This page is just for humor,
We hope it doesn't offend
The author of this page
Was ten years active in the Marine Corps
It just a way for us to poke a little fun at each other.
We've all heard about the "Old Corps"
from those "Old Salts."
Here's a story I heard a while back,
and there's no doubt in my mind that it's true.
Back in 1775, in Tun's Tavern,
Recruiting started for the new Marine Corps.
The very first Marine enlistee came in,
Signed the papers and took an oath.
He was then told to go outside and wait
For the other enlistee's to go through the process.
They would assemble later on the front yard.
After a few minutes the second enlistee came out
And had a seat on the steps, beside the first.
The first man looked at the second and began,
"Son, let me tell you about the Old Corps."
A career Marine, who had retired as a corporal,
was telling the younger men,
How he handled officers
During his years of service.
"It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General,
an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief.
I always told those guys exactly where to get off.
"Wow, you must been something,"
The admiring young Marines remarked.
"What was your job in the service?"
"Elevator Operator in the Pentagon."
As the storm raged
The captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
He called out,
"Anyone here know how to pray?"
One Marine stepped forward.
"Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
"Good," said the captain,you pray."
While the rest of us put on our life jackets
We're one short."
"The young army doctor was stationed
At a remote dispensary in the South Pacific.
One day he was puzzled about treatment.
For one of his patients.
He radioed a base hospital:
'Have case of beriberi.
What shall I do?'
A prankster got hold of the message.
This was the reply:
'Give it to the Marines.
They'll drink anything.'
War was on
And the captain was attempting to rally
the Marines on the eve of a big offensive.
"Out there," said the captain, "is your enemy.
The man who has made your life miserable.
Who is working to destroy you;
The man who has been trying to kill you
Day after day throughout this war."
Private Johnson jumped to his feet.
"My God, the cook's working for the other side!"
A Marine walked into a bar
An Army soldier saw it
And ducked, just in time
At the end of the night a Marine leaves a bar.
Outside he sees a nun.
He walks over to her and slaps her in the face.
Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over.
He proceeds to kick her several times
And when he's done he bends down to her and says,
"Not as tough as a Marine, are you Batman?"
This Marine, all messed up from Vietnam,
Went to the hospital to get checked.
Because of the war, his brain was all screwed up,
And all he could say,
Was the words to the Marines hymn.
So the doctor asked his name,
He replied, "From the Halls of Montezuma."
The doctor decided to remove part of his brain,
Thinking that would cure it.
When the doctor did this,
The Marine still said "From the Halls of Montezuma..."
The doctor figured he did not remove enough of the brain.
So after removing some more,
The Marine still only said those words.
The doctor, now getting frustrated,
Decided to take the rest of the brain out.
Now the Marine, with no brain,
Stood up and started singing,
"Be an Army of One!"
T'was the night before Christmas
And all thru the Corps
Not a sole had liberty,
the troops were all sore.
Yes, every Marine in the lot
Was lying on a rack of nails
Called a Marine Corps Cot.
When out on the Parade Deck
I heard such a clatter,
I sprang from my cot
To see what the hell was the matter.
With bayonet in hand
I moved stealthily to the door
I cautiously waited to see
If there were more.
Yes, it was the Commandant of Marines
This there was no doubt
He was wearing his poncho green side out.
He carefully moved from rack to rack
He cautiously inspected each rifle and pack
To a chosen few a 96 chit.
but to the majority a ration of s*it
As he pulled away in his gold plated tank
Pulled by ten colonels all bucking for rank
I heard him say,
And he said with a shout
Merry Christmas you suckers you'll never get out!
A bartender is sitting behind the bar
On a typical day,
When the door bursts open
And in come four exuberant Marines.
They come to the bar,
And order five bottles of beer and ten glasses.
They take their order over
And sit down at a large table.
The caps are popped, the glasses are filled,
And they begin toasting and chanting,
"51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon three more Marines arrive,
take up their drinks and the chanting grows,
"51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more Marines show up
And soon their voices are joined
In raising the roof,
"51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally the tenth Marine comes in
With a picture under his arm,
He walks over to the table,
And sets the picture in the middle
And the table erupts.
Up jump the others,
They begin dancing around the table,
Exchanging high-fives,
All the while chanting,
"51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer,
So he walks over to the table.
There in the center,
Is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster.
When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender
Asks one of the Marines,
"What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in,
"Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb
And they make fun of us.
So, we decided to set the record straight.
Ten of us got together,
Bought this puzzle
And put it together.
The side of the box said 2-4 years,
But we put it together in
51 days
After a fire started in a downtown hotel
Four of the guests,
found the exit downstairs blocked by fire.
The guests consisted of;
An Army Captain, a Navy Captain,
An Air Force Col. and a Marine Major.
Surrounded by the fire,
The four went up to the roof.
The fire truck soon arrived.
And the firemen held out a net.
And yelled up "Ok Ground pounder, jump!"
The Army Captain responded
"I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army
And you will address me as such."
The firemen yelled back,
"Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"
The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net
And the Captain splattered on the ground.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"
The Navy Captain yelled back
"I graduated from the Naval Academy
And you will show respect."
The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!"
Again the firemen moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!"
The Air Force Col.yelled back
"I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."
The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!"
They again moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"
The Marine Major yelled down
"I'm not stupid like those other guys,
You're not moving the net on me.
Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."
A lawyer, a doctor, and a winger were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas.
They all decided to start walking to the nearest town
(which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening,
when he saw the lawyer top the horizon and walk toward him.
The rancher noticed that the lawyer was carrying a glass of water,
So when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said,
"Hi there...what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?"
The lawyer explained his predicament
and explained that since he had a long way to go,
He might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the doctor
Walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand.
"What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.
As before, the doctor explained the situation
And said that since he had a long way to go,
He might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.
Finally the winger appeared, dragging a car door through the sand.
More curious than ever, the rancher asked,
"Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"
"Well," said the wingnut, "I have a long way to go,
so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him
And says,''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''
The guy next to him replies,
''Well, before you tell that joke,
You should know something.
I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE.
The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225,
And he's a MARINE.
The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250,
And he's also a MARINE.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''
The sailor says,
''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''
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