Unforgiven Sins                           25


   
�I  understand,  it�s  a  difficult  situation,  losing   your parents  that  way.�  He glanced down the street.  �Where  are  you staying?�
    He obviously wanted to change the subject, so I played along.  �At Mrs. Johnson�s  Bed  and  Breakfast. She was  one of mom�s friends.�
    �Yes,  I  remember.�  He  reached out  and  touched  my arm. �Would  you  like  to have dinner with me  tonight?�    
    �I�d like that,�  I said,  realizing that it would be a good opportunity to find out if he knew anything.
    �Seven okay?�  He removed his hand from my arm and looked at his watch.
    �Sure.�
    �I�ll come by and pick you up.�
    �All right. I�ll see you then.�
    He  smiled  at  me,  then  turned  and headed  along  the street in the direction of the police station.  I walked back to my car and got in. I watched him as he continued along the sidewalk.  It felt strange seeing him again after such  a long time.

    Jake was waiting inside the front door with a  bunch of daisies in his hand as I came down the stairs. I had always preferred daisies to roses and  I was surprised that he had remembered.  He was  dressed in  a pair of tailored,  black
pants, deep maroon shirt and black tie. He also had on a

                       
                        M.A.Anderson                           26


pair of polished, black leather mocassins.   He looked very handsome.  But, then, he always did.  I had chosen to  wear   a  sleeveless,  shimmering,  jade colored cocktail  dress,  its hemline  a  few  inches  above the knee,  and  glossy  black sandles.  I  had pulled my hair back in  a French twist  and added a sparkling butterfly comb to it.
    �You   look   lovely,�  Jake  said,  as  I  stepped  off  the bottom step and moved toward him.
    �Thank you. You look good, too.�
    He passed me the daisies. �For you,� he said, smiling.
    �Thank you,� I said, taking the flowers. �They�re lovely. I�m flattered that you still remember.�
    �There�s a lot I remember, Amanda.�  His eyes bore into my soul and I felt my cheeks grow warm. I looked away.
    �I�ll just go put these in water and then we can leave.� I quickly turned round and headed for the kitchen.
    I took  a vase out from an underneath cupboard,  placed
it under the faucet and half filled it with water, then I took the daisies out of the wrapping,  arranged them in the vase and sat it in the center of the kitchen table.  As I turned to leave,  I was startled by Jake  who was leaning against the doorjamb watching me.
    �I didn�t mean to frighten you,� he said, straightening up.
    �You didn�t,� I lied.
    �Ready to go?� he asked, moving aside and gesturing along the hallway.
    �Sure.� I walked to the door and moved past him.
                     Unforgiven Sins                            27


  
Jake  had chosen the restaurant he had taken me  to  on our first date. It had a wonderful atmosphere. Soft lights, tranquil music and quiet corners. We had been ushered to a subdued little corner away from the other patrons. I felt a  little  uncomfortable being  alone with Jake  again  after such a long time. He pulled a chair out for me and as I sat down he rested his hand on my bare shoulder.   A strange sensation   spiraled   through  my   body   and  at  first   I
thought that it was just some residual sexual attraction... we  had  been a couple once and he  was  attractive.   But once he removed his hand, the feeling remained.  I tried to ignore it.  Jake moved around the tiny table and sat down opposite me.  He gazed across at me, and I thought I saw a   flicker  of  awareness  in  his  eyes.    Could  he   know something  about  my  parent�s death?  He reached across and took my hand.
   �Mandy...can I call you that? I always use to.�
   �I�m all grown up now, Jake, I really don�t like Mandy anymore.�
   �You want to forget the past...is that it?� He asked in his gentle, even voice.
   �No. I just think that people have to move on with their lives...and I have.�
   �Okay. Amanda.� He gave me a hurt look, then changed the subject. �When�s the funeral?�
   �I can�t arrange the funeral until they release the...until I have the official okay.�
                        M.A.Anderson                         28


  
�I thought that had already been arranged.  What�s taking so long?� Jake frowned.
   �You should know how the wheels of authority work, Jake.�
   �Yeah, but your parent�s death was an accident,  there�s no reason to hold their remains any longer than necessary.�
   A  chill  crept  through  my   body,   the  word 
remains suddenly  jolted me into a reality I didn�t want to have  to face  alone.   Tears  welled in my eyes and I began  to  feel very  light  headed.  Jake noticed immediately  and  got  up from his seat and came around to me.
   �Come  on,  Amanda,  I�m  taking you outside  for  some air.� He helped me up and led me across the restaurant and out  into  the  street.  I  stood against the wall  and  took  a couple of deep breaths to steady myself.    �Maybe dinner isn�t such a good idea right now. How about we go back to my place for a while?�  Jake suggested.  I nodded.  He  put his arm around me and helped me to his car.

   The  closer  we got to Jake�s house,  the more I  had  the urge  to jump out of the car and run.  There was still some kind of attraction between us, that was more than obvious. And right now I didn�t want to have to deal with anything more than I had to.  I knew that if he made any attempt to seduce me, I would be helpless.
   �Jake.   I�m  feeling a lot better now,  maybe you  should



                      Unforgiven Sins                            29


just take me back to Mrs. Johnson's so that I can get an early night.   I think everything is starting to catch up with me  and  rest  is  what  I  really  need  right  now.� I looked across at him.
   �You  really  want  to  be  alone  now?  After  what  just happened back at the restaurant?� He glanced across at me then back at the road.
   �If  I  get some sleep,  I  should  be  feeling good as new by tomorrow.� I bit my lip.
   Jake could sense how I was feeling and pulled the car into the curb and turned off the ignition. �Look, Amanda, if you think   I�m  going  to  try  anything...you  have  nothing   to worry about.  You should know me better than that. �
   �I did...I mean, I do...it's just....�  I really didn�t want to be having this conversation. �I just don�t want to confuse things right now. I have too much to deal with as it is.�
   �You  don�t  have  to  deal  with  me, Amanda.  I�m  here only as a friend. You still want to go home?� He started the car again. I nodded. �All right. I�m just sorry we didn�t get a chance to have dinner and catch up.�
   �Maybe another time,� I said, not looking at him.
   �Yeah.� There was anger in the tone of his voice.
   �Please don�t be angry, Jake. I�ve got a lot on my mind at the moment.�
   �I know. All I want to do is help.�

 
�And  I  appreciate  that.'  I reached across  and  rested  a hand on his arm  'Friends?�
 
                         M.A.Anderson                          30


  
He nodded. �Sure.�
   We drove the rest of the way in silence. There was a definite chill in the car. Jake wasn't happy about my decision to go back to the rooming house. We pulled up at the curb outside Mrs. Johnson's, and Jake got out, came around to my side of the car and opened the door. 'Well, here you are. Home safe and sound.' He held out his hand to  me.
   'Thank you Jake.' I took his hand and climbed out of the car. He closed the door behind me. 'Look, I really am sorry about tonight. I really was looking forward to our dinner date. I guess things just got on top of me. It's been too overwhelming.'
   'I do understand, Amanda, but you had some kind of idea that I was going to try and seduce you. Do you really think I'm that insensitive?'
   'No...that's not it at all.' I looked into his stormy eyes. I could always tell when Jake was angry with me, his eyes said it all. 'I realized that there's still something between us...'
   'There will always be something between us, Amanda. That doesn't mean I would take advantage of that fact, not after everything you've been through recently.'
   I felt a pang of guilt. 'Could we try dinner again?'
   'Maybe that isn't such a good idea, right now.'
   'Jake?'
   'I have to go,  Amanda.'  He said, letting go of my hand and starting down the path.

                    
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