“Kind of” meaning… “totally.”

Justin just drives up, honking the horn on his little blue Acura. When he drives the Acura is when he doesn’t want to be seen and doesn’t want to be noticed. The windows are tinted and the car is horrendously… normal.

If Justin wants to be noticed, he drives his Mercedes or some other flashy car. This Acura is Justin’s hat and sunglasses, well, except it’s a car. No one would expect to see Justin Timberlake behind the wheel of an Acura.

The tinted window rolls down and Justin peeks his head out. Stubble covers his jawline and he pushes his sunglasses to rest on top of his head. “C’mon, C,” Justin says, like he’s not saying anything particularly out of the ordinary, “Road trip.”

“Where are we going?” JC asks, amused. As if Justin just expects him to pick up and leave town, just like that. JC puts down his hedge clippers and peels off his dirty work gloves. He goes and leans against Justin’s car.

“New York.”

JC blinks. Something in Justin’s eyes. Something… eager, ready, willing. “You’re serious,” says JC. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. I feel like going.” Justin shrugs. Grins, blindingly, up at JC.

“You want to drive across country for no reason.”

Exasperated, Justin lets his sunglasses slip down until they’re resting low on his nose. He sighs. “Haven’t you ever wanted to go on a road trip?”

“Did you completely blank out on how you spent six years of your life?”

“The tour bus isn’t the same,” says Justin, and how does he still manage to whine when he’s over twenty? “We weren’t driving, for one thing. We couldn’t sightsee or anything. C’mon, C. Don’t you want to go with me?”

JC shakes his head. Smiles. “What about Chris?”

“I didn’t ask him.” Justin grins again. “He’s my best friend, but man, I can only stand so much time alone in a car with him.”

For a moment, JC glances over at his bushes. They’re only half-trimmed. Incomplete. Justin is serious. But JC can’t just… pick up and leave. “The album…” JC begins, haltingly, but Justin interrupts.

“You don’t have anything planned, right? You’ve got a two-week break.”

It isn’t that. This is stupid. Justin hasn’t thought ahead, he isn’t prepared and he probably hasn’t even packed. Inhaling the fresh March air, cool, with the hint of spring around the corner, JC looks up at the sky for a moment. It’s clear and blue and serene. JC murmurs, “Yeah, but…”

“So, let’s go!” Justin pops open the door and gets out. He slaps JC on the butt and heads inside the house. “C’mon, I’ll help you pack.”

JC blinks and feels vaguely like a tornado has blown through his brain. “I, uh…” JC protests weakly as he follows Justin inside.

The hedge clippers stay on the lawn, tossed aside and unimportant.

* * *

Justin is waiting in the car when JC comes back from getting lunch. Since he’s grown his hair out, JC finds that fewer people recognize him. Or, as Chris usually puts it, “You look like a bum. All you need to do is put on a hat and rattle a tin can.” So it was mutually agreed upon that JC would be the official food-getter.

McDonald’s bag in hand, JC climbs into the passenger seat. He pulls of his hat and tosses it in the backseat. Justin starts up the engine. There’s already a CD in the deck. Apparently, Justin had been listening to it while he was waiting.

At first, JC doesn’t really quite believe what he’s hearing.

Then Justin starts drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and crooning along. “Wishful sinful, our love is beautiful to see.” He’s grinning as he sings, his eyes on the road. “I know where I would like to be.”

JC raises one eyebrow, but can’t help grinning too. “Since when do you listen to the this stuff?” JC almost checks the CD case, to be sure.

Justin pauses in his singing to say, “Chris made me listen. I got hooked. But it’s a secret, okay?” Justin glances away from the road for a moment to raise his eyebrow at JC. “Now that I’ve told you, I have to kill you.”

“It’s well worth the knowledge I obtained.” JC grins and opens his mouth wide. He starts to shout, to the sky and the world in general, “Justin Timberlake listens to the Do–”

A hand clamps over JC’s mouth. But Justin is grinning, even though he’s still looking at the road. “Shut. Up,” says Justin.

“I’ff ga foo” says JC behind Justin’s palm.

Justin raises his eyebrow, contemplating. “Fine,” he says, and releases JC. “You get to live. For now.” He makes a grab for the McDonald’s food, blindly.

They play-keep away for a few moments, with JC holding the bag away from Justin’s reach, until Justin smacks JC on the head. JC laughs and hands over a cheeseburger.

When the next verse starts up again, JC starts singing along too.

“Magic rising sun is shining, deep beneath the sea. But, not enough for you and me and sunshine.”

* * *

When JC wakes up, it’s in the middle of the night.

He finds that he has to unpeel his cheek from the leather upholstery. The aching, ripping sound echoes in his brain. JC touches his cheek. It feels hot and sensitive where the leather had been. His mouth tastes like stale cereal and his tongue feels thick.

JC sits up. His muscles and joints ache at him. But he needs to piss and…

Looking out the dark window, into the night, JC realizes the car isn’t moving. He glances up to the driver’s seat. Justin is slumped forward, forehead resting against the wheel. He’s not asleep, JC knows, because his shoulders are moving a little.

Sniffling. Soft, but unmistakable.

“Justin?” JC rubs his eyes, wondering if he’s still dreaming. But that sound… it hurts to hear that sound. It can’t be a dream. “You stopped.”

“Oh.” Justin doesn’t turn around. He drags his forearm across his eyes. “Sorry. I just… needed a break for a second.”

Uncertain, JC says, “You okay?”

“Yeah… yeah.”

“Let me drive,” says JC, sitting up further. He pops open the side door. “You’ve been driving too long and,” JC checks his watch, “Jesus, it’s past three. You were supposed to wake me up so we could switch.”

Justin nods. “You looked tired so I…”

“Up. Out.”

When JC gets outside, the night air slams against his body like a frigid blast. Even though it’s technically spring, it’s doesn’t feel like it, especially at night. Especially in… “A desert?” says JC, glancing around. Nothing around for miles, save the open road and the flat sandy horizon. Pitch black sky, with the stars glittering up above. “Where are we?”

Glancing over at JC as he gets out, Justin says, “Arizona.”

What JC remembers of Arizona is rolling plains and jagged cliffs, passing by the tour bus window, as they made their way to another venue. JC has never experienced Arizona, not like this. It’s… new and familiar at the same time. When JC breathes in, he smells sweet spring in the air, clinging to dusty sands.

They both stretch, standing side by side, under the open sky.

JC glances at Justin. It’s harder to tell in the darkness exactly what Justin is thinking. The shadows pool in the angles of Justin’s face, playing tricks with the eyes. JC can’t read Justin’s expressions, in this black night, and he doesn’t know if he’s comfortable with that. He’s too used to seeing with his eyes.

“Are you sure you’re…” JC begins to say, and realizes Justin’s sniffling again.

Justin is just standing there, barely more than a shadow in the night. His chin is lifted up to the sky and his arms are crossed over his chest. JC hears the sniffling but he can’t see Justin’s eyes and somehow that doesn’t make the sound real.

For some reason, JC thinks of sleepless nights in Germany, but he can’t really recall why. He remembers harsh rainy nights and soft pillows.

“Justin…” JC says, as if that means anything at all. It doesn’t. It won’t help. You can’t solve a person’s problems just by saying their name. Yet JC’s mouth seems to be working on autopilot because he says it again. “Justin.”

Most hugs, one person or another initiates it. Someone opens his arms and steps forward. But some hugs… some hugs are instinctive. No one starts it. It just happens, because it needs to happen. Like two drops of water coming together.

Which is why JC is almost surprised to find that they’re hugging. He doesn’t remember who started it. It’s as if there was no moment in between. One moment, they’re standing there. Now, they’re holding onto each other.

Justin has his arms around wrapped JC’s middle and his head dipped onto JC’s shoulder. He sniffles against JC’s neck, but more quietly this time.

JC holds on tight, almost out of instinct. Justin feels like a thousand memories all condensed into one. Long forgotten and newly forged. He remembers what Justin feels like, but this Justin doesn’t feel like the old Justin at all. He’s bigger and broader and he smells like expensive cologne and his arms are hugging JC too tight.

That’s okay, though.

Like a flash of a Polaroid in JC’s brain, he suddenly sees an image of the two of them, as if he’s on the outside looking in. The two of them, hugging. Tall narrow figures, just shadows really, standing against a backdrop of starry black sky.

Eventually, Justin’s sniffles quiet down until it’s like they were never there at all.

* * *

When morning comes, JC sees it.

They’re already driving east, so it was like he’s driving directly into the sunrise. Warm hues of pink and gold light up the sky. The dark blue night shrinks, going backwards above JC’s head. The sunrise seems to move so slowly, but before JC realizes it, the sunrise is already over and the sun is well into the sky.

JC glances over his shoulder.

Justin is asleep, curled up in the backseat, without a blanket. He’s almost too big to fit in the back there, but he manages it somehow. One arm is crooked under his head, the other rests on his belly. He’s snoring a little.

For a moment, JC just looks. Then he remembers himself and turns back around. Sees the road stretching out before him, like a black ribbon on the land. It seems inviting, and reliable. You know what road you’re supposed to follow, because there’s only one. There aren’t any uncertainties here.

It’s a comforting thought.

In the backseat, Justin mumbles something and turns over onto his side.

JC drives on.

* * *

“C’mon, C. You gotta wake up!” A hand firmly stirs JC out of his dreams.

JC groans. He half-heartedly tries to smack Justin’s hand away. “’M awake,” he mumbles. “Stop with the shaking.”

“Let’s go, let’s go,” says Justin. He manages to sound all of fourteen years old again.

And JC also finds himself being dragged out of the backseat, despite his grumbling.

“I know, you were napping,” says Justin. He wraps one arm around JC’s middle, pulls JC’s arm across his shoulders. “Here, lean on me until you wake up some more.”

They walk together. JC sleepily wonders when Justin had gotten such big shoulders.

“So wha did ya have to show me…?” JC trails off. He squints and he thinks he must still be dreaming. True, he’s heard of things like this before, but he’s never actually seen one, not even with all the touring the band did.

“It’s called the International Plaza,” says Justin. He almost says it with a hint of pride, like it’s his own. “They’ve got clocks from all over and they each tell the time in different cities in the world.”

“Dude,” says JC, a little more awake now. He stands straighter, but Justin’s arm remains at his waist. JC looks at the plaza, a grassy space with a path and hundreds of flags, each of a different nation, blowing and flapping in the wind. The ticking of countless clocks fills the air. “This is kinda cool.”

“Told ya,” says Justin.

“At least it’s not the world’s largest ball of yarn or something,” says JC, and laughs, but he sees the look on Justin’s face and his laugh dies out.

Justin tightens his arm around JC and begins tugging them back to the car. “There’s the world’s largest soda bottle around here somewhere. And the world’s largest shoe, made out of regular shoes.”

“Wait, wait,” says JC, laughing, leaning back and resisting Justin’s pulls. “I didn’t mean that we had to go to one…” JC pauses. “Hey, were are we now, anyway?”

“Missouri.”

“Missouri? You decide to go sightseeing in Missouri?”

“Hey, this is where all the cool shit is, man,” says Justin like he believes this is true. They’re walking back to the car now, Justin still pulling on JC’s waist a little. “There aren’t many big cities, just St. Louis. So you’ve got all the roadside attractions to look at.”

“Nuh-uh. No giant shoes and soda bottles for me, thanks,” says JC. He abruptly stops walking. Justin stumbles a little, still holding onto JC, and propelled back by JC’s lack of movement. Justin falls backward but JC catches him.

Silence.

Justin turns around in JC’s embrace.

“Sorry,” says JC, looking up into blue eyes. He’ll never get used to the fact that Justin’s taller than him.

“It’s okay,” says Justin. But he doesn’t move. He’s not even looking at JC’s eyes. He’s staring somewhere below them, at JC’s nose. Or maybe JC’s mouth.

It shouldn’t be awkward, and it really isn’t, but JC’s heart isn’t listening. It’s jack hammering, hard, against JC’s ribcage.

“You, um.” Justin licks his lips absently. “You wanna let go now?”

“Oh!” says JC. And he’s turning red; he knows it. He can feel the burn in his face. “Oh, yeah. I um, sorry. I… yeah. Okay, it’s my turn to drive isn’t it? Okay, yeah, I’m gonna… drive now.” JC gets into the car as quickly as possible.

* * *

More shaking. This is starting to become a horrible routine. JC curls up in the blanket and refuses to acknowledge the fact that he’s awake.

“C,” murmurs Justin, leaning over him. Justin smells like gasoline and Twinkies. “C,” says Justin again. “C’mon. We’re staying at a motel tonight. You can sleep as much as you want once we get in the actual room, I promise.”

Okay, maybe not so horrible.

Justin’s arm is around him again. He says, “I need a shower like nobody’s business.”

“No kidding,” says JC, yawning hugely. He suppresses a smile when Justin thumps him on the head. JC feels the arm around his middle tighten in a slight squeeze.

The woman, who is maybe in her twenties, at the motel’s front desk doesn’t seem to recognize either of them. Which is understandable, given the fact that they’re both smelly and tired. She does, however, stare for some time at Justin’s arm on JC’s waist.

JC has a strange urge to spit on her.

He doesn’t get the opportunity, since they already reached their room. JC wonders briefly why the room is sailing by but then realizes that Justin has just practically tossed him, tosses him, onto the bed. JC lands with a creaky double bounce, making his teeth rattle in his head. JC doesn’t know whether to laugh or beat the shit out of Justin.

“What the hell was that for?” JC flops back on the bed. Stares at the stucco ceiling.

“You know how boring it is to go on a road trip when all the other person wants to do is sleep?” Justin demands. He puts his hands on his hips. “Every time I drive, you sleep. And vice versa. So get your sleep. Now.”

JC salutes. “Sir, yes sir.”

Justin’s mask breaks and he laughs a little. He lies down on his own bed, identical to JC’s. Justin groans and throws an arm across his eyes. “Too tired to shower.”

“Get up. I’m not road tripping with a smelly man.” JC closes his eyes.

“Stinky and Sleepy. What a pair.” Justin sounds like he’s already drifting off.

JC musters the strength to get up and stumble over to Justin’s bed. He sits on the edge of the mattress and bounces up and down. “Up. Now,” says JC.

But Justin just frowns and doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move his arm. The silence continues for the longest time and JC almost thinks Justin is asleep. But he’s not. JC can tell. The air is suddenly heavier.

“Jup…” whispers JC. He strokes his way through Justin’s short hair. There’s not much there, but, still… “What was it that was bugging you last time?”

“Nothing,” mutters Justin. He turns onto his side. “It’s… nothing.”

But there’s something in his voice that’s lying. JC doesn’t say anything.

Suddenly, Justin speaks again. “I hate…” he pauses and takes a breath. His voice is tense, like a coil wound too tightly. “I hate how much… material things matter. It’s so… fake. I mean, I think about my life back home and I get so pissed off at myself. Don’t you feel like that sometimes? Don’t you want it all to go away?”

“Yeah.” JC blinks. “Yeah, sometimes I do. Justin… what are you trying to do?”

Justin doesn’t answer. He’s glaring at the ceiling.

In silence, JC lies down. He takes Justin’s hand. It feels broad and callused, strong, in comparison to JC’s.

Justin’s shoulders lose some of their tension. His glare softens. And even though they haven’t resolved anything, not really, JC feels like they have.

They fall asleep beside each other.

* * *

JC pulls over to the side of the road. He stops and parks. Climbs out and takes a look. The road is one of those small two-lane roads, curving around a hillside, quiet and traffic-less. They’re near the edge of a steep hill; steep enough to be called a cliff. It overlooks a deep valley, green and spring fresh. A little father on, the beginnings of the suburbs start… the houses and the shops and the people.

A big metal railing guards against a chance of falling. JC leans against it now, looking down at the area below. The afternoon sun makes the trees sparkle, almost.

“Where now?” Justin comes to stand beside him. He leans against the railing too.

JC traces a finger along the cool metal, absently. He’s still looking at the valley below them. The air smells of the tangy scent of grass and daffodils, of spring. “Ohio.”

“Really? What happened to like, Indiana and stuff?” Justin turns and leans on his back, forearms resting on the railing. He grins at JC. His slouching figure seems to be haloed by the bright sun.

“You drove part-way through Indiana, I think. But you were falling asleep and so I took over. And now we’re here. Almost at New York. It’s been a trip, huh?”

Justin doesn’t say anything; he just smiles. That’s more than enough, JC thinks.

Suddenly, Justin speaks. “What’s in Ohio?” Justin turns around again, antsy and energized after his sleep. His fingers tap a rhythm, staccato and echoing, on the metal.

For lack of a better answer, JC smiles and says, “Us?”

Justin nods solemnly. Then, without warning, he hits JC upside the head. “Dumbass,” Justin mutters with a smile. It’s not a hard hit, but Justin rubs the offended spot. Justin is staring out into the valley. His hand slides down a little and he’s rubbing JC’s neck now.

Abruptly, JC is aware of every single nerve ending on the back of his neck.

They’re all screaming… something at him, and his heartbeat pounds out a rhythm in response. How can a person be self-conscious about their neck? It’s not even self-consciousness, really. It’s more like… awareness. This is my neck. This is my skin. This is Justin’s hand, on my skin. These are Justin’s fingers, rubbing my neck.

JC wonders if he’s breathing.

“Hey,” says Justin, quiet. The movement doesn’t stop. His fingers are firm and real. Warm, like the afternoon sun shining down on them. Warmer than that, even.

For some reason, JC can’t muster a reply.

Justin doesn’t seem to notice. “Are you nervous?” he asks, voice still quiet.

“N-nervous?” JC doesn’t know what the context is. Nervous about what? And his mind is screaming about a million contexts that are not exactly… appropriate. Shut up, JC tells the hysterical part of his brain.

“Your album’s dropping soon.”

JC wonders how come he’s getting that sinking feeling even though he’s not on a roller coaster. He’s on solid ground. “Oh,” says JC. “Well… no. I think… Well, with all the feedback I’ve gotten about the songs, I think I’m pretty safe. But it’s okay, if it doesn’t do well. I just want my stuff out there.”

“Ah. Okay.” Justin doesn’t look at him, but his hand is still on JC’s neck.

“Jup?”

“Yeah?” Justin turns to look at him this time but JC finds he can’t meet the gaze.

JC fidgets with his bracelets, staring into the valley. He hates himself for asking, but… “That’s the reason for this road trip? To make me feel better?”

When the long silence becomes unbearable, JC glances over at Justin.

Justin is watching him with intense eyes. Scary eyes. Entirely too focused, just on JC. It’s like that look he had in that music video. JC’s seen it before, but now all of its focus is on him. JC isn’t nervous but his heartbeat is racing him to the moon.

“No,” says Justin. His voice is quiet, but his hand on JC’s neck is firm. He pulls JC’s head forward, closer to his. “No,” Justin says again, right before their lips meet in a kiss.

So this is it, JC thinks dizzily. This is the road to take. It all makes sense now.