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The meeting was boring and the conference room was too stuffy with the unseasonably warm weather they were experiencing. Renee slipped off her shoes and wiggled her toes under the table when the accountants droned on and on about projected surpluses and deficits in the budgets of various departments. As interim CEO, Renee found herself having to pick up the slack from Joshua and his father before him. Doors really had not completely recovered from Jonathan's loss, now Joshua too was gone. Renee wondered if he was dead or locked away in a distant cell on the Mothership or some other Taelon facility. Trying to find a single prisoner on the Mothership was like trying to locate a single grain of sand on the beach.
Renee closed her eyes. When she opened them Joshua was sitting on the table dressed in a Roman toga. She blinked but Joshua remained. He gave her his best quirky grin before dancing on the table to bag pipe music. Then he pulled out a global and frowned.
"I'm late! I'm late for a very important date!" He jumped off the table and scampered out.
Renee hastily put her shoes back on and followed him. The accountants gave no sign they had noticed anything odd at all.
She caught sight of Joshua in front of the elevators as the doors closed in front of him. She punched the button and entered the first elevator to arrive on her floor only to realize that the elevator itself had no floor. Renee screamed in shock and tried to grab onto something, but she could not find anything to grab on to. Then it occurred to her that she was not falling normally, she was falling slowly like a pebble through water though her shoes immediately fell off her feet and descended at the normal rate. They made a lot of racket when they hit the bottom.
Things began to appear around her in the elevator shaft as she fell: a man in a rocking chair knitting orange baby booties, a small library with the Little Golden Book encyclopedia, two Taelons playing checkers.
"King me." Said the Taelon playing red.
"You cheated." Accused the black player.
"It was a fair move, screaming about it won't help. Good day, Ms. Palmer."
"Hello." Renee said awkwardly as she fell past them. What do you say to checker playing Taelons in that circumstance?
Renee landed on a giant pillow. She could not find her shoes anywhere. There was only one exit, so she opened the door and walked out into the bright sunshine.
"There are no parks near my office building." Renee said as she looked around.
Joshua was up ahead. He had somehow acquired a green beret. He was still going on about being late when she caught up with him.
"Taelons must be experimenting with the effect of hallucinogenic substances on the brain."
Joshua smiled at her. "Whose brain? Your brain? That would mean I am a figment of your imagination or my brain and you are one of my delusions."
Renee considered this. "I'm real."
"Are you?"
"Decarte said 'I think therefore I am'."
"Nice day for it." Joshua commented.
"Nice day for what?" Renee growled. She could feel a monster headache coming on.
"Being." Joshua touched a knot on a tree and portaled away.
Renee tried to follow him but all she got was an out of order message on one of the leaves.
"This is just wonderful." Renee hissed. She whirled around to get her bearings. She was standing on a brick path that led into woods. She shrugged and decided to follow the path.
She walked for almost half an hour before she came to a cluster of huge mushrooms that looked strangely like Stonehenge. Liam Kincaid was meditating in the middle of the circle. He looked up at her and smiled.
"Hi."
"Liam, what are you doing here?"
Liam shrugged. "Meditating."
"This is ridiculous! I have a meeting I need to attend." Renee turned to go back but the path she had taken was gone.
"Can't go that way back to your board meeting." Liam grinned. He nodded to the mushrooms. "One side will take you to the edge of the forest and the other to the center."
"Which is which?"
"I'm not a mushroom expert."
Renee pulled off a piece of each. Didn't some species of mushrooms have hallucinogenic affects? She glanced at Liam who was singing 'Home on the Range'.
"Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam!"
"It can't get much crazier."
"Where the deer and the antelope play," Liam sang.
Renee chose the other side of the mushroom and took a bite. She felt as though someone grabbed her behind her navel and flung her through the air. Landing did not hurt much, but as she tried to straighten her jacket she noticed Liam was no where to be found and that there were fewer trees here.
Joshua brushed by her. He was now carrying a pizza box.
"Extra cheese or sausage?" Renee asked staring at the pizza.
"Pineapple and apricot with angel food cake bits and salmon." Joshua informed her.
"Yuck."
"Its for Zo'or. I'm late! I'm late for a very important date."
"You need to work on not repeating yourself." Renee muttered.
They came to the edge of a hedge maze. Jonathan Doors stepped out in a Hawaiian print shirt and grass skirt and a hockey stick in front of him.. Renee did not think the style suited him.
"Halt! What is your name?"
"Joshua Doors."
"Renee Palmer."
"What is your quest?"
"To deliver this pizza piping hot to Zo'or?" Answered Joshua hoisting the pizza box for Jonathan to see.
"To retain my sanity and find some aspirin." Said Renee.
"What is your favorite color?" Jonathan asked.
"Barbie pink!" Joshua chirped. Jonathan let him pass.
"Blue."
"Boring." Jonathan said. "What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
Now Renee was sure she was insane. Jonathan hated Monty Python.
"African or European?" Renee asked remembering the film.
"Both." Jonathan said with the hockey stick pointed menacingly at her.
Renee bit her lip. If not for the threatening hockey stick aimed at her she would have burst out laughing.
"3.33 feet per second for African, 2.5 for European." Renee improvised.
Jonathan lowered his hockey stick and allowed her to enter the hedge maze.
Renee wandered around the maze. To be surprise it was the sort of garden maze found on English manners. Nothing funny just hedges. Renee came to a clearing in the center and sat down on a bench to catch her breathe and take off her stockings which were almost unrecognizable from what she had put on that morning.
Just then a golf ball hit her in the shoulder.
"Fore!" Zo'or cried as he scurried over to where the ball now lay. He glared at Renee.
"You! You messed up my shot." The Taelon accused.
A breathless Sandoval hurried up carrying an enormous golf bag. Renee had to stifle a giggle at the clothing the usually sophisticated implant was currently wearing: a rucksack and baggy beige plaid pants.
"Where is my opponent?" Zo'or demanded.
Sandoval looked down at the shiny yellow rain boots on his feet. "You, uh, deprived T'than of his, uh, core energy."
Zo'or slapped his hand against his forehead. "I can't believe I forgot!" He thrust his club at Renee and Sandoval immediately gave him a new one.
"You will play."
Renee stared at him. "I'm not a very good player."
Zo'or appeared delighted. "Good!"
"Whose turn is it?" Renee asked.
"Mine."
Renee then proceeded to get clobbered.
Why couldn't we play basketball or tennis, one of the sports I'm good at?
Joshua came up to them on the nineteenth tee. "The core energy! Someone stole the core energy!"
"Still repeating himself." Renee sighed.
Sandoval pointed at Renee. "She did it! She did it! I know she did it Zo'or!"
"She did it!" shouted Joshua.
Renee started to back up.
"Arrest Ms. Palmer."
Jonathan and Hubble Urick tumbled out of the bushes. Despite that Hubble was dressed identically to Jonathan, grass skirt and all.
"No!" Renee cried, jumping up.
"Ms. Palmer I was not aware that you felt so strongly against increasing the budget for the planning office." The head boring accountant said, his eyes narrowed.
Renee blinked, surprised to find herself back in the conference room.
I must have fallen asleep.
"No, I don't oppose the increase. I was merely concerned with the budget for the research division."
"Oh, we have that all worked out..."
Renee wished she had some coffee. That was a very strange dream.