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*****10 Things I Hate About You*****
What does this chick have, beer flavored nipples?
It's just a small study group. -Otherwise known as a huge orgy?
It's just a party, daddy! -And Hell is just a sauna!
You are amazingly self-assured, you know that? -I tell myself that every day.
Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all night long!
I will sleep the deep slumber of a father whose daughters are not getting impregnated.
My insurance does not cover PMS!
Mr. Morgan, is there any way we can get Kat to take her Midol *before* she comes to class?
I burn, I pine, I perish.
Hello, Katarina. Make anybody cry today? -Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.
I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
You don't buy black underwear unless you want somebody to see it.
I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. My mama didn't rasie no foo'!
Are you asking me out? That's so cute. What's your name again?
Hemingway was an abusive white-male alcoholic who hung around with Picasso hoping to nail his leftovers.
Remove head from sphincter, then drive!
I have a dick on my face, don't I?
The shit hath hitith the fan... ith.
There's a difference between like and love. I mean I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack.
I still maintain he kicked himself in the balls.
She's meeting bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
People perceive you as somewhat... -Tempestuous? -"Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.
See, who needs affection when I have blind hatred?
Uhh, excuse me, just one question before we start. Should you be drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?
Would any of you be interested in dating Katarina Stratford? -Maybe if we were the last two people alive, and there were no sheep. Are there sheep?
You're 18, you don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want 'til you're 45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it.
What's normal? Those damn Dawson's river kids, sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot?

*****The Abyss*****
You never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight!
Luck is not a factor.
Hippy, you think everything is a conspiracy.
So raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water-tentacle.

*****Ace Ventura: Pet Detective*****
No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.
If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!
If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.
I just visited Ray Finkle's place. Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.
Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell? -Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking.
You really do love animals, don't you? -Only if it gets cold enough.
No Sir, I'm just a very big Finkle fan, This is my Graceland.
Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone! -Is it number one or number two? I just want to know how much time I have.
Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear!

*****Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls*****
The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.
Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!
I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!
It is the mucus that binds us.
Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.

*****The Addams Family*****
Are they made from real Girl Scouts?
That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!
Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job.
They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And with God as my witness, I am that fool!

*****Addicted to Love*****
I don't wish him dead. But, should that occur... people die every day, why should he be any different?
Face it, Sam, that girl of yours is a carnival ride!
The only way she's coming back to you is if a blast of semen propels her out the window and across the street.
I sleep naked. It's the only way I'm comfortable, so don't think of it as a come-on, because if you so much as breathe in my direction I will nail your willy to that beam.
He said something about having sex with my skull.
And I don't mean that in a trivial way. I'm a photographer, I've seen a lot of things. I once took pictures of a man who ate his own legs, and you would be the black sheep of that family.

*****Air Force One*****
Get off my plane!!!
I'm 12 years old. In the caveman days I'd be having children of my own.

*****Airplane!*****
Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Surely you can't be serious. -I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
Do you have anything light? -How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?

*****Aladdin*****
I can't believe I'm losing to a rug.
It's not cheating if you don't get caught.
You're speechless, I see! A fine quality in a wife!
Yo rug-man! Haven't seen you in a few millennia. Give me some tassel!
He's got a sword! -You idiots -- we've ALL got swords!
Wow! Theres a big surprise! I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die, from that surprise.

*****Aliens*****
My mommy always said there were no monsters---no real ones---but there are.
Game over, man! Game over!
You'll love it, it's a rescue mission. There's some juicy colonists' daughters we have to rescue from their virginity.
What the hell are we supposed to use, man? Harsh language?
What do you mean "they cut the power"? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals!
We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly.

*****Almost Famous*****
Let's deflower the kid.
Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and I am PISSED OFF!
I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to.
Well there it is, your sister used the "F" word. -I think she said "feck."
If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age fifty, well, then, you are sorely, sorely mistaken.
A Mo-Jo, it's a very high-tech machine that transmits pages over the telephone! It only takes eighteen minutes a page!

Penny Lane: How old are you?
William Miller: Eighteen.
Penny Lane: Me too! How old are we really?
William Miller: Seventeen.
Penny Lane: Me too!
William Miller: Actually, I'm sixteen.
Penny Lane: Me too. Isn't it funny? The truth just sounds different.
William Miller: I'm fifteen.

Is it that hard to make us look cool?!
This song explains why I'm leaving home to become a stewardess.
You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.
Yeah, come back here! I'm incendiary, too, man!
Wanna see me feed a mouse to my snake?
Just think, any other city and you'd still be a virgin.
Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and no glass slipper.
I love you. And I'm about to boldly go where... many men have gone before.
She was the one who said "no more sex." No more exploiting our bodies and our hearts. Just blowjobs and that's it.
I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella.
I always tell the girls never to take it seriously. If you never take it seriously you'll never get hurt. If you never get hurt you'll always have fun.

*****Amadeus*****
Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect. -Which few did you have in mind, Majesty?
"Confutatis maledictis" -- when the wicked are confounded. "Flammis Acribus Adictis." How would you translate that? -Consigned to flames of woe.
A fire which never dies, burning you forever.
God was singing through this little man to all the world, making my defeat more bitter with every passing bar.
I was staring through the cage of those meticulous ink strokes at an absolute beauty.

*****American Beauty*****
I want to look good naked!
Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
Excuse me for speaking so bluntly sir. But those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out.
I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
Look at me. Jerking off in the shower. This will be the highlight of my day.
Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's.
Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!
If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model.
Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.
I'm going to whale on my pecs and then do my back.
Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!
You've only been in "Seventeen" once and you looked fat! So stop acting like you're goddamn Christy Turlington!
You total slut, you have a crush on him. You're defending him, you love him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies.
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once... and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry... you will someday.

*****American History X*****
One in every three black males is in some phase of the correctional system. Is that a coincidence or do these people have, you know, like a racial commitment to crime?
Life is too short to be pissed all the time.

*****American Pie*****
I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking USE them!
I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.
It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.
I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

*****The American President*****
I want to buy her some flowers. That's what men do when they break a date. -That's not what men do. I know no men who do that.
[Sydney emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts.] -Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.
Good. My nervousness exists on... several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know... -The most powerful man in the world?
Mr. President, you've got bigger problems than losing me. You just lost my vote.
Lewis, we've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight.
The symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.
You've said it yourself a million times. If there had been a TV in every living room sixty years ago, this country does not elect a man in a wheelchair.
With all due respect, sir, the American people have a funny way of deciding on their own what is and what is not their business.
I tell any girl I'm going out with to assume that all plans are soft until she receives confirmation from me thirty minutes beforehand.

*****American Psycho*****
Harold, you're my lawyer, so I think you should know... I've killed quite a few people.
That's a very expensive glass of Chardonnay you're NOT drinking there. It isn't poisoned.
I'm into murders and executions!
Not quite blonde, are we? More of a dirty blonde.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.
I'm not really hungry, I just need to have reservations somewhere.

*****Analyze This*****
What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?
If I turn fag, you die.
Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it.
I'd like to see a movie, but it's nothing but this shoot-em-up action bullshit. I get enough of that at work.

*****Animal House*****
They can't do that do that to our pledges. -Only we can do that to our pledges.
Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?
Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.
Cut the crap. Give me a drink.
My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. -Better listen to him, Flounder. He's pre-med.
Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.
Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.
They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough... [thinks hard] the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! [runs out, alone; then returns] What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer-- -Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
May I have ten thousand marbles, please?
Face it, Kent. You threw up ON Dean Wormer.
They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!
Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month? We have to get married.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests -- we did. [winks at Dean Wormer] But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg -- isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.
I think I'm in love with a retard. -Is he bigger than me?
Flounder, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up -- you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.
We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even.

*****Apocalypse Now*****
All I wanted were some mangoes and I nearly got eaten by a fucking tiger...
I love the smell of napalm in the morning...smells like victory.

*****Army of Darkness*****
I may be bad... but I feel gooood.
You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Shit. And Jack just left town.
First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.
But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private? -Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all.
Gimme some sugar, baby.
Klaatu Barrada n... Necktie... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word!
Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts? -Nope. Just me baby... Just me.
What, were you raised in a barn or something? Close the door.
Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
Maybe, just maybe my boys could pull it off. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.
See this? *This* is my *boom stick*! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. *You got that*?

*****As Good As It Gets*****
I'm afraid he's gonna pull the stiff one-eye on me.
Carol, the waitress. Simon, the fag.
Don't worry, you'll be back on your knees in no time.
I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability.
You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.
Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.
When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.
Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive compulsive disorder, then act like I have some choice about barging in here?
People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.
I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!
The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself.
Instead I'm here with you -- no offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug.
You're a disgrace to depression.

*****Atlantis: The Lost Empire*****
Attention: tonight's supper will be baked beans. Musical program to follow.
For the person who stole the "L" from the "Motor Pool" sign, ha ha, we're very amused.
Do you have something sportier? Like a tuna?
I got your four basic food groups: Beans, bacon, whisky, and lard.
Get Back! I got soap, and I ain't afraid to use it!
You are a scholar are you not? Judging by your diminished physique and large forehead you are suited for nothing else!

*****Austin Powers*****
Carnies...circus folk. Small hands, smell like cabbage.
Allow myself to introduce...myself.
Do I make you horny?
Swedish Penis Enlargers and Me (This is my bag, baby) by Austin Powers
Well saki it to me, baby!
All I'm asking for is sharks with lasers on their heads. Is that so much?
She's a man, baby!
Well you must admit, she is rather mannish.
Luge lessons in the winter
Summers in Rangoon
In the Spring we'd make meat helmets
My father was a boulangerie artist with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.
My mother was a 13 year-old french prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.
When I was 13 a German named Franz ritualisitcally shaved my testicles.
You should try it sometime; there really is nothing quite like a shorn scrotum.
It's quite breath-taking.
Open the friggin door!
No, the boy is quite astute, I really am trying to kill him, so far...unsuccessfully.
I want chicken i want liver meow mix meow mix please deliver...
I'm the boss. I've been frozen for 30 years. Need the info.
An evil vet? An evil petting zoo?
She's the village bicycle; everyone's had a ride.
Start the unnecessarily slow dipping mechanism.
Are they ill-tempered mutant sea bass?
Who...does...Number...Two...work...for?
That's right, buddy. Show that turd who's boss.
I like to live dangerously.
How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process I have no inner monologue?
I'll bet she shags like a minx.
That really hurt! Who throws a shoe, anyways? Honestly!
Evacuation Compl.....Evacuation Comp....Evacuation Com...
You shot me! You shot me right in the arm!
I ask for one favor and that's for sharks with friggin' laser beams on their heads!

*****Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me*****
I'm dead sexy!

*****Bad Boys*****
Freeze Mother Bitches!
Well, then I'm a stand-up comic...and I SUCK.
When I come I come with the THUNDER.

*****Batman*****
Normal people bore me. I prefer lunatics. At least the lunatics are committed.
It's the car, right? Chicks love the car. -Batman Returns
Honey, I'm home! Oh, I forgot. I'm not married. -BR

*****Being John Malkovich*****
Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover.
She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western.
Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.
Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.
Hot lesbian witches! It's fucking genius!
You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer. And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. And they won't allow it... because I raise issues.
If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to come have a drink with me tonight. -Why not? -Okay. You look like a ... BarrrRuuu-- BellllLuuuu-- Lllll-- Carolllll-- Taaaa-Sharrr--- SusaaannnEmmmmilllly--- Marr-- laaarr-- Maax...ine--M-M-M--Maxine?
I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis AND a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.
Here's the thing: If you ever get me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me.
If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't -- pardon me, how old are you, sir? -105. Carrot juice, lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girlie-girl every fifteen minutes.
No, no, I love your tits, love 'em, I wanna fondle 'em. -Great, now we're getting somewhere. Not a chance.
You're not someone I could get interested in, Craig, you play with dolls.
You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte, I tell you that as a friend.
My Spunk is manna from heaven.
Great to see you, Maxine. Sorry about the cunt at reception. Please have a seat.
I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

*****Billy Madison*****
I sorta feel like an idiot sometimes...although, I am an idiot, so it kind of works out.
Stop looking at me, swan
Where's Billy? [Billy's at school] Oh yeah...
Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I make the hair silky and smooth. Oh really, fool?
They don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk.
No milk will ever be our milk.
What about you, sideburns? I'd rather have a beer.
He called the shit poop! This is the greatest night of my life.
Here's a nice piece of shit.
He's gonna shit when he finds out it's shit.
It's too hot for a penguin to be just walking around out here.
My wife, the tramp
I married common street trash
Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful. No yelling on the bus!
It was that damn Sasquatch!
That's assault, brotha.
If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
O'Doyle rules!
Are you in loser denial?
No, I will not make out with you!
I thought I was your snack pack?
You outta start cutting your underwear before you get to school...so it rips easier.
I used to have a bad case of loser denial myself...until the lacrosse team shoved a parking cone up my ass.
I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck, and to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.
Oh, that's nice...
Don't tell me my business, devil woman!
Oh, Eric is pregnant! Congratulations! Oh, feel him kick. He's gonna be a soccer player. He is! He is!
Everyone in this room is now dumber, having heard it.
If you're gonna stay home, you can help me shave my armpits.
Want me to take my shirt off for you?
Everyone my age pees their pants; it's the coolest!

*****Blade*****
Your world is just a sugar-coated topping...
Some mother fuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill.
You want to help...make me a better serum.
It's something about the blood god...I can't make out the rest.

*****The Blues Brothers*****
They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.
Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!
106 miles to Chicago, full tank of gas, half pack of cigarettes, its dark out, and we're wearing sunglasses...hit it.

*****The Boondock Saints*****
Fuck! Ass!
I'm getting out of the porno business; I don't care who I have to blow to do it. (from deleted scenes)
We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men.
Brilliant! So now we got a Huge Guy theory and a Serial Crusher theory.
The 90's are killing me. I shouldn't have done that. You're not supposed to tell a guy you're gonna kill him no more. I got to tiptoe through the tulips with these assholes. Taking all the fun out of the job.
They can suck my pathetic little dick, and I'll dip my balls in marinara sauce so those fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it!
We're sorta like 7-11. We're not always doin' business, but we're always open.
And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command, we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patrie, et fili et spiritu sancti.
Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fuck outta here?
Shut your fat ass Rayvie! I can't buy a pack of smokes without running into nine guys you fucked!

Rosengurtie: Rule of thumb!? Do you know where that expression comes from? In the early 1900's it was legal to beat your wife so long as you used a stick no wider than your thumb.
Conner MacManus: Well, you can't do much damage with that...maybe it should have been a rule of wrist then.

*****Caddy Shack*****
And I said, 'Hey Lama, how 'bout a little something, you know, for the effort?' And he says, 'There won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that going for me ... which is nice.

*****George Carlin*****
If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.

*****Casablanca*****
All the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
The problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.

*****City Slickers*****
That was "have a pleasant and restful evening." No, that was "I like your ass; can I wear it as a hat?"
[My legs! My legs!] No shit your legs! you got a goddamn 20 ton crane lying on em.

*****Crimes and Misdemeanors*****
If it BENDS, it's funny.
Comedy equals tragedy plus time.

*****The Cutting Edge*****
If it was 40 below and that button meant the difference between a long, satisfying life and a horrible death from hypothermia, I still wouldn't give you the satisfaction. Skate.
He's right. About everything.
Toe pick.
Don't let me keep you from the trough.
What, do you shower once a week? -Is that an invitation?
She is always being the big B. What a bitch!
I bet you look pretty good from a few thousand miles away.
Foreplay.
So about 8 minutes after we finish, I'll be fine.
You should've started with a go-to girl.
Douglas, you are stem, Katia, you are petal. Together, you make flower.
I swear, you let me down and it'll take them a month to count the blade marks on your back.
You want me to put my hands *where*?
I'm sure I don't do anything you would find exciting. I don't open beer bottles with my toes, I don't sit around and count what's left of my teeth, hey, I don't even enjoy a good tractor pull.
Excuse me. Naked male insecurity really leaves me cold.
Spindler say before he skate with her he wear garlic from neck and sleep with cross.
Hey, there's only two things I do well, sweetheart, and skating's the other one!
That book you gave me is pretty good! -Really? Using it as a doorstop, or a coaster?

*****Deep Thoughts*****
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because man, they're gone.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time for no reason.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
If dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, I hope they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions", and if you got a different "impression", so what, can't we all be brothers?
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and hand it to him.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
If you go flying back in time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays it's eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a jood idea but it's just eggs hatching.
I can picture a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait, I guess that's like a regular window.
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
If I ever got real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out slam the door.
If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking though your stuff.
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I thought we won!"
If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen."
Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfore and nobody got scared.
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I spent, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
I bet one of the funniest things to a shark is when there's a wounded seal trying to swim back to shore. I mean, where does he think HE's going?
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then, yes, Mr. Brave Man, I guess I'm a coward.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to that person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
Remember when the teacher would forget to give the class homework and you'd raise your hand and tell her she forgot, there would always be people who would moan and complain. Didn't you hate those people?
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.

*****Die Hard 3*****
Yippie Kay-ay, motherfucker.

*****Dilbert*****
Don't drink the pickle juice until the pickles are gone.

*****Dracula*****
-She's alive? -She's Nosferatu. -So she's Italian?

*****Dumb and Dumber*****
Can't triple stamp a double stamp!
Mock...Yeah...ing...Yeah...Bird...Yeah...Mocking bird...
A place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano...a place called...Aspen.
Wanna hear the mots annoying sound in the world? NAAAAAAAAAAAAA....
Just when i think you can't get any dumber, you go and do something like this. And completely redeem yourself!
I traded it for the van, straight up. I can get 70 miles a gallon on this hog. I still got room for one more. Wanna go to Aspen?
What if he shot me in the head?
Samsonite.
You are in luck! There's a town about two miles that way; I'm sure you'll find a couple guys there.
Wow, two lucky guys are gonna be driving around with those girls for the next couple months. Don't worry; we'll catch our break too. We just gotta keep our eyes open.
You moron! Do you realize what you've done? [runs to bus] You're gonna have to excuse my friend; he's a little slow. The town is back THAT way, a couple miles. Can't miss it.
...my rapist wit...
Check out the fun bags on that hose-hound!
No way...that's great! We landed on the moon!
How's quarter to 8? -No, I got some stuff to do...let's make it 7:45.
-Any unusual breeding? No, pretty much jusst doggie style.
Mary...I...I desperately want to make love to a school boy!
So you're telling me there's a CHANCE...YEAH! I read ya...
Husband? Wait a minute! What was all that one in a million talk?
Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg... -OK, kill him!
What's going on, Harry? Your name is Harry, isn't it?

*****Ferris Bueller's Day Off*****
Oh, I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. I feel that in my weakened condition I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences.
Heard that you were feeling ill, headaches, fever, and a chill. I've been sent to restore your pluck...cause I'm the nurse that likes to...
I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it.
Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What-- I'LL GO. Shit.
Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?
I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?
Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.
If you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend. -You've been saying that since the fifth grade.
You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And, and, and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.
I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!"
Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
A) You can never go too far and B) if I'm going to get caught, it's not going to be by a guy like that.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning facism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should only believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beetles, I just believe in me." Good point there. He was the walrus. I could be the walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond.
Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.
If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.
Cameron has never been in love -- at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.
If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle.
CS:Drugs? J:Thank you, no. I'm straight. CS:I meant, are you in here for drugs? J:Why are you here? CS:Drugs.

*****The Fifth Element*****
Look at my fingers: four stones, four crates. Zero stones? ZERO CRATES!
Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction, disorder, and chaos.
Leeloo Dallas mul-ti-pass. Mul-ti-pass.
Yeah, like the last two I got were important. The first one was from my wife, telling me she was leaving. The second was from my lawyer, telling me he was leaving---with my wife.
Everything you create, you use to destroy. -Yeah, we call it human nature.
Quiver ladies, quiver!
Supergreen.
I only speak two languages - English and bad English.
Evil begets evil. Shooting it only makes it stronger.
Good philosophy, see good in bad, I like.

*****Fight Club*****
How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
I haven't been fucked like that since grade school!
I am Jack's smirking revenge.
We are a generation of men raised by women. I'm beginning to wonder if another woman is what we really need.
First one through this door gets a, gets a LEAD SALAD!
Marla was like that cut on the roof of your mouth that would go away if you'd stop tonguing it, but you can't.
I look the way you want to look, I fuck the way you want to fuck.
I wanted to destroy something beautiful.
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
With insomnia, you're never really asleep; you're never really awake.
You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
First rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club.
Second rule of Fight Club, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.
Third rule of Fight Club, when someone say "stop" or goes limp, the fight is over.
Fourth rule of Fight Club, only two guys to a fight.
Fifth rule of Fight Club, one fight at a time.
Sixth rule of Fight Club, no shirt, no shoes.
Seventh rule of Fight Club, fights go on as long as they have to.
Eighth and final rule of Fight Club, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.
We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
Man, you've got some weird fucking friends. Limber, though...
The things you own end up owning you.
I don't wanna die without any scars.
Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now: should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Our fathers were our models for God. If they bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to be prepared for the possibility that God does not like you.
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
I am Jack's cold sweat.
You're not getting this back. I consider it asshole tax.
If I had a tumor, I'd name it Marla.
Now, a question of etiquette: as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
I am Jack's raging bile duct.
A guy started at Fight Club, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.
I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. And then I ran some more.
Did you know that by mixing equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
After fighting, everything else in your life has got the volume turned down.
If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.
Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy shit we don't need.
Losing all hope is freedom.
I am Jack's colon. I get cancer, I kill Jack.
I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.
You just had a near-life experience.
Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
Then take blood parasites. It's yours. Now we each have three.
I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car. -There's always that.
Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.
I am Jack's wasted life.
I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
Forget about what you think you know about life.
I am Jack's broken heart.
You met me at a very strange time in my life.
Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business flight.
Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article -- "a dildo" -- never "your dildo."
With a gun barrel stuck between your teeth, you only speak in vowels.
I got in everyone's hostile little face. Yes, these are bruises from fighting. Yes, I'm comfortable with that. I am enlightened.
A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You "dance" all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.
Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing brass on the Titanic.
No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.
In the world I see -- you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You will wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You will climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. You will see tiny figures pounding corn and laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of the ruins of a superhighway.

*****Full Metal Jacket*****
This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life. Without me my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviours of my life. So be it...until there is no enemy...but peace. Amen.

*****Ghostbusters*****
Ray, it's looking at me. Ray...
That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.
We came, we saw, we kicked it's ASS!

*****The Godfather*****
Some day, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me.
In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns.
I want someone good, I mean very good, to plant that gun. I don't want my brother coming out of the bathroom with just his dick in his hands.
Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed! -Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?
She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous! And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous!
That's my family, Kay. It's not me.
Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.
It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men.
You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your son back to you? Or my boy to me?
What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.
Mr. Corleone never asks a second favor once he's refused the first, understood?
Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.
Some people will pay a lot of money for that information, but then your daugther would lose a father, instead of gaining a husband.
Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever.
Tom, that was personal. This is business, and this man is taking it very very personal.
It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business.
I'm a businessman, Tom. I don't like violence. Blood is a big expense.
Luca Brasi held a gun to his head while my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.

*****The Godfather II*****
If there's one thing that's certain...if history has taught us anything...it's that you can kill anyone.
You're nothing to me now, Fredo, not a brother, not a friend. . . . When you visit our mother, I want to know a day in advance. So I won't be there.
I don't like your kind of people. I don't like to see you come out to this clean country in oily hair and dressed up in those silk suits, and try to pass yourselves off as decent Americans.
That ain't no fake. That's real. That's why they call him Superman.
It made me think of what you once told me: "In five years the Corleone family will be completely legitimate." That was seven years ago.
Panama won't take him. Not for a million, not for ten million.
I don't want to kill everyone, Tom. Just my enemies.
I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.
There are many things my father taught me here in this room. He taught me: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
I make him an offer he don't refuse.
I'll change; I'll change. I've learned that I have the strength to change.
It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect!
Every time I put my line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish.
Senator, we are part of the same hypocrisy, but never think it applies to my family.
My offer is this: nothing. Not even the $20,000 for the gaming license, which I would appreciate if you would put up personally.
This is the business we chose.

*****Goodfellas*****
But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?
How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me?
Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning.
In this day and age, what the fuck is this world coming to? I can't believe this, prejudice against -- a Jew broad -- prejudice against Italians!
Jimmy was the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies.
Paulie might have moved slow, but it was only because Paulie didn't have to move for anybody.
One day the kids from the neighborhood carried my mother's groceries all the way home. You know why? It was outta respect.
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.
Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free cars. The keys to a dozen hideout flats all over the city. I bet twenty, thirty grand over a weekend and then I'd either blow the winnings in a week or go to the sharks to pay back the bookies.
Didn't matter. It didn't mean anything. When I was broke, I'd go out and rob some more. We ran everything. We paid off cops. We paid off lawyers. We paid off judges. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking.
Go home and get your fucking shine box.
He said, "No, you're gonna tell me something today, tough guy." I said, "All right, I'll tell you something: go fuck your mother!"

*****Good Will Hunting*****
No more tomfoolery, no more shenanigans, no more ballyhoo.
Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.
You're legally allowed to drink now so we figured the best thing for you was a car.
My boy's wicked smart.
No, you know. I'll tell ya, I was hoping for a goodnight lay, but I'll settle for like a kiss.
So this is a Harvard bar, huh? I thought there'd be equations and shit on the wall.
You men are shameful. If you're not thinking with your weiner then you're acting directly on its behalf.
The reason he hangs around with those "gorillas," as you called them, is because anyone of those "gorillas" would take a baseball bat to your head anyday. It's called loyalty.
Does this violate the doctor-patient relationship? -Not unless you grab my ass.
You wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late charges at the public library.
She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other.
You're sitting on a winning lottery tickey and you're too big of a pussy to cash it in.
Do you know how easy this is for me? Do you know how fucking easy this is? Do you have any fucking clue? It's a fucking joke. And I'm sorry you can't do this, I really am. I'm sorry I have to sit around and watch you fumble around and fuck it up.

*****Happy Gilmore*****
You can trouble me for a glass of shut the hell up.
Awww, your fingers hurt. Well, tell you what. Now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty.
What? Friends listen to "endless love" in the dark.
This guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff. That's funny.
The price is wrong, bitch.
They saw my power. There ain't no way they're gonna deny me this year.
Go to your very own "happy place."
You're gonna die, clown!
Grizzly Adams DID have a beard.
Ohhhh...Volkswagon.
Guns don't kill people. I kill people.
And you can count. On ME waiting for YOU in the parking lot.
I'm stupid; you're smart. I was wrong; you were right. You're good looking; I'm...not attractive.
I didn't break it; I was testing it's durability.
I threw it in the woods because it's made of wood, and I thought it should be with it's family.
I see those finger paintings you bring home and they suck!
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Why can't you just go home, ball? Are you too good for your home?

*****Heat*****
Never have anything in your life that you can't walk away from in 30 seconds.

*****Heathers*****
If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a fucking game show host...

*****Hudson Hawk*****
How's my driving? CALL 1-800-IMGONNAFUCKINDIE.

*****Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark*****
You can't do this to me, I'm an AMERICAN!
Well, Jones, at least you haven't forgotten how to show a lady a good time!
You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do!
Dr. Jones. Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away.
What a fitting end to your life's pursuits. You're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something.
Let us hurry. There is nothing to fear here. -That's what scares me.
Throw me the idol. No time to argue. Throw me idol, I'll throw you the whip.
Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?
Asps. Very dangerous. You go first.
Next time, Indiana Jones, it will take more than children to save you.
So once again, Jones, what was briefly yours is now mine.
I don't know, I'm making this up as I go.
Indiana Jones! I always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door.

*****James Bond*****
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die. -Goldfinger
My name is Pussy Galore. -Goldfinger
The successful criminal brain is always superior. It has to be. -Dr. No
Oh, why I stay in this mad business? -From Russia w/Love
You only live twice, Mr. Bond. -You Only Live Twice
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. -Y.O.L.T.
That's a nice little nothing you're almost wearing. -Diamonds are Forever
White face in Harlem. Good thinking, Bond. -Live and Let Die
You little brown potty-heads ain't got no more idea of traffic control than a Gooley bird. -T.M.W.T. Golden Gun
Nowww I know you. You're that secret agent, that British secret agent, from England! -T.M.W.T.G.G.
There is a useful four-letter word, and you're full of it. -T.M.W.T.G.G.
I've never killed a midget before, but there can always be a first time! -T.M.W.T.G.G.
We really must stop meeting like this. -The Spy Who Loved Me
Any man who drinks Dom Perignon '52 can't be all bad. -T.S.W.L.M.
Dr. Holly Goodhead. -Moonraker
Mr. Bond, you defy all my attempts to plan an amusing death for you. -Moonraker
With a new Ferrari in every garage... -Goldeneye
Why can't you be a good boy and die? -Goldeneye
The fine line between insanity and genius is only measured by success. -Tomorrow Never Dies

*****The Karate Kid*****
Get him a body bag! Yeah! Hee hee hee hee hee hee....
Hey kid, I see you brought your pet Nip along...

*****L.A. Story*****
I could never be a woman. I'd just sit at home and play with my breasts all day.

*****Life of Brian*****
Alright, I AM the Messiah, now FUCK OFF!!!

*****Mallrats*****
It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat!
A schooner is a sailboat, stupidhead.
A small price to pay for the smiting of one's enemies.
Adventure? Excitement? Jedi crave not these things.
Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Renee, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime.
I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair!
Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!
Do you think Mr. Fantastic can stretch his dinky also? And do you think The Thing is hard all over? I mean really all over.
Brodie, I've always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you told me to do a striptease to the theme of "Mighty Mouse," I did it. On prom night at the hotel when you told me to sleep under the bed in case your mother barged in, I said okay. And even during my grandmother's funeral when you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let that slide. But if you think I'm gonna suffer any of your shit with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment!
You're going to listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?
Brodie: I never farted in front of Renee. Last week, I let one slip and today she dumps me. T.S.: Renee's not the shallow type. You're not insinuating... Brodie: She was going down on me at the time.
What can I say, I was feeling relaxed, when I feel relaxed I squirt.
Where do you get these wonderful toys?
Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside the said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.
I would've made a sexy chick.
My grandmother always said, "Why buy the cow...when you get the sex for free."
You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit!?
Usual vault rules apply: Touch not, lest ye be touched.
It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?
He's an alien, for christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him!
Brandi: Second suitor: if we were making whoopee, what sounds would you make? Brodie: Wait, what's whoopee? Brandi: You know, being intimate. Brodie: What? Like fucking?
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, "Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
You know what you need? What you need is a fatty boom batty blunt. Then I guarantee you'll see an ocean, a sailboat and maybe some of them big-tittied mermaids doin' some of that lesbian shit.
That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! I mean, look at you! You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex! And I should know, we can smell our own.
They call her Trish "the dish."

*****Mars Attacks*****
Peacemongers! IDIOTS!!!
Annihilate! KILL! KILL! KILL!!!

*****The Matrix*****
Whoa.
I know kung fu!
What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

*****Maverick*****
You can't help it can you? You are irresistible!
What's with you and Indians? -Oh nothing, I try to shoot one every day before noon, how about you Coop? I figured it was their fault too... for being on our land when we got here.
From the moment I slapped eyes on this hombre, I smelled trouble. And re-fried beans.
You ARE gonna miss me!
Lord...whatever I've done to piss you off...if you could just get me out of this and somehow let me know what it was I promise to rectify the situation.
If I can't touch you, I can touch your shirt and dream.
Well, now, I bring all sorts of plusses to the table. I hardly ever bluff and I never ever cheat.
Who knows what parts of me you'd steal next. I'd wake up with all sorts of things missing.

*****Moulin Rouge*****
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
You're going to be bad for business. I can tell.
What does he go for? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smoldering temptress?

*****The Naked Gun*****
Maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

*****The Natural*****
Some mistakes you never stop paying for.

*****Nothing to Lose*****
Freeze, Sucker Bitch!
What the hell is a sucker bitch?
Well, the "freeze, mother fucker" part was pretty scary.
And I was led to believe that if I moved my ass, it might be blown off.
I ain't no fruity pie!
It's a baby gash, Nick.
Nick, maybe if we put it in ice they can still save your arm.
Now calm down. You're gonna upset your wound.
Please, Mr. Beam, stay with me forever!
Please don't kill me, freaky Jason!
White people must have totally different taste buds, man.
You must be really fast.
There are two types of people in this world, Nick. There are killers, and there's everyone else.
I'm a killer, Nick. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! What are you, Nick?
Who's in control now?
Boy, did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day.
Do me a favor, Nick. Call 911. Tell them to meet me with a gurney in the parking lot.
Well here's a synonym for procreation: "Fuck you!"
Now if I had a license number, I wouldn't be standing here eating large quantities of shit, now would I?
What should I call her, "monogamously challenged"?
I bet you used to sell more girl scout cookies than anyone else in your troop, didn't you?
You don't say you're sorry when you SHOOT someone!
What kind of man goes out til 2:30 in the morning then comes back looking like a bruised turd?

*****Office Space*****
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
We noticed you've been missing a lot of work lately, Peter. -Well I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.
We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.
Hi, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.
We're not going to some white collar resort prison. No, no, no! We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison!
I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
There WAS nothing wrong with it. Until I was about 12 years old, and that no-talent-ass-clown because famous and started winning Grammys.
No way! Why should I change it? He's the one who sucks.
Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
You know I never really liked paying bills, I don't think I'm going to do that either.
Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.
I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money. -Well, not all chicks. -Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on me do.
Hey Peter, check it out, channel 9, it's the breast exams!
It's a "Jump to Conclusions Mat"! You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO! -That is the worst idea I've ever heard!
For my money it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman"!
If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!
No! Not again! Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam! I swear to God one of these days I'm just going to kick this piece of shit out of the window.

*****One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest*****
A little dab'll do ya.
What are you doin' here? You oughta be out in a convertible bird-doggin' chicks and bangin' beaver.
I must be crazy to be in a loony bin like this.
Which one of you nuts has got any guts?
That's right, Mr. Martini. There is an Easter Bunny.
I'm not saying they killed him. They just worked on him. The way they're working on you.
Someone get me a fucking wiener before I die.
They was giving me ten thousand watts a day, you know, and I'm hot to trot! The next woman takes me on's gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars!
Is that crazy enough for ya'? Want me to take a shit on the floor?
She was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and she told me she was eighteen, she was very willing, I practically had to take to sewing my pants shut.
In one week, I can put a bug so far up her ass, she don't know whether to shit or wind her wristwatch.
Hit me, Chief, I got the moves!
If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way.
What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it.
Why don't ya shut your goddamn mouth and play some music.

*****PCU*****
Old Woman: Can you blow me where the Pampers is?
Gutter: What?
Old Woman: Can you blow me where the Pampers is.
Gutter: HUH?
Old Woman: Can you SHOW me where the CAMPUS is!

*****The Princess Bride*****
Get used to disappointment.
Life is pain, highness; anyone who says differently is selling something.
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Inconceivable!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Have fun storming the castle!
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect...
You seem a decent fellow; I hate to kill you.
You seem a decent fellow; I hate to die.
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Get back, witch!
You weren't hired for your brains, you hippopatanic land mass.
Murdered by pirates is good.
Rest well, and dream of large women.
My way is not very sportsman-like.
Am I going mad, or did the word "think" escape your lips?
Well why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?
No. To the pain.
Where I come from there are penalties when a woman lies.
And when I say you are a coward, that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth.
When I was a kid TV was called books.

*****The Professional*****
No women, no kids.
Me boss. You not.
Why don't you let me hold the money for you? It's like a bank, only better.

*****Rage Against the Mahcine*****
Fear is your only God
We Support Our Troops.
I'd like to send a nice friendly message out to the fraternal order of Police.
I'm a Truth Addict, aw Shit I got a Head Rush.
Burn, Burn, Yes ya gonna Burn!
Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.
Shelter Line's stretching around the corner...welcome to the New World Order.
With a Hole in your Belly and a Gun in your Hand.
Highway Patrol Chopper comin' up over the ridge, a man sleeps by a campfire under a bridge.
I wanna be Jackie Onassis...I wanna wear a pair of dark sunglasses...
Why stand on a silent platform? Fight the war, Fuck the norm!
Compromise, conformity, the elite, assimilation, hypocrisy, brutality, submission
All of which are American Dreams.
They say jump and you say How High, you're brain dead, you got a fucking bullet in ya head.
Standing in Line. Believing the Lies. Bowing down to the Flag. You got a bullet in ya head.
Make a move like I was Cassius, rip a stutter-step and bomb a left upon the facists.
Ya Turn the Power to the Have-nots, and then came the Shot.
Who put the price on his head?

*****Reality Bites*****
I guess I'm a non-practicing Jew. -Hey, I'm a non-practicing Virgin.

*****Ricky Ricardo*****
You know, Rachel, you've got a nice, fat ass.
No no, it's "hammock". I made the same mistake.
I heard they're giving the last episode of Seinfeld tonight.
Wait, I thought the ice cream WAS called Jerry Garcia. (Preceded by Sage: "I just realized Cherry Garcia is named after JERRY Garcia!")
Christi, when's your birthday?
The "h" is silent but you still have to write it.
Daisy Fuentes...oooooooooohhhhh...
I was going to give Ay a hug, but I couldn't because I was on the phone.
So THAT's where the glow is coming from!
Wait a minute, this is the science fiction section!
Dude, she was in her LATE 13's.
At my summer camp, we wore bare feet all the time.
Does your girlfriend beat you up too?

*****Risky Business*****
My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over $8000 in one night.
Every now and then say, "What the fuck."
"What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

*****Rocky*****
What happened? How did everything that was so good get so bad?

*****Rocky IV*****
If I can change ... and you can change ... Everyone can change!

*****Rounders*****
Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.
In the poker game of life, women are the rake. They are the fucking rake.

*****Ruthless People*****
Debbie can't talk right now, my dick's in her mouth, she'll call you back when I'm done....I love wrong numbers.

*****Saving Private Ryan*****
Be not that far from me, for trouble is near; haste Thee to help me.
Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.
O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
What I mean, sir, is if you was to put me with this here sniper rifle anywhere up to and including one mile from Adolf Hitler... with a clean line of sight... well, pack your bags, boys. War's over.
It's like finding a needle in a stack of needles.

*****Scarface*****
I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.
You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend.
Rule number one: don't underestimate the other guy's greed. Rule number two: don't get high on your own supply.
In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.
Make way for the bad guy.
All I have in this world is balls and my word and I don't break 'em for no one. You understand?
You know what capitalism is? Getting fucked!
This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big pussy jus' waitin' to get fucked.
Who put this thing together? Me, that's who! Who do I trust? Me!
I never fucked anyone over in my life who didn't have it coming to 'em.

*****Scent of a Woman*****
You are in no position to disagree. I've got a loaded .45; you got pimples.
There are only two syllables worth hearing: pussy.
Well, gentlemen, when the shit hits the fan, some guys run and some guys stay.
Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns, or second-hand Steinways, but what's between them... passport to heaven.
Women. What could you say? Who made 'em? God must've been a fucking genius.
The day we stop looking, Charlie, is the day we die.
When in doubt, fuck.
If I were the man I was five years ago I'd take a flame thrower to this place.
There is nothing like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthesis for that.

*****Seven*****
Anyone who spends a significant amount of time with me finds me disagreeable.
This isn't going to have a happy ending.
You're no messiah. You're a movie of the week. A fucking t-shirt, at best.

*****Shanghai Noon*****
Don't worry, it could be worse -- he could be a white guy.
We're not pinatas, we're men!
You've lost your "winging it" privileges!

*****The Shawshank Redemption*****
I read it. You know how to read, you ignorant fuck?
The old man's crazy as a rat in a tin shit house.
Watch ye, for ye know not when the master of the house cometh.
The woman can't bake for shit.
I'm not making friends. I'm a convicted murderer who provides sound financial planning.
Andy Dufresne, who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side.
Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me.
Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.
If I hear so much as a mouse fart in here I swear by God and sonny Jesus you will all visit the infirmary. Every last motherfucker in here.
These walls are kind of funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets so you depend on them. That's institutionalized. They send you here for life, that's exactly what they take.
His first night in the joint, Andy Dufresne cost me two packs of cigarettes. He never made a sound.
The funny thing is - on the outside, I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook.
Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.
You're gonna look real funny sucking my dick with no teeth.
He vanished like a fart in the wind.
Get busy living, or get busy dying.
Red, I do believe you're talking out of your ass.
He had a quiet way about him, a walk and a talk that just wasn't normal around here. He strolled, like a man in a park without a care or a worry in the world, like he had on an invisible coat that would shield him from this place. Yeah, I think it would be fair to say... I liked Andy from the start.

*****Shine*****
You must play as if there's no tomorrow.

*****Short Circuit*****
I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be.
Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?
Newton Crosby: Where are you from, anyway?
Ben Jabituya: Bakersfield, originally.
Newton Crosby: No, I mean your ancestors.
Ben Jabituya: Oh, them. Pittsburgh.
With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?
Life is NOT a malfunction!
Oooooh! Her pants are blazing for you!
I am standing here beside myself.

*****Shrek*****
Some of you are going to die, but its a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
I'm a donkey on the edge!
I ain't never met someone who didn't like parfait. You never hear someone say, "Hey, you want some parfait?" "Hell no, I don't want no parfait!"
Let's move on to girl number 3, Princess Fiona. She likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain!
That's what I like about you, Shrek. A true friend wouldn't be so brutally honest.
She lives with seven men, but she's not easy.

*****Silence of the Lambs*****
No. Precisely. We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Clarice? I hardly see how you couldn't. And don't your eyes move over the things you want?
They don't have a name for what he is.
A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner.
Your anagrams are showing Doctor. "Louis Friend"? Iron sulfide, otherwise known as fool's gold.
No. First I tried to free them. I -- I opened the gate to their pen, but they wouldn't run. They just stood there, confused. They wouldn't run.

*****Simpsons*****
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, "Never Try."
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get.
Alright, brain. It's all up to you.
The girls of the internet. Ooh, I'd go online with them anyday!
Now, let's all go back to that...building thingy...where our beds and TV...is.
Kill my boss?!? Do i dare live out the American Dream?
Come, to Homercles.
Stupid brain.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the money, then you get the women.
Ah, Andy Capp, you wife beating drunk.
Don't make me run; I'm full of chocolate!
The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Blame the guy who doesn't speak English.
Mmmm...sacrelicious.
Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.
Be quiet, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
Paddlin' the school canoe...you better believe that's a paddlin'.
If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't...
It's that girls should stick to girls' sports, like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxy and such and such.
Ha ha! Look at this country! 'You are gay!' Ha ha!
Marge, do you have other men in this house? Radioactive Men?
Up and at them!
I admit it! The record club! The first 8 were only a penny, then they jacked up the price!
I love the 'Enrich your wordpower' section. It's really...really...really...good.
In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
Remember when I took that wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
40 seconds? ...Awwww, but I want it now!
This donut has purple in the middle; purple is a fruit.
Look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happyland, on lollipop lane!
I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!
Hey there, blimpy boy, flying through the sky so fancy free.
Me lose brain? Uh-oh!! ...Why I laugh?
For once, people will call me 'sir' without adding, "you're making a scene."
Hey German boy, go back to Germania.
He's been mad at me ever since I kinda ran over his dog...but replace the word "kinda" with "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."
Since the dawn of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.
Ahh, the college road trip. The perfect way to spread beer-filled mayhem.
Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will.
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
Beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one.
Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
That Yentl puts the "she" in Yeshiva.
Do not be alarmed; continue swimming naked...awww, c'mon! Continue!
Dad, what's the point of your story? -I like stories...
The street in your mind.
Good drink, good meat, good God, let's eat.
[Those 4 years in clown college...] I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.
14 days without a tornado. (later) 2 days without a tornado.
Fuzzy Bunny's guide to "You Know What"
Entering Badlands (high-speed chases use diamond lane)
Awww, I'm gonna lose my job just because I'm dangerously unqualified.
Oh, when the saints go over there.
Mmmm, 64 slices of American cheese.
Mmmm, urinal fresh.
The fly was funny, and the booger was the icing on the cake.
The ball! His groin! It works on so many levels...
Sure I do! I just want to have a beer while I'm caring.
Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than someone whose ivory supplies are low.
Karma can only be apportioned by the cosmos.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
The trick [to getting out of jury duty] is to say you're prejudiced against ALL races.
If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing.
Ah, MacGarnicle eases the pain.
Oh, maybe TV is right. TV's always right.
Kids, are you hugging the TV?
Stupid TV! Be more funny!
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in 8 hours of TV a day.
[Bart: TV sucks!] I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.
Dear God, just give me one channel!
Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little. It's a boy's best friend.
Don't you ever, ever talk that way about television.
Why did this have to happen during primetime, when TV's brightest stars come out to shine?
It's the TV networks, Marge; they won't let me! One more quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last.
Ralph, I just need a soul...any soul...your soul.
Do you want our son to be a Supreme Court Justice or a male stripper? -Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Earl Warren was not a stripper! -Now who's being naive?
These babies'll be on the shelves while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix!
What do you mean I can't take off my sweater!?! I'M HOT!!!!
Today, a stowaway bear terrorizes space shuttle astronauts.
Stupid risks are what make life worth living.
They call 'em "fingers", but I never see 'em "fing". Oh, there they go.
I just got promoted and it's all thanks to "Yes I cannibis".
Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?
Lenny: Pick me! I'm Lenny! --Carl: Pick me! I'm an Urban Lenny.
We have Mountain Dew and crab juice. -Ewww! I'll take the crab juice!
I've figured out the boy's punishment: No leaving the house for one week, not even for school. And no egg nog on christmas. In fact, no "nog" period, and lastly, no stealing for three months.
I used to be "with it" then they changed what "it" was, now what i'm with isn't "it" and what's "it" seems strange and scary to me.

Mr. Burns: Well Smithers, another Friday night is upon us, What will you be doing? Something gay no doubt?
Smithers: Wha...? I...
Mr. Burns: You know, mothers lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town!
Smithers: Eh, eh, eh, exactly sir.

Oh no! You need booze!
Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
It tastes like . . . burning!
They did their best.... Shoddilly-iddily-iddily-diddly... Gotta be nice.... hostility-ility-bility-dility- Aw, hell, diddly-ding-dong-crap! Can't you morons do anything right?
I bent my wookie!
Hi Supernintendo Chalmers!
You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? So some pimply little puke can treat you like dirt because you're not on the team. Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff.
What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?
Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more. -Comic Book Guy
Authorites say the phony pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.

*****Sixteen Candles*****
Fred, she's gotten her boobies!
This information cannot leave this room. Ok? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.
No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.
Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?
Relax, would you? We have fifty dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens.
Would you guys please hurry up, I'm breaking like 20 major laws right now.

*****The Sixth Sense*****
Do you know why you're afraid when you're alone? I do. I do.
I see dead people.
I never told you, but you sound a little like Dr. Seuss when you're drunk.

*****Slap Shot*****
I may be bald, but at least I'm not chickenshit!
I'd rather have 'em playing with their toys than playing with themselves.

*****Sleepless in Seattle*****
Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.
People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again.
Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble.
Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expections into it.

*****Snatch*****
[Do you have anything to declare, sir?] Avi: Yeah. Don't go to England.
Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?
In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again.
Fish, chips, cup o' tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary-fucking-Poppins London!
I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the fuck can he get away from?
There are two kinds of balls in this world. There are the big brave balls and then there are the little mincey faggot balls.
If I throw a dog a bone, I don't wanna know if it tastes good or not.

*****So I Married an Axe Murderer*****
You've turned into a right sexy wee bastard.
My name is John Johnson but everyone knows me as Vickie.
Now go and kiss your mother or I'll kick your TEETH in!
I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.
Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News "the paper." A paper contains facts.
I like the night life. I like to boogie.
No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
[What do you look for in a woman you date?] Charlie Mackenzie: Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size.
Excuse me miss, I believe I ordered the LARGE capuccino?
I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Aye, now that was offsides, now wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
Would ya look at the size of that kid's head! It's the size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick!
Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.
Hey, you know what this place needs? A really large oversized poster of Atlantic City. Oh, look, you have one!
That's the artificial horizon, which is better than the actual horizon.
You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called Fuck You. It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground.
[So bright women intimidate you?] Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, no, no, no, no, not at all. But it's a shame I'm going to have to destroy you.

*****Some Kind of Wonderful*****
It's better to swallow pride than blood.

*****South Park (TV) (warning--profanity)*****
I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, agh, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and make me some pie.
Be a man Stan, just say, hey woman, you, you, you shut your mouth and make babies.
If a woman ever gave me crap, I'd say, hey you, go do my laundry.
Your sister. Oh for Pete's sake, don't be such a little wuss. Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy little fufu problems, and give me back my cocoa.
Yeah, if some sissy bitch tried to kick my ass, I'd be all like, hey listen missy, why don't you just go knit me a sweater, before I slap you in the face.
If you want to combine a pig and an elephant, just get them to make sweet love.
Do what I do, get them good and drunk.
Oh children, you just can't stick a drunk pig with a drunk elephant and expect them to do the mattress mambo.
Sit Sparky. Good boy. Now shake. Good boy. Now don't be gay. Don't be gay Sparky. Don't be gay.
I'm not fat, I'm big boned.
That's when they put this metal hoopajoop up your butt.
What if you don't have any rhythm, like my friend Kyle? He's Jewish, so he doesn't have any rhythm.
We are from America. AMERICA. We are lost and very hungry. Necessito burritos.
God damn stupid hippie activist. I should be home, nestled in a couch right now watching Fat Albert cartoons.
This is a bunch of crap. I've been licking this carpet for three hours and I still don't feel like a lesbian.
Yeah hippie, go back to Woodstock, if you can't shoot anything.
Screw you guys, I'm going home.
Sometimes I forget that even though a few independent films are great, most of them suck ass.
What kind of side dishes will we be enjoying this evening with our frozen waffles? Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
It's going to take more than your weak American weapons to destroy Mir.
The underpants gnomes. Those little guys that come real late at night and steal your underpants.
Okay children, today we're gonna learn all about Japanese poems called haiku. A haiku is just like a normal American poem, except that it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.
You killed Kenny! You bastard!!!
Yeah, you shouldn't force your puberty Stan. You should let it come like the morning dew.
Chair. C-H-A-R-E. (BUZZZ) God dammit, how come I get the hard ones? Get over here you son of a bitch fonics monkey.
Hey, I might have been stillborn, but at least I got better.
Yes, this year I've decided to fight for the glorious South. Screw you guys. And may I say that we're going to wup your ass this time.
I wasn't sleeping, I was just thinking really hard.
We're trying to find the brown noise, it's this one pitch, this certain frequency that makes people lose bowel control.
I can meet new friends on the internet. Here's a chat room, Men Who Like Young Boys. That's perfect. Hi everybody! I am a young boy seeking an older male for good times. I am eight years old.... Wow, look at all these guys that want to be my friends. I'll pick Tony 316. Hi Tony.
I did not want love from a young boy. I like men my own age. Hah, I mean I like women. What did I say? Oh god, I love titties.
Timmaahhh.
Well look, those perverts aren't gonna rest until they've made love to one of us. Right? So someone is just gonna go out there and take one for the team, and I think in all fairness, it should be Butters.
And now I'm receiving a message directly from God. God is telling me that each and every one of you to walk up to the stage and give me one dollar. So I want everyone to feel the love of God by coming up here and putting a dollar in the box. Come on, don't be shy. Come on now.

*****Star Wars*****
That's no moon. It's a space station.
The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.
Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.
We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.
The Force can have a strong influence on a weak mind.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Escape is not his plan. I must face him. Alone.
Wonderful girl! Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her.
Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me!
If money is all you love, then that's what you'll receive.
The Force is strong with this one.
That's 'cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.
You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
Your friend is quite a mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything... or anybody.
Bring 'em on, I'd prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around!

*****Strong Bad*****
Shouldn't you have pecs?" "Don't need em. That's why they call me 'double A--All Abs'.
Who wants a tan on their back? There's no abs to accentuate!
I met her in the summertime...her name was...email!
Actually, I don't really know anything about the ladies either. I mean I do! I mean-WGHT! JGTH! YES I'M AWESOME!
And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
Trogdor strikes again!
Homestar: BALEETED! um... DELTEATED!
And then, before the paper comes down, I usually mutter something...under my breath...about some girl named Beth.
Email women! Email Girls! Email women! Email Girls!
Ok, Tori. Let me know how the volleyball tounament turns out. Touns out.
Come and and get in the boat...fish! Come on and get in the boat, fish fish!
Oh...I think I broke my clavicus...majorus.
Whoa...the entire town of Cory, North Dakota decided to email me.
Say something normal, like..."Douglas".
What do you get when you email Strong Bad? You get a world of hurt.
Well Naber, I'd definitely travel ahead about 15 minutes to when all the ladies show up for me "2003 Ladies' Choice Awards".
Coach Z: Look at me! I'm hot chick #37!
I shoulda played it safe and gone *back* in time to where I *know* I'm awesome.
I'm a shrimp! Doing da da doing da da doing. Don't eat me! No! I'm a shrimp!
Number A, you don't have to shout.
So sorry sweetie, tootsie-pie, sugarbob, funky bunch.
Join us next week when we'll be duct-taping clocks to all kinds of different stuff!
That was a true part!
Coach Z: This is a dark day for track and field.
Ah, so many emails, so little good emails.
And then Trogdor smote the Kerrek and all was laid to burnination.
Somebody get this freaking duck away from me!
Stiny! Get me a danish!
Check me out! No, seriously, check me ouuut!
I am the very strongest. You guys are not very strong.
...Super Bomberman...
Augh. My mouth tastes like...emails.
Thank you, Interruptor Jones. That is also my egg.
Well, I'd really appriciate it if you could proofread your emails before you sent them to me.
In the United States alone, somebody checks their email every three seconds. This is one of those emails.
What can I say? I'm a chick magnet. A babe conductor. A logarhythm for the ladies.
The office dullard is a clever foe, but there are ways that you can beat him.
Mmmm....hot pockets.
I sound like...one of the golden girls...or like...some guy who might sing a song.
Welcome to the high-voice crew...I hope you have a high voice too...cuz when you got a high voice, you don't have a choice, your voice is high all the time...
Strong Mad: This is my funny voice! This is my funny voice!
Homestar: No Way! The Cheat is one fine-looking young man. That is an ugly bird.
Strong Sad: I'm sad that he's flying.
Oh girl...I want to email you so nice...
More like, *you* write a book about comeback jokes, NERD!
Oh, I like all kinds of legs. You know, like...the great leg...the leg of hope...tape leg?
[answers phone] Yeah. This is me. I dunno, what kinda savings?
Homestar: Whoa. That TV has words on it.
Homestar: Uh oh. This does not look good for Homestar Runner.
Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined. Well, that's good to hear.
What? The paper? This isn't over yet, go back up, go back up!
Look fratty, I'm not coming to your party.
And then you could get a couple of kegs of cheap cold ones and invite a buncha skinny blonde girls...Woah. This party is starting to sound pretty good. Count me in, bra.
I only accept gold nuggets. Or maybe Denver Nuggets. Whatever you got on ya. Chicken nuggets.

*****Superman 2*****
Dwayne, you gotta learn to kick ass if you wanna be a peacemaker.

*****Swingers*****
Remember this face. This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.
You're the big winner here tonight, Mikey. Who's the big winner? Mikey's the big winner!
She was smiling at how money i was.
Tell you what. If you tell the bartender to go easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it. Now hurry along, because I'll be timing you. 1...2...3...4...
So fuckin' money. That was like the Jedi mind shit.
You act like you don't need the shit, and they give you the shit for free.
You gotta let the girls know that you're money.
I'll have the french toast in the Age of Enlightenment.
This is Trent. We like to call him Double Down.
Look at you. You wanna kiss me.
Is he cute? Is he brown? Have him take off his shoes and stay awhile.
Is she looking at me now?
It's on, baby. It's definitely on. It's so fucking on.
You're like a bear, man. You've got these big claws and fangs, and big teeth. And she's this bunny, just cowering in the corner, just shivering. And the bunny's scared. And you're looking at these claws and these fangs, and you don't know how to kill the bunny.
Maybe I'll just call her in three weeks and ask her where I met her and what she looks like. Then I'll ask her whether or not we fucked.
Nikki, this is Mike. You're a great girl, but I just don't think it's working out. It's not you, it's me; it's what I'm going through. So, I think we need to take some time off...oh Nikki, great! Did you just come home, or were you listening the whole time?
Everything that's past is prologue to this.
I don't have to be nice to everyone. Some people don't like me, I don't like certain people.
Fine, you want me to ask her? Ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out around here?
Our little boy's all growns up tonight.
Yes, I'm the asshole in the group.
$
Listen to me, baby. There's gonna be beautiful babies there.
Come on, Mike, you gotta get on with the beatiful babies. You can't sit at home thinking about it.
You wanna get outta here? This place is dead anyways.
You're so money man, and you don't even know it.
I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie who everyone REALLY wants to make it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie.
You're a bad man, Mikey. You're a bad, bad man.
Perhaps you'd be more comfortable at one of our lower stakes tables.
Hi, this is Mike again. I just called again because it sounded like your machine might have cut me o...[click]
Hi Nikki, it's Mike. I just called because I didn't want it to sound like I'm weird or desperate or someth...[click]

*****Teen Wolf*****
I have three rules which I live by: Never get less than 12 hours sleep, never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city, and never go near a lady with a tattoo of a dagger on her hand. Now you stick with that, and everything else is cream cheese.

*****Terminator 2*****
You can't just go around killing people!

*****Tombstone*****
Go ahead, skin that smokewagon and see what happens.
Are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?
You're a daisy if you do.
I'm your huckleberry.
Why Ed, we cross?
If I thought we weren't friends anymore, I just don't think I could bear it.
This happens to be a nocturne. You know, Frederic Fucking Chopin.
This meeting is fortuitous. That means lucky.
Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just walked over your grave.
Why Kate, you're not wearing a bustle. How lewd.
On the other hand, you may be the anti-Christ.
I said throw down, boy!
It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.
Poor soul, the strain was more than he could bear.
He was just too high-strung.
Come on! Come on! You're no daisy, you're no daisy at all!
My hypocrisy only goes so far.
I'll turn your head into a canoe, Ike.
Indeed, sir. The last charge of Wyatt Earp and his Immortals.
Johnny, I apologize, I forgot you were there. You may go now.
Hey Kansas Lawdog, law don't go 'round here, savvy?
Yes, I'm sure of it...I hate him.
no. No. No. No! No! No! NO! NO! NO!! NO!!!!
Why it's Johnny Tyler, the madcap.
I calculate that's about the end of this town.
That is one hell of a thing for you to say to me, Wyatt.
I don't think I'm going to let you arrest us today, Behan.
All the same, I guess you'd better swear me in.

In Vino Veritas.
Age Quod Agis.
Credat Judaeus Apella, non ego.
Iuventus stultorum magister.
In Pace Requiescat.

Behold the pale horse...the man who sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.
They're less likely to get antsy with Doc on the street Howitzer.
Pardon me if I don't shake hands.
500. Must be a peach of a hand.
I suppose I'm deranged, but I guess I'll just have to call.
Cover your ears, darlin.
[ You retired too?] -Not me. I'm in my prime.
Very cosmopolitan.
I already got a guilty conscience. Might as well have the money, too.
That's not what he said, you ignorant wretch.
You sweet, soft Hungarian devil...
Is your soul for sale, dear?
Wyatt, I am rolling.
[I'll be damned.] You may indeed, if you get lucky.
[you Doc Holliday?] That's the rumor.
That's what I love about Wyatt; he can talk himself into anything.
I have not yet begun to defile myself.
Why Ike, whatever do you mean?
Say when.
Hey, lovin' man. You been called.
I will not be pawed at, thank you very much.
Maybe poker just ain't your game, Ike....I know, let's have a spelling contest.
Well I have two guns. One for each of you.
[I was just foolin' about]...I wasn't.
I beg to differ, we started a game we didn't finish, a game for blood.
I'd take the deal, then crawfish and drill that old devil in the ass.
[What would you do Johnny?] -Already done it.
Jesus, even I'm scared for when Ringo runs this outfit.
Smell that? Smells like something died.
[Hey Matty, where's Wyatt?] -Right behind you Stillwell.
[Where's Wyatt?] -Down by the creek, walking on water.

*****Tommy Boy*****
I was just checking the specs on the rotary...girders....I'm retarded.
Your brain...has the shell on it.
I'm a maniac...maniac...
Where's moron...moron's here.
Did you eat paint chips as a kid? -Hee, hee....Why?
Fat man in a little coat, Richard. Fat man in a little coat...
Housekeeping! You want me jerk you off?
Richard, don't run away from your feelings!
Brothers don't shake hands; brothers gotta hug!
Bees! Bees! They're everywhere! Save yourselves! Your firearms are useless against them!
That...was...AWESOME!!! Oh, sorry about your car, man.
Look, mommy, the rhino's getting too close to the car!
Oh, he's just a little guy, don't wanna get hurt.
No, it's Herbie Hancock.
Is it just me, or does Tommy look really heavy? -No, the camera adds...a couple...hundred...pounds.
A lot of people go to school for 7 years. -Yeah, we call them doctors.
He's a big dumb animal, isn't he folks?
Went a little heavy on the pine-scented deodorant there, eh kid?
Great. You've pinpointed the problem; the next step is washing it off.
I wish we'd known each other...this is a little awkward.
Richard, who was your favorite Little Rascal? Was it Alfalfa, or was it SPANKY?
Hey, that's a pretty girl out there. Maybe she dates one of the Yankees!

*****Top Gun*****
Jester's dead! Wooooo!!!
Maverick requesting fly-by.
Holy shit, it's Viper!
You have to have carnal knowledge of a lady this time, on the premises.
This is what i call a target rich environment.
You live your life between your legs, Mav.
Take me to bed or lose me forever.
The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room.
You don't have time to think up there. If you think, you're dead.
At the time I was inverted...
You can be my wingman any day. -No, you can be mine... (what WAS going on between those guys, anyways?)

*****Toy Story*****
Great, now I have guilt. -Rex
More uni-directional bonding strips. -Buzz
Do you people still use fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?
You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity. -Buzz
Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head!
Tuesday's plastic corrosion awareness meeting was a big success.
I'm from Mattel. Well, actually I'm from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buy-out.
To infinity, and beyond!

*****Usual Suspects*****
Lattima Keyser Soze!
He'll flip ya...flip ya for real.
I'M TELLING YOU IT'S KEYSER SOZE!!!!!
Elvis has left the building.
...And on that farm he shot some guys...E-I-E-I-O
Kill away, Mr. MacMannis...
You sure you brought enough guys?
That's good, I live in Queens. You put that one together yourself, Einstein?
Why'd you have to do that? I was making a point...
Dean Keaton gone the high road? Say it ain't so...
What about you, pretzel-man, what's your story?
There was a big fat guy, I mean orca-fat.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
And like that.......he's gone.
There was a lawyer...Kobayashi.
...I can't feel my legs, Keyser.
How do you shoot the Devil in the back...and what if you miss?
You give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now.
GIVE ME THE GUNS YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
GiveMeTheGunsYouFuckingCocksucker, WhatTheFuck?
And then he showed those men of will what will really was.

*****When Harry Met Sally*****
I am the dog. I am the dog!
When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way in case I die before I finish I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a darkside.
I'll roll down the window.
Obviously, you've never had great sex.
I knew...the way you know about a good melon.
Men and women can never be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
It's amazing. You look like a normal person, but you're actually the angel of death.
You see what I did? I said I would let it lie, then I went the other way.
How long do I have to lie there and hold her before I can get up and go home? Is five minutes enough?
See, somewhere between five minutes and all night is a problem.
Mr. Zero knew.
Baby fish mouth! Baby fish mouth!
What are you saying, that they fake orgasm?
I'll have what she's having.
It's an Ethiopian place. So I say great, we'll get two empty plates, I'll pay the bill, and we'll leave. Funny, right? Nothing from her.
No, sometimes I vary it a little. -What part? What I'm wearing.
You know, you may be the first attractive woman that I have not wanted to sleep with. -That's wonderful, Harry.

*****Willow*****
Ignore the bird. Follow the river.
Ooh, I'm really scared. Help! There's a peck with an acorn pointed at me!
Willow: Don't call me a peck! Madmartigan: Oh I'm sorry! Peck! Peck! Peck, peck, peck, peck, peck!
Madmartigan: It's good for ya! Puts hair on yer chest, doesn't it, sticks? Willow: Her name is NOT sticks, she is Elora Danon, the future princess or Tir Asleen! And the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest!
You started spouting poetry. "I love you Sorsha! I worship you Sorsha!" You almost got us killed!
"I love you Sorsha?" I don't love her, she kicked me in the face! I hate her... Don't I?
"I dwell in darkness without you," and it *went away*?
I've sent her... I've sent her to a realm where evil cannot harm her!
You are drunk, and when you are drunk you forget that I am in charge!
Wanna breed? -Tempting... but No.
Don't I know you? I stole the baby from you while you were taking a peepee!
Your leg. I'd like to break it.

*****With Honors*****
I've never wanted to be a razor so much in my life.

*****Woody Allen*****
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying.

*****Zoolander*****
I'm professionally good-looking.
They're break-dance fighting.
Brint, Meekus and Farcus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, a literal brother. I mean it more in the sense that black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.
I'm sure there's more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, Derek, you're ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career.
When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class. -Ewww!
The files are *in* the computer?
I became... -What? -Bulimic. -You can read minds?
I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building now!
Todd! Did I not tell you I get all farty and bloated from a foamy mocha latte!?
Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's cool!
There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".
Derek, are you worried about Hansel? -Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.
Mer-man! *cough* Mer-man!
Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?
Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investi-gatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investi-gatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?
...I think I'm getting the Black Lung, pop...it's not very well ventilated in those shafts.
And if there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity, and just because we've got chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Hansel...so hot right now..Hansel.
Well then you can just dere-lick... my balls.

*****Other*****
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.
I think that a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a serious lack of confidence.
You are special. Just like everybody else.
If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, do the other trees make fun of it?
I haven't failed. I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.
For every problem, there is a solution which is simple, neat, and wrong.
If a problem cannot be solved, there is no point in worrying about it. If it can be solved, worrying will do you no good. -Dalai Llama
Can you say to a rainbow, "Stop being a rainbow!" No! Such is Mango.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Ah, the tragedy of porcupine love.
There are three stages of a man's life: When he believes in Santa Claus, when he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, and when he is Santa Claus.
Water? I never touch the stuff. Fish fuck in it.
Look on the bright side: If the glass is half empty, then I must be half full.
I'll have you know I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
After I have sex, I usually wash my hands. Who knows where that money has been!
Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good while your doing it, but then you realize you are only fucking yourself.
A true friend stabs you in the front. -Oscar Wilde
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
I don't do drugs. I am drugs. -Salvador Dali
I've won at every level except high school and college. -Shaquille O'Neal
A sportswriter looks up into the sky and then asks you, "Is the sun shining?" -Sonny Liston
Children are like TV sets. When they start acting weird, whack them across the head with a big rubber basketball shoe. -Hunter S. Thompson
Being a professional means doing your job on the days you don't feel like doing it. -David Halberstam
I don't understand the creative process. Actually, I make a concerted effort not to understand it. I don't know what it is or how it works but I am terrified that one green morning it will decide not to work anymore, so I have always given it as wide a bypass as possible. -William Goldman
On this Father's Day, we'd like to wish all you fathers out here a happy birthday. -Ralph Kiner
Great players make great plays. -Joe Theismann
Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure. -Knute Rockne
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
You can't let someone come into your house, slap you around and eat all your food. -LaVar Arrington
Friends are like bras, close to your heart and all about support.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Worst + Awful = Wuerffel
I've seen kids do things, and they get out of hand. They all have beer. -Detective Supervisor Frank DeMeo
If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea. -Antoine Saint-Exupery
That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? That is! -Flowers for Algernon
How does a single blade of grass possibly show its gratitude to the sun? -Yao Ming
As soon as I let it go, the flight of the ball, everything looked like it was perfect. It was so quiet. Even when I think about it now, it's just so quiet. Everything from that, it's just rememberful to me. -Mike Bibby
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. -Arnold Schwarzenegger
A wise man once said, 'All things in moderation, except Ultimate, which should be pursued avidly.' - xian
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. -Mark Twain
In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.
As you go through school, you find that you learn more and more about less and less until you know everything about nothing.
Those evil natured robots, they're programmed to destroy us. She's gotta be strong to fight them, so she's taking lots of vitamins. Cause she knows that it'd be tragic if those evil robots win. I know she can beat them. Oh Yoshimi. -the flaming lips

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