Author: Thalia Kendall
Category: General, Humor, Romance
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J.K. Rowling. Characters and situations are used without permission, no infringement is intended.
Summary: Stephen Cornfoot, devoted and loving husband, attempts to surprise his wife Mandy (formerly Brocklehurst) with a cake for her birthday, with some unexpected results... Perhaps bookworm logic shouldn't be applied to cooking...
* * *
Eggs and flour and melted chocolate and sugar and milk.
A lot of patience and an aptitude at Cleaning Charms.
Oh, and of course, undying, infinite love for one's wife.
Those, Stephen Cornfoot reflected, were the ingredients necessary for Mandy's birthday.
Stir. Fold in buttercream mixture.
Fold?
He scratched his head, his face full of disgust. Was he supposed to plait the damned thing?!
Okay. So he forgot that baking a cake took SKILL, too.
Scrunching up his face in concentration and almost wishing that he'd taken Parvati's offer of the loan of a house elf, Stephen just dumped one mixture into the other and started to stir again.
About two hours later, all the ingredients were mixed together, somewhat. Stephen stared at the brown, gooey mix in the large bowl, somewhat confused.
All right.
Preheat oven. Preheat? Was there some sort of postheat if there was such a thing as PREHEAT? Logically...
Cooking didn't seem to be a very logical science.
And Mandy would be back from her shopping excursion with Lisa any moment!
Frantically slathering what seemed to be a cake pan with butter, he started to pour the batter into the thing, wondering how it might possibly get transformed into a cake.
Dribbles of the chocolatey mix clung to the bowl, and Stephen childishly stuck a finger in it, before bringing it to his mouth. Well. It didn't taste too bad. But... preheat? Wha--?
And then there was the slight pop of someone Apparating in, and he froze. SHITESHITESHITESHITESHITE!!
"Stephen, darling, I'm home!" The melodious voice of his wife sounded in the foyer, and footsteps approached the kitchen. "Where are you?"
Oh bloody HELL, JUST the perfect image to present to her... flour on his cheek and chocolate goo in his mouth and a bloody APRON...
Mandy opened the kitchen door, and came to a halt. Standing there like a deer in the headlights, his hair mussed and his face full of confusion and apprehension and determination in an odd mish-mash of adorable emotion, was her husband. He was numbly stirring something brown, cake batter, from the looks of it.
Smiling slowly, she walked up to him. "Who's the cake for?"
"You," he replied, slightly squeakily. "Except I haven't... er... figured out the baking part yet..." His voice took on a decidedly whiney note, "Maaaandy, I TRIIIIED! But it's so HAAAAARD!"
Mandy gazed at this picture, a tall man in a 'Snog the chef!' apron, a pout worthy of a five year old on his face, flour smudging his flushed cheeks and... chocolate.
And slowly, a small, feline smile grew upon her face, and she slowly made her way towards him. Dipping a finger into the chocolate goo, she lifted it to her mouth, licking it clean.
And then she leaned up, lips tasting of chocolate, and kissed him deeply. He gave a slight meep of surprise, before sliding his slightly floury arms around her waist and kissing back.
When she pulled away, she pointed at his apron with a slight smirk.
Somehow, the chocolate cake never got baked... but the batter was enjoyed thoroughly anyway by the husband and wife.
And perhaps it was coincidence that little Joseph Cornfoot, with his mother's dark hair and his father's blue eyes, was born approximately nine months later.
And turned out to be the biggest chocoholic that Ravenclaw had ever seen.