Searching For My Rainbow

By Beverly Greene

NOTE: This poem is protected by international copyright laws and may NOT be reproduced in any form without the author's expressed and written consent.

Here it comes again,
the fear I left behind
so long ago.
I thought that I had trapped it
with new self confidence
and controlled it
with her love for me,
which game me the strength
to love myself.

But now,
out of the darkness of nowhere,
the solidness under my feet
starts slipping again,
leaving me grabbing for her hand,
searching for her stabilizing smile
through eyes obscured with wonder
as to where this flood of emotion
emanated from.

I look to her,
praying to our Goddess
that she can calm my storm,
again pulling me to the center,
and keeping me safe
from the snipping at my heels,
trying, wanting, needing, to rip me apart,
hope by hope,
using memories as the molars
to draw my insecurity,
red and flowing,
burning through my life
like a brush fire.

Where did it lay dormant,
building the strength again
to send me to the desolate place
where I fight myself...
"Please don't push her away!"
"Don't fuck this up too!"
"This may be my only shot at happiness!"

So, here I stand, alone,
fumbling in the dark,
seeking my courage
to pull her next to me again,
to grab her through the wire,
over the miles
and never let our souls stray.

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� 1999 Beverly Greene owns all rights to this original poem.

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