk about an idea out of the dark ages -- and since you couldn't talk me out of this, you're here to keep me out of trouble."
'And to annoy Angel' A piece of paper with Dennis's almost illegible scrawl floated through the room, and hit Spike in the head.
"That too." The vampire smirked.
*******
Wesley felt old. He was on the wrong side of seventy, and today was feeling every one of his years.
Very few things had stayed the same in the last 46 years, but Caritas was one of them. Lorne hadn't appeared to age a great deal, and Angel looked exactly as he had all those years ago, when Wesley first joined him and Cordelia at Angel Investigations. He found himself remembering those early days more and more often lately.
When Cordelia had left, they'd understood. They hadn't liked it. But they'd understood.
It had changed everything, not having her there. None of them had realised just how much she had done for them until she wasn't there to do it any more. A thing as simple as a smile and some gentle -- or not so gentle -- prodding to get them to do things for her. Her lighter, but accurate, view of situations was missed. Her fussing over them. Without her things kind of went to hell for a couple of months until they got themselves sorted out.
The phone bill for that first year was almost equal to the gross national product of a small nation.
They'd kept in touch. Phone calls, letters, the occational visit. Gunn's funeral. Micheal's funeral.
Which is how they knew something was wrong.
They hadn't heard from her for a couple of weeks, and hadn't been able to get in touch with her themselves for the last week. Angel was just itching to jump into the car and drive non-stop to San Diego just to find out what the hell was going on.
The only thing stopping him was a small demon problem.
Literally.
Pygmy demons had been causing problems for the last few weeks. Tonight, with that particular problem dealt with, they had hit Caritas. The idea being to get a reading from Lorne, then hit the highway.
Which brought Wesley back to feeling old, because Lorne wanted to do a reading on *him*. And the last thing Wesley wanted to do was get up on stage, and sing -- especially considering that most of the patrons wouldn't have a clue what he was singing (Frank Sinatra? Who's that?).
With a small grin Lorne placed a shot of whisky in front of him.
"For courage, English."
Wesley eyed the stage, eyed his drink, then eyed the door. Briefly he calculated the odds his arthritic knees would get him out the door before Lorne blocked the exit.
Lorne gave him a knowing grin. "Can't run, English."
"Damn." As he downed the whisky, a strangely familiar voice cut through the background noise.
"You are *not* singing. Don't even *think* about it."
Wesley and Angel both looked over their shoulders and froze.
Making their way to the bar was a very familiar bleached blond vampire, and young woman instantly recognisable as Athena Chase.
Next to him, Angel drew in a sharp breath. Wesley didn't blame him. Cordelia had sent pictures of Athena, but it wasn't until he saw her in person that he realised just how much she looked like Cordelia had at that age.
"I don't know Pet, I think 'Ten Green Bottles' would go down great."
"No. No way. Not just no, but HELL no!"
"How 'bout 'My Way'?"
"Read my lips. You. Are. Not. Singing." Athena pulled up a stool next to Angel and dropped herself onto it. "You almost made my ears bleed with your last round of 'Ten Green Bottles'." She looked at Lorne -- who was staring at her as if she'd grown another head -- and blinked. Then calmly ordered a scotch and a Coke and beam.
Suprisingly enough it was Spike who objected.
"Oh no you don't kid. Not 'til you're 21."
"Legal age is 18 now. In case you haven't noticed. Besides, I didn't hear you saying anything the other night. In fact you bought."
"That, was a one off. Special occasion. Besides, I don't want you to get into the habit of turning to alcohol to drown your problems."
"Uh hello? Pot meet kettle. This coming from a vamp who spent three days passed out drunk on our sofa."
Spike just glared at her. Athena glared back.
Spike won.
"It wasn't three days." Spike changed her order to a neat scotch and a Coke.
"You're right. Sorry. My mistake. It was two and a half."
There were about a million questions running through Wesley's head at that moment. Unfortunately he couldn't get anything coherent out of his mouth, instead gaping like a fish.
Angel wasn't quite so badly afflicted. He managed a growl.
The growl snapped Lorne out of his shock and he quickly noted the thunderclouds brewing on Angel's face. Apparently deciding to get the innocents out the line of fire, he quickly cajoled Athena into a song, and sprited her away, leaving Angel and Wesley to deal with Spike.
"What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On?" Angel demanded with barely restrained anger.
Spike leaned over the bar, and grabbed a bottle of burbon. He plonked it down in front of Angel. "You're going to need this."
That worried feeling that had been burning in Wesley's stomach fired up into full blown panic. "Cordelia..."
"The cheerleader died last week." There was a strange bleakness in Spike's voice and expression. "'Thenie there," he pointed to the stage, "is your new seer."
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
{ "They're a mess without you Sweetie."
"*I'm* a mess without *them*."
"Angelcakes is back to wearing all black. Just when you'd gotten him recognising some of the other colors of the spectrum. I seem to remember a brown duster a couple of months ago."
"I'll take it up with him, next time I talk to him."
"You know they'd be over the moon to have you back."
"I can't do it Lorne. I won't be used against Angel again. I won't put Micheal in that kind of danger again."
"The PTB's only agreed to this because they figured you'd be back within the year, you know that, right?"
"I guessed as much."
"He can't be left without a seer."
"He won't be." }
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
"You do this a lot?" Athena stood in the doorway to Angel's room at the Hyperion.
"What are you doing here?"
She steped inside. "Umm, Vision Girl now? I'm supposed to be here. And didn't your mother ever tell you not to answer a question with a question?"
"No. Cordy did though."
"Yeah, that's where I got it from. So, *do* you do this a lot? Lock yourself away and brood I mean?"
"That and lurk. It's what I'm good at."
"Oh." Well, that was nice to know. "Um, I have something for you." She placed two shoe boxes on the bed.
Angel looked over from where he was sitting near the window. "What are they?"
"They were grandma's. I figured you might like them."
Slowly he moved over to the bed and opened one of the boxes. Inside were his letters. All of them. "She kept them..."
"And she wrote you one last one too." Athena held out a sealed envelope. Hesitantly he took it. "Anyway I just wanted to give these to you, and let you know that we'd appreciate you coming downstairs and brooding with us for a change." She gave him a small smile, and left.
Angel examined the envelope. There was no stamp, but it was addressed to him. He tore the end off, and removed the contents.
Angel,
Well, you're reading this, so I think it's safe to assume I'm dead. Athena is going to be really, really pissed off with me when she finds out what I've done. I hope she'll come to regard the visions the same way I did. As a gift. Not an easy one, but then nothing worth having comes easy. You helped teach me that.
And, no doubt, *you* will be angry with me when you find out that I lied about the visions stopping. Well, I didn't. Not exactly. They did stop. For exactly one year. According to Lorne the PTB's figured that I'd be back in LA in less time than that, and didn't make any other plans. Obviously none of them are parents. Anyway, I didn't want you going on any of your overprotective guilt trips, so I ...fudged a little. Ok, ok. A lot.
You and Wesley were right. I should have told Athena about growing-up-on-the-hellmouth-fighting-forces-of-darkness deal. What can I say? I was scared I'd lose her the same way I lost Micheal. I'm trusting you, Wesley and Spike with that which is most precious to me. If you guys can manage not to kill each other and protect her half as well as you did with me, I figure I won't be seeing her again for quite some time.
That kind of leads onto the next thing. I've made Spike Athena's guardian until she's 21. It's not a clause that would stand up in court, but I'm counting on them not contesting it. I hope it helps Spike with some sort of focus. Do me a favour? Try and keep Druscilla away from him? He was a real mess when he turned up on my doorstep. I'm not sure I want to know how he found me, or why, but he spent three days passed out on our sofa, and three months fighting Dennis for the blankets, his food and sole possesion of our remote control, before finally being strong enough to actually live on his own again. It should be noted that I am *not* a heavy metal fan.
Lousy taste in music, women (romantically anyway), and clothing aside, I trust him with Athena's life. Almost as far as I trust you. So BE NICE!! I promise it won't kill you.
Be safe. Be happy.
I'll be waiting for you.
Love,
Cordelia.
PS. Tell Spike to share the scotch, tell Wes that the computer will *not* hurt him, tell Athena that there are earplugs in the dresser (she'll understand) and you.... colors! I promise, you won't suddenly go up in flames if you venture into browns, or blues! Oh, and no sitting in the dark, alone, brooding for hours! I'll be watching!
A sad smile flickered across his face as he re-folded the paper. He placed the letter in his bedside table, and slowly walked out of the room.
Who was he to disobey his lady?