Wonderings
By Beverly Greene
By Beverly Greene
NOTE: This poem is protected by international copyright laws and may NOT be reproduced in any form without the author's expressed and written consent.
I'm worried
you'll fall in love
with her.
I'm worried
you'll enjoy
her company,
which you
can actually
have,
more than mine,
which you can
only dream of.
I'm so afraid.
I'm afraid
that I'll lose
you to the distance,
to the time,
we can't spend,
to the miles
that keep us apart,
to the others
who want
to be with you
as much as I do.
I'm so confused.
I'm confused
as to whether
these chains
holding me
to you
are still love
or simply
the fear
of losing
this feeling.
Does that
constitute love
or simply
the fear
of losing?
I'm disturbed
by the thought
of you
holding her,
kissing her,
being with her,
doing things
I would
give my life
to do with you.
I know you need
the physical
as well as emotional
comfort she
can give you
that I just can't
right now,
even though
every ounce
of my being
screams out
for the opportunity.
I'm so hurt.
I'm hurt
that you
can't give me
the commitment
I so desperately
need from you
and instead
chose to
play around
with another woman
until we can
finally be together,
running the risk
of forcing me
to send your heart
back to you
so you can
hand it to her.
I don't want to
let go.
I'm bothered
immensely
by the fact
that you won't
handle the pain
of being with me
when you
can't really
be with me
even though
we both
still feel it,
only now,
unofficially.
I know
that you
really do
love me,
somehow,
but what if
it's not enough
to remind you
of where you belong
when you are
in her arms?
What if
I can't handle
all these wonderings?
What if....
what if
my love
isn't enough
to believe in yours?
What if
we fall apart
and away
from one another?
Will our love
for ourselves
be enough
to hold us
up above
that threshold
we have both
come so close
to crossing before?
Will it be ok?
Will we make it?
Will I make it
if we don't?
Will you,
or would she
be your comforter?
Would anyone
be mine?
Could I?
After all
is said
and written,
after all the
wonderings,
I know that
you do love me,
and how much
I truly love you.
I know
that we both
have needs
that need to
be meet,
I just pray
that our love
will be the
guiding force
that will
bring us home
to find
our comfort
and resolutions
there.
I love you,
always.
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� 1999 Beverly Greene owns all rights to this original poem.
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