My gene pool: Grandma on the left, Mum on the right
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Last Update: 2/5/06
Me
Today is January 4, 2004. More updates are on the way...
Scotland 2005
Our lovable middle poodle Cajun died on May 1st. Please click here to see the memorial to our sweet Cajun.
This is me an my family; Wee Brither, Big Brither, Mum, an Me
Skye, Magic, and Cajun
The Babies: Lopez and Moxie!
Lopez as a puppy...Awww, wasn't he CUTE?!?!
Lik tae torture yersel' further?! Weil, ye'll get alang jist fine wi' Ian thi Narcissist..'e put taegether this Gallery ay Ian Pics...
An finally, fir ye sinners oot thir...:
Click 'ere tae see pics ay Ian TOTALLY NUDE!!!! 
Awright. Fir those ay ye whae jist swallowed poison and need tae induce vomitin', here's two sound clips ay me singin'. Clip Number One is me singin' (music-less as well as talent-less) a bit fae Les Miserables; Enjolras, pondering his incomplete box of Crayolas:
And for those of you whose ears arenae completely filled wi' thi sounds ay yer own pukin', Clip Number Two is my variation ay the Oh Sae Patriotic ditty "God Bless America". Well damn, an atheist cannae gae singin tha', sae I fixed thi lyrics an made it better! Here ya go:
THI FAM!!!
This is my family. My roots...my heritage. All thi fucked-upedness ye find in me has its genetic roots in this group ay wankers.
We're a classy bunch, a mix ay Scots, Czech, German, Jewish, and probably some other crap tossed in tae boot.
BITCHIN'!!!
Another thin' I love tae dae is bitch, moan, complain, ponder, whine, philosophize, rant, spew, blether, oor whotever thi 'ell ye want tae call it... This passion fir 'earin' mysel' talk (oor, ane thi case ay thi net, readin' my typed words) 'as led tae thi creation ay whot I've inaccurately dubbed "Weekly Ian Original Rants"... This is an inaccurate title fir several reasons;
1. They are RARELY if ever weekly..I'm lucky tae dae 'em monthly
B. My originality is questionable, since I'm surely nae thi first lang-'aired atheistic scoto-philic tattooed Broadwa' aficionado tae blether oan thi topics I choose
Thirdly. They arenae alwis rants, but sometymes passive inco'errant mumblin's
4. My real name isnae Ian
(tha' wis fir ye, Mason.. : )
Anywa', though...I'll 'ave a new rant up fae tyme tae tyme, an thi auld yins are stored ane thi archives, if ye wanna read 'em (a recent computer glitch killed aboot 'alf ay thi archives, but thanks tae thi wonderful Phorum Ghost whae saved two, an tae thi fact tha' I backed up two others [though ane thi oddest places], I only lost aboot two oor three...)...Anywa', 'ere's tha' (now complete wi' an up-tae-date photay ay thi ranter, at thi exact moment ay rantin', thanks tae my new digital camera)..:
Ye've got tae be terribly bored fir this yin...It's a bunch ay my auld essays...If ye've a few 'ours tae kill, an want tae fry yer brain readin' some ay my non-accented writin', 'ere it is..:
THI WORLD AY WASTEMINSTER!!!
I live ane thi state ay Maryland, which is oan thi U.S. Eastern Shore, aboot mid-wa' between Maine an Florida...Maryland is an awful state, full ay reid-necks tha' think far mair 'ighly ay themsel's than they ought tae, bein' tobacco farmers an crab fishermen an all..
I live ane a crummy wee town, work ane jist ootside ay another crummy wee town, an gae tae a fairly decent college ane thi same crummy wee town where I live...But we 'ave a nice 'ouse, a pretty yard (though thi neighbors oan both sides are 'orrible noise-makin' reidnecks, an thir's a church be'ind my 'ouse where a small wooded area used tae be), an I'm as content 'ere as I could be, I guess..
Ane this section, ye'll find pics ay my room, my 'ouse an yard, an really thi only reason I 'ave fir stayin' ane this country: my three poodles; Magic, Cajun (we miss you), an Skye, and ay course my wonder-puppy LOPEZ!!...I may stick some other stuff ane this section later...whae kens..:
Awww...Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!! ; )
If ye need tae email me, ye can get a'old ay me at yin ay these addresses:
MacPhantom, oor Mr. Edward Hyde, oor Dr. Henry Jekyll 
WARNING!!!
SIGN THI GUESTBOOK, oor Ye'll be dessert fir Mum!!!
LINKS!!!!!!
Links to other sites on the Web
Mason's Assateague Invasion: This site is run by my aulder, much mair 'andsome brither Mason...I'd post my wee brither's website up as weil, but 'e disnae 'ave yin...Sae ye'll 'ave tae be content wi' Reg's site, roight? (Update: this website is long gone, but I'm leavin' up the link...cause I fookin' weil can like, eh?)
Erik's Dominion: A site run by Phorum Ghost, dedicated tae Erik, M. le Opera Ghostie...Watch oot...She's an Erik Addict! If ye ever want tae ken anythin'..an I mean absolutely ANYTHIN' aboot Erik, this is where ye gae tae ask...Phorum Ghost is thi Yoda ay Potology... (Update: Em, think this one's gone as weil)
Aminta's Funkadelic Page of Mystic Crystal Revelations: This is Aminta's site...It's got POTO stuff, some Spice Girls stuff *snickers*, an maist importantly, pics ay 'er pets...I want 'er dog, Ace...I mean I REALLY want tha' wee doggy...Nae kiddin'...I'm serious...But anywa', check it oot...Minty disproves thi myth tha' all Canadians are evil!! I dinnae ken whot tha's all ABOAT.. ; ) (Update: Website is still there, but hasnae seen an update fir years)
The Travels of Cabria!: This is a really awesome website right 'ere (oor will be)...My very guid friend Cabria 'as decided tae travel thi world, an build 'eresel' a page based oan all thi cool stuff she sees...Check it oot!! (Update: This website wis incomplete rubbish, started durin' thi Clinton years an nivir continued, an now it's gone anywa')
The Phantom's Opera: Eleanor maks some ay thi awesomest POTO sites I've seen...This yin is aboot thi Lord Andy Erik, an all thi actors tha' 'ave played 'im...Top notch bios, pics, an sounds...If ye love thi show, ye'll LOVE THIS SITE!! (Update: This site's gone too...Dinnae ken whotever 'appened tae El...)
The Tragic Kingdom: This is Chibs' "Sailormoon" site...Ane my heid, I file it under "Japanese Animation Thin's I Dinnae Understan"...But check it oot...Chibs is thi top html lass ane all ay Australia, an it's thanks tae 'er tips an 'ints I wis able tae mak my Rubbish 'Eap...Sae get oof yer duff an gae learn aboot Sailormoon! Dinnae mak me Judo-chop ye!! (Update: Ye guessed it; gone as weil. Chibs is probably oof daein' Rocky 'Orror somewhere ane Aussie-land...)
"When true love is un-requited, the whole world is a load of crap."
"There comes a time in every friendship when you have to say 'I never liked you, get lost!'"
***Bill McNeal***
"Why are you exhausted and stressed? The reason is you are paying TOO MUCH TAXES!"
***Dan Quayle, Prince ay Idiots***
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