Living The Lie
© June 2001 Tisienne Blue
Well, okay. Buffy's dead. Willow came to the hotel and told us, and I've gotta say, it wasn't really the perfect capper to a perfect day.
And it really *had* been a good day! We'd gotten out of Pylea! And *intact*, too! And, yeah, Angel's car was still in Caritas, but... things could have been worse! We were all alive-- or as much so as we were when we *went* there, anyway-- and we'd brought Fred back with us!
I'm gonna say that that was a good thing, 'cause she was the girl in my vision-- the girl we were supposed to *help*! And, yeah, I could have lived the rest of my life without ever wearing a slave collar, or wearing that nasty brown sack, but... I guess sometimes there are dues to pay, so... I just hope mine are all paid up for a long time to come! Although it *was* kinda cool being a Princess, even if it *didn't* last very long!
That said, what in the *hell* do those Pyleans think humans are about? I mean, okay, they obviously think we're all stupid, and placid like the cows they call us, but... Did they *really* expect me to just... roll over-- in the figurative sense... or do I mean literal...?-- and *mate* with their Groosalug? Yeah, sure, he was... attractive, I suppose, but... what's with his *eyes*? 'Cause they were just... *creepy* looking! And honestly, he was just too... bulky and stupid!
Maybe I've been spoiled by all the time I've spent with Angel, but I kinda expect a guy to be... interesting. To have a purpose, and a direction, you know? To maybe care about what goes on around him, as opposed to caring about what he *gets* from the things that happen!
But I guess I'm just being selfish, here. Maybe Groo was a better man than I'm giving him credit for. After all, the idea that one person can change things has to be pretty hard to come up with on your own.
I sort of *had* to play up to him, though, what with the way those ugly bastards-- I mean Priests-- were watching us so closely, but... all the while, I was hoping that Angel would show up to save the day... or to save his Seer, anyway! And he did.
I never thought I'd ever see him in the sunlight, but I did, and let me tell you, that's a sight I'll happily take with me to the grave! And the look on his face when he saw himself in that mirror? Priceless!
But then he was gone again, and Groo went to fight him after he challenged, and... God, I was so *scared*! Inept as Groo might have been at the talking and thinking parts of life, he'd been trained as a warrior of sorts for however long he'd been alive, and... He could have killed Angel! It was only thanks to whatever beast my vampire friend turned into that he didn't! And it was only thanks to his own soul that Angel didn't kill *him*.
Don't get me wrong, though. Offered a choice, I'd *much* rather have *Angel* roaming the earth than the other guy, but... if he'd killed him, Angel never would have forgiven himself, and I don't think I could handle that.
Oh, and I almost fucked up *badly*! Well, okay, I *did* fuck up, but I covered my ass pretty damned quick, so... I ran from the castle... fortress... whatever... and shouted out for them to stop. 'I love him!', I said, and 'I *love* him!', again!
I thought I was the only one who knew I meant Angel, and I sure did try to play it off like I was talking about Groo, but... at least Angel was fooled. Groo, on the other hand...
Well, he didn't call me on it then, but later, he made it very clear to me that *he*, at least, wasn't fooled. He asked me if that was why I hadn't fallen for his dubious charms, and... well, I'm not *mean*, so... I told him it was. I almost feel badly for him, but like I said, he's an attractive enough guy, so I'm sure he'll have 'cows' falling all over themselves to mate with him in no time at all.
So we collected Fred, and came back through the portal, and to the hotel. We were all so *happy*, even *her*-- although *her* happiness seemed to be more for the fact that she was in a world with tacos again than anything else. But Angel was smiling, and he *seemed* to be pleased with his successes, and then... *Willow*.
I should have known that the minute Angel found some small degree of joy in the world, *Buffy* would find some way to *ruin* it! And, okay, I'm not being fair, but I don't *want* to be fair! It's like a pattern with her! He starts to feel good about something, and then... there's Buffy, making him sad, and crazy, and almost suicidal, more often than not! And yes, I *know* this time is different.
I don't honestly believe that she went and got herself killed just to fuck up Angel's day, but somehow, it still *feels* that way. But she's dead, so I guess I have to lighten up about her now.
So, Willow told us about what happened with... Glorificus...? Whatever. And Angel slid into a deep funk, of course. I tried to comfort him, but... she was the great love of his life, wasn't she? I don't suppose that *my* comfort could ever be enough, no matter *how* much I love him. But I offered to stay with him, and I wasn't even a little bit surprised when he said no. I grabbed Fred and the guys, and we left.
I took Fred back to my place, 'cause where else did she have to go? She'd been missing for over five years, after all, so there was like *zero* chance that her apartment was just... waiting for her! Besides, she's a nice girl, her slight bouts of insanity aside, and I think she'll be fine eventually. So I set her up in my guest room, reminded her of how the shower worked, and gave her some clothes to wear. You should have heard her scream when she got under the hot water. It was a *happy* scream, though, and once she'd finished, I took my own shower.
You have no idea of how glad I was to get out of that damned Princess costume! I mean, it was fun at first, but a girl can only take so much of jingling coin bikinis before the sound alone drives her nuts! Not to mention... it chafed! But my own clothes were just... lovely.
So I nuked some food for Fred, and planted her in front of the TV. I asked her if she'd be okay, and she looked at me with those wide, too-perceptive eyes, and told me to go to him... that he was a good man, and that he loved me! Of course, I know she meant as a friend, but still. So I left her there and started back to the Hyperion, hoping that whatever deep, dark funk Angel had fallen into could be lightened-- at least a little-- by his 'friend'.
So, I got here, and I started to open the lobby door when I saw the thing that *still* has me reeling! *Spike's* there! He's there, and he's apparently gone crazy, because... he's in Angel's arms, and he looks like he's crying, and... Angel isn't *brooding*!
No, he's just... holding his childe, and rocking him a little, and I'm too far away to tell, but I *think* he's murmuring soothing words, because I can see his lips moving, and... This is just too bizarre! I mean, I thought Spike *hated* Angel! And what's he doing here, anyway? Shouldn't he be off somewhere having a *party*? The Slayer's *dead*, and *I* seem to recall that Spike's a *vampire*! Shouldn't this be like the Fourth of July, New Year's Eve, and Saint Patrick's Day, all rolled into *one* for him?
But he's not celebrating. In fact, he's acting an awful lot like I though *Angel* would be, while Angel... Okay, this is just freaky, because Angel isn't acting like someone who's just heard that his heart was torn away. No, he's acting more like... I don't know.
Maybe he's just hiding his pain, keeping it all inside, but... I don't think so. Or maybe... maybe he meant it when he said he was over Buffy? Maybe his heart isn't all bound up in her anymore...? I don't know, but... I am for *damned* sure gonna find *out*! One of these days. Because... I love him.
End.