(An alarm clock is heard beaping. The camera now focuses on it, and
it is 6.30 AM. The clock is hit, and John Cena is shown jumping
outta bed, in his mansion home.)
Cena: "Another day of training... oh well, you getting up hunny?"
Trish: "Woah that was tiring... how can you have so much energy
with so little sleep?"
Cena: "HA, well as great as it was... i don't tire easily!"
(The camera now focuses on Trish, who is seen clambering out of bed
in some silky black lingerie! She pulls on a gown, and goes to make
some tea)
Cena: "We got no time for that babes... I gotta meet Rhyno for
training at 7, after all, he's got 2 matches tomorrow night... and
i gotta defend the title!"
Trish: "Why do you have to train so hard for a match with George of
the Jungle anyway?"
Cena: "A title defence is a title defence... come on, get some
clothes on and lets get going!"
Trish: "Well thats the opposite of what you normally tell me to
do... but ok, ok, just give me a while... I go NOWHERE looking as
rough as this..."
Cena: "Ha, you could NEVER look rough darling, your the most
gorgeous girl on the planet!"
(Trish giggles and the two kiss. The scene than fades!)
(The scene re-opens, with Cena, Rhyno and Trish in Cena's personal
training facility. The scene is being beamed onto and EMF Titantron
for the world to see!)
Rhyno: "Wow, in just a few days, it's the first title defence of
John Cena... nervous mate?"
Cena: "Nah, why should i be? I'm facing a pussy cat... it will be
over as quickly as 1... 2... 3!!! It will be THE fastest and THE
easiest match in EMF Championship History, and John Cena will be
standing victorious by the end of it, without any damage taken,
without any cuts, any bruises, any scrapes... it will be THAT DAMN
EASY! Lion, my faourite band, Nirvana, once famously sung the line
"its fun to lose, and to pretend!" Well come Evolution, you had
better hope they were right... coz thats exactly what you will be
doing in the ring with me! Your dreams will be shattered as soon as
the begun... and then, you can go home and PRETEND you won! You can
maybe by a replica belt, priced $199.99 at EMF Shopzone... put it
round your unworthy waist, and PRETEND its the real thing, because
the closets your gonna get to my Champioship... is when the referre
holds it out to you at the start... so why don't you stretch your
arm out, and touch it, but just not too much.... i don't wanna have
to be scrubing it all night to get your fingure prints off it..."
Rhyno: "Sorry to interupt you mate... but we gotta get training,
save the promo for when we go to the ring later ok?"
Cena: "Sure thing mate! Trish, honey, you better stay outta the
ring... wouldn't want you getting hurt! Now watch how the men
perform in the ring!
(Trish puts up a slight argument... then leaves the ring, as Cena
and Rhyno train. The scene fades out again)
(A few hours later, after seeing them on titantron, the EMF fans go
wild as Revolution blasts out, and Cena, Rhyno and Trish make their
way to the ring, Cena and Trish arm in arm, with the title round
Cena's waist, and Rhyno trailing behind. They enter the ring, and
Rhyno taunts on one side, Cena and Trish on the other.Cena then
grabs a mic and speaks)
Cena: "THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! I SAID THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! Now, i know
none of you are worried bout me losing the title at Evolution...
but i just wanna reassure you all... Lion IS, believe it or not, a
proffesional wrestler... and so, I have to treat him like an equal
in the ring... and KICK HIS ARSE ANYWAY! Lion, i've beaten some
great wrestlers in my time... unfortunately, your name wont be
added to the list... not coz i wont beat you, because beliveve me,
i WILL, but because you are NOT a great wrestler! You don't belong
in a ring, with a Title at steak... god, you don't even belong in a
ring with me non-title... you could NEVER beat me, not even if i
had my legs ties together and my arms tied behind my back.. so what
makes you even THINK you can step into MY ring? What makes you even
DREAM of taking my championship? Because, Lion, when you wake up on
the day of Evolution... look into a mirror, and say, "I may be this
ugly now... but just imagine what i'll look like once Mr. Cena is
done with me..." And before you come out with a smart-arse answer
about "I'll look a million times better with my new
Championship..." think AGAIN, because, you have as much chance of
getting near my title as you have of getting near a EMF Diva...
absolutley NO CHANCE IN HELL! Lion... i've been beating off bigger
wrestlers than youy since my first week here... and i can honestly
say, if i was told YOU wolu dbe my first championship defence
opponent, back then... i would have LAUGHED so loud, and said "no
way, HE will never get to a title match!" But now its happened... i
mean, there must be a real lack of competition for YOU to be the
best... It's a joke, it's an outrage... it's just not happening!"
Rhyno: "With all due respect John... it IS happening, you ARE
facing Lion"
Cena: "I know, i know, and i'm happy about it! I mean, its the
perfect early Christmas present! A Championship defence, all gift
wrapped and handed to me on a plate! What could be nicer... except
maybe if this match was a Hell in a Cell, or some other gimic match
that i could use to end the career of Lion... but beating you will
do for now! Maybe in a few years, when you've actualy finished
growing... and you have a couple years experiance, then you MIGHT
be worth my time... but for now... I'm only wrestling you because i
HAVE to... there are better things... or people (signalling to
Trish) that i could do with my time... so as i said before, this
one will be over VERY quickly!"
Rhyno: "So, you beat the kid inside 10 seconds... then what???"
Cena: "Then, after he's beaten, and his world is shattered, I take
my championship... and hold it in front of his face... so he can
see what he was NO WHERE NEAR getting... but thought he was...
then, when he gets up a few hours later... and sees that the match
is over, and that HE LOST, he will be taught a VERY valueble lesson
courtesy of John Cena, and hopefully will stop calling himself "the
kind of the jungle..." and can get a better nickname... like "John
Cena's Latest Victim" or something that says you survived near
death... if you still have a career after Evolution with which to
use a nickname that is..."
Trish: "Ok John, but as your official interveiwer... i was
wondering, you say you are gonna beat him in a record time... not
doubting you could do it but err... how exactly?"
Cena: "Well Trish, have you EVER seen someone in this business kick
outta the FU... NOT LIKELY coz it just never happens. So what i do
is, start the match, FU him to hell... then pin his arse One, Two,
Three! Its that damn easy... If Kettleburg can't kick outta the Fu,
what chance does a guy like Lion have..."
Trish: "About as much chance as Chyna has of kicking outta the
stratusfaction once she wins at Evolution, which by the way will be
ALL down to John, and then i beat her for the Title.
Cena: "Woah. that low... Ha only kidding. Chyna is a great
wrestler... and i can't wait to see that match! But all that aside,
my prized is on the line, and although there is no chance of my
losing it... t wil be the first time its been on the line, and
thats big for any champion. Although my victory is guarenteed, its
still the first chance, slim as it is that i've had to lose the
title, but if Lion, you think rheres any pressure you can use
against me, think again! The fans will ALL be chanting my name,
doing their Cena chant as they do week in, week out! Have you ever
faced a man in his hometown? coz facing me is like that WHEREVER we
are. Whether its America, England, Canada, Japan they don't care...
they still all LOVE John Cena! And you cannot handle that kinda
crowd Lion... you are not experianced enough, nor strong enough to
beat a man who has 100% support! Especially when that man has a
whole stable of superstars backstage.... cheering for him, wanting
him to win! Lion, you are WAY outta your league here! How's this
for an idea, you stay at home come sunday, forfeit the match, don't
bother.. coz what good can really come from it? YOu know how it's
gonna go down... you will step into the ring, and be carried out...
without the Title! You will probably try anyway... and who could
blame you? Title oppertunities don't come along all that often...
but even you must know deep down you've lost this one! Lion, what
you fail to understand is, i was once where you are... a little
newbie, no experiance, thought he could take on the world and beat
it! Well here's a peice of advice for free, YOU CAN'T! Now if you
were smart, you'd be scared outta your little mind going into this
match... I doubt you are though, after all, you think you can
beat... HA You think you can beat Angelus Archer! So i bet that
actualy, in all seriousness, you are quite confident about beating
me? Well, i say good for you... you will need that confidence to
get anywhere here, but, so far we have seen that Lion can take
victory.. let's see this sunday, just how much of a sore loser he
is, when he gets beat 1... 2... 3! in the centre of my ring.
Rhyno: "Well i'd love to stay here and hear another amazing Cena
promo, but I got two matches to prepare for... so i'll leave you
two love birds alone. Cya later Champ!"
(Rhyno leaves to his theme and an ovation from the crowd. Trish and
Cena remain in the ring)
Cena: "Well, Lion, this is rare, me making a promo without a
Revolution member in site... so what better time to give these fans
a little warm up of whats to come? Why don't you get your arse out
here, and we can get this one going right here, right now, and not
wait to Evolution?"
(The crowd roar in agreement. Cena looks up the ramp expectantly,
but no one comes! After a while Trish speaks)
Trish: "Doesn't look like he's coming John... anyway, who would
wanna fight you without a reason... who would come out here just to
get his arse kicked and injured before his shot?"
Cena: "Oh well, suppose your right... and why should i bother
standing out here waiting... i think i've said all thats gotta be
said, so Lion... this is it... ROLL ON EVOLUTION!
(Cena and Trish leave to Basic Thugonomics. They do some usual
taunts, and again end with a kiss, to the fans delight. THe ovation
dies down a bit as they exit behind the curtain, with the fans
still chanting for their favourite superstar!)
