Burdens, An Original Story
By: Allie
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Prologue

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It was hard.

I can't handle it anymore. All the expectations, all those proud looks. They're driving me crazy.

Driving me crazy....

Why did this have to happen to me? I see those other kids. They look so happy even though they're worst than I am. They never seem to worry.

Never worry...

Why can't I be like them? More like them. More popular. More carefree. More happy.

Definitely more happy...

Everyday I worry and I look around nervously. I haven't done anything wrong yet I can't help myself. I worry too much my friend told me. I know but I can't help it. Can't help worrying about getting into trouble. Can't help worrying about disappointing them.

No I couldn't have....

Not them....

No, no. I can't disappoint them...

I was their dream, their hope, their everything they told me. They couldn't lose me. They couldn't risk me. They couldn't let me get off track and into the dark end.

No. No they couldn't.

I couldn't either. For their sakes. How could I disappoint them? After all those years of helping me. Of taking care of me. Of all those years being by my side. Smiling at me when I was honored. No..I couldn't. Maybe that's why I worry. But then again... I worry myself. I know I do. I just couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk getting anything wrong. Couldn't risk doing anything bad. Couldn't risk anything...

Even if it meant my happiness....

No one understands. They don't. They try hard to, but they just don't. How could they? They were perfect. They were happy. They had nothing to worry about.

Me?

I had everything to worry about. Nothing not to worry about. Those people. They can tell that I'm nervous and they wonder. Wonder about that little kid. The little kid who almost never did anything wrong. The kid who seemed so shy. The worried kid. The nervous one. The one who must be hiding something. Some worried for my sake but it only added to my pain. The burden I must carry on everyday. Some were suspicious of me. Suspicious of the little kid who seemed to be hiding something. Must be something bad. Something that no one could ever know. Something that made the kid so quiet. So solemn, so serious, and so....

Dark.

It didn't hurt much. It wouldn't be that hard I thought. I figured that after a while it would be an easy routine. It was a routine alright. But it wasn't easy. All those minutes looking around frightened. Frightened that another step would be wrong and would bring the inevitable disappointment.

It hurts though. Hurts too much. I wish I could tell someone. Anyone.

But I can't.

No, I just can't. They would pretend to understand and then leave me alone. They would whisper, "Weird kid." I know.

Because it happened once.

Happened more than once actually. Too much for my liking. Every time I promised myself not to believe in anyone anymore. Not to trust them anymore. Not to tell them my secret. My burden.

But every time afterward I would forget.

I would trust that person. I would grow closer to them. I would tell them my deepest secret. I would open up and then...

They would throw it all back at me.

I'm so stupid..so so stupid. Why did I believe? Why did I trust? Why did I bother? Maybe it was fate. I can't escape. I'll never stop hurting. I'll always carry this burden with me. Carry this burden alone. With no one to comfort me. No one to understand. No one to care.

No one to love me.

All alone. That's me.

That's Alice Tandaya alright.