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Love Advice and Tips: |
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Please take the time to read all the advice collected on my site the past two years. You might find something that will help you get through the days and nights. Take care... |
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Here is advice from my wonderful fiance!!!! =)
Well here is my advice, for what its worth. My name is Dan, and I am the other half of the "LDR" about which this site was made for. Allysha and I have been together since October of last year, and its had its ups and downs. Military life takes its toll, believe me, especially being so many THOUSANDS of miles away. And the kicker is I dont plan on getting out right away, but I do plan on taking her wherever I go next. The biggest thing we have to overcome is my desire to reenlist into a special unit in the Navy, which would keep me away from home a bit, plus not being able to tell her where I am going. Anyway, the only thing I can say is keep your love and that person at the forefront of your mind. Allysha is my motivation for everything. Every drop of sweat, every sleepless night, everytime things get too hard. I remember the happiness she brought me those short 60 days I was home, and I know its worth a hundred years away just to experience another moment like that. No one ever said relationships were easy, and you could pick a more convenient one, but would you be happier?????
-Dan |
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Think of the positive. Focusing on the fact that you can't be together right now will only make the distance worse. Think on why you love this person so much and how lucky you feel that you are with this person to begin with.
-Allysha |
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Communication is important. Communication is even more important for people in long distance relationships. because if you dont have honest and open communication the distance will grow even wider. Communication can come in the form of e-mail, "snail" mail, telephone, Instant chat services and so on. Each person in the relationship must make communication with their SO (significant other) one of their top priorities. When it comes to the telephone, make this time a time to do nothing but concentrate on your partner. Do not watch TV or take care of chores while talking with your SO. This is the time to just sit in a quiet environment (or as quiet as you can get it) and honestly listen and respond with your SO.
-Allysha |
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It is hard to accept the fact that the one you love is leaving. But if u don't have trust, love and understanding it is even harder.
-Quincey (Romeo200)
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Try to stay busy!!! Get some hobbies, concentrate on work or school, spend time with friends and family...anything. Find hobbies that help make you feel whole. If you always wanted to paint, start painting! If you always wanted to join the gym....get there and do it! Staying busy helps keep your mind off the sadness of not having the one you love around. And plus it helps time seem like it is going faster!
-Allysha |
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When you feel like the pain of missing the one you love is overwhelming and you dont know how to handle the feelings...write them down. You dont have to be a wonderful writer to do this. Just say anything that comes to mind. Just ramble. Get out whatever you are feeling. It helps relieve some of that tension inside and makes it a little more bearable. This is also a wonderful exercise to do if you are confused about something. Sometimes when being in a long distance relationship, things can get confusing. So write that down. Write down what is bothering you and why and maybe by the time you are done you understand where these feelings are coming from. And knowing where your feelings are coming from you can work on resolving them.
-Allysha |
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My advice would be to keep a "love Journal". And everytime you see eachother exchange them. Write in it everyday, your thoughts and your experiences while your apart. If you are online, write emails each day and talk on the phone often. Send love notes through the mail, and never lose faith, you'll be together soon. Imagine how simply amazing that will be? And your time apart will seem meaningless when you are in each other's arms, looking deeply into each others eyes...
-Coreren D |
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This is a voice messaging system that only requires a microphone and speakers. It can record as little as 30 seconds to say a quick "hey" or as long as 15 minutes. Of course, the longer the message, the longer to upload and download. Quality is great though..no fuzziness. The person you're listening to could be right next to you. Here is the web page to downloead this: http://dossantos.cbpa.louisville.edu/CBPA/FILES/internet/PureVoice.html
-Anne |
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My boyfriend always compares a long distance relationship to a marathon- once you've started, and got half way into it, you just up and go and finish off. If you've gotten so far, don't let distance be the thing to tear you apart. And remember...everyday that goes by, is a day closer to when you can see your sweetheart again. Love prevails over all :)
-Michelle |
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A long distance relationship can be very frusterating and sad at times, but it can also be very romantic...because I always have something to look forward to (his visits home) and when he gets here, he's so happy to see me that he does everythign for me. It's kind of like a fantasy world. When he's here, everything is right. And when you are in a long distance relationship, the main thing you have to analyze is if it is worth it or not. And for me it is...it's ver difficult, but as long as I know he is out there loving me, then I'm okay.
-ang |
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After 5 yeasr of a long distance relationship and we are still going just as strong as the day we met, if not stronger. I feel I know the ups and downs of a long distance relationship. I would like to share a few things iwth everyone and help anyone I can, because I know just what you are going through and how hard it can be. A few things I have learned that I wante to share is one, no matter how upset they make you or how bad they hurt your feelings never argue over the phone or on the Internet. It is a lot harder to fix things when you are so far away from them and you always say things you should have never said in the first place. Also let them know that no matter what and I mean that no matter what you are always there for them and always will be. Let them know that they can call you up anytime. Even if they have had a bad day and just need someone to talk to. Be not only their lover, but also their friend. That is how we have made it this far and are still going, but it took many trips down terrible fights on the phone to learn these things. Please let me know if anyone wants to talk : |
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[email protected] |
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I think that in order to survive a relationship from afar you really have to be able to say that this is the ONE person that I would be able to literally wait around for. The strength and stability in a relationship is what holds it together. Without that then there is really no need to believe that the relationship can survive. I have only been in one for a little over a month, but my boyfriend and I keep each other motivated and reminded about our love. I feel that our love is strong enough.
-CalaLily99 |
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In a long distance relatoinship, you should always communicate. Without communication your relationship is nothing. Be open in your relationship. Call or e-mail your boyfriend/girlfriend and tell him/her how you feel. Honesty and trust is also very important in a long distance relationship. Let that person know that you care and love them so that the relationship can grow more and more. Think about positive things in the relationship and always remind yourself that what you have is good and no one can take it away from you.
-Ne'sha |
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If both parties have computers, they might try on-line chat "dates" -specific times when both parties have set aside time to chat (don't forget the time zone changes! :), and of course, regular e-mails, just to say "I love you".
Also, companies like Net2Phone.com and Phone.com can provide lower cost international long distance, which can ease the pain of big phone bills. All you need is a microphone and a sound card
-Dan |
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Michael and I have been together for 3 years now. It is hard to imagine that 3 years has gone by. He (of course) is in the navy, and is in the Pacific fleet. I am in Maryland so the time difference is tremendous. We do try and e-mail each other, but as the women out there know, e-mail on a navy ship sucks. It is the hardest thing being seperated form the one you love, and anyone who makes it through a long distance relationship has a strong will. I knowt what it takes to love someone who isn't there the times you need them most, but in the end if it's true, then the reward is wonderful. If you can imagine yourself, 40 years from now, old and gray with the person you love, and that brings a smile to your face then waiting a year is nothing. Keep your self occupied, write often and always be encouraging. When your loved one is down, and you may have had a hard day, be encouraging for them, and tough out your day, they may need it just a little more than you do.If you are having communication problems then talk with your loved one. If you can communicate clearly to each other it makes a world of a difference. (For those women and men out there who have to deal with this awful e-mailing system, go on strike till they fix the darn thing.) I do feel every single one of your pain, we all go through the ups and downs. I think we can all agree we've spent one or two nights crying in the pillow, and that is perfectly fine. And if you like to sleep in your loved one's shirt at night so you can smell them, then go for it. If you have a good thing, and you are willing to shun away temptations, then you are a strong person and I commend each and everyone of you who is going through what I myself am going through. I'm not an expert on these things, just another lonely sould waiting for my day to come. When that day comes I can look back and laugh (or maybe rejoice) and hold hands with the man who I love so dearly. When Mike comes home, he will be home till after the holidays, but he will be going back out again for 6 months. We are planning our wedding June 2003. It is a while, but will both be through school and the wait, like wine, will only ripen our relationship.
-Des, MD |
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My name is Brandy, and I am engaged to Weldon, my fiance. We have been together for 14months now, and bestfriends for 2 years. Just 2 weeks ago he had to move to South Carolina to attend Ft Jackson for BCI training for the Army. Prior to that he had lived 3 hours away. I really miss him, and I realized I had taken for granted the tiem I had a chance to spend with him. I realized how much I loved him when he was taken away. This is just some advice to others, to cherish the time with your loved ones before time is no choice.
-Brandy |
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A long distance relationship is not an easy road. The old saying "divide and conquer" is true even here, as each of you often feel left alone to fight through difficult, dry days in which the busyness of life seems bent on ridding you of your passion. Part of survival is the pain of being alone. There is that empty spot by your side where your loved one once stood. There is the memory of a smile, the sound of laughter, the sweet scent that would be recognizable in the darkest room. It is the combined joy and pain of these moments that helps keep you alive in the midst of tears.
We often hear about how valuable communication is. However, ther is more to it than just talking. The talking, the letter writing, the personal visits, all have to blend together into understanding. We often speak to people who don't have a clue as to what we're talking about. That is bad enough. When that situation exists between you and a distant loved one, the situation is unbearable. Go to ridiculous extents to be understood and to understand. "Is this what you mean? Am I interpreting you correctly?" Take nothing for granted. Assume nothing. Don't just go the extra mile- span the universe if you have to. Make and female minds are rarely on the same track, even if they want to be! This is hard work. There is also joy in it.
Be careful who you give your heart away to. A heart in the hands of a fool will be wasted. This is important before going ont o the last point.
If you've found someone worth giving your heart to, be vulnerable and truthful. Especially if you've been hurt badly in the past, you probably wear an emotional coat of armor that is a foot thick. It takes a brave man or woman to take the armor apart and give it piece by piece into the hands of the beloved. In the end, you stand emotionally naked. At this point an embrace between minds and spirits is possible where it was not before. There is a great risk here. There can also be great joy. A heart without armor (without pretense, without the thousand lies that are convenient in other relationships) is a necessity. Nothing else can survive. Forget sex. This is intimacy. It is the ability to stand unarmored before your beloved just as you stand naked in the light of truth before the very face of God. What I am talking about takes great faith, a mindblowing amount of commitment, and outrageous mercy.
For all of us loving apart,
[email protected] |
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My beautiful princess is miles away from me. It is hard not being around her physically but my heart and my emotions are always with her. We did have ups and downs but we are still together and I have to look back and say, "Wow!". So look back at those ups and downs and then look at right now. If you are still together, that means that you both are meant to be. Thats how I perceive LDR. It is just a matter of time. Do not let time cripple your relationship, only you can. I wanted to share this with you of my feelings. I love my Princess Jonelle who is miles away form me and every time I get e-mails or e-card or whatever she sends me, I always leap for joy! Whenever we set up a time to chat on line, I always look at my watch often to see how soon we will get on line. In a way, LDR helps to build our relationship stronger! I will never forget the huge smile on her face when I came to visit her! She has this beautiful smile that always makes me smile whenever I think of her.
So all those little things are important. Remember them, cherish them!
-Andy |
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I'm currently in my second LDR and needless to day I have learned much from being in them. Mostly about myself. I feel in order to grow together you need to feel secure with yourself. If you are needy and crave lots of attention, by all means, spare your partner and get out of it. But if you are independent, can caryy on a prosperous life on your own and yet are still able to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with your partner without prentense, judgment, and dishonesty then you have yourself a terrific relationship. Think of it this way, if you can get through the waiting, uncertainties, sporadic disappointments that are beyond one's control then you can make it through anything. LDRs give two people the chance to learn to be friends and not only lovers which in my humble opinion is more important. Good luck to all and keep your chin up! It is only a matter of time. =) |
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Try to find support from other people who understand what you are going through. Sometimes having people who understand the same challenges that you face being in an LDR will make you feel like you are not the only one. Couples in LDRs face unique challenges and deal with different emotions. If you cannot find support in your community, you can always look for online support groups. |
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I call my man as much as he's around, depending on his work schedule.(best
calling card company is www.nobelcom.com, 512 minutes with no surcharge for
22 bucks if you buy just one). Like ya'll have said, keeping a journal while
you're apart is the best thing to do. I plan on giving my hopeful fiance the
letters at the end of august when I move to where he is. Send cute little
cards every week by mail too, guys melt at that! I'm looking for friends who
are in LDR's. [email protected]. |
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