what you leave behind ...

We've all seen them ... beautiful, bi-racial children with eyes like marbles, glossing and twinkling like stars ... blue, green, hazel, and sometimes even a smoky grey. Racial mixtures creating combinations of skin tones ranging from "barely some color there" soft olive, to "high-yellow", and "caramel kissed". Lashes thick, long and flutttering, complimenting a hair color that can be everything from "honey blonde" to the "darkest ebony"... so much of it, ...so long, ...and, hmmm, how can I put this gently? ... I can't ... so ... " sooo NAPPY!!!" ... there, YES, I said it! ... and I know plenty of you have noticed these things and wondered, "What on earth?" ...

It's the saddest thing to see a pretty little girl, especially around the pre-adolescent age, with an 'afro-puff' hair ball and 'kinky edges', trying to fit in between her "Anglo" friends and classmates, who of course have questions about this "hair", and her ethnic friends who know "what's up" and tease her because her hair needs to be braided or pressed. It's "spongy", "snaps back", and is "dry" - and her completely "Caucasian", "Hispanic", or "Asian" mother doesn't have a clue what to do with it, (except maybe cut it off?). And Homeboy, I blame "YOU" for that.

Just because it doesn't work out with you and "baby mama" doesn't mean you are free from your obligation to your offspring. You, with your designer and name brand duds, stay groomed, on a regular, as a given, don't you? You can't say you don't because in our culture "Vanity" is extremely prevalent, not only among women, but men too. People can be on the verge of homelessness, or about to have their utilities turned off, but they will be riding around with tires and rims worth thousands of dollars, or sitting up in the nail and beauty shop getting "hooked Up". You're so quick to brag about 'ya mixed kids ... "Oh, my baby mama is Hispanic" (or whatever) ..., but just because you went "there" doesn't mean anything to the next person, especially if you don't see your child frequently enough to teach them about their culture, and self-identity. Most white (or here is where I go Affirmative Action on you - "other") women do not know how to wash, comb, and blowdry or "press" black hair, and it is your responsibility to see to it that someone, if not you, someone - aunts, grandparents, whomever, and however it can be worked out, teach this child about grooming and upkeep of that "wool halo" they were blessed with. I'm not at all saying it's bad hair, cause "mzstephens" has spent enough time in beauty shops to have seen all types and textures of hair, and believe it or not, all of it can be worked with. I can speak from my own personal insight of how misplaced one of these children can feel, not having a sense of belonging. This doesn't just apply to girls either. We see the young boys needing haircuts and someone to teach them how to use certain products on their skin and hair also.

It's funny how love works - today it can be an overwhelming longing to be near this person who has almost everything it takes to make you happy, and months from now, you won't be able to stand looking at this individual. And somewhere, in between is the product of that love, left for his or her single mother to fend for until she moves on with her life or the child is shuttled between the two of you, and never comes to know and fully accept their biological combination and make-up. When we are young these are not the things we anticipate or think about, but that is why there are people like me ... to put it on your mind, and ask you to consider the precious being that comes from the seed you planted. You have to help nurture that seed, and aid in it's development. If you know you don't have it in you to settle down just yet, then please be very careful in what you do. This is not a public service announcement ..., it's just that it's "mzstephensbizness" to let you know - "that ain't cute" and you need to see to it that your daughter gets some braids, and your son gets his hair cut, ... on your next day off. Period.