~make it alright~
Today (1/15/02) I received a new entry in my guestbook. It reads as follows:
I think you're getting a little bit too exigant with the feedback... send feedback or I'm not updating the site... it's "manipulation" in french and it's not good... why should we give you feedback after every chapters your writing? it's ridiculous p
Reading this comment really hurt my feelings. It came at a time when I was feeling really down on myself self-esteem wise (read my journal for more info on that). That statement felt like pouring salt in an open wound.
I realize that the person who made this comment did not know about the crappy day I had leading up to that point. It was just a coincidence. So I understand that it wasn�t their fault for making such a comment an inopportune time. I also realize that I do ask for a lot of feedback. But from what I gather, so do most other Backstreet fanfic writers on the net. For instance, take Karah at My Confession. Like me, she doesn�t update until she feels she�s received a sufficient amount of feedback on her writing. I kind of see it as the unwritten fanfic etiquette.
I pour my heart and soul into Make It Alright. It�s the first Backstreet novel I�ve posted on the internet- so in a way, its kind of like my baby. The story is like a part of me- a very personal part. I�m a very private person to begin with�I�m the type of person who other people come to with their problems, while I keep mine bottled up inside. The only way I can really express those bottled-up emotions is through writing. So for me to post Make It Alright on the internet for everyone to read is like posing naked for the world to examine me stripped down.
That�s why I ask for feedback. I�m not saying that all of my feedback has to be praise. If people want to offer their advice in places that need improvement, I�d be more than happy to read it. I believe I made that perfectly clear in the story�s introduction. But I put so much effort and energy into writing this story for you all to read, I feel like I need something in return. Just a little note to let me know that what I�m doing isn�t a complete waste of my time.
I see it as an issue of respect. And I practice what I preach. I make an effort to write feedback to authors when they update my favorite stories. They give a part of themselves to me, and I feel I owe them something in return. I�m assuming the person who wrote this comment doesn�t write fanfic. Anyone who does knows the incredibly heartwarming feeling you get when a complete stranger says they like what they�re reading.
I guess part of the issue is that I�m self-conscious of my writing. I would never, EVER let anyone I personally know read what I�m writing. So I sign onto the stats page of my website and see that 350 people have read the first chapter of my story. But I�ve only received feedback from around 15 people or so. That conjures up all sorts of insecurities in my mind. Does my story suck so bad that the other 335 can�t bear to tell me?
Also, I�m sorry to break it to you- but my life does not revolve around the Backstreet Boys. I have friends, family, college, homework, extra-curricular activities and work to attend to. I�m a very busy girl. I know how it feels to be in the position where you love a story so much you wish the author could update every day. But unless that author has no life whatsoever, I don�t see how that�s possible. I�m trying my best to update at least every week. But if I can�t- I�m sorry. I�m human.
To those of my faithful readers who do send me feedback- thank you very much. Seriously, it makes my day and is the only reason I continue with it. If I didn�t receive feedback- what would be the point in posting it on the net? That�d be a waste of the very little free time I have. Hearing that other people want to continue reading what I write is the only motivation I have to keep this site running. So thank you to those of you who do.
Enough of my rant. ~Lissie
P.S.: If you really have a problem with me asking for feedback- then stop coming to my site.
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